Worried worried worried!!

Hey everyone, a very very very worried Madde here. Tove is right now lying on the operation table and Jensen just came out and are going in to awakening. Everything went well with Jensen and he should be awake in a few hours. I just hope everything will turn out okay with Tove as well.

Well, i suppose i should take all this from the beginning.

But first I'll tell you about last night when Jess had said Mikael was going to stay over. Tove gave me a call and told me about her plans and I promised her that i would put a stop to them. So when Jess came home she sneaked up as quite as possible but I knew she was home so I went into her room and told her that Mikael was not going to stay over. She just said "No, I already know that. I have called him and told him that he can't come over.". I could tell she was lying because I'm such a good lier and she is a horrible one but I just acted along and said "Good, now go to bed. Tomorrow is going to be a long day." and then I left the room and walked back to my room. I waited there a few minutes and then I sneaked back and knocked the door open and there he was, standing in the middle of the room in just his boxers. His face was priceless and Jess just got so angry but I didn't care, I picked up his clothes and threw them on him and aksed "Do you want to get dressed before I throw you out or do you want to look like this when you walk home tonight?". He started to put his clothes on and when he just had his belt left i got restless and took a hold of his t-shirt and dragged him out of the room. Of course jess came running after us screaming at me to stop embarrassing her but I didn't care I dragged him down the stairs and opened the door. He looked at me with pleading eyes but i said "Go. you can come over tomorrow and support jess at the hospital but you are not staying over here tonight.". He siad okay and gave jess a kiss and told her he would call her tomorrow. When I shut the door Jess started to yell at me and swore at me and called me all sorts of things but i just told her to go to bed and then I went back to my room where Nicky was waiting.

Okay, back to todays events.

Nicky and I took the Lambo to the hospital today and I drove, i didn't want the two of us ending up in the hospital aswell so. When we got there the entire family was allready there together with Pontus, Mikael and Wilma. I walked staight up to Tove and gave her a big hug and then I joined Jensen on the side of her bed. Nicky gave her a hug too and then all of us just sat there talking for awhile and then Krisen asked how Tove was feeling and I could feel someone reaching for my hand, I didn't know who it was because I was already holding toves hand but then I saw it was jensen so I took it and he squeezed my hand and I could feel the tears starting to fill up my eyes. Tove just said that she was okay but the she was a bit scared but that there was no way back now, she had to do the operation. When we had talked for another few minutes a nurse came in together with Henrik and said that it was time for Jensen and Tove to go to the O.R. I jsut bursted out in tears and hugged Tove as hard as I could. She started to cry to and told me that she loved me and blablabla but i just told her shut the fuck up and stay possitive! I hate it when she does that, that damn goodbye speech... When Jensen wanted to kiss her and i had to let her go I just turned around and there was the arms I was looking for. Nicky just took a hold of me and I burried my face in his chest and continued to cry. Then i felt someone knocking on my shoulder and then i heard Henrik say my name so I turned around and faced him. He looked really pail and then he said "She will be fine, I will be in there during the operation but I'm not going to operate, just supervise. But I'll make sure to give you news as soon as i know anything." I thanked him and then turned back to Nicky.

Everyone started to sit down all around the small room but I just couldn't, I just couldn't sit in there waiting to know something so i asked Nicky if he could come with me for a walk. he just nodded and said "of course honey" and then we left. Tim followed us with his eyes and so did Jared but none of them said anything which i'm glad for. When we got out from the hospital and started to walk down the street Nicky stopped and grabbed my arm and looked at me and said "Are you okay? i just want you to know that what ever happens I'm here for you, i will always be here for you.". I gave him a big hug and said "I know Nico, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I love you with all my heart. But right now my heart is breaking and my brain is working so hard it's making me crazy so i don't know if I'm okay but I doubt it.". He looked into my eyes and stroke my cheek and he looked so sweet and caring. Then he leaned in and gave me a soft kiss and when our lips parted he put his forehead on mine and looked into my eyes and said "If there is anything I can do to help you go trhough this day just let me know." I just told him "You are already helping me just by being here. without you I would never be able to live through this.". He just smiled and then gave me a gentle hug.

