Happy days... Not.

Heya!

Well today has been eventful but I'm not going to reveal anything yet so you'll just have to read the whole inlay :P

This morning when I woke up I was lying next to Tove who was still asleep. When I looked at her I felt a stab in the heart and tears was almost welling up in my eyes. I swollowed the lump in my throat and stroke a lock of hair away from her face. she moved alittle but didn't wake up and I whispered "I love you so much. I don't know what to do if I lose you.". I carefully kissed her forehead and got out of bed and took a simple beach dress with me and put it on and walked out of the room. I took a deep breath and went downstairs and as I walked pass the restaurant I heard the westlife lads voices in there so I knew they were awake but I didn't feel like eating.. I had far to much on my mind so I just walked pass them and out the door and headed down to the beach. I sat dwon in my blue dress and looked over the ocean and tought about Tove and what I read in her inlay yesterday... that she only loses this much wieght when she ahs cancer... I felt a tear roll down my cheek and then I just bruied my face in my hands and cried out all my fear. After sitting there alone crying for a while I felt a hand on my shoulder which kind of scared me so I looked up and saw nikcys worried face look down on me. When he saw that I was crying he quickly sat down and wrapped his arms around me and held me tight while I cired even more. He stroke my back for comfort and when I was just sobbing alittle he looked at me and stroke away a few tears and said "What's worng honey?". I didn't say anything and he said "You want me to get Jared?". I shook my head and said "I don't want to worry him..." that made Nicky even more worried and he said "Baby what's worng? What's happened?!". I took a deep shivering breath and said "I'm okay... I'm just s scared.". he stroke my cheek and said "For what?" I looked at him and said "Promise you won't tell anyone... please.". He nodded and said "I promise, I don't lie to you, you know that.". I nodded and said "I'm scared because...." more tears fell down my face, "becuase Tove might have the cancer back.". then I just bursted out crying again. He held me tight and whispered "Everything will be okay honey... everything will be fine.". I cried for a while and then i said "I should go back to her..." he nodded and stroke my cheek and looked so sad and said "Do that. I just want you to know that I'm always here for you, no matter what. I love you darling.". I hugged him and said "I know you are and i love you too.". then he got up and helped me to my feet and we walked together abck to the hotel and we stopped at the stairs and he kissed my cheek and said "Everything will be okay honey.". I nodded and walked up the stairs and he went back the the lads in the restaurant.

When I got to my room I carefully opened the door and checked if Tove was awake and she said in a low voice "where have you been?". I walked in and sat down next to her on the bed and my eyes were still sore from the crying and she saw that and sat up and said "Honey! what's worng?". I felt more tears build up in my eyes nad when I said "You can't have cancer again!" they just poured down my cheeks and I threw myself around her neck. She hugged me back and stroke my back and said "Oh hun... I'm so sorry... I didn't meant to worry you and I'm sorry I didn't tell you face to face.". I sobbed and said "I can't handle it! I don't know how to get through that once again.... I'm sorry but I can't.". She stroke my cheek and tried to brush away a few tears and said "Yes you can. If I can then you can. I need you madde.". I shook my head and cried "I can't see you that weak again... I can't feel that I'm losing you again... I can't.". She said "Please, we don't know anything yet and don't tell jensen about this... or anyone else... I don't want to worry them.". I nodded and said "Don't get angry... I told Nicky." i swear she looked disappointed but she said "It's okay... as long as he doesn't tell anyone else.". I said "He won't... He promised and I know you don't trust him but I do... so please trust me.". She nodded and said "I do trust you. I don't want you to worry about me, I feel fine and we won't know until I've been to the hospital.". I nodded and then she said "Can I ask you something." I nodded and she said "What are you afraid of? yesterday you worte in the coment that you faced you fear every day... what are you so afraid of?". I swollowed the lump in my throat and said "That I can't stay away form Nicky... that I'll hurt everyone I love.. that I'll lose you.". She stroke my cheek and said "You won't lose me. And you can stay away from nicky, why shouldn't you be able to?". I looked down on the bed because I couldn't take her angry look when I said "I'm so scared that if I look at him the worng way or for to long I'll kiss him... or that I'll notice that I love him still with all my heart.". I heard her sigh and she said "You won't do that. I have faith in you.". i sighed and