Grr Firefighters!! ;)

Hey guys!
So... Yesterday we had the bridal shower which was kind of crazy but good fun. Madde was totally crazy in all the chipendales there and then we got a very nice surprise. Anyway let me tell you more closely about it and the rest of the day.

Madde had fixed a huge room at the hotel which she had made very pretty and of course there was a huge bar with a few pretty hot bartenders and alot of booze. After Madde had forced me into a small dress and a pair of GORGEOUS high heels that I thankfully got to pick myself otherwise i would have killed Madde. I can't believe she made me wear that dress! I even had less clothes on then she did!! What is this!!?? Anyway... after that she dragged me to the room where the bridal shower was going to be.. after arguing with me for like 20 minutes that I didn't want the dress or want a long shirt over ot something but of course that didn't happen... Thankfully I got to have the longest wig that I have so I could cover my boobs with the hair insted but that didn't help much, my ass was like showing off and everyone was staring at me!! I hate her! Well, when we finally got to the room and entered everyone of the girls; mum, Johanna, Jessica, Sara, Zara, Donna, Mackenzie, Michelle, Lisa and Molly... was there. All of them looked fabulous, none of them had very much clothes on except Molly and maybe Donna, mum, Michelle and Mackenzie. Everyone stared at me and then mum said "What? Why does Tove have less clothes on then you Madde?". Madde said "I look amazing in this and she looks amazing in that so...". I stared at her and almost yelled "I do not!" then everyone laughed and Zara said "Yeah you do look amazing, well done Madde. I know that we can always count on you when it comes to making people look seriously sexy!". Madde gave her a proud smile and I just shook my head and sighed. I was in desperate need of a drink or a bottle so I walked away from the girls and went to the bar and said "A drink please. Strong!". The bartender Mario handed me a drink and started to flirt with me like a crazy person. I just felt really uneasy and went back to the girls who war standing there talking. Madde gave me a cheesy smile and said "Flirt much huh?" I just sighed and ignored her and we sat down in a few of the sofas in the room and talked but suddenly Madde stood up and said "Well, I don't know what you girls think but I think it's starting to get really hot in here... We might need some assistance and cool off alittle.". Then she walked over to the doors and opened them and a whole bunch of sexy firefighter (Chippendales dressed as firefighters) came in and put on music and started to dance and undress infront of all of us but expecially me. I expect Madde had something to do with that and I'm going to kill her for it!! All of the sudden one of them pulled me up in the middle of all of them and I just wanted to get out of there and I gave Madde a "help me" look but she was just standing there smileing, drinking and dancing and looking at the abs dancing around in the room. I tried to do it with all my friends but everyone was like mesmerized and didn't look at me at all but at the guys. But then I saw Molly stand a few meters away and I gave her the same look, I mean I had to try atleast and she just gave me a weak smile but did she help me? NO!!! BITCH!

I had to elbow myself out of the group of dancing hot men and went to the bar and took another drink and talked alittle with a new bartender who didn't flirt just as much. I asked "Can I please have a whole bottle insted of just a glass?". He looked at me and said "Is that such a good idea?" I nodded and said "Ohyeah! Trust me!". He did as I asked and I took a sip and it tasted so good. After a while one of the chippendales named Jackson came over and talked to me, he was very good-looking and really nice and after a few drinks and talking for a while he asked if I wanted to dance and I thought "what the hell" and followed him to the others and we danced and had a good time and man he was hot! I could see Maddes eyes in my back and I bet she was smiling since I was dancing with a ot guys who wasn't Jensen, even thought I missed him lik hell! After dancing for a while we went to the bar together and we took another drink and since that bottle all reday was empty I started to get really drunk especially since I hadn't eating anything for dinner. After a few drinks we went back to the dancefloor and started to dance agian and my hands started to carefully touch his abs and he didn't seem to mind he just smiled and pulled me even closer to his amazing body and his hands wanderd down my back to my ass and I just looked at him with my drunk eyes and smiled. Then I saw Madde and she was flirting like crazy with another fireman and she was like all over him with her hands and he enjoyed it trust me! And then she meet my eyes and she just gave me a cheesy smile and I just smiled back and then my eyes just got back to Jacksons sexy body. I ran my fingers though his brown hair and he just smiled and my hand touch his neck and I smiled and moved his head closer to mine and when we was just a cm away from each other I closed my eyes and was just going to kiss him, I feelt a strong grip around my arm and then I heard a very angry voice yelling " What the fuck do you think you are doing?!!!! " I looked at Madde and she looked furious at me and Jackson and she said to him angry " You leave now!" He looked at her and I think he didn't want to piss her off more so he kissed my cheek and walked away. Then Madde looked at me instead and I said " You wanted me to have some fun and be my old me!" If it was possible I think she got even more angry and she said " Not that fun! Jensen do you remebere that man? " I said " Yes I remebre, do you remebere Jared?" Madde said " Yes of course I do, but I'm not getting married and we are not even a couple yet." I said " I'm not getting married either bad for you. " She took a deep breath because I think she wanted to kill me.. just a little.. then mum walked over to us and looked at Madde and said " Madde calm down, walk away. " I could see that Madde got even more furious and then Zara walked over to us and put her hand on Maddes shoulder and said " Let's take a walk. " Madde said furious " fine!" Then they left and mum looked at me with disappointed eyes and so did Donna.. So I walked over to the bar to take another drink, and there was Jessica and she was flirting like crazy with Mario and of course he was flirting back! I walked over to Jess and said " You re to young for him." She said " He is just 25." I said " To old!" She said " Jensen is six years older then you!" I said " That is diffrent!" She said " How?" I thought fora few seconds then I said " What about Mikael?" She said " he is not here! And you didn't answer my qustion why is it diffrent?" I said " I love him!" Jess said " well he was still six years older then you when you meet!" I said " shut up! " Then I looked at Mario and said " You leave her alone!" Then I grabbed Jess arm and we walked back out on the danec floor.

