Sweeit like suger!

Hello, then it's my turne to blogg again :)
What can I tell you about our life today, I just have to come up with something exciting to tell you about what have happend today.
Let's start. ;P

At half past nine Jensen came in my room with a big bag in he's hand yesterday. I aksed him if it was nessesary to even come and visite me since he can only stay for 30 minuts. He gave me a kiss and said " Ofcourse it always nessesary to be with you. But I'm acually wiunder if you want to be illigal tonight to so I can sleep here? " I smiled then he put in " If you want me here ofcourse?" I just looked at him like he was carzy and I said " What kind of qustion is that? " He said " Is that a yes or a no?" I said " It's a yes stupied!" Then I kissed him it's so woundreful to feel he's lips aginst mine!
Then I tryed to look in the bag but he just look it away so I coulden't see. Then he smiled and told me that I had to wait till after Henrik had left.
So Jensen cralw down in my bed and we talked for a while then we heard Henrik and Jensen walked in the bathroom to hide.

When Henrik left he came back and gave me a kiss then eh cralw down again. I just stareed at him, he got confused and asked what I was doing. I answerd " The bag" He laught and said " Oh that one. Maybe you shoulden't find out what it is because you demand me to give it to you, I don't think you have deserve it" I laught and I bite myself in the lower lip sexy and smiled and said " Do you want me to prove that I desevre to know?" He smiled and nodded.
I smiled and got myself on top of him and started to make out with him eagerly, while I was doing that I put my hands under he's shirt and made my way from teh stomach up to the cheast and down again, then I unbuttom he's pants and slowly put my hand in he's pants and touch.... him, you know what I mean ;) I could feel that he got more and more excited ;)
After a few minuts I stoped and layed next to him again and asked " Dose I deserve to know now?" He looked all taken for this then he said " Yes, but you can't stop now! " I laught and said " Ofcourse I can, let's see now" I gave him a fast kiss and then he said " Stop kissing me it dosen't help. and what makes you so sure that it is to you?" I laught and said " Sorry. Well do you have another girlfriend then me here at the hospital that I don't know about" Now he laught and said " Girlfriend? I diden't know I had a girlfriend" I said " well I meant.. a girl who you are friend with or something like that " He just laught and said " No I don't have any girlfreinds at this hospital. " I just asked him " What? What about me" He looked me into my eyes and said " Well I was hopeing that you where more to me then that you call a girlfriend and more at that way I call girlfreind" I smiled and said " Yes ofcourse I'm. I love you and not just in a freindy way!" He smiled and said " Good" Then he gave me a long kiss!

Then he went up from my bed to get the bag. He pulled up a black scarf, I got really confused. He gave it to me, and I said " is that it? You are sooo romantic. " He laught and said " No it's not. Put it in front of your eyes my little ungrateful bride-to-be, SOMEDAY soon. And don't peak!"
I said " If you talk like that then I'm not going to tie it over my eyes" He laught and said " Okay if you don't want to know what is in this bag then fine with me. " I hate that he know me to well, so I said " Fine I put it on I'm to curios, but no more jokes about marriage " He smiled and said " it's not a joke " I gave him my evil look than I tied the scarf.
I could hear him rustle with the bag and puting some hard things on something who sounded like a tray then the door opend and it got quit then he came back again.

