Falling back into old routines

Well... Things are not the best at home at the moment or between me and tove anyway becuase we both fel like we are slipping apart again but I hope we will sort it out. Let's talk about today...

I woke up to an amazing voice whispering my name in my ear this morning. i smiled and slowly opened my eyes and looked into Jareds gorgeous eyes and he smiled and said "I'm sorry I woke you up honey, I just wanted to see your eyes and smile.". I smiled and cuddled up closer to him and siad "It's okay, I'm glad you woke me up.".He stroke my arm up and down and then he said "You going to nicky today?". I lifted my head up and looked at him and said "Why do you ask?" he shrugged and said "just wanted to know...". I saw the line between his eyes that he always gets when he is trying to be fine with something. I put my finger against it and stroke it and siad "Yes I am... I'm going over to eat dinner there. Are you okay with it and don'e lie to me.". He sighed and said "I guess I wouldn't... Can't we just hang out and maybe hang out with Tove and Jensen today before you go?". I slowly pressed my lips against his and kissed him and then I said "I would love to but first I have to go with Sara and Zara to Tony so that he can take their measurements.". He nodded and said "You are pretty thrilled about this wedding aren't you?" I smiled and said "Of course I am!! I'm super thrilled, it's so much fun and we are going to have the time of our lifes!". He laughed and said "Well I'm happy too and when it's you that's planing the whole thing I know it's going to be wonderful!". I smiled and said "Thank you! I just wish Tove would like it too..." he shook his head and siad "Well sometimes I think you have to big expectations on her...". I sighed and said "Yeah, I know." He stroke my cheek and I siad "thank you for being okay with me going to nicky tonight. I mean I want to spend time with my friends and I have missed Shay, Kian and mark so so much and now they are finally here again and I just have to spend time with them.". He smiled and said "I understand, don't worry. But hey, should we get up and see if Jensen and Tove's in the kitchen?". I smiled and kissed him and said "Yeah, lets." then he got up and since we had an amazing night with sex last night he was still naked and when he walked pass the bed I couldn't help but stare at him and then he stopped and looked at me and gave me a cheesy smile and said "What are you looking at Miss. Karlsson?". I smiled and said "Well just one of the most perfect bodies out there and it belongs to one of the most perfect guys out there.". He smiled and then he took a hold of the bottom of the cover and pulled it down which revealed my naked body. I screamed and pulled my legs up alittle to hide because he did it so suddenly so he scared me and he just started to laugh and said "Why are you hiding? It's nothing I haven't seen before.". i gave him a cheesy smiled and slowly lowered my legs and laid flat on my back on the bed. He smiled and his eyes followed every inch of my body and he licked his lips. I smiled and looked down on him alittle and saw his beast get stiffer as he looked at me and I slowly sat up and crawled on all fours over to him at the end of the bed. He smiled and I pressed my lips against his belly and put my hands on his hips and slowly kissed my way up to his lips. He ran his hands over my back and through my hair and I stroke his wonderful chest with my hands. Then he stopped kissing me and looked at me and said "Why do you have to be so gorgeous?" i stroke his cheek and said "I don't know... Why? Don't you like it?". He put his hand behind my neck and I felt his stroke it with his thumb and he said "Of course I do but so do so many other guys and I don't like that...". I soflty kissed him and stroke my nose against his cheek and whispered "But I don't care of what they think.". Then he stepped back a step and laughed and siad "You don't care? Honey no offence but you love that guys yearn after you.". I sighed and stepped out of bed and stood infront of him and siad "Fine I do but that is just because I like the attention but it only means something when the person I love thinks I'm gorgeous.". He smiled and said "Well good then that Nicky thinks you're gorgeous.". I hit his chest and went back to bed and said "Why did you all of the sudden have to mention him?!". He laughed and said "I'm sorry!" I stared at him and said "It's not funny Jared! I'm trying to forget about him and then you just bring him up all the time eventhough I'm right here with you! Can't you tell the it's hard for me?!". He stopped smiling and sat down on the bed infront of me and said "I'm sorry honey, I'll stop. okay? I won't bring him up again and I know it's hard for you and I'm so thankfult aht you are trying and that you want to be with me.". I sighed and said "It's okay, I'm sorry that I reacted the way I did... I know that you know and I do want to be with you... I love you so.". He stroke my cheek and said "I love you too so much." I nodded and gave him a kiss and then I went into the bathroom and took a shower and went back to the bedroom and got changed while Jared took a shower.