looked at her and said "I don't." then I got out of bed and went to the bathroom and took a shower and when I got out I felt alittle bit better so I said "Take a shower and then we'll go downstairs and eat breakfast.". She nodded and said "oaky." and I put on the beach dress again and walked over to Jensen and toves room where Jared and jensen was sleeping. I knocked on the door and Jared opened, I smiled and gave him a kiss and he said "come in babe.". I walked in and heard the shower run so I guess jensen was in there and Jared pushed me down on the bed and gave me a cheesy smile and said "I missed you tonight.". I smiled and ran my hand through his hair and said "I missed you too babe.". He strted to kiss me but then we heard jensen behind us say "Okay... you can do that in your own room but not now. We are kind of busy today right?". I smiled and Jared got off me and I walked over to Jensen and smiled and said "How do you feel? Going to be a husband today.". He smiled and wrapped his arms around me and spun me around with happiness. I just laughed and he put me down and said "I'm over the moon! But I'm so nervous!". I smiled and said "I know you are, I am too." he smiled and said "Thank you for everything Madde, I don't think I've been greatful enough.". I smiled and he kissed my cheek and said "You're the best!". I laughed and said "Thank you. Well... Tove and I are going downstairs for breakfast now and then I'm going to go down to the beach with some people and check the palce out and make sure everything is in order.". He nodded and I turned to Jared and said "You and Josh will have jensen ready at 18.00 and he can't be more late then 15 mintues!". He nodded and said "You got it boss!" I smiled pleased and turned to Jensen and said "Enjoy your last few hours as a single man.". he smiled and said "I won't... I will hate them just to love all the days after this one.". I smiled and thn I said "Well i have to go abck to tove.. bye lads.". They smiled and said bye and I went back to tove who was getting dressed and I said "Let's go.". She nodded and we started to walk towards the elevators and i said "Forget it!". She sighed and said "I'm not walking.." I sighed and said "Fine take the death trap, I'm taking the stairs.". She shook her head and went into the elevator and I started to walk down the stairs. Suddenly I met Tim in them on his way upstairs and I smiled and said "Good mornign sexy.". He smiled and walked up one more step so he was standing right infront of me with his face just a few cm away from mine and said "Well it surtenly is a good mornign now.". I smiled and bit my lower lip and he said "What's up with the dress, was hoping you were going to run around in a bikini all day long.". I smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder and said "You were hopeing that?" he nodded nad I said "Well... if you wanna... you can just pull in this string and you'll find you're hopes come true.". He smiled and took the string and slowly pulled it which untied the dress and it slowly fell to the floor and I was just standing there with my new black bikini. He smiled and placed a hand on my hip and said "There... much better.". I smiled and then we heard someone clear their throat behind Tim and I looked over his shoulder and saw Shane and nicky. I said to tim "I gotta run." he sighed so I gave him a fast kiss on the cheek and picked up my dress and walked downstairs. When I passed Shane and Nicky I agve them a smile and then I just continued walking but Nicky stopped me and said "You okay?". I looked at him and saw that he was still worried and that he cared so much and really wanted to know that I was okay so I nodded and said "Yeah... Now I'm just stressed... Got a wedding to fix.". He nodded an Shane said "Well, you know we are always here if you need help.". I smiled and said "thanks shay! I might need you guys.". They nodded and then I went downstairs and into the restuarant where Tove had found Sara, Nikals, Zara, the kids, Krisen, My, Donna, Johan, Alan, mac, will, michelle, josh and Simon. i smiled and joined them and Zara said "okay! Now I'm stressed... When are we going to change clothes?!". I smiled and said "okay... so.. at 1 the bridesmaids are going to get their hair and nails done. Then at 3 Tove is getting her hair and nails done. We'll change dresses while she is doing that and then we help her get into hers and then we are going to hurry to the horse and the cermony.". Everyone except tove nodded enthusiasticly and Krisne said "Good job Madde.". I smiled and said "thank you." but Tove said "Yeah good job for nothing. I'm not getting married! I'm not!". I satred at her and said "Yes you are! Face it!". She gave me an angry glare but I just stared more and then she just left the table and went upstairs again. I sighed and was just about to follow her when Krisen said "I can go. you have other stuff to do.". I nodded and said "Thanks mum." she smiled and kissed my cheek and said "Really, good job. I'm proud of you.". I smiled and then started to dig in on my breakfast.

