Biatch!

Hello freinds!

Another day at this fucking hospital, I'm in a really bad mood todayI don't really know why, but one reason can be that the pain are geting worse for everyday and I'm tired of this!

I have really tried all day to not piss everyone off and not to be the greatest bitch on earth! It feel like I have the worse PMS ever but it can't be that either since I don't have my period anymore. So I don't know why I'm liek this whic pisses me off too! I hate this!

Well anyway me and Jensen was laying in this bed this mornig and I coul allreday then feel I was in a bad mood. Jensen gave me a goodmorning kiss and that made it a little better.

Then all the sudden he asked " What's the adress to your blogg?" I laught and said " Secret! " He said " Why is that? Do you and Madde write terrible thinks about me?" He was so cute because he was totally serious when he said that. I strok he's cheek with my hand and said " Yes that exatally what we do, telling then who much we hate you and how terribel you are and how ugly you are, that's all I'm writing about. " He looked at me so sad and disappointed, I gave him a kiss and said " How can you even think that I would do that? But to be honest I have surely written something like that when we where fighting or so. But right now I'm just telling them how wounderful you are and goreouse, charming, romantic and absolutely amazing and how much I love you " His sad face disappear and insted he showed me that amazing smile that I love and he look my hand. Then he said " So why can't I see it? " I said " Because me and Madde have agreed to not tell anyone in the family, and it's alot of things in there that I know you don't want to know"

He said " Well I'm not in your family so tell me. What is it that I don't want to know? Have you been sleeping with someone else that you havn't told me about?" He took back his hand and I said " No I haven't been cheating again, I promis! The things I don't think you will know is that it's alot about me and Henrik in there and other guys, I just think it will hurt you, so sorry.

And btw what do you mean that you are not in our family, ofcourse you are, you are my boyfreind and the guy I wnat to speand the rest of my life with, so you are my family!" He said " OKay but I think I still want to read it. I want to spend the rest of my life with you too honey and I would love to start out own family soon, I'm not really geting younger"

I said " Yeah I know but it's not like you can't make kids your whole life and you know I'm not ready" He smiled and said " Yeah I know, but I would love to be a daddy before I'm 40.
And you would be redy, you have been with kids your whole life since you are the oldest, and you would be a great mum. If we start trying in a year and then it will almost be two years intill the baby will be born and then we will be married and you will be ready. Plz Tove just think about it, you don't have to answer now, just think about it" I looked at him like he was crazy and said " Think about what the baby or the marrage?" He smiled and said " The baby, because I know you will say yes to the proposel soon. Like I said just think about it" I sign and said " Yeah yeah I will think about it, are you happy? And about the engagedment, I just say in your dreams!" He laught and said " I'm happy, I thought you would say no, and you will say I do I can promis you that" I just gave him my evil eye then he kissed me.

Later this mornig it knocked on our door and in came Emma, she gave me and Jensen a hug and sat down on my bed. She looked nervous and then she said " You and Madde tell ecah other everything right? " I told her that was true. Then she got quit and after a while she asked " Can you promis me to tell the truth if I ask you something? " I promised her that and then she asked " is it something going on between Nicky and Madde?" She sounded really worried. I look her hand and said "ehh.. no it's not " She said " you don't sound so sure about that" I said " It's kind of complicaded, and yesterday when Madde told you that you would understand when you got older and it was some growen up who didn't understand there realtionship, and that's me. " She looked at me suprised and said " You? I thought you where on there side, why not?" I said " Yeah me, no never, because I think it's wrong what they are doing because it's hurting you and the rest of he's family. I know they are just friends but sometimes they show it in a weird way. How do you feel about this?"