When we had walked for about a half hour we thougth it was time to head back to the hospital and see if Jensen was done. But we didn't get far untill we met Jessica and her gang (not Toves sister but those bitches we went to school with) and I could just feel how the hatered grew inside of me. I could tell that nico recognized them too because he got all tence when he saw them and his grip around my hand thightened. I told him to calm down and we contuinued to walk towards them, when they saw that it was us they stopped walking and waited for us. We walked over to them and just as we were about to pass jessica said "So What brings you here? trying to make sure noone sees you since you nicky is cheating on your girlfriend." I just couldn't stand there and listen to them talking like that to Nicky, it's one thing that they talk like that to me but not to him. I snapped and siad "If you don't shut the fuck up soon I swear to god I'm going to rearrange that face of your so that not even your mother will recognize you!" and she had the nerves to just stand there and look at me with a very sarcastic look on her face and then she said "Oooo, am I suppose to be scared for the girl who ran away last time we met? what are you going to do, screw me to death?" and then she started to laugh, "is that what you're trying to do with Nicky here or havn't you gotten into his pants yet?" That was just enough for me, I couldn't help myslef so I stepped one step closer and used my boxing skills and placed a very perfect fist into her face. It knocked her to the ground and before nicky got a hold of me, i put one foot on each side of her and looked down on her and siad "if you ever say anything like that again I'm going to fucking kill you! You don't know what you are talking about and therefore you shoudln't be alowed to talk, i should rip your tongue out!" But then Nicky took a hold of my hand and pulled me back to him, then he casted one last look at the girls and dragged me away with him. When i looked back at them they were trying to help a bleeding Jessica up on her feet and I couldn't keep myslef from smiling. Then Nicky finally broke the silence and said "That was a very nice cross you got there" I just started to laugh and siad "Yeah well, I have been training with you havn't I? Was it better then th hit I gave Shane back on Ireland?". Then Nicky just bursted out laughing and siad "yeah it was even better then the cross you gave Shane". I have to say it felt really good to smack that bitch in the face and I don't care that my hand hurts, it was so worth it. And to be able to laugh together with nico was also really nice, it got my mind of things but as soon as we got near the hospital again i could feel my heart drop and it was with struggling steps i walked into the hospial.

We found everyone in Toves room, noone had heard anything of either Tove or Jensen and I could tell that Jared got more and more worried about his best friend. I know exacly how he felt and I felt really sorry for him so i let go of Nickys hand and walked over to Jared and sat down on my knees infront of him and hugged him the best i could. I told him that everything was going to be fine and that jensen was a fighter and that I was there for him no matter what. He just gave me a soft smile and thanked me, then his eyes woundered away from me and when i followed them I saw he was looking at Nicky who was looking at me with worried eyes. I gave Jared another hug and then i walked back to Nico who just opened his arms and pulled me into a hug. I don't know what i would do without his amazing hugs, it makes me feel so safe.

After another hour th door finally opened and in stepped Henrik, I just walked straight up to him and asked if everything was okay. He looked me in the eyes and siad "I told you that everything was going to be fine. We are done with Jensen so he is on his was back here soon, therefore i must ask you guys to leave the room and only be in here two or three at a time." I felt such relife so i gave him a hug and then i asked "what about Tove?" he looked over at everyone and then back at me and siad "They are going to start working on her now so i don't know anything yet, but so far everything looks good. I'm going back there now but i just wanted to tll you the good news about jensen first.". We all thanked him and followed him out through the door and into another small room where we werew going to wait for more news on Tove. He told us that a nurse would come in and tell us when it was okay for us to go and see Jensen so we sat down and waited. after about a halfhour a nurse came in and said that three of us could come with her and see Jensen so Jared, Nicky and I walked with her and found Jensen lying in his bed sleeping. All three of us just sat down and waited for him to wake up and after about an hour he slowly opened his eyes and said with a weak voice "Hey, is she okay?" I kissed him on his forehead and said "Hey you, she is still in surgery so we don't know anything yet, but you are okay and we are so happy for that. You had us so worried." He just smiled and then looked at Jared "Hey bitch, good to see you." Jared let out a relifed sigh and said "Hey jerk, it's so good to see you too, you scared the hell out of me man." Jensen just smiled and when jared gave him a hug he hugged him back and got a small tear in the corner of his eye. They are so cute the two of them, they are just like Nicky and Shane. Two best friends who would die for one another.

Well, I on't really know what more to tell you because there hasn't happend so much more. Jared, Nicky and i are still in Jensens room but he is sleeping again. I'm worried sick and I know that it's just a matter of time before Henrik walks in with either good or bad news. So I'm going to stop now and go back to Nicky who is sitting in a sofa not far from me, I'm getting pretty tired so I think I'm going to go over there and rest my eyes for awhile.

Plz keep your fingers crossed that Tove will get through this and in that case you might here from her tomorrow if she has enough strength for that.

Take care
Love
Madde