Yeah...

Hello...

Well now Madde is gone and I really miss her it's crazy.. I can't belive what a bitch I have been towards her. Even thought I think it's wrong what she and Nicky are doing but that is no excuse that I wasn't there for her and stood up for when I should have. I don't deserve to be her freind anymore or whatever we are right now.. I just hope that things will get better when she cames home, because then I hope she can forgive me for everything and hopefully we can fix this between us and move on.. I need her in my life as a my best freind and sister and a person that I know I always can talk too and always be there for me and that I love more then everything. I just hope that she needs me too after everything and not just Nicky..
I also wish that this week could go by really fast that I could hit the fowards button and she would come home. Hopefully she will call me under this week but I will give her time if she dosn't want to talk to me then she dosn't need to, but I relly hope she will call me soon.. I miss her.

Well let's talk about something else for while who isn't so depressing, but it probably will be depressing again in this inlay.
Tonight I haven't sleeped anything I just couldn't I was just lying and thinking about mine and Maddes life our good times and bad times and what an asshole I have been but you all ready know that so..
Well anyway Jensen woke up after a few hour sleep since he had made me companie in my thoughts last night, sowe had just lying there talking, I'm so happy that I have found a man like him and that I love so much I would do anything for him ( Except get married ) and I know that he love me so much too. Anyway way when he woke up I laied down on his bare cheast and he kissed the back of my head and then we just lyied there for a while intill My came raning throw the door and she throw herself on the bed and smiled and said " I also wants to cuddle with Jensen " Jensen laughted and lie out the other arm that he wasn't holding around me and My laied down on her side on his arm. Jensen strok away a little hair from her face and My said " You should name your baby Lotta or if it's a boy Bamse " I started to laught intill I didn't get any air Jensen just looked at me and My confused and asked who Lotta and Bamse are, I luaghted and said " Lotta is a noise little brat and Bamse is a bear who get strong when he drinks honey. " Jensen laughted and said " I will not name my kid after some brawler and not a bear either " I luaghted and said " Your kid? I thought it was our kid since last time I cheaked I was the one who had OUR baby inside of me " Jensen smiled and kissed me and said " Yeah Sorry our kid, and you have no idea how good that sounds in my ears. And I'm glad that you are the one who is caring the baby and not me I wouldn't been abel to handel it " I said " I can imadgen how good it feels. Yeah I know you woulden't because guys are wimps and can't do anything " Jensen laughted and said " Yeah I know we are, and I hope I'm good at one thing anyway because when I do that you seems to like it " I smiled and said " fine you are okay on that " He said " Just okay? Rembere my tonuge " I smiled and said " OKay you are amazing!! " My said " What about your tonuge? " Both me and Jensen started to laught and he said " Tove loes how I kisses her with my tonuge " My said " Gross! I'm hungery I want lunch " Jensen said " Let's go and eat then and let Tove rest for a while " My looked at me and said " Are you sick? " I said " No. I just have morning sickness which I get because I'm pregnate " My looked confused but got up from Jensens arm and took a grip on Jensens hand and tryed to pull him up but ofcourse she didn't suceed, Jensen gave me a kiss and then he walked up to put his pants on and wallked down stairs with My, while I laied there in bed.

Since I couldn't sleep so after a while I walked downstairs too and when I walked
down they where still sitting at the table talking and Jared was also there. Jensen walked over to give me a hug when he saw me and then we sat down and My said " So if your baby is notging to be named Lotta or Bamse so what is it going to be named? " Jensen smiled and said " I have some suggestion but I want Tove to hear then first before we tell anyone else " I smiled and said " Tell me later baby" He kissed me then Jensen said " Me and Jared are thinking about going out tonight on some club, do you want to come with us? " I said " No I don't think so, I don't really feel like it because everything sis so messed up right now.. " Jared said " Come on it could be good for you to think about something else " I said " Yeah maybe but I can not even drink so.. " Then Jess walked into the kitchen and Jared said " Do you want to follow us out toninght? " Jess smiled and said " I would love too!" Then I sign and said " Then I'm going too " Jess looked at me and said angry " I don't need a baby siter" I said " Yes you do!" Jensen said " Ladies don't fight " Jess left the room and walked away.

Then Alex walked into the kitchen and after him Sara and Zara. I smiled and gave them a hug and they sat down and I asked if nico had called Zara today and she said
no so I said " Next time he call maybe you should answer and yell at him and then you can ask him whatever you want because I know he is really to tell you the trush to all you qustions and everything that have happend " Zara sign and said " I know I should talk to him but I can't stand hearing his voice, his beutiful voice and I know I will start to cry and I don't know what to say to him. I'm so angry that he dosn't so anything to fix our realtionship, nothight! and that makes me furious, but maybe we should take some time off but I don't know.. " I said " I understand that you are angry, but tell him that. I hope it will be you two again " Zara said " Yeah maybe.. and so do I. If we ever do then I don't know what will happend with Madde. . And sometimes it feels like I don't want him back since he have kind of choosed her before me.. that he is happy when she is around him and when I'm.. I don't know..I don't think he loves me anymore to be honest and if he dose not as much as her " A tear falled down from her eye, I didn't know what to say because she was right he hasn't done anything to fix this. I walked over to her and gave her a hug and then David called and said he had falled when he was playing fotball with his freinds and he was hurt so zara said good bye and left. I talked with Sara for a while intill I walked up to my room to get dressed and take a shower.

