The day of the conversations.

Hey Guys!

How are life?
Here I don't really now.. between me and Madde I don't really now what we are right now, we are not fighting or anything like that it's just that we haven't talked that much this last weeks.. so I don't know if that's a bad thing or a good one or both..

Well this morning when I opend my eyes I was lying with my head on Jensens cheast and I could feel on his breathing that he was still a sleep, but I lied there for a while and breath in his scentens and he smelled so amazing like always! I pressed my lips aginst his cheast and kiss him but he was still sleeping, I think he is kind of tired since I have started to eat my watremelons in the middle of the night to I just have to eat them otherwise I die! Or it feel like that anyway, and I think Jensen is started to get a little tired of it even though he do his best to be patience and don't compline, but I'm just waiting for him to start yelling at about it.. but we just have to see.
Then all the sudden I got a weird feeling that I missed mum all the sudden, which is not me at all. So I let Jensen sleep and got up from bed and knocked on mum and Johans room and I heard Johans voice telling me to come in. So I opend the door and mum was lieing on Johans cheast and they looked so cute and I could see how surprised they got when they saw it was me and not My. Mum looked at me worried and said " Tove is something wrong? " I just walked over to them and crawled down next to mum and she left Johans cheast and looked at me and said " Tove are you okay? " I smiled and said " Yes, I'm really good even if you remebere my cancer is gone" Mum said " I know honey, I'm so happy and relived that it is. But still what are you doing here? " I smiled and said " I missed you.. I know it sound weird, because I think so too.. but I do" She smiled and sat up a little and so did I and she gave me a hug and then we lied down again and I lied my head on her shoulder and she kissed my forhead. Then Johan said " Maybe I should go so you two can talk. " I smiled and said " No stay. " Johan was sitting up in the bed and he looked at me confused and said " You want me to stay when I'm offer to leave? " I smiled and said " Yes I'm, because I know you make mum happy and then I'm happy " He still looked confused and I said " Johan stop looking so confused I mean it, and I also wants to say thank you for being there for Madde over this month when I haven't. " He said " Thanks Tove, I never thought you would say that " I smiled and said " Well then you learn something new about me " He laughed and said " guess I did. " Mum looked at Johan and smiled and he smiled back and lead down and gave her a kiss and then he lied down again. Then the door opend and it was My who came running into the room and she looked at me with suprised eyes and then she said " What are you doing here? " I said " I missed mum and wanted to cuddle with her, since it's my mum too not just yours " My said " fine!" Then she walked over to us and crawled down on mums other side and mum smiled and said " It's not everyday I have my oldest and youngest daughter in bed at the same time, but I like it " I smiled and kissed her cheek and Johan said " So what did you think about the dresses yesterday then ? " I said " Well, the bridesmades dresses looked good and they where so beautiful, and the brides dress also looked amazing but the person who is going to wear it like destroid everything. " Mum sign and said " Tove you are beautiful. I just wish you could see what we see.. " Johan sat up again and looked at me and said " Like your mum said you are so amazingly beautiful, and Jensen will probably faint when he sees you in that dress. " I didn't answer and I changed subject a little and looked at My and said " I think your flowergirl dress is done really really soon, ask Madde about it" She smiled and ran away to ask Madde. Then we talked for a while longer and it was really cozy.