She looked a little relived and said " I hate it, Nico is almost like my father too seens I'm liveing there so much and I love him like my father. It feels weird that they are sleeping togheter and i'm really confused and scared. And for two days ago Kim and David came and aske me if mum and him had broken up and if Madde was going to be our new mum and I didn't know what to tell them. I can barly sleep because I'm so worried, I odn't want mum to get hurt and one night I sneaked up and in to mum and Nicos bedroom and there was Madde sleeping on Nicos chest and he had he's arms around her. Just as he and mum use to do. And I don't get went mum is home he's almost alsways sleep with Madde at your place instead. David have asked mum why dad is sleeping there instead and she use to say that's because Madde need to talk to someone, but I can see she don't like it at all. And last night david had dreamt a nightmare about mum and nico that mum would never come home again because Nico was togheter with Madde who was going to be our new mum. And since Madde was sleeping with nico he came to me and sleeped in my bed intead of going to nico or mum like he uselly dose. " She looked so sad and helpless and I said " I think all three of you should talk to Nico about this and tell him this and that it you hate it and that he should stop with this and talk to your mum too because you can't feel like this adn I understand that you are confused because I'm too" She said " Good then I'm not alone" I huged her and said " everything will be okay, and if you want to talk then you can always call or come here when ever you like and if you can't sleep tonight call me I always like to talk in the phone and I can't sleep either so I need companie" Jensen laught and said " She really loves to talk!! You should see her phone bill, huge!" I hit Jensen on his arm and told him to shut up, Emma laught and said " I will call you if I can't sleep, or you call me so you get an even bigger bill" I laught and gave her another hug and said goodbye.

I have to say I feel sorry for her and kim and david. I do understand they are worried and confused. I can't belive Madde are so selfish sometimes! When I said to her that I thought the kids must think it's weird then she just said that they wheren't kissing when they saw it! Yeah that's good but still if my mum has a boyfreind and she would of taken home a man even though they where freinds then I would of wonder too.

I can't belive that Madde and Nico don't think this is a big deal because it is!

Nico is breaking up he's family, his kids are scared and can't sleep and he dosen't seems to care! And neither dose Madde. This is so wrong both for the kids and for Zara. It would be like I would be kissing Henrik or Tobbe just because we are freinds, I know that would kill Jensens heart and I know that Madde would hate me if I did that! I know Madde dosen't think it's the same because we aren't as good freinds but still that dosn't matter, I don't think Zara cares how good freinds they are. And I really hope that Emma will tell her mother about how they feel because I know that Zara love her kids over everything in this world so she would to everything to help them. And I acutally thinking about asking Emma if she wants me to call Zara and maybe talk to nico to if she dosn't have the couage to talk to her mum or Nico. But I think it will be better if they talks to Nico themself because he want just get anry at them as he would be at me.

Kids are not suppose to see this kind of thinks, without knowing what is going on between there parents. Nico has to fix this in someway this is he's kids and I know he love them more then anyone else so he need to fix this. And now when I have talked to Emma I don't think talking and explaineing will fixs this, I think they have to stop sleeing togehter. Because the kids can't stand this anymore. I feel really sorry for them and Zara I do.Madde you will probably get angry with me for all this. But I don't care, this has nothing to do with you or me, this is about Nickys family and especially the kids.

Me or anyone else dosn't mean that Nico can't be there for you but he can't countine this way even thought you two don't think is something wrong with it, but it's hurting people.

I just hope everything will work out for everyone.

When Emma had left Jensen said " I can see this is making you really pissed off" He know me too well. I told him how I feel and he said that he wasn't really a big fan about this eiether. It feels good that he have the same oppinions as me so I have someone to talk to.He kissed me and said " You are allready worring about
everyone else kids and your brothers and sisters so then you are reday to get a own kid " I said " Jensen I'm not really in the mood for this kind talk right now, I woke up at the wrong side this morning, so plz tell me if I get to bitchy so I don't scare you away" He gave me a little smile and then he said " Sorry we talk about that later. Tove we where a couple for 2 and a half years and you think you can scare me away, I'm kind of use to your bitchness" I laught and said " Good, that's one reason why I love you. Madde have known me in 22 years and she still get irratated when I get like this, but she has a temper you don't have" He laught and kissed me.