When I walked out from the bathroom Jensen was sitting on the bed talking on the phone so I started to get dressed and after 10 minuts he said good bye and walked into the closet where I was and gave me a kiss and i asked who he had talked too and he said " You are so beautiful and amazing women! " I looked at him and said " What
do you want? " He smiled and looked down and said " That was my ex Danneel... she is here in Stockholm and I told her that I was going to.. meet her tomorrow to eat dinner.. " I said " O h .. ehh it's okay I'm not a jealous horrible girlfreind.. " Jensen looked at me and said " Your not? Yeah right. But that's why I was going to ask if you wanted come with us? " I said " I'm not! Her idea or your idea? " He said " Yes you are. acutally hers, so? " I sign and said " fine " Jensen kissed me and said " Everything will be fine I promis. " I said " Like I said not jealous " Jensen laughted and kissed me.
Then he started to kiss my neck and he pulled of my shirt and conutine kissing me, but then it knocked on the door and I heard mums voice calling my name so I put my top on and we walked out of the closet and walked over to Krisen and me and mun have almsot not talked since we fight the other day. She said camly " Have you heard anything from Madde? " I said " no I haven't.. " Krisen said " okay " And then she walked out of our room and closed the door.
I hestied a few seconds before I opend the door and ran after her and I saw her just close the door to her and Johans bedroom. So I walked over there and knocked on the door and Johan opend and I said " Can I talk to mum... alone? " Johan Smiled a little and opened the door for me and walked out and closed it and mum who was lying on the bed reading looked up and when she saw me she asked if something was wrong and I sign and said " yes" And lyied down on the bed and Krisen put away the book and said worried " What is it? Have it something to do with Madde, is she okay? Or is it your baby? " I said " No me and the baby is okay and I don't know about Madde. I just want to apologize for that morning when I yelled at you, you where right I should of been the one who stood up for my best freind and I didn't, and I had no right to yell at you. Thank you for being there for her when I wasn't, so I'm sorry and thank you " Mum smiled and said " Yeah you should off been but that it's your and Madde problem. But you don't have to thank me, no one is treathing my daughter like that never. But I appreciate your apolgy and I forgive you " I smiled and gave her a hug and said " I love you mum " She said " I love you too mum " I laughted and said " Don't call me that yet, do you want me to call you grandma? " Krisen laughted and said " No don't do that please " I laughted and and said " Fine " Then mum let go of my neck and strok my belly who is pretty big now and mum said " I have been thinking and next weekend when Madde is hope we should have a have a whole day togheter, like shopping, then spa and all that what do you say? " I smiled and said " I would love too " Then I gave her another hug and walked out of her room.

I walked down stairs and walked outside on the pouch and when I walked throw the glass doors I hear the voice I love the most and he said " Hello sexy " I walked over to Jensen and sat down straddle over him and started to kiss him and he started to get more eager so I stopped kissing him and said " So what names had you been
thinking off ? " He smiled and said " If is's a boy Bert or Jam and if it's a girl Candy or suger what do you think? " I looked at him like he was crazy and he was looked totally serious then I said " Ehh they where.. intresting... but I don't know " Then Jensen started to laught and said " I'm kidding, " I started to laughted too and hit him his head and when we had stopped laughting he said " No seriouslly if it's a boy then Jason or Jasper maybe? And if it is a girl then Dennie or Mandy? " I smile and said " I like all for off them Dennie is so cute and so is Jason " He smiled and said " Have you been thinking about some name? " I smiled and said " I have just been thinking little today after you told me that you ahd some suggistions and I come up with Stephanie if it's a girl and Charlie if it's a boy " Jensen kissed me and said " Charlie is great and I acutally like Dennie best if it's a girl. " I smiled and said " So do I " He kissed me and said " Admit that you
starting to like this idea of having a baby? " I smiled and said " No I'm not " Jensen smiled and said " You are such a bad lier, I can see that you are enjoing every second of it " I laughted and said " No I'm not " Jensen strok my back and said " Yes you are, you have even thought about names so you love it " I said " No I don't " He put his hand on the back of my neck and oulled it closer to him and before he kissed me he said " Yes you do, every minut " Then he started to kiss me but after a minut or so mum called that it was dinners so we walked inside and sat down at the table and it feelt empty without Madde at the table but I just have to get use to it under this week.

