What's going on?

Heya!

Well I suppose you will just get really annoied with me if I start by telling you a whole story about today before I tell you about what happened with Zara last night so therefore I'm going to be nice to you and tell you at once. :P

Yesterday when Tove walked into the restaurant with Nicky behind her and I saw her face I just flet my blood freeze. She looked so worried and I knew something was wrong at once and when she told me that she had run off the olny thing I could think of was that I needed to find her. As you know I walked into the direction as Tove told me to and it was starting to get dark at that point. That is something I hate about being so far south, it gets pitch black so fucking early! I was barely seeing anything and at first I was kind of using my cellphone as a flashlight but then I was almost running out of battaries so I had to continue without a light. I was really starting to freak out and I wished that I had asked Jared to come with me... he always makes me feel safe. When I had almost given up hope and aftr about 4 calles form Jared and 6 from Krisen I finally found her. She was sitting against a tree and with her face in her hands. When I saw her I just stopped and then slowly walked over to her and sat down next to her. She didn't look up at me and I carefully put my arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. She leaned her head against my shoulder and I was so close to tears. After a while she looked at me and stroke my cheek and said with a broken voice "Why are you almost crying?". One tear escaped my etempts to hold them back and I put my hands on her cheeks and pressed my lips against hers. She kissed me back and then I let the tears roll down my face and i said "I was so worried and scared!". She hugged me and we just sat there for a while and then I got a text from Tove as you know and i just replyed that i was fine. I looked at her and said "I'm so sorry." she shook her head and said "Please stop saying that... you have nothing to be sorry about.". I said "I'm sorry that he is behaving like a jerk..." she shook her head and I said "is it okay if I talk to him?". She looked at me and said "If you want to.. But it won't change anything.". I stood up and pulled her with me to her feet and I said "I need to tell him how I feel. I'm not going to let him treat you like this, not you.". Then my phone rang just as she was about to say something and i picked it up and it was Jared who said "Have found anything? I'm worried sick about both of you.... Where are you let me come to you.". I said "Everything is find Jare, I found her. We're coming back soon to the hotel but I'll stay with her okay? I'll see you tomorrow, love you. bye.". He said "Oh that's great! thank god! yeah sure, you do that don't worry about me. I love you too, if you need me just call. Bye.". Then we hung up and I said "You want to go back to the hotel? Everyone is worried sick.". She nodded and said "Even Nicky?" I said "If he isn't, I'm going to kill him!". She said "Really?" I put a hand on her cheek and said "Yes, right now he is behavning like a jerk and I hate that and I love you. So much.". She smiled slightly and said "I love you too." I smiled and said "Now let's go home.". She nodded and we started to walk home which took about 2 hours. When we finally got to the hotel we went up to her room, 409, and sat down on the bed both of us. My feet was killing me and Zara just laid down on the bed and said "Next time I'm running away, I'm not running so far!". I smiled and looked at her and said "Good! Because you really scared me when it took me so long to find you and I didn't really feel safe in the woods.". She sat up and said "I'm sorry I scared you." I shook my head and said "Don't be sorry. Shower now or shower tomorrow?". She sighed and said "Tomorrow! I'm tired." I smiled and we changed into what we slept in the other night and I said "You really think I look sexy in this?" and pulled alittle in the t-shirt and looked at her when she had nesteled down in bed. She gave me a cheesy smile and said "Yeah you do, you look so sexy, but you