When Madde and Nico showed up they should be happy that I didn't just started to yell at them because that was just what I feelt to do. But I didn't say anything I wamted to give Emma the chance first. So I didn't say so much at all to them with I think Madde thouhgt was weird because she was looking at me weird. After a while Jared came into the room too he gave me and Jensen a hug and satt down. Talked a little. After a little while Henrik came in and since we have been talking much now this last days when Jensen have been in rehab, so Henrik gave me a hug and we talked alittle and Madde, Nico, Jared and Jensen looked confused that we was friends again, even though I don't think Jensen liked it I could see that in he's face.

Well anyway Henrik told me to take off my shirt so he could chanche the bandage who was laying over my stitches. So I did he took away my old bandage and it hurted like hell and appernly the stitches didn't look so good but he siad we just had to wait and see what happends.

Then all the sudden Jared did a " intressting" discover he said suprised to me " You have a tatto?" Me and Madde started to laugh.I asked " Like you haven't
seen that before?" He said " No" I can't belive he haven't seen it before, okay it's pretty far down at my hip, with Jense you never see it and it's almost under the edge of my panties but not totally so I can't believe he havn't seen it before! Madde and I was still laughing and all the guys just looked at us like we where crazy. Jared asked how it looked and I told him that it was a big star and then tree smaller once and alot of curlicuer, it's hard to describe. Then he said " Let's see it then" Madde started to laugh even more I had stoped at gave her a meaningful glare that she would stop but no.

Henrik got paged so he ran off after doing my bandage. Jared walked closer to me and so did Nico and Madde to but she was still lauhgting herself to death and Jensen was allredy sitting next to me. Jared said " Come on" I said " No, in your dreams!" Then Madded started to and tell me that I should show it and Jared is as stubborn as Madde if not worse so he never gives up!

I just said " Fine!" Jared started to applaud and I just told him to shut the fuck up, which he did!

I pulled down a little of the edge on the panties down, then Jared said " Where is the big star you where talking about? How far down is this tatto going?" Then Madde laught even more if that's possible. I said " Ehh.. far down.." Jared started to laugh and said " Let's see it, I want to see the whole tatto otherwise I can't say I have seen it" I looked at him and said " Never going to happend, NEVER!!I'm the only one who has the property to be down there and looking at it, so i'm not showing!" Jared laught so much and said " Come on! So not even Jensen have the right to be down there?" I laught and said " Yeah okay Jensen is the part owner" Everybody started to laught even me, Jared asked " What body part is Jensen part owner with?" I looked at Jensen and said " That's he's destion, fingers, lips, tonuge and ofcourse mini Jensen" Jared just shaked he's head an looked at me and then at Jensen and said " I can't belive this words is coming from your girlfriend! Unbelivevble! Jensen use your part ownership with your fingers plz and nothing else and show us the tattoo" Jensen looked at me and gave me a teasing smile, I looked back at him with angry eyes, he laught and said " Sorry man if you want to see it then you have to buy yourself into it and get a part owner too, and sorry again but it's to expencive for you!" Then Jensen gave me along kiss. And Madde yell out while she was lauging " Oh alittle foreplay too!" Me and Jensen just ignored her and countinue kissing ;P When we let go after the kiss Jared said " I can't belive that Tove Alexandersson has a tattoo and not in THAT area! It's so not you at all!! It's almost like imposible that the shy fall down as you having a tattoo and still there, or acutally I thought it was bigger chance that the sky would fall down then you having a tattoo!! And you can't say it's on your hip then you are laying it's more on some other bodypart!" I just said " Well in my defence I was young and drunk!" Madde said " Yeah I remebere that night, it was an intressting night!" Jensen asked " How old was you when you did it?" I answerd" I was 15 and drunk remebere that! It was acutally Madde who convince me to do it even thougt I didn't wanted to. And after a few beers and alot of Vodka then I did kind liked the idea. And our friends brother was a tattoo guy and he also at this party and he was also pretty drunk so that's why it's a little weird in the edges. I remebere Madde wanted me to do a heart and write Tim in it becasue I was thoughter with him then, but I really glad I didn't agree to that!! But I got it for free or almost anyway. " Nico asked what I meant with almost I thought what the fuck I have allredy told them almost everything so why not tell them everything so I said " Well with almost free I meant that he wanted something in return and it was not money" Then Madde laught even harder o it was almost hard hearing what she said but I think she said " Tove how old was he?" I looked at her like I wanted to kill her but I said " He was maybe 35 or something like that, so he was like 20 years older then me. And now when I have allready told you everything then I can also tell you that he was naked when he did teh tattoo and it was just after we had sex so that's why it's in that place" Everybody was really laughing till tears, except me I told them to shut up but they didn't listen! Jensen stop for a shout while and said " He was older then I'm now!" Then he started to laugh again. Then Jared asked " What did Krisen say about this she most of killed you and him?!! " I laught and said " Well the best thing with having it down there is that she didn't noticed, but for about three years ago when I was laying in the sun she saw it and I thought she was going to ripe my head off, because I told her how old I had been when I had done it and about the guy and everything. I have never seen her that angry before I think! I think everyone escaped out off the house that day or maybe even that week or month almost, so I'm glad she didn't found put when I was 15 then I don't know what she would of done since she reacted like this when I was 22 and she wtill hates it! But so do I so I can't blame her"

