Alive Alive Alive!!

Hey everyone!

Now you all think it's Madde because I'm writing " Hey everyone" but it's not!
Tove is a live baby!! How are you all doing?
Well I can't say that I'm doing that well but I'm alive and that's the most importent :)

Let's start from the begining.
My operation did go pretty well, it had some complications. My heart stopped and I lost ALOT of blood! But I'm still a live. They are not sure yet if I will survive this since it have just have gone by a day since my operation, but hopefully I will be fine.
I wake up around four a clock at night, then Madde, mum and Johan was there in the room, and ofcourse Jensen too. When I opened my eyes Madde was allredy kissing me everywhere in the face and she was crying, mum gave me a kiss on teh cheek and she looked realived and so did Johan. Then I heard Jensens lovely voice from he's bed asking if I was awak, and Madde just yelled out really happy " Yes!!" I slowly turned my head to look at him and he was smiling then he said " You look good" I just smiled back and said " Shut up! " He laught.

Then a nurse came in to talk to me and see how I was feeling and give Jensen some more morphine. I asked if I could get some too but she told me no.
So I just have to hold out with this pain. It feel like I have been run over with 50 tracters at once! Then Jensen asked the nurse if she could move he's bed closer to mine, which she could.
He took my hand and squeezed my hand hard.Then he said " Tove will you marry me?" Madde took my other hand and squeezed it but she did it for another reason, she wanted me to say yes. And Krisen and Johan just looked at us suprsised, since they don't know Jensen have proposed before. I answerd with a really weak voice " Jensen..." He said " Okay, I'm just trying, and i will countine doing that for the rest of our life"Madde just looked at me like I was stupied, ad Krisen and Johan was even more suprised because Jensen took the no so well.
I said " Well we are kind of married, since i have you inside of me now, and then I don't mean in a sexuall way " He smiled and said " Yeah but I still want to marry you" He kissed my hand and said " I love you, I'm glad you are okay " I said " I love you too! Well it's my boyfriends profit" He smiled and said " I'm your boyfriend?" I said " It's your destion " I smiled even more and bend over so he could kiss me, so I said " I take that as a yes" He said " Do that"
Madde was happy, almost more happy then me and Jensen ;P

Then Johan said they should go out so everyone elsa could visit me. Madde said " I'm not leaving this room, never again!" I smiled and told her to stay, mum and Johan walked out.
And then Jess and Tim came in and Jess run towards me and throw herself at me, groaned off pain and told her to take it easy, she told me she was sorry and she was just so glad I was alive.
Tim gave me a hug he looked so tierd and kind of scared. Then Jess said " I got so scared when I heard about the complications!" Jensen looked confused and scared at me and asked " What complications?" I told him and then eh asked why no one had told him about it. Madde said " We thought it was a bad idea since you are not that strong, and we diden't want to worry, sorry. And I was freaking out so bad so I woulden't even be abel to tell you" Jensen didn't say anything but he looked sad and disappointed.

Then Tims phone ran so he walked outside. And I took the opportunity to ask her about Mikael. I told her that I know about her lieing about Mikale sleeping over. Se looked at Madde angry and said " You promised not to tell her!" Maded said " No, you told me not to tell her but I didn't answer to that" Then I said " I can't belive you lied to us, and it was not like he was just going to sleep next to you, you two had something other planded right?" She looked down without saying anything. I said " Jess you know what I think about that" She answerd" It's not lik eyou hadn't have sex when you where 19, you where married then" I said " I'm not the best role model, so don't do as I did. Are you still happy I'm alive?" She said " Yes I'mbut do you have to care so damn much!" I laught and said " Yes, I gave you the offer that I woulden't care but you diden't take it" She just said yeah yeah, then Emil and Nico came in.
So Jess left.

They gave me hug and Nico also gave Madde a hug and put her arm around her. Emil layed himself next to me in my bed. We talked and Emil huged me and huged me.
Then all the sudded everything got black and I just diseppered. I woke up after a little while and then Henrik was there and two nurses and so on. And Madde was crying in Nicos arms and so was Emil and Jensen was crying too. I asked what have happend, and Henrik told me that I have had a seizure and that I had scared them alot. I took Jensens hand and when Madde and Emil saw I was awke again they gave me a big hug and I told all of them that I was fine but I don't know if that helped, they said it had looked really scarey, which I can understand.
Henrik told me that I needed to rest so teh rest of my family came in and visit me a quiky, Madde refused to leave and so did mum, but I told them to go home and sleep and came bacl later, because they needed it and I would be fine. And then Nico said to Madde " Tove needs to rest to, and I can follow you here after lunch again, let's go home and sleep a few hours" And she agreed to that.