When we were done upstairs we went down and found Tove and Jensen in the kitchen as we had hoped. They were just sitting there talking and when we came in they just got quiet and siad goodmorning. I smiled and walked over to tove and pulled her up from the chair and hugged her and said "I love you so much tove and you are the best friend I could ever ask for. I just want you to know that I would never be able to go through life without you.". When I let go she was just staring at me like I was crazy and I said "Sorry, just had to tell you.". Then she smiled and made a load sound and threw herself around my neck and hugged me and the guys started to laugh and she said "i love you too and you are the most important thing that has ever happened to me!!". I smiled and when we let go of each other Jensen said "I thought I was the most important thing that ever happened to you.". She hit his arm and said "Don't be stupid!" I laughed and said "You come in second Jensen, deal with it.". He laughed and so did tove Jared and then he gave me a kiss and ewnt to the fridge to fix some breakfast. I asked if he needed some help but he shook his head and siad "Sit down!" so I did as he said and then Jensen said "You are a lucky girl Madde, but Jared... Don't spoile her!". Jared and Tove laughed but I just stared at Jensen and he gave me a cheeky smile and then Jared walked over to me, kissed my head and said "She is already spoiled.". I turned around and was going to hit him but he had just walked away so I just got to slap his ass alittle and he turned around and said "Kinky! But I know you love my ass.". I stared at him and then Jensen said "nah but seriously, Jared is a good man.". I smiled and said "I know he is." then Jared siad "hey, do you have to talk about m when I'm here? You're making me blush.". We all sarted to laugh and then Jensen said "Hey.. it's soon winter. What should be do then?". Tove said at once "Go somewhere warm!" Both me and Jared looked at her and then jared said "Jensen, this winter we have to have to bombard Tove and Madde with snowballs!". jensen smiled and Tove just stared at Jared and said "You wouldn't dare jared padalecki!!". Jared just smiled and said "Watch me!" and i said "Well go a head but you know that i won't give up so if you throw a snowball on me then you have declared war.". He laughed and put a sandwish and a cup of coffee infront of me and sat down next to me and said "Well we have a war then, bring it on!". I smiled and said "Can't the snow come now!!" Jensne and Jared laughed and Tove just stared at us like we were insane but we didn't care. We talked for a while longer but then I gave Sara a call and asked her if they was ready to go to tony adn she said that they were just going to drive over here so i ran up and got a hoodie from Jared and then i gave him a kiss and gave tove and jensen a hug each and went into the garage and got the Mustang GT and drove out and then Sara came and joined me inside and then we just waited for Zara who ran in and got something... dunno what though. Sara gave me a hug and said "How are you today?" I shrugged and said "i don't really know... I'm in a wierd mood today...". She laughed and then the backdoor opened and Zara sat down and said "hey girls! Let's go!". We laughed and i drove off and after about 4 minutes Sara said "hey, take it easy with the gas will yah?!". I stared at her and said "Don't tell me how to drive my car! I drive better then you and I drive better the faster it goes.". Both she