Jared said " You shouldn't regret it I think you look kind of sexy in it, and I have to say after today I have a whole new picture of you, you are a bad girl after all, I never thought" I laught and said " Yeah well.. thanks even though I don't think so. And Jared Padalecki it's alot of thinks you don't know about me, just ask Madde we where kind of wild when we was younger, but I don't mean she will tell you, right Madde?" She laught and said " I'm not promising anything!" I just told her to be quit about that! She just laught.

While we where laughing Jess came in and she ask what we was laughing about and we just said nothing and stoped even though some people had a hard time with that like Madde!
Then Jensen asked " where is your boyfriend?" She said " He's not my boyfriend yet" I looked at her with big eyes and said angry" He's not you bofriend but you where going to have sex with him anyway!! I did though this could get any worse but I was wrong!" She said witha defenceiv voice " You had sex with Henrik and you wheren't a couple and Kian and James and I'm sure it have been a lot of other guys too and I'm kind of sure that you and Jensen had sex before you became a couple the first time!! So why shouldn't I do it?!" Since I had been in a really bad mood all day my paitince wasen't the best! I said angry" First of all you have nothing to do with my sex life, nothing! And I told you about Kian and James because I thought you was growen up enough to not use it aginst me, but no! And you said I could trust you before I told you about that is this what you call trust?! That was the last time
I'm telling you anything about my life! You shouldn't do it because you are smarter then me and shouldn't take me as a role model!"
She said angry" If I have nothing to do with your sex life why do you have something to do with mine?! And maybe I didn't keep that promis that you could trust me, but you didn't keep your promis to Jensen eiether!! " I was angry! She have chanced so much since I got kidnapped she like a diffrent girl, before she was nice and helpful and all that and we almost never fight back then but now she is a selfish little bitch!! I said angry" I have someting to do with your sexlife if you don't want mum to have something to do with it, you can choose me or mum?! Someone needs to look after you since you can't be abel to do that yourself! You don't thinkI know that I didn't keep my promis to Jensen and hurt him like I never have done before! I beat myself up for that everyday singel day!! And you are still useing it against me and if you do that then you are defenetly not ready for sex! " Now she was almost yealling at me " I choose neither of you!! Who looked after you so you woulden't have sex?! You should feel guilty every minut because that is just something you don't do! Not if you love someone!! So maybe you don't love him?!! 'm more growen up then you are!! Because I would never ever cheat as you do did!! even twice!!" I just wanted to break something in to pieaces then I yelled back" Well that's not an option! I would of choosen me because mum will kill you if she knows Madde throw out Mikael the other night!! No one looked after me that's why I got in ALOT of trouble!! I do feel guilty every minut of the day trust me I do!! You don't think I love Jensen?!! That's the worse thing I have ever heard!! I love him with all my heart and soul, he's my everything!! So you have no right to tell me how I feel and not feel that's my own business!! If you think you are more grown up then you maybe should start showing it beacause I don't see it! You are a spolied brat do you know that?!!" She didn't answer she jusr ran out off there! I don't get what have happend to here this past few weeks, she's like another person which drives me crazy!

