Let us help!

Hey to you all!

I wish I could say to you all that I'm doing better but I can't. It still feels like I have been run over by 50 tractors at once! But I'm still alive and that's something anyway!

I was allredy awake when Jensen woke up since I still can't sleep even though I'm geting some kind of sleeping pill. Jensen is sleeping alittle better anyway but he thinks that is because of the morphine, which is probaly is. But he have a hard time falling asleep, and when I asked him about it he say it is because he's so worried about me and that something will happend, kind of cute but totally unessesary.

Well anyway I was laying in my bed looking at his gorgeous face and he's so cute when he sleeps and he looked so peaceful in he's bed, I just wanted to hug him and kiss him and tell him everything will be okay. When he woke up I was still admiring he's goreous face and he's cheats who went up and down. He opened he's beautiful eyes and looked at me and smiled he asked if I had been sleeoing anything at all, I told him that I had maybe been sleeping one or two hours. He asked how I was feeling and I said that it was the same. Then he asked " Dose it hurt even more if I come and lay next to you?" I smiled and said " Yeah proably since you are touching me, but I don't care it worse it" He asked worried if I was sure and I nodded then he said " You can throw me out of there when every you want" I said " Never gone happend" He walked up and crowl down next to me and I laied my head on he's cheat. He asked if it hurted more and I told him it did. Then he sounded really worried and said " Do you want me to leave?" I said " No, that would just hurt more, this is acuatally what I need. " Then he kissed me and then I don't really remember anything more because I fell a sleep in he's arms.

Madde and Jared showed up super earliy and they gave us hug and asked how we where feeling. Jared didn't look as worried today I think that's because Jensen is really looking good, he walkes and eat and they have taken away almost tubes from him which they haven't done with me, so Jensen looks like he always dose now, which I'm glad he dose!

Madde told me that Nico was with the kids but he would show up in a few hours.

We laught and talked and had a great time and the hours just flew by. I think Madde was holding my hand for all this hours, kind of sweeit.

At lunch time it knocked on the door and in came Sarah and James!! Not good! Sarah came gave me hug and then she gave Jensen one and ofcourse Madde and Jared too. James walked over to me and gave me hug and I could see that Jensen didn't like that then he walked over to Jensen to say hello to him, Jensen just said a cold hi then nothing more. They sat down and they asked how we where doing and we or mostly I talked for both of us. Jensen looked weird at me and Sarah and James like he was trying to figer something out. I asked about the baby since Sarah is pregnant and eerything was fine. Then Sarah said something about how nice it had been in the cottage last summer, James gave me a glare and then Jensen just stood up all the sudden and I thought he was going to kick James ass but
he just said he had to go rehabilitation, and then he gave sarah a hug and said that it was nice to see them again, before he walked out the room he gave James a angry glare. Jensen wasen't acutally going to rehabilitation that was just a lie to get out of there. But I don't blame him. Sarah went to the bathroom then I wisper to James " Jensen knowes" He said " I kind of understood that, Sarah still dosn't know" I looked at him like he was crazy for not telling her but he just ignored that.

When Sarah and James went home I asked Jared to go and see where Jensen was which he did more then ever.

Madde said " That was awakward" I said " Oh yeah!"

Jensen and Jared came back, I told him that I was sorry and he said it was okay and then he kissed me. Then a nurse came with food to me and Jensen. He started to eat and he was done almsot before I had started, I coulden't eat more then just a few bits. It hurts to much to eat and it dosn't help that I don't have any appetite. Both Madde and Jensen was trying the best to make me eat but I just coulden't. I could see who worried they was, but I can't.

Madde and Jared desided to go to the cafeteria to eat something. While me and Jensen was alone he's mum called. She has been calling everyday since the operation or acutally he's dad did call yesterday, but they are sweeit to call and see who Jensen and I is doing.