After 20 minuts Madde and Zara walked throw the door agaín and Madde looked a little calmer but she gave me a angry glare. Then all the guys left and "my" firefighter said " We will be right back. " We looked after them confused when they left and Zara looked at Maded and said " What have you now planed?" Madde said really confused " Nothing.. " Then we got even more confused. We sat down in the white sofas and started to talk and I could see that Madde was still pissed at me and mum and Donna was disappointed and to be honest I was also really disappointed at myself.. Well anyway after 15 minuts we heard music outside and it was coming closer and closer and we looked at each other confused and then Madde said " It's raning men?" Sara said " What?" Then all the suddend the doors opend and smoke came in..? Then a pretty sexy dancing firefighter danced into the room and he had pretty nice abs and I looked at Madde and she was seriously drooling. And the man walked over to mom and started to dance with her and I could see that she like it.. then another firefighter came dancing in and he didn't have that good abs but he walked up to Donna and started to dance to the song which still was it's ranining men. Then another firefighther danced throw the smoke over to Michelle and I can tell you that all the women was really enjoying this maybe even to much :P haha Another firefighter with kind of sexy abs danced into the room and then Madde said " I recognize those abs.. I don't know why but I do.. " The fireman dance over to Molly, who was the only women in that room that looked disgusted and me and Madde just looked at her like she was insane, weird girl! And then another figer fighter danced and moved his body to the music and he had also pretty nice abs, and he stopped infront of Mackenzie and she looked pertty happy. And another firman arrived in the doorway but his abs wasn't that good but he had pretty nice arms and back and he moved towards Jess.. which I wasn't that happy about.. well anyway another sexy fireman came dancing throw the door and he had really nice abs, and I looked at Madde and she said to me, Sara and Zara " Look at him, he is mine! Imadgen him in bed so fucking sexy!" We just agreed, and then he danced over to Sara and you should have seen Maddes reaction then so funny, but I could see Sara was enyoing ever minut of it. Then it was just me, Madde and Zara that was without a sexy firemen, but then another danced throw the smoke and his abs was not bad at all and he walked over to Zara and started to dance with her, and she just smiled. Then it was just me and Madde left and another fireman walked throw thedoor with REALLY sexy abs!!! Then Madde yelled " Oh My god!! It's Jared!! " I smiled and I thought Madde was going to faint or something, and that man we thought was Jared walked over to her and started to dance and I was just wating for my fireman to dance throw the doors but no one... the music got lower and the first guy that had danced it took of his mask and it was Johan!!!! Krisen just smiled and kissed him, I have seen his abs before but I mean I never thought about them as that hot before, Madde was like drooling over ever guys abs! Then the next firman took of the mask and that was Alan and Donna smiled and then the next mask went off and it was Joshua and he kissed Michelle and they where so cute! Then it was Mollys man that Madde had recognize and of course that was Tim, but Molly mostly just looked disgusted, and I just shook my head and signed. The next man was William and he smiled and so did Mac. Now it was Jessicas mystery man and he slowly took of his mask and it was Tom Welling, I have to say that I think he is to old for her since he is one year older then Jensen, but Jess seemed happy... And then Saras man took of the mask and it was Niklas and, me, Zara and Sara just brust out laughing and Niklas said " What are you guys lauging about?" Zara said " You should have heard what your sister said about you. " Niklas also started to laugh and Madde just looked angry and he said " What?!" I laughed and said " Now I'm quoteing.. she said " Look at him, he is mine! Imadgen him in bed so fucking sexy!" I wonder what she thinks now when she see it's her brother. " Then everyone in the room started to laugh and Madde just told us to shut up but it didn't go that well. But after 5 minuts of laughing and I think everyones stomach was hurting we fianlly calmed down. Then It was Zaras turen to see her guy under the mask but we was kind of sure that it was going to be Nicky.. but at the same time he had to sexy abs for that and he looked a little taller, and when he took of his mask we saw it wasn't Nicky it was Markus!! I could see that Zara didn't get that happy and she looked at Madde and whipserd " Sorry.. " Madde said " I'm not angry with you I'm angry with this man right infront of me who have fixed that!" Zara said " I wouldn't do anything to hurt you honey, I hope you know that, you are one of my best friends and I love you. " Madde smiled and said " Love you too Zara. " Then Madde just stared at the man infront of her and he took of his mask and Madde looked at him and said " What are you thinking with?!" He said " Sorry I thought it would be okay. " Madde just looked even more pissed off and then the music started to play again I walked over to Jared and said " Where is Jensen? " He said " He is in a hotelroom throwing up. " I said " Which room? " Jared said " Don't worry about him. " I said " Which room Jared, now!!" Jared sign and said " He is not in any room, he will be her soon, just wait. " I smiled and then Zara walked up to him and said " Where is Nicky? " he said " He is acutally in a hotelroom throwing up. " Zara sign and said " Of course he is.. " Then I looked around and all the girls was dancing with there men and Jared looked at Madde " Please let me dance with you? " Madde sign and said " Fine. " Then they started to dance too and I was all alone..