After breakfast I called Lukas, Tobbe, Tim, nicky, Shane, Kian and Mark and told them to meet me, sara and zara at the beach. So I took the girls with me to where the wedding was going to be and it looked so beautiful with the flowers and the gorgeous sand and everything. Sara, zara and I was standing there admireing the flowers and everything when the lads came up behind us and nicky said "You've done an amazing job Madde, it looks beautiful.". We turned around and I smiled and said "Thank you.". He smiled back and Kian said "So what do you need us for?" I said "Well... Shane... you can take, who ever you want with you and make sure the horses are clean and okay and everything." He smiled and nodded and said "I'll take Nico with me.". I laughed and said "Of course you do." they smiled and started to walk off so I turned to the others and said "Two of you can make sure that there are no dead or ugly flowers on these flowers.". Mark and lukas said "We can do that.". I nodded and said "And Tim, Ki and Tobbe can fix all the presents... they are going to be placed at a table at the dinner later.". They nodded and Sara said "And what are we going to do?" I smiled and said "We, my firneds are going to get our hair and nails done.". They smiled and we walked back to the hotel and into a room where we had a hairstaylist and a make-up artist and of course a manicurist. We had a great time there and laughed so much that our stomach hurted and then I said "Well i think we are going to need to have someone here with Tove while she does this so that she is actually doing it so if you guys go and change and then maybe Sara can come back here later and take care of tove wile I change and make sure everything is in order?". Sara nodded and said "Sure I can do that, I don't mid sitting here and not have to do anything.". I laughed and said "I think you are going to have to do more then we are but I turst you to be able to handle tove and you have my temper so.". She smiled and said "True, we'll see." we laughed and then they said that we were done so we looked ourself in the mirrors and we looked amazing!! I smiled and Zara said "Wow, Do we look like this.". I laughed and said "Of course we do, we are the hottest girls out there.". They smiled and then I said "now, go and get changed and then you'll hurry abck here Sara, I have alot to do before I can get changed.". She nodded and they went to one direction and I went in the other. I walked into my room where tove was sitting and I said "Come on, you have to get your hair done.". She shook her head adn said "No! I'm not getting married! I'd rather die!!" I felt how angry and hurt I got and said "You are getting married! Stop hurting us! take one for the team! If you love us then do this!". She said "What does this have to do with you?!" I yelled "I arranged this wedding and I've done so much for you and jensen! you owe me this and you owe Jensen this!!". She was just about to yell back when I took a hold of her arm and dragged her out of there. Sometimes it's great that she is so small and that I'm stronger then her because eventhough she fought and yelled and amost cried I got her to the room and the hairdresser got started on her hair at once. She looked amazing in the hairstyle even though she didn't think so.

