J as in Jealousy!

Hey guys!

Well yesterday was a really jealous day with everyone being angry at each other, or anyway everyone over 20 and up of course except Jared, and this day hasn't been that much better.. I can't believe Jensen he is the one who is the most jealous and angry and what ever he is, and he have no right to feel that way because me and Jared didn't do anything, I just can't beleve that he dosn't trust Jared his best friend and then the worsed is that he dosn't trust me, his girlfriend, his fiancé, the mother to his baby and the person that love him the most in this world but he still dosn't trust me which makes me really sad... fine I have done a few really stupid things before but if he don't trsut me now then when will he? I can't get married to a man that dosn't trust me, I just can't...

Well let's start from the begning..
I woke up.. alone.. in the bed this morning after just a couple hours sleep.. I couldn't sleep because I was just lying there think of Jensen because I hate fighting with him that is the worst thing in this world, but at the sametime I'm not going to say I'm sorry if that is what he wants because I didn't do anything wrong this time, so when I lied there I decided to let him seek me up instead if he was ready to expine and ask me to forgive him but do you think I could keep myself from go and see him? No! So I got up from bed and I didn't even get dressed so I was just wearing my sleeping top and my paintis which I useally never show myself into anyone, but I didn't have time to get dressed so I just picke up Dennie and gave her a kiss and knocked on Jess door and she said come in so I opend it and she was lying in the bed. I walked over to her and sat down on the bed side and she looked at me and said " You are walking around in no closthes are you sick?" I sign and said " Shut up!" She just laughed and I said " Can you watch Dennie for a little while? " Jess said " Yeah sure. " I smiled and gave Dennie another kiss and lied her down on Jess arm in the bed and there where really cute, I looked at Jess and said " Thanks" She said " No problem" I smiled and bend down and pressed my lips against Jessicas for head and said " I love you " She smiled and said " Love you too sis" I smiled and left. I meet My in the hallway and she gave me a hug and I said " Do you know where Jensen is? " My shocked her head and I said " okay. " I started to go thow all the spare guestrooms and see if he was there, and in the last one a few stairs up I opend the door and there he was lying in the bed, I could see if he was a sleep because he was lying on his side. So I took a few steps into the room and said " Are you awake? " He didn't answer so I walked over to the bed and sat down on the bedside and he had his eyes closthes but then he rolled to his otherside and I know he was awak and I started to get really pissed of since he couldn't even look at me but I tried to stay calm and said " Jensen talk to me, I know you are are awake. " He slowly sat up a little and looked at me with furious eyes and then I couldn't stay calm anymore so I started to yell at him" What the hell is wrong with you?! We didn't do anything, we sleeped and somehow we must have gotten like that in our sleep, so stop beeing so fucking jealous! " He didn't say anything he just looked at me even more furious and I yelled " I'm not like you who goes and have sex with your girlfriend best friend! I might be a slut but I would never do that and you should know it!! You have nothing to be jealous about I'm in love with you no one else, just you so snap out of it and grow up and start acting like a man!! " Jensen just got up from the bed and put on a pair of soft pants and walked towards the door and I looked at him and yelled " Just answer me this, don't you trust me? The love of your life as you call me, the woman who is mother of your child, the woman you ask to marry, don't you trust me?!!" He just stared at me and put his hand on the doorhandle and I yelled at him " You are not leveing this room berfore we have talked or anyway intill you ahve answer that qustion!! Do you hear me?!!! Do you trust me?!!" Jensen just opend the door with out a word and he looked at me and he was so angry and so was I, he was just going to go throw that door when I pulled off my engatment ring and said " You don't trust me fine, then we are not engaged anymore!!" I throw the ring on the bed and he just left the room and closed the door behind him. I took a deep breath and walked out of the door too.

In the hallway I meet Emil he looked at me and said " You look sad are you okay? " I sign and said " No I'm not, but don't worry about me.. " He looked at me and walked over to me and put his arms around me and hugged me and I hugged him back and he said " I heard you and Jensen fighting, is that why you are sad? " I pressed my lips against his hair and then I said " Yes.. " Emil said " Whatever it is I know you two will make it you always do. " I said " I hope you are right" then we just stood there for a couple of minuts hugging and then he said " I love you " I smiled and said " I love you too" He looked up at me and said " I know" I stroke his cheek and said " Good" Then we let go of each other and I said " Shouldn't you be in school? " He said " No I have a studie day. " I said " Well then go and studie" He looked at me like I was insane and said " Studie? Who studie on a studie day? Then you do everything else insted like watch tv. " I shocked my head and said " I did, that's why it's studie day " He laughed and said " I'm not a geek like you " I just said " Shut up!" Then he laughed and walked into his room.