always do.". I smiled and astraddled her and she just smiled and then I started to kiss her. I know it sounds crazy and so but really I like her... I'm not a lesbian... I don't know what I am because it's just zara otherwise it's always guys. But it was really nice to kiss her and she is a really good kisser and shills were running down my spine when she gently touched my back and bum. After kissing for a while I laid down next to her and she rested her head on my shoulder. Her hand was carefully exploring my stomach under the shirt and then she stopped and wrinkled her eyebrows. I knew where she had stopped and just looked at her while she slowly lifted my shirt up almost all the way to my boobs and then she gently touched the gunshot wound. I touched her face when she looked at it and I said "You okay?". She kept looking at the scar and said "How can a person be both happy and sad about something at the same time?". I wondered what she was talking about and asked her and she said "I'm so happy that Nicky was there with you that day, otherwise you might not be here... He saved your life.". I bit my lower lip and stroke her cheek and said "Yeah he did..." then all of the sudden she took my hand and turned it palm up and touched my scar there too and asid "He saved you this day too...". In a way I felt so guilty to have all those marks on my body to remind her of Nicky and I. I slowly nodded and said "Yeah he did..." then she looked me in the eyes and said "I'm glad that he saved you and that he was there for you.". Then she just gave me a soft kiss and said "Don't worry about the scars, thay hardly show.". I smiled alittle and she laid down on my shoulder again and we just laid there in scilence until I almost fell asleep when she suddenly said "is it hard for him?". I said "What?" and she touched my gunshot wound again and said "To see the scars?". I took a deep breath and said "He doesn't say that it is but I can see it in his eyes... He's blaming himself for all of it...". She nodded and said "He usually does...". I kissed her forehead and said "Let's talk more tomorrow. Goodnight baby.". She looked at me and nodded and said "Goodnight... hero." then she kissed me and I just smiled and wrapped my arms around her and fell asleep.

So this morning when I woke up we were still lying the exact same way as when we had fallen asleep and I gently kissed her head but then she tilted it up and looked at me and smiled. I smiled back and she heaved herself up alittle and pressed her lips against mine and after the kiss I said "You know... I do feel the same as yuo do.". She looked confused and I said "I love being with you, I love to hug you and kiss you, I love to sleep like this with you in my arms...". She smiled and said "Really?" I nodded and she was just about to kiss me when someone knocked on the door. I sighed and so did she and I said "It's probobly Tove..." she nodded and I got out of bed and walked over to the door and opened it. And yes sirie! It was Tove! :P She smiled and I said "come on in.". She followed me back inside and I cuddled down next to Zara again who wrapped her arms around me at once and Tove sat down at the end of the bed. She looked at Zara and asked "Are you okay?" Zara nodded and said "Yeah I am..". I kissed her head and held her tighter which caused Tove to smile and I said "You think we are cute again?". She laughed and said "Yu guys are always cute.". We smiled and zara said "So this isn't freaking you out?" Tove laughed and said "No it's not, who would get freaked out by this?". Zara said quietly "my kids... I wonder how they would react...". I stroke her arm and said "Don't worry... wedon't even know what's going on yet. Let's figure this out first and then we can focus on the other stuff.". She nodded and bruied her face in my shoulder and breathed in. I stroke her hair and said "Honey.... I have to go to Jared, will you be okay?". She nodded and said "Yeah I'm fine... when are you going to talk to Nicky?". I sighed and said "As soon as possible... I promise you." she nodded and kissed me and I got out of bed and gave Tove a hug nad left the room.