But after liek 20 minuts which feelt like a eternity music came from the outside again and the door opend up and smoke was everywhere and this time it was the song " To sexy for my shirt " And throw the door came the most perfect man in this world dancing towards me and I smiled and he was so sexy!! he was just wearing firemans pants, brace and the helmet, and of course the mask. Everyone was looking at him and I smiled and walked towards him and when he was right infront of me I put my hand on his cheast and whsiperd " I love you. " I slowly took of his mask and then he looked at me with his amazing green eyes and it feelt like I was in a dream and he whisperd back " I love you too. " Then his eyes moved from top to toe on me and he smiled and said " You look abouslty amazing! So sexy! I just want to ripe your clothes of.." I smiled and started to kiss him, and my hand was moving over his sexy back so great! I pushed him down in one of the sofas and I astraddle over him and countinued kissing him. Then We heard Madde and Jared voice next to us so we stopped kissing and we looked at them and they where sitting next to us in the sofa. Jared looked at me and smiled " Happy now? " I smiled and said " You have no idea!" He lauged and Madde looked at Jared and said " Was your strippers hot? " Jared smiled and said " Yeah of course they where. " Madde staretd to look pissed off and she said " Did you flirt? " Jared laughed and said " Well didn't you flirt with your firefigthers? " Madde said " That has nothing to do with this, did your flirt? " Jared said " Yes I did. " I could almsot see how Maddes eyes got black and I said " You was all over that fireman, you kissed him, and I think your hand was inside of his pants. " Madde lookde at me angry and said " You are not that much better!" I sign and Jensen looked at me and I said " I flirted a little.. " madde said " You did more then jusr flirt! " I sign and said " Fine.. I almost kissed him.. if Madde hadn't stopped me.. I'm so sorry.. " Jensen looked at me disappointed and I said " Didn't you flirt? " He said " no.. " Jared said " He didn't even want a lap dance he said no.. " I said " I fell so guilty.. I'm so sorry baby.. " Madde said " You should!" I said " You where worse then me!" She just stared at me angry and then she walked away from there, and Jared followed her to try to talk to her.. I looked at Jensen and said " I'm really sorry Jensen, i wish I could of been like you. All I want is you no one else.. Madde wanted me to have fun and then things staretd to go out of hand.. I'm sorry.. " He said " Let's not talk about that now when you look liek this. " Then he countued to kiss me and my hand moved inside of his pants again and I could feel how his beats got harder and harder. And his hand was moving inside of my dress. But then Jess inturupted us and she said " Look at mum!!" I looked over at mum and Johan and they where all over each other so gross!!" I sign and said " I will be right back, wait here sexy. " he just smiled and I tured around and looked at him while I walking towards mum and Johan and he was cheaking out my as.. bad boy ;P haha I cleared my trrowt and I said " Please stop with that! It's so gross!" Mum smiled and said " You and Jensen is doing the same!" I said " But we are younger!" JOhan said " Come on let's go to the bathroom. " Mum gave him a cheesy smiled and they left, so gross!!I walked back to Jensen and astraddle over him again and he started to kiss me again and after a while when I could feel his beats was really hard and up he smiled and said " should we go somewhere? " I smiled and said " I don't think I can wait that long. " Jensen smiled and picked me up in his arms and carried me outside of teh room but we both know it was to long to go upstairs so we went furthest in the hallway and then we couldn't control us self anymore.He pulled my dress off as fast as he could and I just riped of his brace and then his pants and his boxers was pointing out a little to much and I just smiled and Jensen pulled down my pantis and he unhooked my bra and he started to kiss my boobs and it was sooo good ! Anyone could have seen us because it was really opend and if someone left the room where the party was going on they would see us but I think both me and jensen was to drunk and to horney to care. While he was kissing my boob his other hand moved down over my stomach and down down and he staretd to carness me and it was so good and I moan and I didn't even care to be quit. Then he pressed a few fingers inside of me and I just moan even more and he started to move and his lips staretd to kiss my neck. My hands was touching his sexy back and I was so wet and I just wanted to feel him inside of me! So I pulled his boxers off and staretd to use my hand on his beast to get it even harder while he still was moving inside of me with his fingers and both of us moan really load and it was just so good!! I could feel how his beat swas growing inside of my hand and everytime it got harder I got even more wet! Then I couldn't wait anymore I just said " Now! get inside of me