I opend the door to Madde and Jareds room and they where still lying in bed cuddling, they looked at me and Madde said " I heard you yelling at Jensen so you are not friends yet? " I said " No.. we are not engaged anymore.. " I thought Madde was going to start yelling at me but she suprised me and sat up a little and stretch her arm out towards me and said " Come here. " I walked towards the bed where Madde and Jared was and I took Maddes hand and she pulled me down in the bed and hugged me and said " Tove everything will okay." I said " No it won't not as long he dosn't trust me... I asked him if he trust me and he didn't answer he just left... " Madde kissed my cheek and lied down in the bed again and pulled me down with her and I put my head on her shoulder and we just lied there for a while. Then Jared got up from the bed and walked around to me and gave me a hug and said " He will come around otherwise he is an idoit to lose such an amazing woman as you are over this. " I smiled and said " Thank you Jared. " He stroke my cheek and then he got dressed and got out of the room. I lied down on Maddes shoulder again and I said " I have missed this, you and me in bed just cuddling" Madde said " Yeah I have missed this to is's amazing, you are amazing. " I smiled and said " So are you honey" Then Maddes phone rang and she piked up and said " Hello Nico" then he said something and then Madde said " Nicky I can't talk right now, call you later " Then they said goodbye and hang up and I said " Thanks for a couple of months ago you would never had said that you would have talk to him insted" Madde said " I know and I'm sorry for that but you mean more then anyone else to me. I mean when I said I rather live without anyone else then you, I love you honey" I stroke her cheek and said " I love you too so much" Madde kissed my head and then we decide to go downstairs.

Everyone was sitting in the kitchen except Jensen... mum and Johan seemd to be friends again because Johan walked over to and kissed her her neck and then her lips and all of us just looked at them desgusted and mum started to laugh and said " What is all of your problem? " I said " Well you are gross" Krisen said " Comeing from the right person. " I just sign and then I said " Where is Jensen? " Johan said " I think he went outside" I nodded and Madde said " When he comes back I will have a serious talk with that dude!" I didn't answer to that and Madde started to make breakfast and I said " I'm not really hungry... " I walked over to Jess that was holding Dennie and picked her up and kissed her and walked into the livingroom and sat down in the sofa. After a while I went upstairs and put Dennie in her bed and walked into the shower and just let the water pour over me which feelt good.

When I had shower I got dressed and picked Dennie up and walked downstairs and then I heard Madde yelling at Jensen in the livingroom so I just wanted to get out of the house so I got put on a jacket and dressed Dennie and put her in the baby stroller and then I put Ebbas leash on and went outside. It was pretty cold so I decied to go over to Zara and see whats he was up too. So me, Dennie and Ebba walked over there and I knocked on the door and Nicky opend and he just looked at me furious and went inside again and I just looked at him like he was crazy while he walked away and I went inside and took Ebbas leash off and Picked Dennie up and walked into the kitchen where I found Zara. She smilde and gave me a hug and I said " What's up with Nicky? " " She sign and said " He is pissed of because some guy in the French fotball team for a couple days ago touch the ball with his hand and the umpire didn't see it or something and they won because of that aginst Ireland.. or whatever and his name was Henry something. " Then I hear Nicky from the livingroom yelling irrated " Thierry Henry!!! Fucking cheater!! " Then he came marching in to the kithen and said " That fucking idoit to umpire what the hell he said that the goal was approved!! " Zara said " Yeah right the umpire was also a swedish guy so Nicky is planing a murder right now. " I looked at Zara and said " Was this a few days ago and he is still this pissed off?" Zara nodded and said " He is an idiot, and of cours he is talking it all out of me, because everything I do right now is wrong and then I mean everything!" Nicky just stared at her furious and then he just left and I said " So you two have been fighting this days? " Zara said " No, he have been fighting with me but I haven't fight back... or okay this morning I got so tired off all this and I told him what I thought and then he started to yell at me. " I laughed and said " I feel so bad for him.. not! This time he wouldn't even have Madde with him on his side because she hates football just as much as we do. " Zara laughed and said " True, Nicky will like kill him! " I laughed and then Nickky yelled " Yeah he deserves it that dick!!! " I laughed agian and then David walked into the kitchen and sat down on the floor so Ebba would come to him which she gladly did and he startde to scratch her head and she looked so happy and David looked at Zara and said " Are you and dad fighting again? Do we have to move.. again? " He looked so sad and I feelt so bad for him and Zara walked over to him and sat down on the floor next to him and said " No we are not fight really it's just that dad is a little pissed off because of some football game and he just let's it gose out over me as he always dose, so honey you don't have to worry we are not going anywhere. " David looked relived and Zara stroke his cheek and then kissed it and David fast dried it of with his hand and said " Mum! " Zara laughed and said " sorry honey, I forgot about your new rule. " I said " New rule? " Zara said " I can't kiss him anymore especailly not when we have compaine" I laughed a little and David said " Stop laughing it's embarassing to be kissed my your mum" I said " When you get older you will change your mind again I promise. But do you have a girlfriend? After watching all my siblings grow up I have learn that they stop liking kiss when they have a girl frined or boyfriend. " David looked down on the floor and I smiled and so did Zara and said " What's her name? " David said really shy " Filippa.. " Zara said " You should invite her over someday maybe tomorrow, I would love to meet your girlfriend " David smiled a shy smile and then Nicky yelled " Girlfriend!!" Then he came rushing infrom the livingroom and stared at David and Nicky looked really angry and ara got up and put one hand on his cheast to stop him from yelling and said " Calm down, he is 9 it's not like they will ned up doing something now if you know what I mean. And please try to keep your feeling to yourself and not at me an dthe rest of the family!" He just stared at her and left agian and Zara lookde at David and said " Don't care about him, he is not angry with you. " Zara stroke his blonde hair and David nodded and Zara looked at me and my hand thatw as lying on the table and she said " Where are your engagtment ring?" I looked down on the table and Zara looked at David and said " Can you go out to your room I need to talk to Tove, and you can bring Ebba with you. " He nodded and walked upstairs with Ebba. Zara sat down on teh otherside of the table and she said " Spill it. " I sign and told her what had happend from Marioparty intill now, Zara said angry " What the hell is he thinking with?!" I said " I don't know I wish I know.. " She walked around the table and gave me a hug and said " Honey everything will be okay, I love you. " I smiled and said " I hope you are right and I love you too" Then I relaized what the time was and I said " I really have to go because me and Madde is going out tonight. " Zara smiled and said " I hope you ahve a good time " I smiled and said " So do I" Zara said " And don't do anything stupid just because you are angry with him, you might regret it later. " I sign and said " Yeah I know.. " Then I walked uptsiars and got Ebba and said good bye to David and then I gave Zara a good bye hug and put Dennie in the stroller and stared to walk home.