I walked over to mine and Jareds room and knocked on the door becuase I had forgotten my key. He opened the door after alittle while and it was so good to see him again. I quickly walked straight inot his arms and breathed in his scent. He closed the door and wrappped his strong arms around me and we just stood there for a while holding each other and it felt so good! After alittle while I stood up on my toes and he leaned down and placed a soft kiss on my lips and it just felt like home. I smiled and we broke from the kiss and so did he and said "Are you okay?" I nodded and said "Everything is fine Jare. Everything is just fine.". I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down for another kiss and then he said "And Zara then?". I said "She will be fine, she is talking with Tove at the moment and I said that I had to go here.". He nodded and said "I was worried about you last night, and scared.". I said "So was I... I wish I had taken you with me but I think it was for the best to go alone.". He nodded and kissed me again and then looked at me and said "What are you wearing?" I smiled and said "It's zaras... I didn't have anything to wear for bed last night after.... you know. So she borrowed me this.". He nodded and said "I see." I touched his face and said "What?". He said shyly "It looks wrong, I'm sorry...". I laughed and said "Looks wrong how?" he smiled and said "You should wear my clothes.. that looks more right.". I laughed and said "Zara thinks this looks right." he sighed and said "I don't, take this insted." and handed me a whirt shirt. I took it and qiuckly pulled the t-shirt over my head and at once Jared placed his hands on my body and siad "Or you can always just look like this.". I smiled and walked closer and he stroke his big amazing hands over my naked back and I stroke my fingers gently over his bare chest and it felt so good to feel his skin and muscles under my fingertips. He bent his knees slightly and let his fingers wander down over my back and bum and then he picked me up and walked over to the bed and laid me down on it. I smiled nad wrapped my arms around his neck when he straddled me and I looked into his eyes and said "I'm sorry about the kiss, I really am.". He said "Don't worry about it..." I was just about to say something when he gave me an amazing, deep and passionated kiss all of the sudden. When he removed his lips from mine I just laid there looking at him and it was like my mind was just blank and all I could see was Jared. I smiled and pulled him down again and started to kiss him and he ran his fingers over my body and started to massage my boobs. I ran my hands over his back and he started to kiss my neck insted which I love and then he was just about to caress me down there when we heard a knock on the door. I sighed and he stopepd kissing me and looked at me insted and I said "Don't go, I want you.". He kissed me and said "I'll be right back." I sighed and he got off me and walked over to the door and opened it. Then I heard Nickys voice say "Hey... Do you know anything about Zara and Madde?". I sighed and took Jareds shirt from the floor and took it on and walked over to Jared. I placed a hand on his bare back and looked at Nicky nad he let out a relived breath and said "Thank God!". I said "Everything is fine Nicky... We're home.". He nodded and I said "Okay everything is not fine... I have to talk to you later.". He looked confused and I said to Jared "Go back to the bed, I'll be right there.". He looked at me and clenched his teeth and I stroke his arm and said "Please, trust me... I know I don't deserve your trust but please.". He nodded and looked at Nicky and then he gave me a deep kiss and walked back to the bed. I turned to Nicky and said "I'll talk to you later..." he said "how's zara?" I said "She's okay... leave Nicky, like I said I'll talk to you later.". He nodded and walked away and I went back inside and closed the door and walked back to Jared who was standing looking out the window. I walked over to him and touched his back and kissed his shoulder and said "I'm sorry.". He turned around and looked at me and said "Are you really?", my heart broke when he asked me that and I walked away from him and over to the bed and sat down. I said "Do you know what my biggest fear is?". He shook his head and I said "That I will lose everyone and that can only happen if I do something stupid.". He didn't move from the window and I said "I am sorry and I need you to understand that, if I could live throught that day again I would never kiss him again. I hate to hurt you...". He looked down on the floor and I walked over to him and said "Jared... I love you and I need you. But.... if the only thing I do is hurt you then... do what's best for you and find someone else. I don't deserve you.". He looked at me and said "I can't find someone else! I love you and I need you more then anything in the world! You are my everthing.". He swooped me into his arms and gave me a kiss filled with desperation, when he stopped I looked at him and he said "I love you." I touched his face adn said "I love you too Jared, I really do... Don't ever doubt that.". He nodded and kissed me again and again and again but we never found our way back to the bed and where we stopped when Nicky knocked on the door.