When Madde had left Jensen asked how I was realy feeling. I said " Not so good. It hurts like hell, it feels like I'm going to explode of the pain and my head hurtes if feel like someone has played football with it. And I feel a littel nauseous and really really tierd.´But I shoulden't compline because I'm alive. " He looked worried and asked if he was going to call after Henrik because I looked a little pale, but I said I just needed to rest a little. Then I asked how he was doing. Jensen said " Pretty good, it hurts a little but since I get medicin for it then it's okay I'm just alittle tierd, Henrik thought I would be up on my feet tomorrow all ready so don't worry about me. The most importent is that you stay alive. Try to sleep a little now." He took my hand and kissed it and then he just held it in he's hand.
I tried to sleep but I coulden't, and neither could Jensen he just laied there looking at me with a woried look.

Then my phone rang and it was hiden number so I coulden't see who it was. But I picked up and said hello but no one answerd back so I said hello again and after a few seconds I heard a weak voice saying " Hello, it's Eddide" It sounded like he had been crying and drinking. I asked what he wanted, he said " I want to hear how you where doing? " I said " Do you even care?!" He said " ofcourse, I love you" I said " What?! I don't love you but thanks" He sounded sad and said good bye. When I put
away the phone Jensen asked who it was and I told him it was eddie. Then he said " Coulden't you been a little nicer to him?" I just looked at him like he was an idoit! But then I remebered that he probably didn't know what he had done, all that with Madde and blaming everything on her and hiting on her and on and on. When I had told him he said " Okay I understand, but he's still you father so try to be alitle nicer" I know family is really really importent for Jensen, but still he can't asked me to be nicer to my father after everything. I didn't answer and I think he took that as a no. Then he said " Everyone can make mistake, and you should know that. If we got kids and you did something really stupied don't you want them to forgive you then?" I said " I know trust me.. yes ofcourse I want them to but I think the big difrent is that I would never ever do the mistakes Eddie did to me. I can't belive you even comparing me with him! I know your family is the most importent for you in the world but my dad isen't like your dad! And I hate when people compare me with that dickhead!" He said " I'm sorry for comparing you two I know that was wrong, but I still think you should consider caling him back, but that's just what I think. And you where wrong about one thing which is that yes my family is importent for me but not the most importent in the world because you are the most importent thing in the world for me,just you" I smiled and said " I love you Jensen! I havn't done anything in this world to deserve you" He smiled and said " Yes you have done so I feel happy and loved and you make me whole and that's something" I said " How can you always make me feel better with just a few words" He laught and said " That's because I'm the best" I laught too and said " Yeah clearly!"

Then Jensens phone called and it was he's mother. I lsiten to what Jensen said so I could understand what he's mother was asking. She aksed how he was doing, and feeling and how the operation had gone and then she asked about me too. After a while Jensen gave me the phone because she wanted to talk to me, she so sweeit. She asked how I was feeling, I said that I was glad to be alive so I coulden't really compline. She said" I had been worried sick for you two but I'm glad you both are okay. I said " You are so sweeit. But it's thanks to your son I'm alive. My little hero, he's amazing! " She sounded realy happy and she said " Yeah he really is! I'm so happy that he has you by his side, he sound so much happier under this two and a half years, and under your break he was so sad and unhappy. But now I don't think he have ever ben this happy before!" I smiled and said " That's good, but I'm even more happy to have such a wounderful man by my side everday and who risk his life for me. You should be proved of him. " She said " I'm glad to hear that, and I'm so provd of him!" Then Jensen said " Plz stop talking about me!" I laught and said " Honey we are just talking about how amazing you are" He just said " Stop with that!" I told he's mum what he had said, she laught and asked if we where a couple yet. I said " Yes we are" She asked" Since when?" I looked at Jensen and smiled and said " Since today" She said " Then I just have to congratulate. How is Kristina doing?" I said " Well she haven't said that much how she is feeling and she workes a lot so that's probaly not a good sign" She said " She must have a difecult time right now. Well anyway I just told Jensen that we are planing to come and visit soon" I said " Do that!! I would love that! Then I so you soon! " We said good bye and then I gavethe phone to Jensen who said good bye.

Linus came by he looked scared he gave me hug and asked how I was doing, so we talked alitle and then I asked how he was doing at home with he's mum. He told me that she is never home she is out at some club every night and she always come home with a new guy and sometimes they are not older then 25. I told him that I would ask Krisen to talk to her like growen up since she dosen't seems to listen to Madde. He told me not to do that but I said I had to because he can't live like that. Then he didn't say anything so I think he wanted me to do it.
He stayed for an hour or so and we talked about how everything was going for him and for me.
When he was leaving Jess and Mikael walked thrwo the door.
Jess gave me a hug and I looked at mikale angry and I said " I should kick you ass out of that window if I had the strengh for it, but I don't so you are lucky!" Jess looked at me angry but I didn't care. Then Jensen chanced subject so we talked for a while.

Now me and Jensen are waiting for Madde, Nico and Jared to show up. Madde just called and asked if they could come by. It's not the first time she has called under the day, she have almost called every hour to see that I was okay and Jensen too ofcourse. She kind of drived me crazy but it's kind of sweeit too :)
Well hear they come see ya!
Kisses
Tove