Well after Dinner I walked up stairs to make me ready to go out even thought I have never been this negative to going about before it's a weird feeling, I rather stay home watching tv, oh God I'm old!! Or pregnate.. or both.. but I have to go since my little sister is going with my boyfreind and my freind but hopefully Jess is not going to get in to the club because the age is 23 and she is 19 but they are uselly not that strict aslonga they are over 18 but I keeping my fingers crossed that she isn't getting in then I can go home. Well Anyway like always I was last done and evertone was waiting on me, and when finally done after 3 hours then I walked out from the bathroom and walked downstairs where they where waiting on me and Jensen smiled and said " You look great " I kissed him and Jared said " It dosn't even show that you are pregnate in that " I said " I know that's the whole point " He laughted and we walked out the door and left and I was the driver since I couldn't drink. And of course Jess got into the club and all of us walked over to the bar and we was at that club Madde told you about with the bartender Lars and of course he was working
and started to talk to me and then he said " The useally drink? " I said " No not this time, I'm not drinking tonight " He laughted and said " That must be the first time " I laughted and said " I think so too. Bu I can drink something with out alchole " While he made me a drink he asked who Jess was and I said " That is my little sister" He smiled and asked what she wanted and since is not an expert on drinks yet since she have just been out a few times so I helped her and told her waht to get and Lars laughted and said to Jess " You sister could all most work here now " I laughted and he gave us our drinks and Jensen and Jared took a beer and of coure the guys had to pay and Jess was on her way too andLars said " Sinec you are Toves sister then it's free " I smiled and we walked away to sitt down and we found a sofa and sat there and drank and talked for a while and Jared said " I think I have never seen you drink a drink that slow be fore, because useally you often all reday on your second drink " I luaghted and said " Well it isn't that fun without alchole. " We laughted and then Jared, Jess and Jensen wanted to go to the dancefloor and since i wasn't feeling that well I said I would be there in a while. After sitting alone like a minut a guy came and sat next to me and started to talk to me and he was acutally nice and hot! Then he asked if he could buy me a drink and I said I was fine and then he started to hit on me and he put his hands on my thigh and move closer to me but then my hero Jensen ackles arrived at just bend down and started to kiss me and the guys just walked away and Jensen said " I can't even leave you alone for one minut before you have guys hitting on you, but I do understand them it's hard to keep my hand away from you " I smiled and stood up and kissed him and he garbed my hand and lead me out on the dance floor and we started to dance for a while and Jess and Jared was also dancing and after a while all for off us walked over to the bar again and Jared wanted a shout and so did Jensen and athen we apprently Jess too.. But one fast got to two and Jensen and Jared drank maybe 4 but I stopped jess after two.. then we hit the dancefloor again and I could see that some guys started to hit on Jess but Jared scared them away which Jess didb't look so happy about. Jensen was really drunk right now and his hands started to go out of hand and he started to strok his hands up on my bare thighs and then under my dress and he started to kiss my neck and I turned around so we was face to face and he grabed my hand and put it on his beast who was appretly all ready hard. So I garbed his hand and snecked back stage off the club and into the stock and I started to unbutton his shirt and kis pants and he pulled down my pantied and I put my hand inside of his boxers and started to careness it and then I pulled them off and started to use my lips and tounge and he started to moan and when he was hard enough he put it inside of me and started to go fast while his hand was under my dress touchig my boobs and it was so good, I started to moan and he slowed down but he still did it hard and deep and keeped it inside of me for a few second everytime which made it even better! After a while he started to go faster agian and I started to moan really load and after a while I came and he kissed me and countie going fast while I was stroking his back with my hands and after a while he started to breath faster and got all tence and then he came inside off me in 40m/h and it was so good. Then he kissed me and pulled it out and started to get dressed and so did I.

When we walked back to the club Jared was at the bar drinking more and he was also really drunk and Jensen too another beer wven thought he shouldn't then I start
looking after jess and after a while I found her in a sofa with a guy who looked like he was 28 maybe and he was kissing her and had his hand inside of her shirt so I walked over there and asked what the hell he was doing. They stopped kissing and both of them looked at me and Jess was angry and I asked the guy what his problem was for kissing a 19 years old girl and he looked at Jess and then at me and said " She said she was 24!" Took Jess arm and walked over to my really drunk boyfreind and to his best freind and I told them we was going home they tried to convince me to stay a little longer but I refuced so we walked out of there and in the car and I hat eto hang out with drunk people when I'm not drun k myself, even thought they never happends but when it dose I hate it!! When we got home Jared and Jess went to there room and me and Jensen to our and he was all over me all the time but after a while I conviced him to sleep and he feel a sleep right away.

Well her I'm blooging so have a nice night and then you will hear from Madde tomorrow in Sligo.. Honey I miss you so much!
Kisses
Tove