Insted we chnaged clothes and went down for breakfast but first I called Zara and told her that we went there and she just said that she was going to eat in her room. When we got down there we found almost everyone there already including Tove and Jensen. I smiled when I saw everyone and Krisen walked over to me and gave me a hug and said "I was so worried last night.". I nodded and said "I know.. But everyone can stop worrying, Zara and I are okay and everything will be fine.". They nodded and mumbled and Jared and I sat down and joined them. I looked at Tove and said "Is there something you want to do today?" I nodded towards Jensen and she looked scared but nodded and then we continued to eat and after breakfast Tove said "Jensen, can I talk to you?". He got up and said "Yeah sure." so we walked down to the beach and I could tell that Tove was so worried and scared so I asked Jensen to saty for a while and I dragged Tove with me a little further down the beach. I gave her a hug and said "You have to tell him." she nodded and said "I'm so scared.". I knew just how she felt and took her hand and we walked back to Jensen and I said "So am I.". She took a deep breath and I said to Jensen "Tove has to tell you something and please don't freak out becuase then you'll freak her out and me and the rest of the family.". He slowly nodded and looked at Tove with worried eyes and I squeezed her hand and she said "I might.... have the cancer back.". I could almost see his heart drop just as mine had when I first heard about it, or read about it and he said "No!" and shook his head. Tove nodded and I said "We are not sure, nothing is for sure... I'm going to let you guys talk about this.". Tove squeezed my hand and nodded and I gave Jensen a hug and said "Everything will be okay Jensen...". He nodded and then I walked back to the hotel because I had an important conversation to make myself...

I walked back to the restaurant and everyone was still sitting there except Nicky, who I was hoping was going to be there. I walked over to Jared and kissed his cheek and said "Where did nicky go?". Everyone stared at me and Jared becuase of the fact that I asked where Nicky was and Jared said "His room I think.". I nodded and said "If you need me, call... I'll probobly go to Zara after.". He nodded and kissed me and then turned to everyone else and said "They are going to talk! Stop looking at her like that!". I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed him again and said "I love you.". He stroke my cheek and said "And I love you." I smiled and then walked up the stairs and up to Nickys room. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door and after a while he opened it and was just wearing a towel around his waist. I tried my hardest not to look so much at him and said "Can we talk?". He opened the door more and let me in adn I sat down on the bed and he said "I'm just going to put something on, I had just taken a shower.". I nodded and he disappeared into the bathroom and when he came out again he was wearing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. He sat down next to me and said "Now..." I took another deep breath and tried to be as angry as I can be with him and said "How stupid are you? You haven't asked her for forgivness for the kiss!?". He sighed and said "I know... but it didn't...." I stood up and stared at him and felt that I was starting to get even more angry and said "It didn't mean anything!? Is that waht you are trying to tell me!!??". He said "Madde..." I shook my head and put a hand up to show him to shut up and i said "That kiss was insane! I know that you felt it too! You wanted more, you didn't want to let me go!! It meant something!". All of the sudden I noticed that tears were pouring down my cheeks and he got up and tried to take my hand but I pulled it away and he said "Honey! okay.. yes it meant something! It meant so much!! I felt... you... I miss you.". A part of me was so desperate to hear those words leave Nickys amazing lips but a part of me hated myself for likeing them so much and another part hated him for saying those things. I dried my tears and said "Why did you tell Zara that then?" he walked alittle closer but when I back away he stopped and held his hands up and said "I thought that it was what she wanted to hear.". Then tears were just pouring down my face again and I walked closer to him and satrted to pound on his cheast and almost yelled "Don't lie to her!!". He took a hold of my arms and said "I'm sorry." and I just cried against his chest and he said "I'm sorry." again. I stopped crying and looked into his goregous blue eyes and said "It's not me you should apologize to...". He didn't say anything and I shook my head and said "You have to... don't make everything we have worked for go to waste...". He closed his eyes and I placed a hand on his cheek and said "Where did he go? where did the man I fell in love with go?". He slowly opened his eyes and said "I don't know... I hope he is here.". I said "Then prove it... apologize to her... Do it tonight.". He nodded and I said "Good... I have to go." he said "Did she forgive you?". I said "Yes, the fool did... She shouldn't have though and neither should Jared have but they did.". He nodded and then I turned away from him and walked out the door and walked a few meters down the hall until I stopped and leaned against the wall and took a few deep breaths to calm down. I almost felt sick, I had never been so angry with nicky before and hurt at the same time and the fact that i felt hurt was the worst part... I don't want to be in love with him.. I want to be in love with Jared and only him.. At the moment I'd rather be in love with Zara then Nicky, anyone but him! I need him, I do... But just as a friend, I don't want to need him as more then that... I hate this.