Then in knocked on the door onec more and Johan said come in, and Jensen walked throw the door, he looked so sexy he dind't have any shirt just his softy pants´, he smiled when he looked at me and said good morning to all of us. Then he said " I though I heard your voice in here. " I smiled and did a gesture with my index finger so he would come over to the bed, he smiled and sat down on the bed side, mum laughed and said " Do you also wants to crawled down here? " Jensen laughed and said " No I think I'm fine " We laughed and I lifted my hand up and reched for his hand and he smiled and took my hand in his and I said " I can't belive you came and look for me . " He smiled and said " I missed you " I smiled and said " You are just so adorble " Jensen laughed and said " I'm adorble? " I sat up and said " Oh yeah " Then I stroke his cheek with my hand and kissed his bare shoulder and Jensen looked at Johan and said " Are you also adoreble or is it just me? " Johan said " I have no idea. " I laughed and said " Johan isn't as adorble as you are and it's nothing wrong with that. " Jensen said " Yes it is " I smiled and said " No it isn't that is what I love the most about you, your heart and soul that makes you you that caring, sweeit, considerate man that I love and it's just a plus that you are absoultly gorgeous too. " Mum smiled and said " You two are so cute!" I laughed and Jensen gave me a chessy smile and said " I though it was two other things that you like more then my soul and heart " I laughed and said " I'm not that shallow, I wouldn't even care if you where ugly " Mum, Johan and Jensen started to laughed and Jensen said " You wouldn't even have looked at me if I was ugly " Everyone was still laughing and I said " Shut up! I would have looked at you.. I'm not that shallow" Mum said " Should we go throw every boyfriend you have had or guys you have liked they where all really good looking. " I said " Tim wasn't!" Mum laughed and said " Okay maybe not but after that I mean Tobbe, Sean, Pete, Henrik, Kellan and of course Jensen. " I looked at her and said " What I didn't have feelings for Kellan.. " Mum stared at me with a meningful glare in her eyes and I said " How did you know that?" Mum said " Who didn't know that, I could see from the first moment I meet him togehter with you that it was something between you two. " I looked at Jensen and I could see that he didn't like it and I said " Jensen don't worry, that was before I have changed a bit. And also have a ring on my finger that showes that I belonges to you, so really don't worry " I kissed him and he said " If you say so.. " I nooded and then I said " Should we go back to our room? " He smilled and nooded and I gave mum a kiss on her cheek and got up from the bed and it is so cold inside of our house and I got goosebumps right the way and I crossed my arms over my cheast and Jensen gave me a warm hug and when we let go I looked at mum and said " I love you mum. " She smiled and said " I love you too honey" Then I let go of Jensens hand and walked around to Johan and he looked at me confused agian and I laughed and said " Didn't I tell you to stop looking at me like that? " He said " Yeah, but are you here to kill me? " I laughed and he sat up a little and I think he looked alittle scared and I laughed and put my arms around his neck and hugged him and he carefully hugged me back and I smiled and said " Thank you for beging there and talking care of the two most amazing women that I love, I know both mum and Madde loves you so thank you. " I kissed his cheek and let go of his neck and he had a huge smiled on his face and said" And I love them too, and Tove I love you too even though you don't love me and I'm always here for you " I smiled and said " I know, thanks " He smiled and and i got up and walked back to Jensen and he smiled and kissed my cheek and then he took my hand and I looked at mum and she smiled and looked so happy and then we walked back to our room.

Jensen lied down on our bed and he smiled and told me to come over there so I walked over there and lied down next to him and he gave me a kiss and then he said " I can't want to see you in your wedding dress!" I said " Yes you can. " Jensen said " Youmust have looked so amazing so I can even imadgen it " I said " yeah right.. " Jensen sign and said " Tove you are so beautiful, please start believe that all of us see it except you " I sign and said " You starting to sound like mum" He said " Good because she is right too, why aren't you beautiful? What do you see that we dosn't? " I sign and said " Everything is wroug with me, especilly that I'm pregnant and I'm not saying that I don't want the baby I'mjust saying that I hate looking like this!" Jensen kissed my cheek and then my nose, my eyelid, my forhead, my shoulder, my neck, my chest, my boob, my stomach, my arm, my hand , my fingers, my thigh, my foot, my lips and every other body part and I looked at him like he was crazy and he said " I love every little part of you, you are so gorgeous. Your soft lips, your amazing eyes, that cute nose, that amazing boobs, your percft fingers that touched me so soft, those sexy legs that I love, your ass is so firm and thigh and I think every little pice of you are so beautiful and sexy I even think your nails are beautiful, and your heart is made of gold. You are just amazing!" I sign and said " It's not that easy to feel beautiful when I'm looking like this, and since I'm Maddes best friend. " Jensen said " What have Madde to dod with this? " I said " Well every guys I have ever been togehter with our liked have always disappointe me and it always have had something to do with Madde. I don't think anyone can have that good self - confidence in there selfs and think that they are beautiful after being hurt so many times because a peson you though you know and that just loved you then was going to look at your best friend insted even though you where standing right infront, would you feel beautiful then? Escpecially after it have happend like 20 times or something with diffrent people. " Jensen said " I ca just imagen how hard that must be but Tove I think you are so much more beautiful and sexy then Madde I promise you that " I sign and said " You know those words dosen't mean anything to me anymore after 30th of August since you are one of those guys Jensen. So no I don't feel beautiful or sexy or whatever you say I'm, I don't believe in that anymore that dispperd many years ago. " Then I got up from bed and walked into to the bathroom and started to brush my teeth and I looked at myself in the mirror and sign and then Jensen wakled into the bathroom and he gave me a hug from behind and lied his chin on my shoulder and I took at him throw the mirror and he whisperd " Look at yourself, you are so beautiful " I sign and took the tooth brush out of my month and spit out the paste and I got out of his grib around me and took of my top and my pantis and walked into the shower and turned the water on. And it feelt good to feel the water over my body and just try to wash mine and Jensens converstion off. When I was done showering I wrapped a towel around me and walkedout to the room but Jensen wasn't there so I get dressed and walked downstairs.