now!!" He smiled and took his fingers out and gave me a kiss and said " Damn woman what you are sexy! I love you so much!" I kissed him and said " I love you too! " I let go of his beast and he picked me up and pressed me against the wall and he pressed in his big beast inside of me ans I almsot scaremed of plesure and he staretd to move really deep inside of me and I moan everytime a little louder and it was so great!! I kissed his neck and touch his shoulders with my hands and I whsiperd " Harder. " He smiled and did as I said and I moan even more and loauder. Then he lifted me away from the wall and I had my legs around his waist and he still had his beast inside of me, and he staretd to move while he was holding me and it was so good because he got so deep inside of me and I was screaming of plesure and I could feel I was pretty close! Then he walked over to a wall again and pressed me against it and started to move really fast and I started to breath even more shallow and faster then he all reday did and I moan and so did he. He started to kiss my neck too and then I scremed of plesure and I came and it was so good!! I'm useally not this load but when I'm drunk I always am and I don't know why... well anyway he countinied to move insied of me and he started to breath really fast and I stroek his sweaty back and he stared to get all tence and then he scremed of plesure and he came inside of me. He smiled and so did I and he kissed me and let his beast be inside of me for a while and then we stareted to get dressed and we walked back into the party. We staretd to dance but i couldn't keep my hands away from him and neither could he because his hands was all over me, on my ass, boobs, back, everywhere so it didn't take long before we had sex again. And then we just started to dance again and of course we couldn't keep away from each other, I think everyone was all over there men escept Molly and Zara but I have to say that I think me and Jensen was the worse of everyone!! it was crazy but amazing!
God what I love that man!! Well that was the short version about the party and I have to say it was good! ;) hehe And mayeb Madde will tell you what she thought about it tomorrow ;P but she was mostly just pissed of at me.. Well that was that night.

Well I woke up this morning in mine and Jensens hotel suite, and I was pretty tired after last night party, but I rather be tired then hangover so I'm lucky. Then I looked at Jensen who was sleeping next to me in the bed and then I feelt even more lucky, I stroke his cheast with my hand and he moved a little and then he opend his eyes and I smiled. He looked at me with tired eyes and he smiled and still feelt so guilty about that almost kiss last night... especially since he hadn't even looked at another woman.. I stroke his abs and said " I'm so sorry honey.. I don't know what happend to me, and I wish so badly that I hadn't even looked at him or anyone else and I totally understand if you want to leave me.. " Jensen looked at me and said " You think I would leave you for that? " I didn't answer and he said " Honey I would never leave you, and it was your bridal shower and I think it was meant for us to have fun and look at other guys and women since it kind of is our last days as single.. but I'm weird and as Jared called me a boring idoit who was just thinking about you and I don't care about those other women that wants to give me a lap dance. The only one I wants to give me a lap dance is you.. fine I got a little sad, disappointed and of course jealous but I mean it was your bridal shower so I can't blame you, so don't be sorry. " I put my hands over my face to hide it and said " No you make me feel even more guilty. But I desreve it so don't worry. " I feelt his hand on my hands that was till covering my face and he gently took them away and he looked at me and said " I wanted you to have fun, and I'm glad you did.. or I pretend my best to be anyway..honey you didn't kiss him, so don't worry about it I trust you." I sign and said " You love me too much do you know that, more then I ever deserve.." He smiled and looked at me while his hand was touching my cheek and he said " And you love me more then I deserve. " I smiled and he gently pressed his lips against mine and when he let go he looked at me and said " You are an amazing woman Tove and all off us can make mistakes. " I said " I know, and this will probaly not be my last one.. " He kissed my cheek and I said " So you didn't have a good time at all with the strippers? " He laughed and said " No, I don't even remebere how they look like, I just had you in my mind. " I smiled and said " I love you so much. " He smiled back and said " I love you too honey. " He kissed me agian and then I smiled and said " About that lap dance you didn't get last night, I will make it up to you later tonight if you like? " He laughed and said " I would love too. " I smiled and then I said " You have no idea how worried I got last night when you didn't arrive with everyone else to our party, and when Jared siad you where lying over the toilet. " Jensen smiled and said " Those 20 minuts was the longest 20 minuts in my life and I missed you like crazy, and when I saw you in that dress I didn't really know what to do or how to control myself. " I laughed and kissed him agian and then I said " No I just have to talk to your mom and beg for her forgivness... I really hope she will like me again.. " Jensen said " Don't worry about that she loves you Tove. " I said " I hope you are right.. I hurt