After calming down for a few minutes I walked down a few stairs and walked over to Zaras room and knocked on the door. After a while she opened and as soon as she saw me sha gave me a hug and said worrying "You okay? You've been crying!". I nodded and we walked over to the bed and sat down and I said "I'm alright... I'm just so angry with him and it's hard.. I'm sorry.". She stroke my back and said "Stop saying that you're sorry, I'm tired to hear it. So what did he say?". I said "He'll talk to you tonight and I swaer to god that if he doesn't apologize I will.... I don't know what I will do but something.". She nodded and said "Thank you... thank you." I nodded and took a deep breath and then she put a finger under my chin and made me look at her and then she pressed her lips softly against mine and I when our lips let go i just sat there with my eyes closed. She stroke my cheek and I slowly opened my eyes and she said "What did Jared say?". I said "He missed me last night... And he was worried about us..". She nodded and said "You can be with him you know, you don't have to be here with me.". I took her hand and said "I know but I want to be here with you... but I want to be with him too... I miss him.". She nodded and said "You love him?" I nodded and then she said "But you love Nicky more?". I looked into her eyes and said "I suppose, but I don't want to...". She nodded and I was just about to say I'm sorry when she said "Don't say it!". I smiled and said "Fine." she smiled back and said "Shall we go down to the beach?". I got up and said "Yes please." so we headed downstairs and met Shane and Gillian in the staircase. Gillian gave first Zara a hug and then me and Shane gave me a hug, he and Zara has never really gotten so close... They don't really like each other and Shane and I are like best friends. I don't know what I would do without him sometimes. Shane said "So where are you girls heading?". I smiled and said "Down to the beach..." they nodded and then Shay said "Can I just talk to you for a sec Madde?". I looked at Zara and she said "You go, I'll wait at the beach for you.". I nodded and then Zara went to the beach and Gillian gave shane a kiss and went upstairs and Shane sat down in the staircase andI did the same and he said "How are you?". I said "I don't know... My head is all messed up Shane... What should I do?". He put an arm around my shoulders and I leaned my head against his shoulder and he said "I'm sorry honey... I don't know. Maybe you should just have fun now while you are here and then we you get home you can try to sort things out.". I nodded and said "Yeah, maybe you're right..." he kissed my head and said "I love you honey and I care so much about you and I hate to see you sad.". I smiled slightly and said "Thank you, I love you too Shane." I kissed his cheek and then we got up and he said "Now go down to the beach and have some fun, Gill and I will be down there soon.". I nodded and gave him a hug and then I ran down the stairs and down to the beach.

I could see people lying on the beach and the kids (and Jensen, jared and the rest of "the big children") play in the water. I smiled and walked over to Zara who looked up at me form her sun chair, she took my hand and squeezed it and I just said "It's okay, I'm okay.". She nodded and then I looked behind me and saw Nicky slowly walk closer to us. I took a deep breath and Zara looked at the same direction and then looked at me and I said "You want to talk to him now?". She shook her head and I nodded and kissed her forehead and walked over to Nicky. I could feel peoples looks burn in my back and I stopped infront of him and he said "Can I be here?". It felt so wrong that he asked me about that, it's a free country. I nodded and said "Of course you can... I want you to be here, don't let them chase you away.". He smiled slightly and said "Thanks hun..." I nodded and said "Zara wants to talk to you tonight so don't push her into anything now okay?". He nodded and then we heard Kian yell "Madde! Nicky! Come and join us!!", we looked at him and the others in the water and then I looked at Nicky and he just smiled and nodded and then we ran into the water and joined them. The water was amazing, so warm and blue and just amazing! i love it!!! Anyway, we had a really great time playing in the water and everyone, even Jared was having fun with Nicky which I'm happy for. But after a few hours it was time for dinner so we had to go and eat something.