I found Jensen, mum, Johan, My, Madde, Jared and Johanna in the kitchen. Jensen walked over to me and put his arms around me and kissed my hair and then he let go of me and Johanna said " What's wrong with you too? have you been fighting " I sign and said " No we haven't been fighting, we are okay or more then okay " Jensen smiled and I gave him a kiss and Johanna smiled and said " If you two would ever break up then Jensen I'm always free " Jensen laughed and I said " Johanna his mine so don't even think about it " She laughed and then I walked over to Madde and gave her a hug and said " Good morning honey, do you want to joine me on a walk after breakfast? " She said " I would love to. I love you so much " I smiled and said " I love you too " Then I sat down next to her and Jensen gave me a glass of juice and a half melon and I smiled and said " Thanks honey. " He smiled and kissed my cheek and sat down next to him with his coffee and sandwish and he looked at me and smiled. Then we stared to eat and after breakfast I walked upstairs and so did Madde to get ready to go, I put on some make up and fixed my wig and so on. When I got down stairs Madde was of course reday and she sign and said " You are the slowest person I know!" I just stuck my tonuge out to her and she laughed and I gave Jensen a kiss and Madde kissed Jared then we walked outside.

I brought Ebba with me and we didn't really now where we was going to walk so we just started to walk in some direction. We didn't say anything for a few minuts then i broke the silence and said " Do you think I should tell Jensen about Tobbe? " Madde looked at me and said " Yeah I think you should, or do you want to live in a lie with him all your life? " I shooked my head and said " You are right you should tell him.. but then I problay won't be liveing the rest of my life with him.. " Madde said " Tove he won't break up with you, he didn't when you told him about James. " I sign and said " Well he asked me last time if I had anything else that he ddin't know about.. and I said no, so I'm not so sure. " Madde sign and said " He loves you to much" I didn't answer to that and I changed subject and said " So do you miss Nicky? " Madde looked away and said " Yes I do.. but I have Jared and he is amazing. But yes I miss him " I nooded and said " It must be hard to not speand every minut and second with the person you are inlove with, I mean I know you are inlove with Jared.. but still you have feelings for Nicky " Madde said " Yeah it's hard really hard I just wish I could stop feeling like that for Nicky today so it could just be me and Jared " I said " I know honey and you will stop feeling inlove for Nicky and when you do please take it slow with Jared then. When you feel that you can be happy for Nicky if he and Zara gets back togehter or if he meet someone else then you are ready to be togeter with Jared but then you have to really be hoenst with yourself and be sure that you are happy for him. I just don't want you to mess up this again and I'm here if you want to talk. " Madde took my hand and said " Thanks honey, and we will take it really slow and I think it will be a while before I can even be alittle happy for them, but I hopefuly will get there sometimes " I smiled and said " I know you will get there honey. You are a stronge woman so fight this feelings " Madde said " I'm not stronge" I said " Yes you are, you are stronger then you think " Madde just shooked her head and we walked throw a park and she sat down on a park bench, I sat down next to her and Ebba lied down on the ground. And Dennie started to kick and move inside of me, so I lied a hand on my belly and started to stroke it and Madde looked at me and smiled and said " You lookes like a real mum when you do that and it's so cute " I laughed and took her hand and put it on my belly and she smiled and said " She is starting to get so stronge, and when she gets older I will teach her who to boxe " I smiled and said " Yeah do that. I bet you will be the best aunt or godmother ever " Madde said " I will spoilder her like hell" I said " No you won't. " Madde said " Of course I will. But are you looking forward to become a mother, it's not that many month left " I said " I don't really know how I feel about this, but I'm glad that it's a few months left because I'm not really to become a mother yet " Madde said " Well you have to be in a few month but you have Jensen there to help you. But I think you are brave to do this and I know you are ready to be a mum and you will be the best ever, and Dennie will be happy to have you and Jensen as her parents " I said " Thanks honey I mean it it means a lot to me that you said that. And well she hopefully will be happy for the first 10 years then she will probably hate us and love you " Madde laughed and said " Yeah probably since she is related to you " I laughed and said " am I that horrible? " Madde looked into my eyes and said " No you are the best" I smiled and said " I love you so much " She smiled and took her hand away from my belly and gave me a hug and said " I love you too" I smiled and when she let go of me I said " We should do this again, I love taking a walk with you we don't talk that much anymore " Madde said " I yes we should mayeb tomorrow or some other day, because I love talking to you too I hate that we don't do that as much " I said " Yeah I would love that " Then we deside to go home since we had been away for two hours.