After a few minutes it knocked on the door and Sara walked in and she looked amazing. i smiled and gave her a hug and said "Wow, Niklas is going to die!". She smiled and said "thank you, it's all thanks to you so.". I smiled and then I whispered "Watch out for her, she's pissed and scared and is going to try and run away as soon as possible. Don't let her.". She nodded and said "You got it.". I smiled and then I walked out of there and was about to head into my room when I heard a voice say "Madde!". I turned around and saw Peter a few meters away with a smile on his face. I smiled and walked over to him and he gave me a hug and said "It's so good to see you again. You look wonderful.". I smiled and said "it's so good to see you too and thank you but you haven't seen me in my dress yet.". He smiled and said "I bet you'll look even more amazing.". I smiled but then I said "Look, I'm in a hurry... I have to make sure the wedding bouquets are done and then I have to change clothes.". He nodded and kissed my cheek and said "See you later, I have to get ready too.". I nodded and then I walked back to my room and got a room key and then I went to a room where people was setting the wedding bouquets. They smiled when they saw me and I said "How is it going?" a small woman said "Very well.. we are done. if you are pleased with them.". I looked at the bouquets the bridesmaids were going to hold and they looked pretty good, the same color on the roses as the dresses. Then another woman came walking with a beautiful bouquet and handed it to me and I knew it was toves. it looked amazing and I knew tove would love it, even I did eventhough it was pink.

After that I went out to where we were going to have the dinner later and the tables looked amazing and I walked around the tables to make sure that everyone was going to be seated as I had planed and everything looked great, I'm so proud! :D After that i ran back upstairs to my room where I found Zara. I smiled and looked at her from top to toe and she said "So?" I walked over to her and removed alittle hair form her shoulder and said "You look... wow... amazing.". She smiled and said "Thank you Madde." I smiled and she said "Do you need help with you dress?". I nodded and went into the bathroom to change underwear and when I walked out I was covering my boobs with my hands and zara laughed and said "I can't believe you are covering up for me.". I sighed adn removed my hands which made her laugh even more and I satrted to laugh too and then she all of the sudden walked over to me and touched my shoulder lightly and I was just looking at her and then she leaned in adn kissed me. When we broke from the kiss she just smiled and so did I and then she said "Come on, let me help you.". I nodded and walked over to a big mirror and stood infront of it and looked at myself and then I said "I can go like this. I look awesome!". Zara laughed and said "Well. I know a few poeple who would love that.". I laughed and then Zara walked over to me with the dress and I raised my arms and she put it over my head and pulled slightly in it so it would fit properly. Then she helped me with the zip and then she placed my hair slightly on my shoulder and said "All the guys are going to die... well not Jensen, he is going to die when he sees Tove.". i smiled and said "Not all guys... I don't think shane or kian or jensens brother and all them.".She turned me around and looked me in the eyes and said "yeah they are, turst me. Any woman would give her right arm to look like you.". I smiled and she looked down alittle and pulled the dress up alittle at my left boob and said "I would.". I took her hand and said "Zara you look amazing, I almost died looking at you." she smiled and said "But nicky is going to die when he looks at you and not me.". I said "We don't know that honey..." she looked down and I said "I kill him if he does.. look, let's talk about something else then Nicky shall we?". She nodded and I looked at her and said "Yeah?" she smiled slightly and said "Yeah.". I smiled and kissed her forehead and said "Good, now we have to go and rescue Sara from Tove and get her into her amazing dress and drag her to the horse and get ready for the wedding.". Zara nodded and I was just about to turn to the door and wlak out when she grabbed my arm and turned me to face her and she said "Madde, what ever Tove says... You have done an amazing job with this wedding and everything is just perfect. I know that Jensen atleast is realyl greatful for everything you've done and we are all really proud of you.". I smiled and said "Thank you Zara." she nodded and gave me a hug and then we walked out and went to the room where tove and sara was.