It was a pretty good dinner with good food, nice talks and a lot of laughter. It's so nice to be able to spend time with all our friends at the same time but at the same time you kind of want to be able to have some one on one time with them so after dinner I walked over to Kellan and Robert and said "Hey guys. You wanna take a walk with me?". they smiled and held our their arms whish I took and then we started to walk down the beach and it was still pretty light outside. After a while Rob said "It's really good to see you again.". I smiled and said "You too, both of you. I've missed you.". They smiled and Kellan put his arm behind my back and pulled me alittle closer as a hug and said "We've missed you too.". I smiled and then Rob said "You even missed me after how we left things?". I sighed and said "Rob, that happened such a long time ago and a lot of things has happened since that day so yes, I've missed you.". He smiled and said "I've missed you too. So... After that kiss with nicky I suppose you and Jared aren't together as I tought.". I shook my head and said "No... I love him i do, and he loves me so much... But I guess as you could tell for that kiss I love nicky too...". Kellan stroke my hadn and said "You don't seem so happy about that fact...". I shook my head and said "I'm not.. I hate that I love him because i only hurt Jared and Zara nad the rest of the family.". They nodded and Kellan said "I think it's the first time I've ever heard someone say that they hate that they love someone who loves them back.". i laughed and said "I know but things are so complicated and I hate that... Anyway, how things going with girls for you then?". Kellan laughed and said "Well, going on dates and stuff but mostly focused on work at the moment.". I nodded and Rob said "Yeah well... It's going okay, no one is you though.". I smiled and pouted with my lips and said "No I'm uniqe and everyone loves me!". They laughed and after that we just had a really nice walk and laughed so hard, it was really great to hang out with them and I've really missed them even Rob even though the last time we saw each other was when we had a fight... Now that fight seem so pathetic and ridiculous after everything that has happened so I kind of even want to go abck to that day just to skip everything that has happened since.

When we got back to the hotel I stopped at the beach and sat down and Kellan said "You wanna be alone?". I shurgged my shoulders and said "You guys don't have to stay... It's just so beautiful so I think I'm just going to sit here and think for a while.". then nodded and gave me a hug each and left and I just sat there thinking about my feelings for a sertain Mr. Padalecki, a sertain Mr. Byrne and for some wierd reason a sertain Miss Svensson... After about a half an hour I heard footsteps behind me so I turned around and saw a very handsome man walk closer to me. I smiled as I saw Jared come closer and soon he sat down next to me and took my hand. I took a pleased breath and moved closer to him and rested my head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. He said "Kellan said that he didn't know if you wanted to be alone so I took the chance and came down here, you want me to leave?". I closed my eyes and said with a smile on my face "Never.". I could almost hear when he smiled and it felt so good to be able to say never and really mean it. I never ever want him to leave, I don't know what I would do without him and that is for real. He means so much to me and I love him alot. After a while he said "It's really beautiful here.". I nodded and looked at him and he looked at me and said "Just like you, my love.". I smiled and he gently pressed his lips against mine and when we broke from the kiss I gave him a cheesy smile and said "Where did we leave things off this morning?". He smiled and said "Hum.. I don't know, I think it had something to do with this...", and then he pressed his lips against mine again and I slowly opened my mouth a little and so did he and I felt how his tongue was playing with mine. He slowly laid down on the beach and I ontop of him and I felt his big hands gently move over my body and then he rolled us around and I ran my fingers over his sandy back and agaist my thigh I felt his beast get harder and harder. I smiled and he kissed my neck and I slolwy let my hand find it's way inside his shorts and take a hold of his beast and slowly began to move. He gently started to caress my boob but soon he was to horny so he moved his hand down my stomach and between my legs and started to caress me there insted. I moaned and smiled and it felt soooo good!! I haven't had sex in like a few days now and I've really missed to feel his lips against mine and feel his hands touch me