When we got home Jared proposed that him, Madde and Jensen was going to go boxing and of course they said yes and they asked if I wanted to come with them and watch but I said no, and Jensen gave me a kiss and then we said goodbye. Since I didn't know what to do I walked into the kitchen where I found mum and Johan making out like crazy!! I cleared my throwt and they looked up and I laughed and mum and Johan let go ecah other and they looked away and then mum said " So when are you and Madde going to Paris then ? " I said " On friday I think and we are getting home on monday " Mum smiled and nooded and then Johan said he had to go to work soon so he had to go and get ready, before he left I said " Johan can you look at Ebbas front paw now when I was out she walked a little weird she was like limping.. I got a little worried " I don't know if me or Madde have told you but he is a vet but now you know anyway.
Johan said " of course I can" I called after Ebba and she came into the kitchen and Johan started to fell her paw and leg and he said he feelt somethinf but he wasn't really sure what so he wanted to X-ray her to see what it was, I could feel that I got scared she is like my baby.. Johan told me to bring her over tomorrow because he was going on a meeting now so he didn't have time and I noodede and thanked him then he walked iver to mum and gave her a kiss and he said " Love you" Mum smiled and said " love you too " Then Johan said goodbye to me and left. I have to say it still feels wierd when mum say she love someone but it's sweeit :)