When we walked in Toves hair and nails was finally done and I said "Awesome! Then we just have to get you into that dress.". She said "no!! I'm not getting married! Forget it!!" I sighed and grabbed her arm and Sara did the same with her other arm and I said "Yes you are, get over it!". She started to whine and almost cry but Sara, zara and I just dragged her to my room and after alot of arguing and yelling we got her into that dress and she looked amazing!! i cant believe Tony would make is so perfect and I'm so proud of him! He is amazing! It took a few hours to get her down to the horse of who Shane was holding on to. I smiled when I saw him all dress up and he looked great and he smiled and said "WOW!!! you girls or ladies look amazing!!". I smiled and hugged him and he kissed my cheek and I said "Can you help Tove up on the horse.". He nodded and gave the reins to me and helped Tove up. She was looking really stressed and nervous and nauseous but I didn't care insted I said "Well we gotta get ready now." when I said that Krisen came walking and she smiled when she saw Tove on the horse and said "Oh my god, you look lovley honey, and you girls look amazing too.". I smiled and Tove just said "Get me out of here mum! please!". Krisen just ignroed her but I gave her an anry glare and then krisen took the reins from Shane and he walked over to his wife. I took a deep breath and turned to Sara and Zara and said "oaky... there yu have your flowers... You know where you are going to stand?". Zara put her hand on my shoulder and said "Calm down, we know..." I nodded and took a deep breath to calm down and then sara and zara took thier flowers and started to walk down the beach towards the place where the cermony was going to be. I looked at Tove and said "Don't hurt him..." I saw a tear fall down her face and i cursed her under my breath because it really felt like she was going to hurt him. Then I took my flowers and gave Krisen a hug and she looked so happy and then I started to walk towards all the poeple. I saw the lights and the poeple against the beautiful sunset and just smiled. When I saw the priest at the altar and Jensen next to him and Josh next to him and Jared next to him and Misha on his other side I just smiled even more and was so close at laughing when I saw Jareds face when he looked at me. I saw that Jensen looked at him and Misha patted his shoulder and tried to calm him down and I smiled alittle towards him and he just smiled and shook his head. I walked slowly closer to them and when I was going to stop at my spot I whispered "Ready?". Jensen nodded and said "You look lovley." I smiled and said "I know, i saw that on Jareds reaction. But wait till you see your girlfriend.". He smiled and then the priest said "Ssh!!" I stared at him and then looked at Jared, josh and jensen who was so close at laughing and then I said "She's soon here.". Jensen smiled and said "God I'm so nervous!" then the priest said "Ssh!!!" again and stared at me and Jensen. i gave him a look and he said "You have to be quiet." and i said "Ssh!". Which made Jared crack up alittle and the priset was just about to say something when I gave him an angry look and Jensen grabbed a hold of Josh and said "She's here.". I looked at where Jensen was looking and I saw Krisen walking down the aisle with the horse and Tove on it. I looked at Jensen who just stared at Tove with huge eyes and said "Jared... I think I'm going to need that fan now.". I smiled and looked at Tove and I saw how she dried a tear away which made me angry becuase she shouldn't cry. When they had walked all the way up to us Jensen walked to the horse and helped Tove down and he looked so happy while Tove looked totally depressed and scared. I sighed and they walked up to us and stopped infront of the priest and Tove handed me her bouquet and turned to Jensen. During the whole cermony I was just staring at the back of her head and I think she could almost feel my gaze. When the priest asked Jensen if he wanted Tove as his wife he said "I do!" and put the ring on her finger and then the priest asked her is she wanted jensen as her husband and she didn't say anything. I felt the anger bubble up in me especially when I looked at Jensen and saw how his heart slowly dropped and broke into a million peices. I was just about to kill Tove when I felt Zaras hand on my arm and then finally after like 10 minutes Tove said "I do..." and placed the ring on his finger. I took a deep breath to calm down and then they kissed and Krisen and Alan walkd over to them with a white horse each and Jensen got up on the one Alan was holding and tove on the other one. Then Josh and I walked out, Zara and Jared and Sara and Misha.