After 10 minuts I feelt he's hands untieing the knot. When he took it off he took my hand and told me to open my eyes. So I did and infront of me there was a beautiful tray, with two glases, two plates, cutlery and vase with three roses in it one who was red, one was, blue and one was white. Everything was so beuatiful! On the plates it was food, and a sliced up mango, which he knew I love. He gave me a plait and told me to taste so I did, it was really good! I lead closer to kiss him but before I did I asked " is it okay to kiss you know? " He laught and said yes, so I kissed him. He asked me what I thought about the food and I tol him that it was great, he said " good since it me and Jared who was the chefs. Madde told me that you got alittle disappointed for doing it with out you, and that we should feel ashamed and that you wanted me to make it up to you, so hear I'm" I thought my heart was going to explode of all happiness and love for Jensen and alot of diffrent feelings! He's like the most thoughtful and amazing person in the whole world! I could feel the tears started to roll down my cheeks, Jensen got worried and aksed what was wrong. I said " Nothing everything is perfect and you are perfect and all you do for me is perfect" He laught and said " Well this isen't perfect, this is nothing compaire to what you did to make sure that you deserved this, that was perfect espceially if you had contiued "
I smiled and between the sobs I said " Yes that was perfect to just like this" Then I cried even more, and he laught and said " Tove is this really you whos crying for this, because it's not like you or is it the pregnatecy? " I stoped crying and said " It's not me, it's teh fucking hormones who dose it, I hate them! but I love this! "

He walked up again and got to the bag and brought up a bottle with looked liek wine, I remided him that I coulden't drink, and he said " Don't you think I know that? It's wine with alochol, but Ithink it taste like orinary wine " I gav ehima kiss on teh cheek then he pour up the wine and we started to eat. But I could just eat like a third part of my food then I coulden't get down anymore. Jensen asked if it wasen't tasty, I told him it was really good, but I coulden't eat anymore. He asked if it was because I was pregnate, I told him no and that I just diden't have any appetite. Then he asked " Why not? how long has that been going on? " I said " Jensen I know that you and evreybody else things I'm to skinny and that I'm loosing weight so don't play stupied. But everything will be fine after the operation, I promis " He said " good, but you still have to eat so you get some enegry. He took my fork and put a bit on it and git it closer to my mouth and said " And one bite for Krisen, one bite for Madde, and one bite for Emil and one bite for Jess " Then he said every name in the famly almost then we I had eaten more then half portion I told him I was full, then he said " Last but not least a big bite for me"
I told himI coulden't eat a biet till, then he said " To bad for you then you will mis the dessert, but more for me " I asked him what it was he said I just had to wait and see. Then he walked to the bag again and picked up two bowls one with strawberries and one with melted chocolate. Ofcourse I coulden't resist that since strawberris is my favourit fruit.
He took one and diped it in the chocolate and he fed me with it, he so romantic!
After we had eaten we talked and tehn tried to sleep I kissed him good night but non of us could sleep so we just talked even more.

Like Madde told you yesterday that Jess was going to give me a call to say she was sorry since she hates saying she sorry she rather acll instead to meet.
So she called me last night and she was crying, and she told me that she diden't eman anything what she had said and blablabla. I told her if she really wanted me my forgivness then she had to do it face to face with me, if she had the courage to say all those things the she need to have the courage to do beg for my forgivness too. But if she diden't want it that's her problem because I told her I diden't care. Then she cryed even more and said she would come over tomorrow, I said " Do what ever you want, I don't care" Then we hang up.
I will tell you more about what happend about that soon.

Well Madde came and visit me with Lunch time while Jensen had went home to eat.
Madde gave me a hug and then she saw the flowers who had been on the tray last night, Jensen had put them there before he went home super earliy this morning.
And Madde who is really good at knowing what flowers mean and things like that, when she saw the three flowers she got big eyes and asked who I got them from, I told her it was Jensen and I asked what was such a big deal with that. She said " You have no idea what this three flower means right?" I nooded and she said " Well when someone put a white, red and blue flower in the same bouquet that means proposal, so technically Jensen has asked you to marry him " Madde smiled, but I diden't. I said " I can't belive he diden't tell me what they meant and he all reday know he's geting the answer no. " Madde sadi " I love that he's never going to give up intill you say yes. So be a smart girl and say yes, otherwise you are fucking stupied. Do you know how lucky you are! He's like the best guy in the world and he's really love you even thought everything that have happend between you two and now he wants to speand the rest of he's life with you, and you are going to say no, you are an idoit!" I responeded and said " I know he is the most fantastic man in the world and that he love me and I also want to speand the rest of my life with him too, but I'm not geting married for that " Madde looked at me like I was an idoit then she said " You should really be happy, because he only loves you and he only have eyes for you, he diden't even lay an eye on me. " She todl me that she had been walking around in her black bra and her red pantis last night and she had run into Jensen last night. They had talked and she was just waiting for him to looking down on her boobs and the rest of her body, but he had just looked at her face and talked, he haden't even looked like he was endeavor to not cheack her in he was just like normal. Then she said " It's kind of an insult that he diden't cheack me out! I know it's Jensen and I should eb gald he diden't but still it's me in my underwear it has to be something wrong with that dude! Maybe he likes skinny redheads with out any curves at all! He's weird! Sorry I doen't mean that you are not as beautiful and sexy as I'm because you are, but still.. it's ME! " I started to laugh and said " Madde it's okay, I understand that you are upset, I'm kind of chocked too! But I'm glad he diden't checked you out" ;P She laught and said " you should be"