her son.. " Jensen said " I'm not that hurt right? So why should she be? " I said " Because she is your mum.. " Jensne said " Talk to her, I don't think you understand what you mean to her. " I said " What do you mean?" He said " Talk to her. " I said " I will.. thanks for forgiving me. " He smiled and said " I rather forgive you then fight with you. " I smiled and said " You are amazing my sexy fireman. " He laughed and said " Was I hot in those clothes? " I smiled and said " What do you think silly? " He laughed and kissed me and I put my head on his cheast and I could hear his heart beat and then he said " You still don't want to get married to me? " I sign and said " It's not you I don't want to get married to.. I just don't want to get married.. " Jensen said " Are you sure?" I said " yes, I rather have cancer again then get married.. " He sat up a little and let my head slide down on teh pillow and he looked at me and said " Tove how can you even say that? After everything you have been throw this year. Damn it Tove! " He walked up from the bed and but his shorts on and I also got up from bed and I looked at him and he looked so sad and disappointed... and I feelt guilty again but I couldn't say I was sorry because this was how I feelt.. So I put on a pair of turquoise short shorts and a top and I had my bikini under and Jensen started to walk towards the door and I walked after him and we got out to the hallway and I just grabbed his hand and he looked at me with sad eyes but he didn't say anything.

We walked down to the resturant and the whole family was sitting there and they said good morning, and many of them was pretty hang over and tired. Alan was holding Dennie in his arms and I smiled and walked over to him and stroke Dennies head and she smiled and she stretched her arms out towards me and Alan laughed and said " I think she wants to be with her mom now. " I smiled and picked her up and looked at her and said " Hello sweety, was you nice towards grandpa? " Alan smiled and said " She is really beautiful. " I smiled and said " Yeah she is. " Then I looked at Dennie and kissed her and said " I missed you so much last night, so did your babysitter behave? " I looked at Emma and she smiled and said " So how did it go? " She said " She is so sweeit so everything just went amazing. " I smiled and walked over to Emma and kissed her hair and said " Thanks sweeit for your help. " Emma just smiled and said " If you ever need a babysitter again I'm here. " I smiled and walked over to Donna and said " I'm sorry, what I did was not okay in anyway and I know that, please forgive me? " Donna stood up and looked at me and said " Let's go for a short walk and talk. " I could feel how teriffied I got but I walked over to Jensen and gave dennie to him and he looked at me and I know he could see how scared I got so he kissed my cheek and whsiperd " Calm down, everything will be okay. " I nodded and walked over to Donna and we started to walked in the warm sun towards the beach. We sat down in the sand and I looked out over the ocean and said " How much do you hate me? " Donna said suprised " You think I hate you? " I looked at her and said " Who shouldn't? I hate myself. " Donna took my hand that was lying in the warm sand and she said " Tove I don't hate you I would never be able to hate you. I love you, I'm just a little disappointed but that is it. " I sign and said " If you know everything I have done to hurt your son i think you would hate me.. otherwise you are insane.. " She laughed and I looked at her confused and she said " Then I'm insane, because I know everything about you, Kian, James, Tobbe, Henrik and all the other things. And I still love you like you where my own daughther, and I'm so happy that you and Jensen is getting married. " I said " Yeah then you are insane.. " Donna said " You know Jensen have hurt you too, maybe not as many times but what he and Madde did must have hurt more then anything you ever have done towards him. Because you didn't just get hurt by him, you got hurt by two of the most importent people in your life that you trusted with your whole heart and then they messed up and hurt you and I can just imagen how that feelt.. " I said " I can still feel that pain and see those picturs in my head when I think about it.. it's not that I don't trust them because I do.. but they are still there and I see them now and then.. " Donna said " What is now and then how often is that? " I sign and said " To often.. " Donna said " Every week? " I said " More everyday.. I see how they move, how they sounded and everything about it.. but it's getting better and better before I saw it in my head like every minut of the day and second.. and someday itw ill be gone.. I just can't stop thinking about how far they would have gone if had walked in on them.. probably the whole way..I have forgiven them and I mean that but still this picturs just pop up in my minds even thought I don't want too.." Donna said " Have you told Jensen and Madde this? " I said " That I'm still thinking about this? " Donna nodded and I said " No, this is useally nothing I want to talk about . " She said " Sorry if I forced you to talk.. " I looked at her and said " You didn't force me into anything, I like talking to you... and this is just ridiculous, I'm ridiculous.. this was a long time ago.. " Donna said " Honey this isn't just something that you forget, especially since you saw with your own eyes. I think it's really big of you to forgive them. " I said " Jensen forgave