Made up my mind

What's up guys!?

I have to write a quick inlay about what has happened today before I'm going to go and play Truth or Dare with Tove, Rob and Kellan :)

So like Tove told you i had a date tonight.. but more about that later, first I have to tell you about a few things that has happened...

Tove said that she though me and Rob looked soooooo cute together yesterday so I guess I should tell the truth... We have had sex. YAY!!!
I woke up this morning naked and the sheets were all twisted and turned and then I turned around and I saw the most beautiful sight ever, Robert Pattinson sleeping. So I rested me head on his bare chest and he woke up and carefully put his arm around me and I felt something on my hair, his lips. I was so happy and I could just have lied there for ever but then I heard Toves voice screaming for me to come downstairs. So I kissed Rob, got up and dressed and walked downstairs to check what she wanted. Apparently Tim had sent Tove like this massive amount of huge red roses and she wanted me to call him and tell him to back off, so I did like she asked me too and he said he would. The thing is, I don't really trust him but what am I supposed to do?

Then Rob came downstairs and everything got great again... It's just one thing, I wish Rob had one of those great bodies like for example Jared has. Cause, you know, I looooove muscles and especially abs ;)

Now this man has some amazing abs and muscles. Love him! You have no idea how amazing it is to fall asleep on that chest, you might think that it's hard and uncomfortable but it's not, it's so cozy and if you like it ruff and big bear hugs and hard stuff ;) then you would love it! i know I do ;)

Anyway... the day continued and I went out for a walk with Lukas as I do quite often now. We talked about how I was doing and then we ended up on the conversation about my feelings for Robert and what I would do about them. Lukas really listened and tried to understan but I guess it can't be so easy but he told me to follow my heart. I guess that is what everybody thinks but it meant so much more coming from Luke. When we got home again I followed my heart and kissed Roberts soft lips.
I guess everybody is wondering, what about Jared and Johnny... and that's the thing. I have to wait for them to come back to see f I have made the right choice or not. and if I have I have to eather ive up on Johnny or... i can always ask if it's cool if i have 3 boys ;) hahaha
It's not that i don't love johnny. He is like the most amazing person and if me breaking up with him meens that I'm going to loose him as a friend I wont break up with him.

Who the fuck am I kidding! I can't break up with him! I love him with all my heart! How can I even think of it! Look at those eyes, I'm just drowning and that secret smile and.... Oh my god i miss him.

I'm sorry that my mind is so twisted right now but I'm just so confused and I don't know what to do!

I guess you wanna hear about my hot date with the firefighter... his name is Johan and I have to say he has nice abs and muscles too ;) well we didn't have sex if that is what you wanna know. We watched a movie, made out, talked and laughed. I supposed it's not really what you wanted to hear but my mind isn't in it. I'm just so confused and it's driving me crazy right now.

I don't get why I can't be happy with the guys i have and I hate it that every guy thinks I'm hot and want's to get in my pants. I must be the weirdest girl on this planet for not wanting guys to like me. I just want to be with Jared and Johnny forever. I'm sorry Robert but I love them.

I remeber what I told Tove that summer in the cottage when Johnny, Orli and Keira first came. I said that I would never even consider leaving Johnny and theese last few weeks I have but now i know for sure that I can't. It's just crazy that I have thought about it when I really love him so much... Right now it feels like I wanna merry him, if he asked me I would say "I do" at once!

I have to go and talk to Robert now and tell him how I feel and that sleeping with him was a misstake. But I don't want to take it back bcause it was fantastic. and after I've talked to him i'm going to call Johnny and tell him how much i love him!

Take care
Love
Madde

JOHNNY, I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART! IT'S US AGAIST THE WORLD!I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!