Gone....

Hey guys!!
How are you doing? I'm hoping you are doing fine because then atleat one of us are...

Yeah well as you can imagen it has been a bad day again and I don't think anything will go back to normal but there has happened one good thing to day!

I bet you want to hear the good news!
We have found a donator to Tove!!! It's great!!! One of her little brothers was a match so they are going into surgery tomorrow morning so right now we are just keeping our fingers crossed that nothing unexpected will happen! I'm so happy that Tove is going to be okay as long as her body doesn't reject the liver because that would meen we are back to square 1 or even further back... I can't think like that. I'm only getting more depressed...

I think I shouldn't depress all of you guys who are amazing reader but I have to tell you about today...

As you can imagen I didn't sleep in my room after seeing and hearing Toves argument with jared and johnny about me... so I woke up next to Tove this morning. We had been talking and crying (or I had been crying) all night about Johnny and Jared, about her sickness and about my dad. We woke up when we heard a knock on the door and then we saw a blond hair man peek in and we just told Nico to come in but then we noticed that Kian, Mark and Shane was right behind him and then all of the sudden we were 6 in bed insted of 2.


I think they were abit afraid to ask how I was doing but then kian just asked and at that point I knew why they feard asking. My eyes just filled up with tears and I threw myself around Nicos neck and cryed. I think i was trying to say something but i don't think they heard me because when i finelly stoped crying and crawled my way out of Nicos arms all of them were looking like question marks. I told them that i was Okay but that I just felt like staying in bed all day. We stayed in bed for a while longer when we suddenly heard another knock on the door and this time it was someone I just didn't want too see. Jared. I could feel Tove tense up next to me when he asked if he and johnny could talk to me for a second. I could see the wonder in the faces of the other guys, asking me if i wanted to talk to them and in Nicos and Toves eyes I saw rage and then Nicky asked me straight out "Madde, are you sure you want to talk to them, I can do it if you don't want to". But I said it was okay and before I left the room I gave all the boys a big hug and a kiss on the cheek and I gave Tove the biggest hug ever and whisperd in her ear to come and come and get me if I started to yell.

So I followed Jared back to our bedroom where Johnny
was and we sat down on the bed. They just started of with apologizeing for yesterday but i didn't answer because I havn't forgiven them. And then they said alot of stuff that will be to much if i put it in here. But then they came to why they wanted to talk to me, apparently they had been up talking about us all night and comed to the conclusion that the best thing we could do now is that we take a break all three of us.

So to spare you the tears and heart-ache and screaming and all that I can tell you that jared and Johnny is going back to L.A tomorrow because we are taking a break and during this break we are allowed to date so I pretty much think we have broken up, although they kept saying "it just a break... Okay?".

Oh God, I haven't been single in like ages!! since like before i got together with Pontus.. with is years ago!! I don't know how to be single... I won't wake up next to someone I truly love and I wont have someone to kiss everytime I just feel like it. this is like the end of my life!!! I can't live anymore!! Oh my god, I'm such a fourteen-yearold...

let me say it in another way; So now both me and Tove are single and Tove is soon doing much better so now all the boys on the clubs has to watch out ;P here we come!!!!

What more can I say... well after my talk with jared and johnny the westlifers and tove draged me out for a walk to clear my thoughts... It was needed I suppose but I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about anything more...


When i thought the day couldn't get worse Eddie asked if he could talk with me when we got back home from the walk... So we talked and he was so angry and just accused me of telling everyone about us having sex and that it was my fault that Tove hated him and that they don't have a realtionship. At that point I wasn't sad anymore, I was just sooo angry so I just started screaming at him, telling him that nothing was my fault but his and that that so called ralationship with Tove has never been there and that he should have tryed to fix that when she was younger and all that. Then I just left him standing in the livingroom and I headed upstairs to try and talk to Tove.

I hate feeling like this... I'm not this kind of person, I'm not the sad, depressed and angry girl. I am the wacky, happy, self-confident girl who just has alot of fun. I wonder where she has gone, I miss her. I wish everything would go back to normal, that tomorrow when i open my eyes I see that allt his has just been a bad dream and that jared and johnny is lying there next to me. That Tove and I are best-friends and that she is healthy. That me and Eddie never happened and that my dad never contacted me. But i suppose if non of this would have happened I wouldn't have found the most amazing person and my rock in all this, Nicky Byrne. The most caring and devoted person i know. I wish i could meet a guy like him...

Oh and to top all this of I have noticed that Robert isn't that sweet guy that I thought... I went to talk to him alittle today, just to see how he was doing, you know. He was like he used to, being there and all but then we got in to talking about Jared and Johnny and all that and he started to defend THEM! he said that it was my own fault and that I shouldn't have had sex with eddie. That it was my problem to fix if it was even able to be fixed. I just couldn't believe what i was hearing so i just slapped him across his face and left him to his thoughts and opinions...

Right now I just want to follow marky, kian, shane and Nicky to Sligo in Ireland where mark, kian and shane lives. I just feel like dissappering and go to a place where no one knows me and where I can just hang out with the people who truly cares about me and take it easy and do whatever i want. They havn't decided when they are going yet but nico said that thay would stay untill everything gets better and that he is sure I'm going to be fine. I suppose if i go with them he doesn't have to worry about me, I would be with him all the time. But we will see how it turnes out.

Well... I don't really have anything else to tell you guys.. only that if you missed the picture of Nico in Toves inlay you have to go and check it out! He is so cute and hilarious :P

Take care
Love
Madde

PS... I'll put in a very hot pic of nico so look down ;P ds...

Keep looking ;P

almost there ;P

OMGdon't scream now!!!

Here it goes!!!

OMG SO HOT!!!!!!!