Jensen laught and talked then all teh sudden he asked " Do you know any good hotells here?" I looked at him like he was crazy with máde him look confused then I said " Is it for your parents?" He nooded and then I todl him to give me the phone with he did. I said to he's mum " You two are not staying at some hotel, never going to happend. You are ofcourse staying at my house, this thing is not even discusseble It's not like we don't have enough space" She said " Isn't that do much for your Kristina?" I said " No she would love to have you around, we are allredy such a big family and who always have some gussed who is staying so two more is not that much, don't worry you are staying with us" She laught and said " Fine we are staying with at your place" I asked " For how long are you two staying? Adn when are you arriving?" She said " For maybe 3 weeks but we haven't really desided we just have to see what happends and pur plane is to arrive on this sunday morning" I said happy" Great! Then Jensen are almost out of here since he's going home on monday. And then maybe I will get home also before you are leave if everything works out as it should"

She said " We just have to keep our fingers crossed that everything will go as it should." I said " Yeah, well then I will see you and Mr. Ackles on sunday!" She said "Tove you better then to call us that. You know we rather have you call us mum and dad then Mr and Mrs. Ackles or you just call us Alan and Donna. " I laught and said " Sorry Donna," Then I gave the phone to Jensen who talked for a while before they said good bye.

When Madde and Jared came back Nico was with them too. He gave me a hug and they sat down. We started to talk but after a few minuts Krisen walked throw the door she asked Madde if she could come home for a while because the social services had made Linus and he's mum a visit and they hadn't found anything and Linus had said that everythingw as okay to them and that he didn't want to move. So now they wanted to talk to some other people he knews and care about him, so they wanted to talk to Madde and me too apperntly they would come by later today to the hospital to talk to me. Madde asked if Nico could be with her when she talked to them, but Krisen said no because they want to talk alone with her and me too.

Krisen looked at me and Madde and said firmly" And no lies now! I don't want you two to come up with some story just so Linus will stay with us. That will just get bad later when they found out" Then she looked just at Madde and said " And no fighting either!" Madde looked back at her angry and then she walked out the room.Nico followed her and Jared too, and I think they drived home because they didn't come back.

Krisen gave me hug and Jensen we talked alittle then it knocked on the door and there was Linus he looked terrible. Mum walked over to him and gave him a hug and a kiss on he's hair even though I could see he didn't want to but I think it's good that she show him that she care about him and that he's not alone. Krisen told Jense to follow her out side so me and Linus could talk alone.

I told him to sit down on my bed and I gave him a hug and I asked was what wrong.

He just said " Nothing" I look he's hand and said " Tell me, you know youo can trust me. "
He didn't say anything, so I asked " why is it that you don't want to move in with us? Is it because you will be my brother or is it because you can't do whatever you want, or what is it? "

He looked even more terrible and sad and said "

Both of that but it's not the main reason. If I tell you then you will just tell everybody like Madde, your mum and social services and I don't want that" I huged him and said " I promis I will not tell them, so plz Linus tell me what's going on" He finally told me and like I said I promised him so I'm not going to tell you want it is.

But I can say that I kind of understands him but at the same time not it's hard.

Be for he left I said " You know you always can talk to me right? And I would love if you desided that you want to live with us, but even if you don't I will always love you and help you and just be there for you, and like mum said our door is always open. And never hesite to call me or visit me whatever it is and when ever. And Linus you are amazing guy don't care what other people say" I kissed him on the forehead and said goodbye.

One thing he told me that I can say is that he didn't passed in almost any subject in school and not even the core subjects. So he needs to go at summer school if he dosen't want to go nine grade again he just needed to pass the core subjects,
which is Swedish, English and maths. So I told him that Madde and me could help him with he's home work and so on. But he refused to agree that Madde was going to help him, but he said I could help him. So now I'm going to help him with he's homework two days a week, but I think it will be fine since I was acutally kind of good in school especailly in maths, I was acutally kind of a geek when it came to school, I acutally liked to study, I know I'm weird, Madde thought I was anyway. So it should be fine helping Linus and in english I always have Jensen who can help us. I really think it's importent that he pass this and he's mother dosn't seems to care or know what is going on in he's life!