After the wedding it was time for the dinner. Tove, Jensen, me, Josh, Zara, Jared, Sara and Misha was sitting at one long table and then the rest of the family and friends were sitting around round tables infront of us. We had a great dinner and then Johanna stood up and said "Can I say something?". Everyone got quiet and looked at her and she said "Well first of all I just want to thank you guys for palcing me at this table! You rock!! And then I want to ccongratulate the couple to the wedding and tell Tove that you are one lucky woman to have a sexy man like that on your arm.". Everyone laughed and clapped their hands and then she sat down again and I stood up and said "I want to say something too..." I took a deep breath and felt the tears come closer. I said "I remember the day these to lovebirds met. We were at the cottage and and Jensen stepped out of the car and Tove laid eyes on him she pulled in my sleeve and whispered "LOOK!". I, who only looked at Jared dragged my eyes away from him and looked at Jensen who just looked at tove and i sighed... No offence Jensen but you aren't really my type and I had already seen Jared. Anyway they started to talk and since Tove is a bit slow Jared and i had to help them out and I'm so happy with the job we did. I have never seen Tove this happy with another man and Jared says the same about Jensen. I think that what we have here ladies and gentlemen is love at first sight, soulmates and love that will last forever.". A tear fell down on my cheek and i looked at Tove who smiled alittle and Jensen too and then I looked at them and said "I love both of you with all my heart and I'm so sorry for all the pain and everything I have caused you. You guys mean the world to me and without you I wouldn't know what to do. Thank you for everything.". Tove stood up and gave me a hug and then I walked over to Jensen who stood up and also gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and said "Thank you for everything Madde, you've done more then you had to. We love you so much.". I smiled and felt a tear roll down my cheek and I felt someone squeeze my hand and I looked down on it and saw Jareds hand there. I looked at him and he stood up and hugged me and gave me a soft kiss and said "Now it's my turn.". I nodded and sat down and Jared said "Well now Madde has taken all the good stuff so let me tell you about the bad stuff.... Nah I'm just kidding ya!!". Everyone laughed and then he said "Jensen is like a brother to me and I'm so happy that he has found a woman like Tove, a jealous, super desperate woman to share the rest of his life with.". Everyone laughed except Tove who just stared at him and he continued "No but really, I love Tove. She is an amazing woman and so beautiful and just perfect for Jensen. We all know the ups and downs these guys have gone through, especially this year but still here we are, at their wedding. This my friends is love for a life time and beyond.". Then he turned to Jensen and said "Jensen, I love you so much, you like a borther to me and I don't know what I would do without you. You always make me feel better or get me back on track after some bad things. You are my best friend and I'm so happy to see you happy.". Jensen smiled and stood up and gave him a big hug and said "I love you too man! Tahnk you!". Then Jensen sat down and Jared said "And Tove, Jensen is so lucky to have found you. You are an amazing and beautiful woman and I love you. You've been there and helped me and I hope I've helped you too alittle anyway, I hope I can continue with that and I hope you and jensen will continue being this happy. Or like Madde says, I know so.". I smiled and so did tove and she gave him a hug and a kiss on his cheek and said "I love you too, thank you.". Then they sat down and Krisen talked and then Donna and of course Joshua. After everyone had said what they wanted we started to eat and after dinner it was time for the first dance. So Jensen and Tove walked out on the dancefloor and they looked beyond beautiful and Jared moved over to toves seat and took my hand. i smiled and we sat there watching tove and jensen dance their first waltz as man and wife. After a while everyone dragged people onto the dancefloor and of course Jared dragged me out there too and we had a really good time. Then suddenly I saw Jensen walk over to the stage and take a mike and said "Excuse me, sorry... I just wanted to share something with you all. This is something I wrote to Tove on her birthday and I guess I'm happy enough to sahre it with all you guys.". I smiled and watched him pick up a guitar and then he started to sing and play and it was so beautiful. Of course I started to cry becuase of it and Jared held me thight and stroke my cheek. When he was done with the song everyone calpped their hands and Tove ran over to him and kissed him and they were so cute together. I'm so happy for them. Then I walked over to them and said "Well now their is only one thing left for Jensen to do and then he has his wife. And w can all PARTY!!". Everyone shouted with joy and Jensen said "What do i have to do?" I smiled and pushed Tove down on a chair and said "Her garter, you ave to take it off.". He smiled and sat down on his knees and even if Tove tried to stop him he pulled her dress up alittle and took a hold of the garter with his teeth and slowly pulled it down over her leg and everyone applauded and laughed and then he threw it away and pulled Tove to her feet and kissed her. While he did that I ran up to the stage and took the mike and said "LET'S PARTY!!".