When I got home I meet Jensen in the hallway and he picked up Dennie without even looking at me and I said " You know that you are going to take care of her tonight seens I'm going out, and you can call if you need something. " Jensen just nooded and walked into the kichen and sat down since it was dinner and I got really pissed of at him becaus he can't even talk to me and he absoultly not trust me but I din't say anything becuse then I knew that I was going to be angry all night and I didn't want that, but at the same time i just wanted to ran up to him and hug him and kiss him and tell him how much I love him and so on... but I hade decied not to be a pussy now and be a "man" instead even thought it's killing me!!
After a really bad dinner atmosphere around the table especially between me and Jensen and Madde too because she looked so pissed at him, I just wounder what she had said to him and what eh had said... well anyway I got upstairs and took a shower and started to make myself ready for a night out. I put on my jeans and that top I hand bought and a pair of really high heels and I did my make up and then my hair or my wig that depends how you look at it and then I desided which jewellery I was going to wear which took a long while. Then I looked at myself in the mirror and I have to say it really feels like I have lost something on my left hand because I have been wearing it for such a long time now so it feelt weird to kind of not be enegaget anymore, because apprently he really dosn't trust me and I can't be engaget to a man that don't trust me and I'm not sure that I even can be toghether with a man like that.. And if I teel him that I maybe can't be together with him that will be the hardest thing I will ever do in my life but I can't live like this because I have dennie to think about too, and I don't want Jensen to say that he trsut me just because he feels like he haves too I want him to really mean it with all his heard and soul.. I can't say that he never can get jealous again because I proably will get jealous many times more... but even thought I don't like this, I think anyway? ..
Well anyway when I was almost done I picke up my comuptere and started to blogg and here I'm, and for a few minuts ago Madde yelled at me to hurry up to get ready since I'm all reday like 30 mints late or something. So now I have to go and do my make up a last time and my hair. I just have to say that I'm all reday nervoius for leaving Dennie I will miss her so much.. I can't even imadgen yet how I will be able to walked throw that front door and say good bye to her and looked at Jensen without beging for forgivness without even done anything... I hope can make it but I hate to fight with people especially Jensen and Madde..
Well now Madde yelled at me agian and I really have to go now.

I hope you guys will have a great night and hopefully I will too, I'm looking fowrads going out with Madde it was ages ago and we always have so fun together and I think it can be good for us to go back to thinks us eto be, and I really looking forward the alchole ;P haha
And I bet Madde will tell you all about it tomorrow and probaly about me and Jensen too.
Well good night and let's the party start!!
Kisses
Tove