and zara shook their heads and after a few mor minutes we parked and walked into Tonys store and he gave me a big hug and then shook sara and zaras hands and we went into the back where Gurstav was working. He smiled when he saw me and then he walked over to me and gave me a hug and then he said "Wow! You smell amazing!". I laughed and said "it's probobly the hoodie you're talking about." and then he took a hold of it and smelled it and then his gaze got all hazy and he said "It's jareds, isn't it?". I laughed and said "Yes it is, doesn't it smell amazing?!" he nodded and gave me another hug and smelled the hoddie but then Tony said "Gustav! Stop hugging madde, we have work to do!". i laughed and said "is someone here jealous?" he satred at me and said "No! we just ahev alot of work to do.". i smiled and said "Fine let's get started.". He statrted to take the girls measurements and then we sat down and he showed them the sketch and then he showed us the fabric for both ours and toves dress and it was gorgeous! We are going to be so beautiful!! :D

When we were done I drove Sara and Zara home and then as I was about to drive home myself I desided to drive a deatour just to drive alittle and when I was like in the middle of town and pretty close to the police station I saw a very handsome man in uniform so I pulled over and said "Hey sexy!". He turned around and when he saw me he smiled and walked over to me and wrapped hs arms around me and I buried my face in his neck and he said "My God! Hey honey! How are you?". I smiled and pulled him closer and siad "i'm good, how are you pontus?" he said "just fine.. working though.". We broke from the hug and I looked at him and said "Yeah I can see that. Sexy man in a police uniform... that should be illegal.". He laughed and siad "Well i'll just have to bust myself then." I smiled and said "I've missed you Pontus.". he stroke my cheek and said "i've missed you too honey.. You look beautiful as always.". i smiled and said "And you are handsome as always. What are you doing out here all by yourself?". He smiled and said "I'm not by myself, my partner is over there talking to a drunk... and I though i should go and see if there was someone else here..". I smiled and looked into the direction he was pointing and I saw a blond female police talking to a drunk man. I stared at her and then back at Pontus and said "That's your partner!?" he laughed and said "Yeah, that's Natalie.". Then he called for her and she walked over to us and gave me a smiled and held out her hand and said "Hi, I'm Natalie, it's nice to meet you.". She had huge boobs and was pretty gorgeous. i shook her hand and said "Hi i'm madde. nice to meet you too." then she stared at me and then at Pontus and his his arm and said "This is Madde!?". He smiled and said "yeah, this is madde." I looked at him and said "You've talked about me?". Then Natalie said "Oh yeah! he can't shut up about you but I can see why! Wow you are so beautiful!!". I felt really uneasy and then Pontus said "Yeah she is. isn't she?" and Natalie just smiled and nodded and I said "Well... ehm... thanks...". Then Pontus laughed and took my amr and pulled me to the side and said "Natalie is gay and well.. i've talked about you alot and she has always wanted to meet you.". I hit his amr and said "you couldn't have told e that sooner!!?? i felt realyl stupid!!". he laughed adn kissed my cheek adn said "I'm sorry love.". I smiled and then we walked back to Natalie and we talked alittle while longer.