When Jess had ran out of there Jensen said firmly " Was all that really nessesary?" I snapped and said " What?!! Didn't you hear her, ofcourse it was necessary!! And you have no right to judge me who I talk to my sister!!" I could heard it myself how bitchy I sounded and Jensen said " Tove remebere when you said I should tell you when you got to bitchy? Well now I'm telling you. " I took he's hand and said " I'm Sorry Jensen, I didn't mean that, ofcourse you should be abel to have your opinations about everything even how I talk to Jess, I'm so sorry" He kissed me and said it was okay. Then Madde asked I wanted her to talk to Jess. I said " You can do that if you like but I still stand by the things I just told her and I think she crossed the line. But Maybe she needs to talk to someone so if you like to talk to her maybe that would be good. But the most importent thing is that you keep an eye on her or even two so he dosn't sneack away to Mikael and so he dosen't snecak in to her either. " She promised she would keep an eye on her and talk to her. One off the best things with Madde is that even though she will get angry with me about all this with Nico I know she still will look after Jess because I know she loves her too and don't wont anything bad to happend to her.
It's not that I don't like Mikael beacsue I kind of do alittle anyway, I just don't trust him and I have a bad feeling about all this, but ket's just hope I'm wrong.

Well Linus came by yesterday so I could help him with school work and so I could talk to him about the shrik that he hasn't been visting twice a week.
When he walked throw the door he had a big bag with him with bookes. I sended Jensen out for a walk and to bring me some coffie. Jensen looked at me worried and said " Should you really be drinking that? " I smiled and said " Stop worring about everything, I'm fine! And yes I need it my energie is starting to let me down right now" He didn't say anything more he walked out the door. Linus helped me to the little tabel we have here in our room. We satt down and I asked what we are going
start with and we desided that we where going to start with math. He started to count and I have to say he's pretty good so thats not the problem the problem is that he dosn't have any motivation to do it but when we had started I think he thought it was kind of funny since it was going good, intill he layied his hand on my thigh and started to movie it up. I look away his hand with mine and asked what the hell he was doing, he said in he's defence " Sorry, it's just so hard to not do it, because you look so damn sexy in those shorts and your legs is like amazingly sexy, I can barly control myself" I said firmy and alittle ngry" Well you just have to otherwise I will make sure you get sterilized tomorrow!"
He didn't say anything he just continued with he's maths. Jensen came back after a half hour and he opend the door alittle and said " Am I aloved to come back inside?" I said " Yeah if you have my coffie with you?" He came inside and gave me a big cup, thank God for caffeine!
We study for almost two hours, when we was done I looked at Jensen with a meningful look which meant that he would leave us alone. And he acutally understood the hint and said he had to go out and take some air.

I asked Linus calmly why he hadn't been going to the shrik and he told me that he was healty and didn't need it and he was okay. I look he's hand in mine and said " You tried to kill youself for two weeks ago, you are not okay. Remebere that I said I will make you get locked in somewhere her if you don't go to the shrink, and I know I can do that since me and Henrik are kind of close , and if you don't want to go then plz do it for me and Madde and everybody else who cares about you and who is worried. " He sign and said " Fine I will go but I'm just doing it for you no one else" I huged him and tol dhim to remebere to go there on monday, then he had to leave.
When Linus left it knocked on my door again and in came Christoffer Magnusson.
He asked if I had talk to Linus and I told him taht he would be there on monday. Then he started to talk about me and ask how I was doing after the operation, the aborten and everything. I tol dhim that I was not intressting to talk about my feelings right now or never. He tryed to convince but I said no, then he told me that the door was always open.