All of us started to dance and drink and have a good time and everything was so great. I was haning out alot with Jared, Jensen and tove and we had a really good time. Then tove had to go and do something so she left us and I don't really remember what we were talking about but then all of the sudden Jared said "You wouldn't dare kiss nicky.". I looked at him with drunk eyes and said "I wouldn't?", he shook his head and I sighed and gave him my drink and walked over to Nicky who was talking to Shane. I said "Nicky?" he turned around and smiled when he saw me and that was like it for me, all my thoughts just disappeared and I walked alittle closer to him and leaned in and stopepd and then he leaned in the rest of the way and pressed his lips against mine. I put my hand behind his neck and pulled him closer and one hand was on my back pulling me closer and one on my hip. Shivers were running down my spine like crazy and I didn't hear a single sound, it was just nicky and me and no one else there. When we stopped kissing and we slowly opened our eyes and I met his I saw the surprise but all the lust in them and he didn't let go of my body. At once I felt a stab in my heart and I looked at where Jared was but it was only Jensen left and he shook his head and looked really disappointed. I felt my heart dropp and I looked alittle further down the beach and saw Jared walk away and then i saw Tove run after him. I closed my eyes and looked down on the ground and then Nicky said "Hun?" I looked up at him and was so close at crying so I just removed his hands from me and ran down the beach to the water and stopped when the water was reaching me to my knees. I let the tears fall down my face and I regreted everything I had done, why did I kiss him!? I walked back to the beach and sat down and hid my face in my hands and cried and after a while I felt a hand on my shoulder which scared me and I looked behind me and there was Jensen. He sat down next to me and I said "Go.." he shook his head and asid "No. Why did you kiss him?". I cried even more and said "I don't know! i don't know what I was thinking with!! God I'm such a fucking bitch!". Jensen placed a hand on my arm and said "Yu're not a bitch." I stared at him and said "Don't argue with me! I'm a bitch and everyone would be so much better off without me! Especially Jared.". Jensen sighed but he didn't argue with me which made me feel even worse and I said "Where is he? I have to talk to him.". Jensne said "At the bar... But do as he says, if he doesn't want to talk then let him be.". I nodded and stood up and started to walk towards the bar where Jared and Tove was sitting. I took a deep breath and walked over to Jared and said "Jare... I'm so sorry.". He looked at me and to see his eyes and the pain in the was so horrible and I just bursted out crying again and he said "Go away... I don't want to talk. please.". I cried even more but I did as he said and then I saw two women sitting a few meters away and I knew it was sara and zara. I felt another stab in my heart and with tears rolling down my eyes I walked over to them and cried "Zara, please let me talk to you.". She looked at me with disappointment and pain and then looked back out at the ocean and Sara got up and said angry "Leave! She doesn't want to talk to you!". I looked around Sara and looked at Zara and said "Please.". Sara clenched her teeth and I nodded and walked away, back to the palce where Jensen and I was sitting just a while ago.