me.. " She said " Yes but he dosn't have to see you together with James or Kian or Tobbe every single day. " I sign and said " How can you be so understanding with me when it's about your own son. " She said " I think I'm kind of like you, I choose side if it's the right thing, I just don't choose side because it is my son. As you did with Nicky, Madde and Zara. You choose side because you thought what Nicky and Madde did was wrong and you didn't want o be a part of that just because it was Madde, you wanted it to feel right. And honey you are amazing and both you and Jensen are so happy to have each other and if something horrible would happned and you guys split up, I'm still here for you, with or without Jensen I still love you and you can always talk to me. " I smiled and said " Thank you, and you know I'm always here for you too what ever it is. I love you so much. " She smiled and wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me and I hugged her back and smiled. It was so great and She kissed my cheek and then she looked at me and said " Did you really think I was going to hate you? " I laughed and said " Yeah.. kind of. " She laughed and said " It's impossible to hate you, you are amazing. " I smiled and then Donna said " Your newfound sister Maja seems like a sweeit girl. " I smiled and said " She really is, she is an amazing kid I just wish she knew that too.. and stop listning to what her dad or our dad have told her.. " Donna said " Well now she have a new family that will tell her diffrent things and hopefully she will someday understand that her dad was wrong. " I said " Yeah.. but when we get home I think she need to go back to her other family.. I just wish she could stay forever.. " Donna nodded and said " Yeah so do I, I think it would be good for her to be in a family with a real mom and dad and siblings that love her and would do anything for her. " I said " I know.. " Donna stroke my cheek and then she said " So how dose it feel to be a mum? " I smiled and said " It feels weird but at the same time amazing. " She smiled and said " I know how you feel. It's the most amazing feeling to see your baby the first time. " I smiled and said " Yeah it is, then you know why life is worth living, I love her so much. " Donna smiled and said " She is amazing, and so are you and Jensen, you are a great family, so cute. " I smiled and said " Thanks. " she said " So how dose Maded handle beeing a Godmother then? " I laughed and said " Madde is Madde right? " Donna laughed and I said " But she is doing her best or she was for a week ago anyway. So how dose it feel to be a grandma again? " She smiled and said " It feels amazing, she is so beautiful and amazing, and I know you and Jensne will do an amazing job to take care of her and love her. " I smiled and said " I think you are right. " She said " You and Jensen are really meant for each other and I know you will have an amazing life together. " I smiled and kissed her cheek and then we saw My and Simon raning towards us and Simon throw himself in my arms and hugged me and he said " Hey sexy!" I laughed and said " Hey handsome!" He kissed my cheek and smiled and he said " I missed you so much. " I smiled and said " I have missed you too sweety. " Donna said " Simon have been talking about you everyday since you left. " I smiled and said " You are so cute. " he smiled and said " and you are so sexy. " I laughed and said " Rembere you are 7. " he sign and said " I know.. " I smiled and kissed his forhead and Simon look at My and said " You are so lucky to have her like your big sister and be abel to see her everyday." My looked at him shy and nodded and I said " My you are usealy never shy what's wrong? " She shrugged and I just laughed and Simon said " Should we go and play? " My nodded and Simon gave me a last hug and took Mys hand and they ran off. Donna smiled and said " They are so cute together. " I smiled and said " Yeah they are, I think My likes him in more then a friend way because she is never shy as you know. " Donna laughed and said " So cute, I wouldn't mind My getting married to my grandson in 20 years or so. " I laughed and so did Doona. Then she said " How did it go yesterday when you tried the dress out? " I said " It was to big.. " Donna said " I thought you had lost all your baby weight? " I sign and said " I have.. but now I'm starting to lose even more.. again.. " She said " You can't lose those 17 kg again.. you have to start eating. " I said " That's the problem, I do eat more then I useally do, and still.. the only times I have lost weight like this and this fast was when I got cancer.. " I looked out over the beautiful ocean and Donna said " Have you told Jensen? " I said " No.. I don't want to ruin his trip.. if this countinue I tell him when we get home. " Donna looked at me worried and said " You shouldn't go throw this alone. " I said " Don't worry about me I'm fine. " She said " How can I not worry.. " I said " Sorry I shouldn't have told you.. I don't want you to worry. " She out a arm around my shoulders and said " I'm glad you told me and if you want to talk about it I'm here. " I said " Thanks, but I will be fine so stop worring... " She said " Have you told anyone else? " I said " No, I'm probaly just imagineing that something is wrong. " Donna said " Let's hope nothing is wrong.. " I nodded and sign. Donna said " Should we go back? " I said " You go, I come after you in a while. " She nodded and kissed my forhead and she started to walked back while I just sat there thinking.