Today when Jensen was at rehab Henrik came by again and he satt down on my bed and we talk I told him about me worring about Nicos kids and about Jess and our fight and about the pain which is geting worse. It feels so great to talk to Henrik it's so easy since he kind of a open person then he dosn't have so strong oppinins about everything, he still tells me what he thinks and so on but he dosn't think he has right all teh time he is open for other options. It's just one subject we don't talk about and that's me and Jensenn because that would be weird I thin both of us feels that way. But if something happend between me and Jensen like if we was faight then I still think Henrik would help me with that too even though he would like it to much, he's great to talk to. I asked if I couldn't get some kind of pain killers but he said no that would just make it worse, but he said " It's acutally one thing I can do to help you throw the pain and since I know you I know you will hate it " I said " Tell me, because I can barly live with as it is now!" He said " Well we can put you to sleep and on a respirator for like a week so you have chance to rest and get well that's our best opition" I said " You was right I hate that idea, I'm not going to do that, never. I just have to have this pain then. " He huged me and when he let go he looked me into the eyes and said " Tove I have missed you and I still do, I loved to wake up next to you in the morning and fall a sleep with you and talk to you" I said " Yeah that was a great time. " Then all the sudden he asked me " Did you really like me before I screwed up?" I heisted a little but said " Yes I did I acutally thought that we would end up as a couple especially after you had asked me out, so yes I liked you alot" He looked sad and said " Why didn't you tell me that when we was dating?" I said " well first off all I hate telling someone that I like them especially the firdt time when everything is new and all that and second off had it made any diffrent? If I had told you would had had said no to Madde then that day? " He thought about it and said " I wish I could say yes, but I don't know. But you should know that you are the first person I have ever liked in a way who is not just sexual. I was acutally falling inlove with you. And even though I couldn't keep myself for doing something stupied. " I huged him and said " I kind of knew that, and I was almost falling for you two" Then Jensen came in while we was huging and he asked what was going on I told him that we was just talking, Henrik said " maybe I should leave you two alone" So he left.

Jensen looked worried and asked " it is something going on between you and henrik?" I said " no it's not we just friends" He said " How can I be sure off that?" I said " well you just have to start trusting me again,and I can't blame you for not doing it because I can imadgen it's really hard but if our realtionship is going to work then you just have to trust me when I tell you that nothing is going on between me and Henrik. That's why I thought we should take it slow intill I earn your trsut again, and I acutally thought you trusted me thats why I wanted to become a couple, but maybe we should just me freinds again and more and see what happends intill you trust me again" I sign and said " Okay I'm sorry I don't want just to be your friend so I will trust you about Henrik. And do my best to trust you again, because I love you and I don't want to loose you again" I huged him and said " You ahev nothing to be sorry about it's my fauilt and I do understand why you can't trsut me, but I would never do it again to you. And I don't want just to be freinds either because I love you too" He look my head between he's hands and looked into my eyes and kissed me.