After a while he nodded towards the car and said "The Mustang? Not the Lambo?" I said "Yeah well I had to take Sara and zara to the tailor so we didn't fit in the lambo...". He laughed and then he said "And you hate that don't you?" I laughed and said "Nah, the mustang is a nice car too but nothing can compare with the lambo of course.". He smiled and then he said "Yuo wanna do something some day?" i smiled and said "I would love to! but I don't know when because I'm going to nickys to eat dinner tonight and then I might be going to Paris this weekend with tove to work on our relationship.". Pontus nodded and then Natalie said "I just ahve to ask you, are you gay or straight or bi? Becuase not so long ago Ponuts said that you were together with a girl named zara and now you are talking about a tove and nicky...". Both me and ponuts started to laugh and I said "i'm completly straight, Zara and i was just a joke and Nicky is a good friend of mine and tove is my best friend and I'm kind of involved with a guy called Jared.". She nodded and then pontus hit her arm and said "Sorry about that, I know you think she is hot.". Natalie stared at him and then she smiled at me and said "Yeah well she is.". I shook my head and smiled and said "Thanks, I'm flattered... you don't look so bad yourself.". She smiled and then I walked up to ponuts and put my left arm around his back adn my right hand on his chest and said "But I'm straight so I rather take Pontus then you.". She nodded but then she said "You guys were married right?". I looked at pontus who looked at me and he smiled when our eyes met and he said "Yes we were." and I said "Yeah, I remember it like it was yesterday.". He laughed and gave me a kiss on my cheek and then natalie said "How come you got a divorse?". I felt so guilty and Pontus looked down on the ground and said "Beucase Madde found someone else...". Natalie stared at me and said "You found someone better then Pontus? How is that even possible, he is like so funny and i guess sexy and just a great guy all the way to the bones.". I sighed and said "i know and I love pontus alot and I always have but I... I guess when I look at it now I kind of made a mistake becuase of all the guys i've been with I think Pontus is the one who was the best for me at that time anyway.". She nodded and pontus looked at me and said "Really?" I nodded and said "You were there for me more then anyone else, you are AMAZING in bed and I really really loved you.". He smiled and siad "Thank you. and I really loved you too... still do.". I took a step back and said "You do?" he slowly nodded and said "Yeah, I've never forgotten about you Madde. I still love you so much and I miss you so deeply sometimes that I just want to drive over to you and kiss you and tell you the truth.". I almost didn't understand what he was saying, it was like he was talking a diferent language but then I said "I'm sorry... I don't... I can't... I love jared.". He nodded and said "i know and I respect that... I just Heya!wonder if you think about me sometimes?". I said "of course i do! Alot! I miss you too and you know you mean so much to me and love you but... I not like that anymore...". He nodded and then he siad "look, it's okay honey. I know you don't because I know you don't want to hurt Jared and I know that if you loved me like that you wouldn't be able to stay away.". Then Natalie started to laugh and she siad "You think so highly of yourself Pontus!" and I said "Well I wouldn't be able to stay away and it's still hard if you touch me.". Pontus laughed and said "Well then maybe I should touch you." and took a step closer but I put my hand up and said "No! Stop! Don't even think about it Pottan.". He laughed and said "I'm not going to. But we have to get back to work now, but it was so good seeing you again. Can I atleast get a hug?". I smiled and walked into his open arms and breathed in his scent and said "It was really good seeing you again too. And stop by some day will yah, we all miss you.". I gave him a kiss on the cheek and got back into the car and drove off home.

When I got there I found Jared, tove and jensen in the livingroom so I sat down next to Jared and cuddled up closer to him. He kissed my head and asked "So how did it go?" I said "it went well. It was really great and the dresses will look amazing!". Tove didn't respond so Jared said "that's good. But do you guys wanna watch a movie or something?". I looked at the watch and said "just a quick movie then, I have to go and get ready soon and then i'm going over to Nicky remember.". He nodded and Tove just looked at me but I said "I can't wait to see Shane, Kian and Marky!! It's going to be great to just hang.". Jareds laughed and kissed me and said "I hope you'll have a good night." I smiled and said "i will.". Then he got up and put a movie on and we cuddled up clsoe to each other and watched it. It was so nice to just sit there and watch that movie with my best friends. After the movie I gave Jared a kiss and went upstairs to take a shower and change clothes. When I got out from the