I'm not going to talk about her that will just make me in a really bad mood.

When Linus left mum and Jensen came back and I asked what they had been doing, they said they had been drinking coffie and talked down in the cafeteria. I asked what they had been talking about, they just said differnt things, I said " what did you two say about me?" Both of them smiled at each other and siad " nothing" Which made me really annoied because I know they talked about me! When mum left I tried to make Jensen to tell me, but no!

Then he ha dto go to rehabilitation so he kissed me and left.

While he was gone Henrik came in and sat down on my bed, we started to talk and we had a great time. It was just like before when we was learning to know each other.

We talkde about how I was feeling about the sickness, about he's father who had abused him and so on. Then he said " You knwo you always can talk to me I still love you, but don't worry I know that nothing can happend, and it's my own fauilt, but I do love you. You have no idea how worrid I was seeing you on the operating table and when you got the sezer. All I do is worry about you I can barly do my job. "I gave him a hug and said " I love you too but just as a friend" He said " I know and that's better then nothing" Then he ha dto go because he had a meeting. I have to say I have kind of missed him.

When Jensen came back he crowl down next to me again without a word then he started to kiss me, that's like the best ever, that's almost better then morphine, because all the pain just fly away. I can't even desribe how much I love him! What would I do with out him!

While we where laying there kissing then the social service knocked on the door. I tol dthem to come in, it was a woman named Veronica Jonsson and a man named Jonas Englund. They introduced themself to us. Jensen gave me a last kiss and said he would wait outside.

The woman asked " Your boyfriend? " I said " Yes, but what have Jensen to do with this?" The man said " Well we want to hear about people in Linus environment how they live and background and all that. " The woman called Veronica asked " Is your boyfriend also staying here and why are you here? " I said " Well yes he is, it's kind of a long story but the short version is that I had liver cancer and I got a transplant from my little brother and then I got kidnapped and I got really sick again and then my boyfreind donated a piece of he's liver for me and that's why we are here. " She asked if I was fine now and i told her about the risks and everything. Then she asked about my childhood and about mum and Eddie. I said " I have had a pretty good childhood with both my mum and my father in mylife till I was abbout 14 then my dad left,and now he's trying to fix everything but I odn't know." When we was done talking about my chiledhood. She asked what kidn of realtionship me and Linus had, I said " I love him as my brother and I really care about him. And since he refuse to talk to Madde then he had talk to me instead so we have gotten really close. The thing is that he's inlove with me and dosn't just love me as a sister. But he is an amazing guy who is sad and depressed and scared. Who drinks and do drugs and all that, which he shoulden't do. " They diden't reply at anything they just akse more qustions. What I thought about he's mum and so on. And I told them what I thought that she is a terribel mother, who dosn't listen to him, or see him or care about him. and all that.

They asked me all kinds of things.

When they left Jensen came back in and asked how it has gone.

I said " Well I just told them how it was, but I don't think all this will help to get him out off there since she isn't abuseing him or anything, and especially since he dosn't want to move. I'm so worried about him but it's nothing I can do.. I just hope he will be okay.." Jensen gave me a hug and a kiss on my cheek.

Then Madde called and asked what they had told me, we talked for a few hours then Nico had walked into Maddes room and asked if she wanted to take a walk with him to talk alittle.

And ofcourse she said yes :P But I'm glad she have nico but not when he kisses her. I don't like that. It just feels wrong, I know she dosn't care what I think about this, but I'm just saying it because I don't want her to get hurt. But Nico knews how she feels about him but he don't seems to think it will hurt her more, we just have to hope that he's right about that.

Well now I have to go.

You will hear from Madde tomorrow! :)

Have a nive evening!
Kisses

Tove