Well what can I do...

Hey Guys!

Like you know I was actally suppose to write yesterday but I was takeing alot of diffrent tests and after that I was SO tierd so I just deacked in the bed right the way. So I will write today Insted, so I hope that's fine with evreyone.

Me and Maddes relationship isen't on top right now. To be honest it haven't been on top for a long while now. It has been better and worse during this time and now we are having a bit of a tuff time again.

I'm so tierd of this now! All she dose it to complin at me! She say that she wants my old me back and she wants me to be like I was before all this. But I just think she likes to complin at me and she will never be happy with the person I'm. Because when I was my uselly me,she always complin at me to not be so scared for evrything, and try new things and be more like her in evreyway. And now when I'm more like her she don't just complin about that too, so I don't know what she wants anymore, that's just make me tired! And she can't even tell me how she really feel about evreything whos going on, I just wish she could trust me and understand that I'm fine and she can show her really feeling for me.

And she have to stop to be so fucking mad on evreybody, like Tobbe and Linus, nothing is there faulit they haven't done anything! They have just been there for me and helped me!

And what the hell Madde you diden't have to yell at Linus like taht yesterday, now he probably NEVER want to talk to you again! And I don't blame him!! If I could have the some choose right now I had probably never spoke to you again! I'm so fucking tierd of you right now and I'm so fucking angrey with you!!!

I don't understand that you don't understand me how I feeling right now! I NEED sex and booze now! I don't care if I have to lie here longer, I know you want, me to come home, but I don't care when I have allreday been here so many weeks I want die to be here longer, I don't care about anyhthing anymore just let me be! It's my life it's my desition, not yours just mine!!

And you have no right to throw my booze in the floor!! You can't decide ower me, no one can! I'm an adult and you are not my fucking mother! Thank god for that! I had payed for my bottle and I have got someone to buy it for me so you have nothing to do with that!! I don't know what I will do with you right now! I'm soooooooooo pissed of right now!! You tell me that you don't care about me anymore, so show me that then! I don't want you to care, I just want to make my own desition for once in my life and don't have anyone to say what I should do and not to do!! But you don't get that because you have always got to do what you want and you are use to that I useely listen to you and so you get what you want all the time!!

So I just think you are pissed because you don't get what you want for once!! Which is to deside over me!!!

I don't know what to say to you anymore!! You just drive me crazy!

Today it have gone by two days since Madde had her outbrust on me and Linus and she haven't visit me since then. Which is the first time ever since I got here. But I don't really care, she can do what ever she wants if I can do what ever I want! But she has Nicky whos going to stay with Madde intill I come home, which I just think is a bad idea because then she will never get over him, but like I said she can do what ever she want I don't care! While sha has Nico I don't have anyone, I feel kind of alone, but I an't do anything about that I just have to live with it.

But fortunely I have Dr.Sexy who came into my room eralier today as he always do, to listen to my heart and lungs. It have been a little weird atmosphere between us now after our little macking out thing. But today he pointe out that I was unuselly quitet today and yesterday too.

I just coudlen't stop myself I just had to talk to someone. So I told him about me and Madde having a tuff time and I told him that Madde never was happy the way I where and that it feelt like she thought she was so much better then me and I told him about all the ways Madde had hurt me and then I told him about Madde and Eddie which I diden't had in mind to tell him about but I just came out! I told him that I had a hard time trusting her. Which I understood and he said that he coulden't belive how a best friend can do all that and especially that with my father, he said that eh coulden't understand that we where still friends after all this. Then we just sat there he was holding he's arm around me and I placed my head on he's shoulder and we just sat there quite for a while. Then I asked him if that with use had effekted he's work, he told me that he had told one of he's colleague about it and he had told him to tell the chef himself but he haden't done that get and he diden't know what to do, then he said that what ever happends to him and he's work, he would never regret what happend betweens us. Then he kissed me with he's soft lips, I could feel how my eyes was filling with tears, and as you know I hate to cry espesilly when I'm not alone, so I told him to leave and he respected that and left my room.

I could feel the tears slowly ran down my cheeks then it knocked on the door, I quikly dryed away the tears. Then I said come in.

It was Linus, so Madde haden't scared him away which was good.

He had a suprise for me, he had broght me a new bottle, which was so lovly he is just to sweeti sometimes! This time I hide it ina better place and I'm not going to tell you where because then Madde know. I told him that Madde was planing to tell he's parents about this, but he just said that I shoulden't worry about that, because they can't do anything about it they can just be mad.

He sat down on my bedside and we started to talk about evryething, and he started to flirt too and so did I. He just so easy to talk to so sometimes I just forgett that he is 15 I just can tell him all kind of wierd things, then he asked about me and Tobbe if I have had sex with him yet and I said no before I said anything more it hit me he's just 15 I shoulden't talk to him about this things. But he diden't seems to care he just starte dto flirt with me more, and I wish I could say that I diden't do the same but I can't. Why dose he have to be 15 he's so fucking hot I just want to undress him! But I haveto control myself! I just have to! Then Linus say he had to leave.

Then Tobbe came by, which was nice ;) He had just been at the gym so he was kind of sweaty but I diden't care, I just started to make out with him immdetly it was so great, and I undressed him fast so he just had he's underwear on, I could feel he's mostey body presse aginst mine,

I lead my hands over he's strong back and I went inside of he's underwear with my hands and lead them over he's ass and over he's back again. Then we change place so I got on top so he could undress me, he took my bra of as heartily he could!He slide he's hands over my breasts and over my stomac and all the way down to my ass, then I kissed him at he's cheats and all the way down to he's underwear and I took them of and... well I think I can't tell you anymore details ;) But I can tell you that we diden't get to the sex part this time either! Because this time the door upen up and there stood Linus, he looked so diaseppointed at me. Tobbe just run up and got dressed. I took my cover around me and Linus just stood there and then he run away, then Tobbe came out from the bathroom and wounder who that was I told him that is was Madde's little brother, he said that was weird because he looked absoultly heart broken when Linus had caut us. Then Tobbe gave me a kiss and left.

I just coulden't let it go that wit Linus so I called him and asked if he wanted to come over tonight and talk and maybe have a drink with me or two, and he said yes. So I hope I can talk to him tonight.

Well i have to congratulate my ex Sean how turned 27 yesterday and then I have to congratulate my freind Keira how's turning 24 today! So congratulations! :)

I actually called Sean yesterday it was the first time since we broke up, but we talk for two hours about evreything, myslef and about him and what he had done, I feel how much I actally miss, but I diden't tell him that. So that was nice :)

And ofcourse I call Keira too we talk for a few hours too so that was nice I love long talks on the phone. :)

About my test I did yesterday I will find out about them in the beging of next week.

So I can't tell you so much about them now but when I know you will know I promis.

Well know I have to stop wrting because I have to go because Linus is coming here soon.

So I will see you on satusrday! :)

and Tomorrow Madde will blogg, I think anyway I haven't talk to her in two days so I don't know but hopefully she will.

See ya

Kisses

Tove