Then I deisded to go to Sara so I got dressed and took the car there and knocked on the door and I herad Niklas voice telling me to come in so I opend the door and found them in the livingroom, he had his arm around her shoulders and they where so cute. Even though they ahve been a couple now for month I have barely seen they kissed, but they are like that that they don't kiss and cuddle around people I don't really know why but they are, and then when they do they are just so adorble " I smiled and said hi to them and Sara said " What are you smiling about? " I smiled and said " It's just that you two are so cute " Niklas smiled and kissed Saras cheek and said " It's Sara who is cute " Sara looked at him and said " So what are you? " Niklas gave her cheesy smiled and said " I'm hot " I laughed and Sara said " No I'm hot and you are cute, so dream on " Niklas laughed and said " Fine, you are hot but I'm hotter " Sara just hit the hardest she could with a pillow " Niklas just laughed and Sara said " Like I said in your dreams!" Niklas said " Trust me I dream " Sara just shooked her head and Niklas gave her a kiss and I said " Like I said you are so cute " Sara said " If we are cute what are you and Jensen then? " I smiled and then the front door opend and I heard Zaras voice and she walked into the livingroom and gave me a hug and then she looked at Sara and Niklas and said " Sorry if inturrupted your cozy time or sex time or whatever " I said " Well then I was first of inturrupting them " Sara said " No one is inturpting anything" Zara said " Good, but I have to say I'm kind of jealous of you, I also want a man to hug " Sara said " Maybe you will soon.. " Zara nooded and looked at Niklas and said " But now I have to ask Niklas to leave this room because I need to talk to your girlfriend and Tove..alone " Niklas said " You are seednig me out of my own apartment? " Zara said " Yes I'm ,so go!" Niklas said " Why can't I be with you guys? " Zara said " Because you are a guy" Niklas said " No I'm not " Zara said " Well what I know about you still have dick so go" Niklas said " but.. " Then all three off us said " go!" He sign and gave Sara kiss and left the room. Me and zara sat down and Zara looked at me and said " Have you told Jensen yet.. about Tobbe? " I shooked my head and said " No I think I will wait intill I get back from Paris.. it feels like I should be home when he hates me.. " Sara looked at us confused since I hadn't told us so I told her anything and they agree that it was a smart idea to tell him when I get home.. Then Sara said " So Zara have you told Tove about that thing that you are driving me crazy with? What did you call it.. the biggest regret in your life.. " I looked at Zara and she said " This is embarrasing.. " I laughed and said " Come on, spit it out and start from the begining" She sign and said " Fine.. Well yesterday after we had been looking at the dresses I went to here to Sara and when I was on my way home.. I meet Markus.. " She stopped and I smiled and said " Go on. " She countinued " And he asked when he could ask me out again and I said when he had clean his apartment just as a joke and he jokes about it alittle that he couldn't clean and that I should help him and show him who to clean seens I was braging about it so after a while I aksed if I should help him for really, and he said yes. So we walked home to his apartment and it was even worse then that time when me and Madde was there!! So I admitlly started to clean and he helped me for like 5 minuts then he sat down on his bed looking at me and then he asked if I wanted to go on a date with him on saturday and I said no and he looked at me like I was crazy and I said I would say yes after we was done here and everything was shineing and he had to help. So he acutally strated to clean but it went slow... so I told him to go and clean the toilet because I was not doing that and he looked at me like I was crazy, so I just remind him about the date so he slowly walked towrads the bathroom while I clean the kitchen and after like 30 minuts he walked out of there and I asked if it was clean he nooded, but then I started to laugh becaus if the bathroom was clean he wasnt he had like detergent all over him and he just told me to shut up and I laughed even more. When I was done with the kitchen I helped him with the livingroom since he had like all his wardrobe there on teh sofa and when that was done we walked into his bedroom and there it was even more clohtes so sign and he helped me clean that then we vacuum and dryed the floor and after that it looks great. I think even markus thought that way since he was smliling and I told him that he was the only thing now that needed t o get clean and then he.. took his shirt off to changed it and.." Then Sara inturrupted and said " And where do you think her eyes where? " I laughed and said " Where ever womans eyes would be who wasn't gay " Zara said " Yeah yeah I look at his abs, so what? " I laughed and said " Countinue " She looked at me with her evil eye and she said " Fine.. then he said that he didn't have any clothes to wear since eveything was in the laundry and I laughed and then all the sudden he hugged me... " I laughed and sara said " Zara tell her everything now. " She sign and said " He hugged me and I hugged him back and I could feel his amazing abs against my body and i fellt a little on his bare back.. when I let go of him he he smiled and I asked what the hug was for and he said it was because I had been his cleaning help today and then all the sudden he.. kissed me.. and I.. I kissed him back..." I was just staring at her and she countinued saying" Then he took his lips away from mine and looked at me .. and then I kind of throw my slef over him and.. started to kiss him.. and touch his abs.. and he started to undress me.. and I started to take of his pants.. and he took of my bra and lied me down on the bed and started to kiss me again... and then you know the rest... " I smiled and said " You had sex with him?! Om My god! Detalis please, was he good? " Zara laughed and said " Yes he was amazing, so much better then last time. " i smiled and said " Was it big? " She laughed and said " Oh yeah.. " Then Zaras smiled disapperd and I asked what was wrong and she sign and she said " I regret it so much..I just wants to take it.. " I said " But you enjoied it right? " Zara saud " Yeah at monment I did.. but when was lying there in the bed afterwards all I could think off was Nicky and who much I was going to hurt him and who much I miss having sex with him and just how much I want him back.. " I said " Did you tell Nicky? " She said " Yeah I got home pretty late last night at 2 at night or something and he was sitting alone at the kitchen table wating for me and he was so worried, he had tried to call me but I hadn't answer and he had called Sara and asked if I was there but hse said I had left for hours ago... and when he saw me he was so happy I can't even decribe it.. he ran over to me and throw his arms around my neck and then he... kissed me on the lips which he havn't done for ages and then I relized how much I love him, but I knew I had to tell him.. so I did, and he got so hurt, sad and disappointed and he just walked upstairs into his room and closed the door without a word... and today he don't even talks to me.. and it's just hurt so damn much.. " A tear rolled down her cheek and both me and Zara lied our arms around her and hugged her. Then it knocked on the door and after a minute Niklas walked into the livingroom and we let go of Zara and she dried her tears away and Niklas was holding a big white box and Sara asked who that was for and Niklas said " It's acutally for Tove " I looked suprised at him and then he walked over with it to me and everyone was looking at it with suprised eyes and I opend it and there was about 30 red beautiful roses and it was a note there too and I smiled when I read it and Sara and Zara started to compine that I had to read it out load so I did and it stood " A rose for everyday since I put that ring on your finger. Happy 1 month engagtment or something. I have a suprise for you tonight, so be reday at 8 tonight. I love you! Love Jensen " So I smiled and Sara said " What did I say, who was cuter? " I laughed and said " Me and Jensen " Sara said " Exallty " I smiled and then we talked a little more and then I said it was time i went home to eat and then get ready. So i said goodbye to everyone and drove home.

When I got home everyone was sitting at the table except Jensen so I asked where he was and everyone just smiled and told me that I jsut had too see, so I eat and walked upstairs to blogg and here I'm right now, and now I really have to get reday since I'm not that fast,s o I hope you will have a great evening, and I hope I will too. But since Jensen is the most romantice guy on earth I proably will :)
Madde will write tomorrow on Thusday and maybe she will tell you what he had planed for me tonight.
Well see ya!
Kisses
Tove