Then the fucking whore nurse came in who had been hitting on Jensen a few days ago!
He looked at me like " Come and help me" Then he walked over to he's bed and took of he's shirt. She started to listen to him and feel with her fingers, but it was more sexual then an exsame. She let the palm of her hand slide down over he's chest while she was giving hima flirt smile. And since I was all reday having a crapy day I used my bitchness at her. I used all my enegri and walked a few steps to he's bed. The nurse was trying to kiss him while she was leting her hand slide over he's stomach and chest. I sat down next to Jensen and said " What the fuck do you think you are doing to MY boyfriend bitch?! She tooked her hands off him and looked at me from top to toe, then she said " He's your boyfreind? What a joke! It's like the beauty and the beast and then you are obviously not the beauty" Jensen got really angry and started to say things too but I just told him to shut up and tell me handel it! I said to here " I don't care what you think about me because I don't know you and I don't care what bitches like you think! But I agree that Jensen is the beauty! " She said bitchy" Good then you are prepared when he leaves you for some one like me, then everone would understand why he is with my because we would look perfect together. It's not like now when people wounder why he is with a ugly whore he's to goreouse to be wasting time on someone like you, admit that you are just want he's money!" I said " Someone like you? Allow me to laugh! You think he would leave me for a fake blond bimbo with fake boobs, and who has botox everywhere and look like a plastic barbie doll, don't think so! Maybe I'm a ugly whore but I still have the most amazing person by myside evereyday for the rest of my life so I don't care, do you hear that I don't care!! I don't even need he's money!! " She
said " My boobs are totally real and my hair too! I'm just made this way, you are just jealous because every guy want me and because I'm the sexiest blond girl in the world, so just wait a day or too then your "boyfreind" will forgett everything about you and have he's eyes on me!" I said " Yeah right that you boobs are real and your hair, I don't think so it looks like watermelons and you have dark roots! I'm not jealous since I'm just want one guy to look at me and he's sitting next to me, about the rest of the guys I don't care! AndI can tell you that you are not the sexiset blond in the world because I know her and she is my best freind she is the sexiest blond woman on this planet!! And yes I will wait because I wont belive it intill I see it!! Which will never happend!! So in your dreams barbie doll I think you are the one who is jealous at me for having the most goreuse man in the world!" She apperntly never give up! She said " I'm jealous at you, you must me kidding! I can seduce him when ever I want! If I'm a baribe doll then you look like a fucking.. strawberry!! And I doubt that you have a freind who is hot, because sexy people stick togheter so why should she be freind with you! She is proably as ugly as you are! And ofcourse my boobs are real!!" She turned to Jensen and said " Maybe you would like to feel them?" Jensen looked realy really angry like he wanted to kill her, I said " You seduce him? I doubt that! A strawberry is that the best you can come up with?! Then you are as stupied as you are fake blond! You don't say that about my best freind you fucking bitch I wil.... " Then we got interupted because someone was calling after her outside so she had to leave, which was kind of good because Ithought I was going to kill her after what she said about Madde! Before she walked outside the door she said " I will be back tomorrow to seduce your so called boyfreind!" When she left I was furious and so was Jensen but he calmed down faster then I did. I just wanted to kill something or throw something in the growend!! Jensen look my hand and said " Calm down honey, but I have to say I have never seen you like that before I think your eyes was totally black of anger, you where kind of scary" I couldn't help it when he said it like that so I started to laugh and I kissed him.


Madde and Jared came back after dinner. The first thing Jensen said to them was " Guys you missed something, Tove totally scary!" Then I told them what have happend. Jensen said " She said she would be back tomorrow, I wouldn't miss it if I was you because she will try to seduce me then it will be kind of fun to see how she dosn't succed. " We laught all four of us and then I told Madde if she was going to be hear tomorrow then I didn't want any fighting from her side and she promised me that.

I can't belive that Madde thinks that Krisen dosn't trust her. I knwo she dose she is just worried about her. Mum called me today to hear how I was feeling. So I told her that Madde thought she didn't trust her. Krisen said " Ofcourse I trust her it's just that it feel like she have somthing inside of her who makes her like that, she makes me worried because she never talks to me. I kind of know how she feels about Linus not talking to her, because if feel the sameway with her. I love her and she is my daughter and I just wish she would trust me enugh to talk to me when she is sad or happy or whatever I just want her to come and talk to me. Because I know she is having a hard time with you and Linus and alot of other things but she never say a word to me. " I said " Maybe you should tell her that because I think she thinks that you love me and jess and Emil and everybody more then her just because you didn't carry her around in 9 month, I think you have to start showing her that you love her" She sounded sad and said " What? I love her as much as I love you and anyone else of my kids, it makes me sad that she thinks that. I really need to talk to her because she have been abandoned to many times and I want her to feel like she has a mother that she can trust and cry with and who just will be there" I said " I know you do, and plz talk to her, because I think she needs you as much as you need someone to talk to who has the kind of same feeling about me beeing here, I know you have Johan but he dosn't have the same conection too me as you two dose. " She said that she would talked to her tonight or tomorrow, and I hope Madde can start opening up for mum I really dose.

Well anyway thats all I have to say today and I just wish I will be in a better mood tomorrow.
But It can be good though to be in this mood if the fake barbie doll is going to try to steal my boyfreind! Well anyway You will hear from Madde tomorrow :)
Take care!
Kisses and huges
From
Tove