Then Jensen came back he gave Madde a hug and me a kiss then he sat down on my bed. Maddes phone rang and ofcourse it was nico. I asked Madde if I could talk to him for a few minuts which I could. I tol dhim that I was sorry for telling Zara to stay in China and for lieing to her. And that it wasen't that I diden't like he's fiance, because she is wounderful and I love her, but I know Madde is having a hard time now and I know she needs him by herself.

He told me that it was okay and that he kind of feelt the samething. Then I gave Madde the phone again. And she walked out in the hallway to talk to Nico.

I told Jensen that Madde was a it upset about last night or evening or whatever.

He looked like a qustionmark he looked so funny so I started to laught. I told him what I meant and eh laught and said " Oh that. I have told you before that I don't think she is the most beautiful and sexy woman in the world, because you are. " I said " Yes you have told me that but I thought you where just kidding, and are you crazy?!" He laught and said " No are you crazy? For not seeing what I see and for beliving that I was kidding. " I said " Well Madde thingsI'm crazy too so maybe I'm " He asked " why dose she think you are crazy?" I said " Because you kind propos last night with the flowers and I diden't even notice and then because I wont say yes " He said " The flowers right, and your answer is no. But that's okay" I asked him " You are never giving up are you?" He smiled and said " No no intill you and I have said I do, and I don't care if you are 100 years old before you say yes, but I will be married to you before we die, so I will countine trying all the time till you say yes" I said " Well maybe I will allredy die on friday or maybe you, Oh God I can't belive I said that out loud" He look my hand and said " we can't die because we are not married yet, that's what I'm fighting for under the operation. " I smiled and said " You are cute I have to admit that even though you are talking about marriage. I'm not fighting for the samething you are, I'm fighting for seeing your face again when I wake up, sinec you will allready be up then. Then I know I diden't go to hell" Jensen said " And my face is the first thing you will see and my lips is the first thin you will feel and the first voice you will hear is mine, and Tove you are not going to hell, when you die and it's not going to be now then you will go to heaven " I smiled and said " Just hope it turn out like that. Jensen I will not go to heaven because I'm allredy in heaven. You are my heaven! Everytime I talk to you or, kiss you or just look at you, then I'm in heaven. Aslong as I'm with you and Madde and all the other people that I love, then it can't get any better. If I die and get to that heaven that would be my hell. " He smiled but a tear roll down he's cheek. He lead closer and kissed me.

When Madde came back in she sat down on my bed and I asked her how she was feeling about everything, she told me it was the same. Then Jensen askde " You haven't toled us anything how you fell about this" I said " Well that's because I'm lying to myslef how I feel. Because I need to stay strong and focused " Madde beged me to tell them anyway, so I said " I'm so fucking scared too because I maybe have to leave all this behind me and leave all of you guys. But that isen't what I'm most afrid of. What I'm most terrified of in the whole world is that Jensen will die and I will suvive, then I killed you. I know you will say that I diden't kill you, but that want make any diffrent because I will not be abel to live, I don't deserve to live. " Both Madde and Jensen told me that it wasen't my fauilt and all that, but that diden't help at all. But it was kind of nice to talk about it.

