What can I say...

Hello!

What have you been doing today?

Well me and Madde are still fighting like you all probably know by now.

If you read Maddes inlay yesterday, then you probably thinks that I'm a bad friend and

girlfriend. Which is true.. I can't say anything else unfortunately.

But Madde isen't that much better even if she think so!

Well I tell you more about that later...

Today I was at the hospital again Kellan followed me but this time it wasen't for the chemo this time I was going to do some tests and see if the treatment is working. Well I can't say it went well, I'm not going to talk about this to much now because Madde don't want to know anything about my life anymore, we agreed on that we should mind our own business and not fucking care about each other!!

But before I starts to not care about her, I just have to say that I'm really said about her dad and the cancer, EVEN IF SOMEBODY DOSEN'T BELIVE THAT!

She just think I diden't care because I diden't ask her about it, well it's fucking hard to ask someone about it when somebody hasen't told me anything about the meeting with her father!!! I'm not a FUCKING MIND READER!!!

Well I can't understand how she even think for a second, that I look at myself as saint! It's like she dosen't know me AT ALL!!

Because I have never thought about myself as perfect, NEVER! More at the
opposite way, if we comepare me and Madde I'm not the one how thinks that I'm perfect or some saint, if someone thinks that it's more likely her!

So I have no idea where she gets that from, me I saint no not even close!!

I can imagen that you all wants to know about me and Kian.

Well I don't have that much to say about it, it was a mistake that's it.
I don't think Madde has told Jensen and Sean yet, well I don't care anymore she can tell them if she likes she can do what ever she wants!

Well lets talk a little more about things Madde has done in her life.

Where do I start?..

Madde is like a guy, she only think about sex all the time. And like a guy she only look at the outside of a guy not the inside. And if she see a really hot guy, maybe if is the wrong word I think when is a much better word. So when she see a really hot guy she really has to sleep with him.

Often when she fall inlove with someone she aften dosen't know the person just the outside, so it have happend many times that she has dump one of her boyfreinds for some new hotter guy she just have meet a few days ago. Which is just insane!

Now I'm going to tell you about a thing she has done, I don't think she knows that I know this. Well here it goes....

I always new that she thought he was hot and sexy which I always thought was disgusting, and she has alwyas liked him.

But I coulden't belive my eyes when I so this, at first I thought I had a bad dream but I understood quickly that it was for real.

All this happend last fall, I had just come home, I thought I was alone at home beacuse it was locked, but then I heard something from one of the guest rooms upstairs, so ofcourse I went up there, in the hall upstairs where the clothing lying around evrey where, I understood that someone where having sex, but ofcours I got curious so I walked closer so I could peek so I could see who it was.

First I see Madde with her blonde hair in the bed with a man, which I at first diden't realize who it was, because all I can see is he's dark hair, but he ture around then I see who it is, it's my FATHER!!! My father is having sex with my best friend!! I just run away to the bathroom and throw up, I coulden't belive it!!! They diden't see me so they have no idea that I know this!!

Madde has always asked why I hate my father so much, and this is one of the reasones!

I can't belive she did that to me, I think I have never feelt that alone before!!!!!!
I haven't told anyone about this before, because it's just so embarrassing, it's always embarrassing to think that your parents have sex but to see it is worse and to see you father with your best friend, I can't even describe how it fellt and feels!!

Well if Madde thinks I have let her down, what have she done!!

Logical thinking I should never have spoken to her more after that night, but typical me I tried to just move on and forget like I always do. I had acually hope for that Madde would tell me about this by her own but she diden't and I think she never will.... So I just wonder if this was the only time or not and how many things she as acually have keeped to herself... her theory is that what you don't dosen't hurt you...I still can see horrible pictures in my head from that I saw in the bedroom, I can see how there bodys was moving under the cover and see how they where enjoying it, it just makes me sick!

Me and Maddes had acually planed a movie night tomorrow with all the guys, but that's not going to happend I think, we can even be in the same room right now. Well we where going to be alot of people like, Sean, Jensen, Johnny, Jared, Rob, Kellan, Keira, Orli, Sarah, James, David and all the westlife guys too. So Even if me and Madde make up which is unlikely, I don't even want to see half of those people in there!!! That would just feels to weird! I don't know if Sarah know yet, but she will probably find out very soon... We will se what happends...

Now I have to go I'm going out on some club with Kellan, so I have to get ready :)

Well See you have a nice evening :)

Kisses

Tove