everywhere and of course to become on with him and feel him inside of me. I was already kind of wet because of the fact that I felt his hard beast in my hand all the time. Then he stopped caress me and kissed his way down to my bikini panties and slowly pulled them off and threw them away up the beach and then he did them same with his shorts and then laid down ontop of me again and started to kiss me. I smiled and kissed him back with so much eager but then I said "In the water!". He smiled and looked around and then stood up and pulled me up with him and we ran out to the water which was so warm and we didn't get far before he grabbed a hold of my arm and pulled me closer and pushed me up against a cliff not far from where we satrted out and he started to kiss me again and I ran my fingers through his hair and he started to kiss my neck and I felt how his fingers slowly undid my bikini top and threw it up on the cliff and then started to caress my boobs. I moaned and just wanted to feel him inside of me and moaned "Get in me!". He smiled and lifted me up slightle and I spread my legs and felt how he gently pressed his beast inside of me. I moaned out with pleasure and he closed his eyes and I could see all the pleasure in his face as he slowly began to move. I smiled nad just looked at him and he looked so pleased and i said "I love you.". He smiled and opened his eyes and pressed it even further in me which made me moan loudly and he said "I love you too!". I smiled and put my hand behind his head and pulled him closer for a kiss. He moved faster and deeper and kissed me like he almost ahs never kissed me before and it was just so amazing!! I maoned loudly and stroke my hands over his neck, amazing abck and sexy bum and he is just so fuckings sexy when he is all wet and warm. He gently pressed his body closer to mine and moved slower but deeper and breathed into my ear. Every breath he took got me more and more worked up and I felt that I was really close. I wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered in his ear "Faster!". He smiled and kissed me deeply and moved faster and faster and it felt so good and soon he also bgan to breath faster and moan louder and he held on to the cliff while I buried my nails in his back and then we came at the same time which was just sooooo amazing!! That is the best feeling in the world and to do it with Jared is just ontop of the world! I smiled and felt shivers run down my spine and he took his beast out and gave me a kiss and said "You're amazing.". I smiled and said "So are you." he smiled ad kissed me again and then he took down my bikini top and gave it to me and I said "Do I really need it?". He smiled and said "Yes, because we are going upstairs and I don't want everyone to see your body and drool over it.". I smiled and put it on and then we quickly headed abck to the beach and Jared put on his shorts and I put on my panties and then I took his hand and we walked up to the hotel again.

We went into our room and he said "So do I have to honour of sleeping next to you tonight?". I bit my lip and said "I hope so... I'll be right back, I just have to check up on Zara.". He nodded and I gave him a kiss and ran down the stairs and over to Zaras room and knocked on the door and she opened it after a while and I said "Is it a bad time?". She shook her head and I walked in and said "Have you talked to him?". She nodded and I said "And?", she sighed and sat down on the bed and said "He apologized but... I don't know, maybe it's just me.". I sighed and sat down next to her and said "What is it?", she looked at me and in the eyes and said "He isn't sorry...". It wasn't a question or anything like that, it was a statement. I sighed and said "How do you know?" she said "I can see it in his eyes, the words come out of his mouth but his eyes... They aren't sorry... There is something else burning in them.". i looked down on the floor and she took my hand and said "You have nothing to be sorry about.. this is his problem.". I said "I should never have kissed him... Then he wouldn't have to apologize about that too...". She sighd and forced me to look at her and said "Stop it! Stop apologizing, it doesn't mean anything... I'm sorry, I know you are sorry because I can see it in your eyes. You are truly sorry everytime you say it but Nickys eyes... I don't see it..". I shook my head and she said "Do you? When he apologizes to you?". I closed my eyes because I really didn't want to answer that and she said "Madde?"