After 15 minuts I feelt hand on my shoulder and I tured my head to see who it was, and Jensen looked at me and said " Do you want to be alone or.." I smiled a little and said " Sit down. " He sat down next to me and he took my hand in his and looked at me and said " Are you okay? You look worried.. " I said " I'm okay, don't worry.. " He said " Tove don't lie to me, I can see something is wrong. " I shugged and said " I'm fine. " Jensen nodded but I could see that he didn't believe me, but I changed subject and said " Your mom is just so amazing. " Jensen smiled and said " She really is. And so are you. " I smiled and lend my head against his shoulder andhe let of my hand and put his arm around me instead and kissed my head. Then he said " Tove if we are not getting married tomorrow I want to know that before I walked out to that alter, I don't want to be left there...okay? " I said " Will you leave me if I don't marry you? " He sign and said " No.. I don't think I will." I nodded and said " I do understand if you do.. " He said " Tove I love you and I know I can't live without you no matter what you do. " I said " I love you so mcuh more then any words in this world can say. " He stroke my back and said " I Love you too honey so much. " I looked at him and he smiled and his hand move up to the back of my head and genlty moved my head closer to his and gave me a soft kiss, and when our lips let go of each other Jensen smiled and so did I so I just started to kiss him again. It was so great to feel his lips aginst mine and his toung who was playing with mine, and my hand was touching his abs and cheast and his hand was moving under my top, and Jensen slowly lied down on his back in the sand and I got on top of him and countinued kissing him,. His hand was on my hip, and I could feel how his beast grow under me which just made me move more and it made me really worked up. But then we heard someone clear there throw we fast stopped kissing and looked who ut was and it was a old couple and Jensen whipserd to me " That is my grandma Cleo and grandpa Jack. " I got really embaressed and said " Good way to make a first impression. " Jensen laughed and gave me a last kiss and I rolled of him and Jensen got up and grabbed my hand and pulled me up. We walked towards them and Jensen gave them a hug and then he looked at me and smiled and said " This is my fiancé Tove." I just looked at Jensen and shooked my head but he just smiled and I said hello to Cleo and jack and said " I'm sorry for the first impression you just got of me. " Jack laughed and said " Don't worry about that, you are young we understand. " I smiled and said " Thanks, and it's really nice to meet you. " Cleo smiled and said " Finally we meet our grandsons amazing girlfriend. " Jensen smiled and said " She is amazing. " I smiled and looked at him and he smiled back and gave me a kiss. Then I said " So how was your flight? " Jack said " Good thanks. " Then we started to walked back to the resturant and where everyone still was eating breakfast. I walked over to Nicky who was hodling Dennie and I smiled and stroke her head and said " Is it okay if I take her? " Nicky smiled and said " Of course, it's your baby. " I picked her up and kissed her and sat down next to Jensen and started to eat some amazing breakfast with freach fruits which always taste so amazing and it was so good.

After that amazing breakfast we went down to our privet beach and lied down in the sun except Jared and Madde they was going to fix something to the wedding I think..
It was great lying down in the sun even thought I hate showing myself of without clotes.. even thought Madde think I should do that more often, but she is crazy!I was lying on my back on a sun chair when all the suddedn Jensen gets on top of me and started to kiss my neck and Nicky laughed and said to us " Take that somewhere else guys. " I pused Jensen away and said " I acutally agree with Nicky, stop blocking my sun!" Everyone laughed and Sara said " That is the only time Tove say no. " I just laughed and said " shut up!" They laughed and then I just countinued lying there and it was so great! I can tell you that I'm all reday starting to get some colore, me and Jaed, meanwhile Madde and Jensen is as pale as always :P haha Well anyway I love the sun and I love summer and the kids was running around playing and laughing. Kim and Maja have become really good friends which I think is good since Maja don'st have any friends.. Well anyway after a couple of hours Kim ran over to Zara and asked if they could get money for ice cream, and Zara smiled and said " Sure, take all the other kids with you guys too. " Kim smiled and said " Thanks mum you are the best. " Zara laughed and said " I know." Then all the other kids ran over to Zara and gave her a hug and then they ran away to buy ice cream and then Nicky walked over to Zara and lied down on top of her and started to kiss her and Jensen laughed and said " Take that somewhere else guys. " Zara and Nicky just ignored him and I can tell you that the whole family was looking at them and then Nicky stopped kissing her and said " Í love you. " Zara smiled and said " I love you too. " Then Nicky gave her a last kiss and went back to his own chair and lied down. Then Jodi looked at Zara and said " So when are you guys coming and to Ireland? " Zara said " Problay to new years eve. " Jodi said " Great! " Kian said " Jodi have missed parting with you. " Zara laughed and said " I have missed that too. " Then we laughed and talked for a while and then Jensen came and lied down next to me instead which I didn't mind and he placed his hand on my thigh and he started to stroke it and I just looked at him and he gave me a cheesy smile and I said " Tonight. " I gave him a kiss and then Zara said " You guys are not sleeping together tonight, the groom and bride can't sleep together the night before the wedding. " I sign and said " Who cares!" Zara said " Madde, she iwll force you. " I said " But I can't sleep alone! But fine if she is going to force me to not speand time with Jensen that night then I'm going to force her to sleep in my bed tonight! " I looked at Jensen and said " I will miss you so much.. " Jensen said " I will miss you too.." I gave him a kiss, and Johanna said " You guys are disgusting!" We just laughed and I gave him another kiss.