shower I went into the wardrobe and put on a turquoise dress and a pair of gorgeous black pumps. Then I fixed my hair and make up and then I walked downstairs and into the kitchen where everyone now was sitting and eating and I walked over to Jared who said "You look beautiful honey.". I smiled and kissed him and siad "thank you, I'll see you later tonight, I don't know when I'll be home though.". He nodded and said "It's okay, go and have fun and then come back here to me." i kissed him again and said "I promis i will. i love you.". He smiled and stroke my arm and said "i love you too." then I said goodbye to everyone and walked out through the door and desided that I should walk becuase then I wouldn't have to borther about the car later. It was really cold just to walk in a short dress eventhough I had a jacket over it. So when I got to Nicky and knocked on the door he opened and let me in at once. He took my jacket and gave me a hug and it was so nice to feel his warm body against my freezing body so I hugged him for a while. He said "Hey, are you cold?" I nodded and walked even closer if it was possible and he stroke my back quickly to get some warmth into my body. All of the sudden we heard someone clear her thoat behind me so I let nicky go and looked at zara. She gave me a short smile and I gave her a hug and then she siad "Well I'm going now... I'll be back tomorrow with some stuff and then the kids will come with tomorrow too becuase then we will have moved in all their stuff.". Nicky nodded and gave her a hug and then we said goodbye and she left. I turned to Nicky and siad "She isn't going to be here for dinner?" he shooked his head and siad "No, she is going to sara and niklas to pack some stuff and plus she said that she wanted us to hang out with our friends alone without her... You are closer to atleast shane then she is, I don't know why.". I smiled and nodded becuase somehow I couldn't help but be glad that zara wasn't going to be there. I wanted tonight to be with me and the lads and kev, gill, jodi and the kids because I've missed them so much! We walked into the livingroom and shane came over to me and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and he said "Wow you look beautiful as always.". I smiled and said "Thanks and you look great shane." he smiled and I gave the others a hug each as well then both me and nicky joined them in the sofa. We talked alot and laught alot and Nicky was running between the kitchen and the livingroom so he could both hang out and cook at the same time. After like an hour he walked into the livingroom and siad "Can the ladies, the kids and Kevin please go and have a seat in the dining room and Shane, Kian and mark can help me out in the kitchen and serve.". We smiled and got up and did as he asked. After awhile the lads came in and lit the candles and put the food on the table and shane and nicky sat down next to me and we all started to eat. It was soo good and I suppose you can all guess what they served as drinks... yeah that's right, wine... red wine. I just looked at Nicky when he poured my glass in and all the lads just began to laugh and I said "It's not funny guys! you know how I get!!!". Kian laughed and said "Well that's the point, and hoeny it is actually really funny!!". I just gave him an evil stare and took a sip of the wine and continued to eat. After dinner and about two bottles of wine we all went back to the livingroom while Gillian went upstairs to put nicole and patirck to bed. When she came down she sat down next to Shane who stroke her belly and he looked so happy and then he kissed her and both of them just looked into each others eyes and were over the moon. i smiled because they were so cute and happy and then really makes me glad and then all of the sudden Shane turned to me and said "So when are you coming to sligo?". I shrugged and took another sip from my forth wineglass and said "Dunno, I should really stay home now and work on mine and toves realtionship but I really really miss Sligo and I promis that it won't be so long utill i come and visit.". he smiled and so did Gillian and she siad "We miss you so much Madde, all of us, not just shane.". I smiled and siad "I miss you too and I'm coming back and this time i'm not going to be a wreck.". Shane laughed and said "i sure hope not, but I have to admit that it was kind of nice too because then I really got to get to know you on a different level.". I smiled and said "Yeah well I don't think it was so much fun.". I smiled and looked at nicky but he didn't smile, he was just staring down on the floor and I stopped smiling and wrinkled my forehead and put a hand on his shoulder and said "Are you okay Nico?". He looked at me and then he excused himself and went into the kitchen, I looked at Shane and then others and they looked just as shocked as I felt but I just couldn't leave it at that so I got up and followed him. I found him sitting on one of the chairs so I walked over to the table and sat down opposit him and siad "nicky, are you okay?". He slowly nodded but then he looked at me