I desided to do the test to see who is the father, or I diden't desided it but
mum kind of threatened me to do it and since she is haveing a really bad week I diden't try to convince her that I diden't want to do it. I asked her why it was so importent, and she said she wanted to know who she was going to kill in a more painful way. So tomorrow at eleven AM I will do the test and Jensen will ofcourse me there with me and I think Madde will to and then at the afternoon I will do the abortion. So tomorrow I will first find out who is the kids father and then I will kill it, just wonderful. But I don't have a choose and it's not like I want it either and it's Tommys or Sven- Åkes kid so that is jsut horrible!

Well maybe Madde will tell you more about that tomorrow.

I can also tell you that Jensen is staying at the hospital from thursday to do some tests and see that everything is all right with him. So then he can sleep with me for one night with out breaking any ruls. And after the transplant he needs to stay here for a week and I don't know how long I have to be here that depends of a lot of things.

On the afternoon Madde came by again and this time Jess was with her.
When she saw me she started to cry right the way, I diden't say anything or do anything, I just acted like I diden't care. Madde told Jensen to come with her so we could be alone.
When they left she was still cring and she looked down on the floor and walked slowly towards me. I can't belive she think it's so awful to say she sorry, she such a baby sometimes!
When she reached my bed she stood there looking down at the floor after a while she said really quit " I'm sorry" I said " what did you say? " She was still looking down on the floor and then she said once more time that she was sorry this time a little louder.
Thre she just stood there without saying anything for a while intill I asked " Was that it? is that your apology? " she said quit " yes " I said " Well that is not enough, you can just go and if you feel like apologize for real later then you can come back!" Then she started to cry even more and then she ran out of my room.

After a few seconds Madde came in and asked what had happend. And I told her. Madde said " You know she hates to apologize, so be a little nicer to her" I said " No! She wants me to treat her like a growen up, she have told me that, and then she have to show that too!" Madde todl me that she still thought I would been alittle nicer. Then Madde said she was going to see where she had went, because Jensen had run after her.

Madde and Jensen came back without Jess and said she went home. Then I just have to wait and see if she comes around tomorrow or some other day before the operation.
Madde told me that she, Jared, Jensen, Tobbe, Lukas, Tim, Jess and Mickel was going out to some club tonight. Jensen said " I haven't desided if I will go yet, because I almost rather hang out with you" I smiled and told him to go out I thought he needed to have fun and forgett he tried to convince me that he should stay with me but I diden't let him.
I said to Madde and Jensen" plz keep an open for Jess and don't let her drink so much. And don't tell her that I said that" Jensen said " don't worry we will. "

Then Jared walked into the room and gave me a hug.
I asked what they where going to do at midsummer, Madde said " We are going to sit here and pray for you two so you survive!" I told them to try to have some fun sinec I was going to be in surgery almost the whole night, but I diden't convise them. But they said if everything works out then they would celebrate it on saturday instead. Jensen looked at me and asked me " what are we going to do on satuday? celebrate ourself?" I laught and said " sure we have to come up with something good" He kissed me and said ofcourse.

Then all four of them need to go so the could get ready for the night.
Madde and Jared gave me a hug and Jensen gave me a kiss. I laught and said " Keep away from all the hot girls" He laught and said " Don't worry it's not like I'm going to find someone better then you" Then he kissed me agian then they left.
I acutally just hang up the phone after talking to a pretty drunk Jensen, he said that evrything was okay with jess and Madde and everyone.
I just hope he dosen't drink to much, because if he's not here tomorrow at eleven a clock to go with me then I will be so disappointed at him! So I just hope he be there.


Well that's was all from me. You will hear from Maded tomorrow :)
Kisses
Tove