When we had been lying there for hours and then Madde and Jared came back. They lied down on the becah and Madde said " The wedding cakes lookes amazing! And since we have all reday taste them I know it will be amazing! And it's so beautiful! " Jensen said " Good, I like cake. " Jared laughed and said " So do I!" Then we laughed and then Madde said " And after the wedding the photographer is going to take pictures of you two at the beach in the dark night and it's going to be so beautiful!" I said " No! This wedding isn't anything that I want to remebere! " Then Madde started to yell at me but I didn't here what she said because now I started to think about the wedding and that it was just one day left intill the most horrible day in my life!! I can't believe it, I can barely breath when I think about it!! I feel like Madde when she is on a airplane but like a 1000 times worse!! I hate this, I can't do this!! I rather die,why the hell did I say yes!! I should just have said no and then I would feel like this now!! I just want to put a knife right into my heart to get out of this!! I would do anything to get out of this and then I mean everything!! This really is horrible, my anxiety just got worse and worse for every minut when I sat there and now when I'm writing this too!! When I was at the beach I could see in my head how I walked towards that alter and it was so horrible and I could feel how sick I started to feel. After a few minuts I could feel how I needed to throw up so I just ran into the woods and throw up. Then I feelt Jensens hand on my back and when I had throwend up a few times, he asked what was wrong, and I said " Nothing... " Jensen looked at me worried and said " Something is wrong.. " I said " It's probably just something I eat. " he nodded but I knew he didn't believe me, but it was a lie so.. We walked back to the beach and everyone asked if I was okay and I just nodded and lied down again and Jensen was looking at me with worrying eyes. Then it was almost dinner so we walked back to teh hotell and all of us walked up to our rooms to take a shower.

When Jensen had taken a shower he walked downstairs and I got into the shower and then I wrapped a towel around me and walked out from the bathroom and I walked over to the big mirror and started to brush my wig. Then all teh sudden I heard a voice behind me and I got so scared I think I jumped like a meter up in the air and my towle feel on the floor and Madde started to laugh like crazy. I fast picked up the towle and wrapped it around me again and Madde lauged and said " You knwo it's nothing I haven't seen all reday. " I sign and said " I know. What's up? " She calmed down and said " I want you to show you the jewellery you are going to wear at the wedding. " I sign and I could feel the anxiety again and she opend a box and there was a pair of earings in whitegold and diamonds they where kind of nice. Then she opend another box and there was bracelet in dimonds and whit gold that I really liked. Then she said " This is what me, Sara and Zara is going to wear. " She opend another box and there was a pair of earings with white gold and red ruby and there was also beautiful. Madde said " What do you think? " I took a deep breath and said " I don't think I'm getting married. " Madde looked at me with huge eyes and then she started to yell at me and I just tried to ignored her and got dressed and walked downstairs but she was still yelling at me and said " It's the rehearsal dinner to night!!" I just ignored her and when we walked into the resturant she calmed down a little and we sat down but if glares could kill.. but I had to much anxiety to even care, I could barely eat!

Well after dinner people was starting to get ready for the rehersal dinner and I started to blogg and here I'm and now I'm going to lock myself in somewhere so Madde can't dragge me there! It feels like I need to thrw up again! I can't do this I'm going to tell Jensen tomorrow. Sorry..
Well now I have to go and hide somewhere.
And I'm not getting married, I have decied taht now and I'm just praying that Jensen is not going to leave me...
Well I hope you will have a better evening then I will.. and I maybe needs to sleep alone to which means no sleep at all.. if not Madde is staying with me..
See ya!
Kisses
Tove