I sat down and hugged my legs and then I heard Nickys voice softly behind me "Madde?". I closed my eyes and tried to not feel calm when I heard his voice and then he said "Why... Why did you kiss me?". I opened my eyes and looked at him and his eyes and face was so soft that I couldn't look at him so I just looked down and said "Nicky go away.". He touched my arm and said "Tell me." I shook my head and looked at him and said "please!". Then we heard another vice belonging to Jensen say "Maybe you should go Nicky.". Nicky nodded and stroke my arm and left and Jensen sat down next to me and said "You need to talk to Jared and zara. You don't have to explain to me why did it, I'm not intressted but you need to talk to them.". I nodded and then he got up, kissed my head and left. I continued to sit there for a while and then I looked at where Sara and zara had been sitting but they were gone. I shook my head and cursed myself for kissing nicky and then I got up and walked back to the hotel and up the stairs and up to Zara and Nickys door. i took a deep breath and knocked on the door and after a while it opened and it was Nicky. He said "Hey." I couldn't look him in the face so I just looked into the room and said "Is Zara here?". He shook his head and said "No, she she took another room..." i nodded and said "Which one?". He shrugged and said "I don't know.." I nodded nad was just about to leave when he grabbed my arm and said "madde.. please tell me why you kissed me honey.". I shook my head and said "Nicky... no... please let me go.". He stroke my cheek and said "Please?" a tear fell down my cheek and I said "Nicky... please.". After alittle while he let go of me and I walked down the stairs again and over to the reception desk and said to the woman "Hi.. what room is Zara Svenssons?". She said carefully "I don't think I can just give that to you like this.." I put on a cheesy smile and said "Please, I'm going to give her a surprise.". The woman nodded and said "okay fine, room 409". I smiled and said "Thank you, can I please have a spare key?" she nodded and handed me the key and I thanked her and walked up the stairs again to room 409. I stopped outside the door and took a deep breath and knocked but no one opened it. I picked out the key and unlocked the door and walked in. I heard the water in the shower run so I knew she was showering so i sat down on the bed and felt all the hate for myself wash over me. I didn't even hear when the shower stopped running because suddenly I heard Zara say "Waht are you doing here?". I looked up at her and she was standing just outside the bathroom door in a towel around her body and stared at me. I stood up and said with tears faling down my face "I'm so sorry Zara! I can't believe I kissed him! Please forgive me, I'm so sorry.". She closed her eyes and said "Madde... I can't just forgive you.". I walked over to her and said "I know, you don't have to... But I'm so sorry, I really really am!". She looked at me and said "Why?" I cried even more and said "I don't know.... I'm a bitch.". She sighed and I carefully reached for her arm and touched it and said "I'm sorry.". She shook her head and said "I know, I can tell... You are very sincere". I let my hand wander down her arm to her hand and she took my hand and said "I forgive you.". I closed my eyes and she wrapped her arms around me and I hugged her back and cried against her shoulder "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.". After a while she said "Shut up!" I stopped apologizing and she looked at me and suddenly just pressed her lips against mine and ran her fingers through my hair and I pulled her body closer to mine and kissed her back. When we stopped kissing I just looked at her and was totally breathtaken and so was she and I said "I'm sorry.". She laughed and hit my arm and said "Stop!" I smiled and kissed her again and she said "Have you talked to jared?". I shook my head and said "He doesn't want to talk to me..." she nodded and I said "Maybe I should go and talk to him...". She said "Let him think... talk to him tomorrow, you can stay here.". i looked at her and said "really?" she nodded and said "Yeah, I can text him and tell him that adn that you need to talk to him tomorrow.". I thanked her and kissed her and said "You're an angel!". She smiled slightly and said "i know, go and take a shower and then we can just lay here and talk maybe?". I nodded and said "But I don't have any chnage of clothes...". She turned to her bag and picked out a big t-shirt and said "Good enough?" I smiled and nodded and took it and went to take a shower. When I came out again she was laying in bed watching tv and I cuddled down next to her and said "What did he say?". She said "He wants to talk to you tomorrow..." I nodded and then I said "Is it okay if i blog alittle about today before we sleep?". She nodded and said "If we can talk alittle after." I nodded and here I am now... The bitch has spoken... please hate me... Now I'm going to talk to Zara and then sleep and hope for the love of god that Jared will find it in his heart to forgive me...

Take care
Love
The BITCH!