Don't You Get it!

Hello!

Today it's sunday again! To summerize this week, it haven't been a very good week for us especially not for me!

I can start by telling you that me and Madde are friends again after all this trouble. Which feels wounderful! Because I love that girl with all my heart!

We made up in a slightly strange way.

Yesterday after Maddes inlay we started to fight again on the comments, I was really mad!

But after a few hours we had talk some more her on the blogg and evreything started to get fixed, so after 4 hours and 91 comments we where friends again! :)

Maybe you are woundering if just could forgive her like that after what she did with my father. Well to be honest no I haven't fogiven her, I'm not sure that I ever will. But we have to take it slow and see where it goes, and I think I will have problem trusting her again, but we just have to try we can not just give up after all this years beeing best freinds.

We got to know each other in the sandbox when we were about 2 years, I was there with my mother and she was there with her mother, we have gone through a lot together over all these years, both good and bad things, but we are still freinds and hopefully we will be forever!

I think we are still freinds because we are so different and at the same time so alike each other, I don't know what I would do without her, it just hurt thinking about that!

I know that she will be there for me, by my side holding my hand whatever happends.

I don't think she know how amazing she is, and now she saying that she have lost her self-confidence, which you can't do! Your self-confidence is just you!

You know that you are the most beautiful and sexiest women in the world and the self-confident woman in the world that is just you! No one should be able to take that away from you, no one!

Madde you may not know this, but you Madde Karlsson is my idol, my role model you are the one I look up to my whole life.

Because you are the most brilliant person I know, the most sweet, most caring, funniest and most beautiful woman I know in this universe! I hope you know that! No one can say anything else! I know that we are probably going to fight really soon again and then I will say many things that I will regret later, but this is what I really feel, love you!

Now I just have to tell you about Maddes idots to boyfreinds, also called Johnny and Jared!

What is there problem!!! They are NEVER there for Madde when she need them the most, evreything is just on there condition all the fucking time!!!

When they horny enought then they show up and then they expect that she will have sex with them and afterwords thay are like asses again!!

The only thing they wants is sex!! thay are fucking horny goats!

They don't care a fucking shit about what Madde needs! They just thinka bout themself all the time! Like when Madde needs to talk with someone and I'm not her or that we are fighting, then they just don't care at all, they just don't have time to talk!!! So they are only there when it suits them!!! IT FEELS LIKE THEY THINK ABOUT HER JUST AS A SEX TOY AND NOTHING ELSE!!! Like now when we was fighting how was she talking to, yes Nicky, that's good, but what are boyfriends for if not talking to them about evreything! It's always like this she always talk to some other guy insted of her boyfreinds!!!!! I'M SO FUCKING PISSED RIGHT NOW! I JUST WANT TO KILL THEM!!!!
I talk to them today or talk is the wrong word more shouted at them!!! and all they said was what we don't understand what you are talking about! what's there problem!!!

No when her father is dieing she need them more then ever, but are they there for her, NO!!!!

I JUST WANT TO RIP THERE HEADS OF!!!! I have been in a bad mood all day for this!!!

I hope Madde isen't mad at me right now for screaming at them, because I now she asked Nicky not to talk to them , but I just coulden't stop myself, I'm so fucking angrey right now!!
Honey I just diden't because I care about you, and I want to be sure that you have someone to talk to and trust because you never know I will be here for you..

I don't think I gotten anywhere with them today, but I'm not giving up!

I acually would hope that she would break up with them, but I know she isen't going to do that, they are just such dickheads!! It's just unbelivable!!

Like I mention in my last inlay I had been at the hospital to see how the treatment is working, and unfortunately it diden't go that well...

Now my family will freak out agian when they have read this inlay like they always do...because It's only two persons how allreday knows this that is Madde and Kellan.

Well what can I say I just have to tell you the truth. Where do I start, I'm no good at telling bad news..so I'm just going to say it.. here it goes...

I'm dying, there you go, now you know...

I can have a small chanse if I get a liver transplant very soon otherwise it's to late for me.

So often you wait until someone die so you can get the liver, but because I'm in a hurry then the famliy members can take blood tests and see if they are a good match so I can get a little part from ther liver... so now they have to go to the hospital and do a lot of diffrent horribl tests.

I haven't told them yet but they will find out now.. so now I have to call my dad, yay...he who finally had went home.

Evreything just feels like it's my fault!

I hate this, sometimes I just think it would be better if I just took suicide and all of this would just be over. So I don't have to scare evreyone anymore and now they have to dreadful tests too just for my sake, and I know some of them HATES blood and hospitals...

And if they find a good match the operation is not going to be easy either!

If something goes wrong and someone dies instead of me on the operation table, I don't think I can live with that! I don't know what to do! evreything is just my fault!

Maybe I just should die and not even try to do anything...

I don't know..

So I'm really happy that Madde has Nicky right now if something happends to me, then I know she will be safe and someone will look after her, because her boyfreinds you can't trust.

So Nicky thank you for being there for Madde!

Well now when we allreday are talking about sicknesses I can tell you baout Maddes dad, that I finally convinced her to meet him once more, because I think she should learn to know him now when she has the chanse otherwise she will just regret it.

Honey I can follow you if you like? you just have to say when and where I will be there I promis!

What can I talk about that are not as depressing?

hmm.. I can say after my little sex scandal with Kian, I can't even look at him it's just weird!

And I found out that Madde want to do him ;P

But I can say that he wasen't that good, but Madde just says that is only because I wasen't fully into it, I'm not really sure if that was the problem :P haha

But it's not worth discussing with her, because she thinks that she has right like always ;P haha

Well now I have to go because I promise Johanna that I would hang out with her tonight because Krisen is working. :)
I'm not looking forward to tomorrow when evreybody knows...

Well see you soon :) Tomorrwo you will here from Madde! :)

Have a nice evning!

Kisses

Tove