... I couldn't lie to her and said "Yes... yes I see it in his eyes... He truly means it.". She nodded slowly, like she was thinking about my answer and I said "I'm so..." but she quickly placed a finger on my lips and said "NO!". I smiled and just nodded and then I said "Do you want me to stay here?". She shurgged and said "If you want to go to Jared, then it's okay.". I took her hand and said "If you want me to stay, then I'll stay. I love you Zara.". She smiled and said "Thank you, but I'm okay. I love you too Madde.". I smiled and leaned in and gently pressed my lips against her soft lips. Then I sighed and said "How can I choose between you two?", Zara smiled and said "Between me and Jared?". I nodded and she said "Fine, then I'll choose for you. Go to Jared... He needs you.". I stroke her cheek and said "Only if you'll be okay." she smiled and said "I will be, I promise. If I need you, I'll call.". I smiled and said "Good." then I started to kiss her again and she ran her fingers through my hair and slowly laid down on the bed. I followed her and pulled her top up a little and placed my hand on her boob and started to caress it. She kissed me even more and ran her fingers over my back and I moved my hand from er boob over her stomach and started to caress her down there. She moaned and I started to kiss her neck insted and then I carefully pulled her panties down and threw them on the floor and started to caress her again and she moaned even more and when I felt that she was wet enough I gently pressed a few fingers in her and slowly started to move them. She moaned more and more and I felt how I got more and more turned on becuase of it and she started to caress my boob too which got me even more turned on. I kissed his neck, collar bone and boob and I let my tongue gently play with her nipple and she started to breath really shallow. I moved my fingers faster and then started to kiss my way down there and began to use my tognue to help out. She moaned loudly and I stroke the inside of her thigh and stomach and she could hardly be still and then I knew she was close so I kissed my way back to her lips and moved my fingers faster and faster and then she took a hold of the pillow and screamed out with pleasure as she came. I smiled and kissed her and took my fingers out and she pulled me closer and kissed me again and again and then she rolled over so she was ontop and I just smiled and bit my lower lip and she gave me a cheesy smile and kissed her way down my stomach and started to lick me. I felt so good and she started to caress my boob too and I moaned loudly. Then she kissed her way up to my lips again and put a few fingers in me and started to move and I ran my fingers through her hair and over her back. She moved her finger faster and faster and I breathed more shallow and then she kissed her way down there agian and gently started to play with her tognue and I just smiled and focused all my sences on what she was doing with her tognue and it felt so amazing!! I moaned loudly and was so close at coming which made her move her fingers and tougne even more and soon I came with a scream and she took her fingers out and kissed my stomach gently and then my lips and she said "You're amazing.". I smiled and said "I'v already heard that once today but somehow it's different with you.". She smiled and kissed me softly and then we just laid there cuddleing for a while. But then I remembered Jared so I gave her one last kiss and got dressed and she followed me to the door and just as i was about to walk out she grabbed my arm and pulled me in for another kiss and then she let go and said "I'll miss you.". I smiled and kissed her again and said "I'll miss you too, see you tomorrow.". She nodded and I agve her one more kiss and then I almost dragged myself out of there. I don't get it, I'm not a lesbian but I do have som sort of feelings for Zara... I don't know and this time... this was the first time we weren't drunk or just simply deserate for sex.. It's strange...

When I got back to jared he had already gone to bed and he smiled when he saw me and said "I didn't think I was going to have to honour.". i smiled and cahnged into my bed clothes and said "Here I am.". He smiled and kissed me and then he said "You smell very much like Zara.". I smiled and said "Does it bother you?", he smiled and shook his head and said "You don't want a man with you too?". I laughed and shook my head and said "Zara would never agree with that." he sighed and said "Not even if Nicky was with?". I sat up and stared at him and said "like you would ever want me and Nicky in the same bed and Zara rather die then see that.". he said "You're right, sorry.". I sighed and laid down and said "It's okay, but no... We just want to be us.". he sighed and I laughed and said "I just have to blog and then we can sleep.". He nodded and i gave him a kiss and started to blog but now I'm going to text Zara "goodnight" and then cuddle up next to Jared and sleep.

Take care
Love
Madde