and I saw tears in his eyes and I got up and walked over to him and wrapped my arms around him and he cried alittle in my arms. When he stopped I sat down infront of him and took his hands and asked "What's wrong baby?". He shook his head and touched my face and said "I'm so sorry." I wrinkled my eyesbrows and asked "For what? You haven't done anything wrong now.". He said "No not now, I mean for that time you were in sligo and I broke your heart.". I felt so sorry for him because I could see how much he truly regreted it and I said "It's okay, I'm fine. Don't worry about it nicky.". He shook his head and said "I can't not worry about it... I hate myself for ever hurting you or Zara and I... miss you so..". I squeezed his hands and said "I know but you don't have to hate yourself anymore, zara and I are just fine. God, Nicky... I miss you too, don't think I don't becuase I do but...". He said "I know, you have Jared and I'm dealing with that and I'm trying to not miss you so much but I don't just miss you in my arms or your kisses and stuff like that. I miss you just being here and hanging out with me, I miss your presence.". I smiled slightly and said "I miss just hanging out with you too nicky but I'm trying to fix things with both jared and tove and therefor I can't hang with you so much but you know what, why don't you and I go for a ride on that MC of yours once a week and then just hang out for a day?". He smiled and stroke my cheek and said "I would love that! But do you think jared would be okay with that? Or Tove for that matter, she hates the fact that you spend time with me.". I stood up and pulled him up with me and looked him in the eyes and said "Jared will be fine with it, I know it becuase he wants us to be friends and to be honest with you I don't really care about what tove has to say about this because she should be happy that we don't spend as much time together as we did before.". He smiled and swoop me into his arms and hugged me and said "Great! now lets go back to the others.". I smiled and he took my hand and was just about to go but then I pulled him back and gave him a kiss on his cheek and looked him in the eyes and said "I love you.". He smiled and ran his hand through my hair and said "I love you too. Friend.". I laughed and then we both walked back to the others and hung out and talked and laughed adn had a really really good time. God I've missed all of them so much and I really would love to go back to sligo with all of them including nicky and just hang out and play soccer like we did and watch movies and just spend a week with them in ireland. I miss it so so much!!! After a few hours and the clock was starting to turn 2 it was time for me to head home but I was sooo drunk and giggely and then Nicky said "You know that you can always stay.". I smiled and siad "Yeah I know... But I promised Jared I would be home." nicky nodded and Shay who wasn't really as drunk as the rest of us because his wife is pregnant said "I can walked you home if you like?". I smiled and said "thank you, that would be great!" he smiled and wee walked into the hallway and put our clothes on then I gave everyone a big hug and a kiss on the cheek to the lads. When I had given Nicky a hug we parted slightly but then I made the mistake and look into his eyes and then his lips and what do you think happened!? Insted of kissing his cheek I kissed his lips!! when our lips parted we just looked at each other then said goodbye and Shane and I left. I felt so fucking guilty after kissing nicky eventhough it felt really nice to feel his lips against mine again but still. And Sahne must have noticed that because while we were walking he said "Are you starting to get sober after that kiss?". I looked at him and said "I'm such a bitch!! How could I kiss him?! Fuck!!!" he took my hand and siad "It's okay, don't worry. It's won't change anything, people make mistakes and you shouldn't feel so guilty and honey, you are not a bitch.". I sighed and said "yeah but this year I've made more mistakes then I can count on my two hands! and yes I am a bitch! I don't deserve jared or nicky or anyone, not you or tove as friends either.". He said "Maybe so but that's life, it ain't easy. And honey you do deserve us, all of us and we love you so much.". I gave him a weak smile and said "Thanks but it doesn't help so much.". He gave me a hug and then we walked home under silence and he gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek outside the door and then he siad "Don't feel so guilty, you are going throguh something hard and it's easy to fall back. good night and I love you honey.". I smiled and siad "Thank you and goodnight, love you too." then I walked inside and went up to mine and Jareds room and he was already sleeping so I desided to blog but now I'm going to go to bed and then I'm going to tell Jared tomorrow about the kiss becuase he deserves to know. I hope he will forgive me...

Take care
Love
Madde

Ps. The reason I didn't blog yesterday was because we were so busy with the wedding planes that I didn't have time to blog..