Suprises in both ways.

Hey guys!

Well today is Nickys birthday... and what more can I say about that, nothing..
So let's talk about this day instead.

I woke up in mine and Jensens bed and it feels so good to sleep in your own bed even though miss Texas. Jensen was still a sleep and I smiled to myself when I looked at him because he was just so cute. I stroke his cheek with my hand but he didn't move a muscle, so then I crawled even closer to him and pressed my lips against his and after a few seconds I feelt how he started to kiss me back, then he smiled and I looked at him and I said " Good morning Jensen Ross Ackles" He laughed and said " Good morning Tove Nora Alexandersson, and who soon will be Tove Ackles.. or are you changeing name? " I said " I don't know, maybe.. but do you hear how weird that sounds Tove Ackles " He smiled and strok my cheek and said " No I think it's sounds wonderful, it is music in my ears " I laughed and said " Of course you do. " He smiled and gave me a kiss and then he said " So when are we going to Nicky then? " I looked at him and said " I'm not going.. but you can go" Jensen said " You ar enot going, don't be ridiculous. " I said " No I'm not going.. and please don't agrue with me about this now, I'm not really up for it " Jensen said " What' s wrong? " I sign and said " Notging really, i'm just in a bad mood right now.. feels like I have PMS but worse so don't mess with me right now.. I hate beging pregnate!" Jensen laughed and said " Okay I will be nice " I looked into his eyes and said " Good! Otherwise I will kick you ass!" Jensen laughed and said " Are you going to kick me on my ass or what do you mean?" I shooked my head and said " Yeah excatlly I'm going to kick on your ass intill you are all red " Jensen laughed and said " Kinky!" I started to laugh and said " yeah well bad boys should be punished real bad. " Jensen laughed and said " I have been a bad boy, a really bad boy " I laughed and kissed him and he laughed and he lied his hand on my belly and crawled under the cover and said to my belly " Your dad have apprently been a very naughty boy and mummy have to punish me, please help " I laughed and said " Stop talking to her like that I don't want her first word to be dad is a naughty boy " Jensen kissed my belly and then he craweled back up and kissed me and said " Well wouldn't that be funny " I hit his arm and he laughted then he kissed em agian and when we had stopped laughing he looked at me serious and said " Do you still want to go to Texas over Christmas? I mean now when you have been home for a couple of days and after Maddes reaction.. " I said " Yes I do, I will miss Madde like crazy and the rest of the family.. but you and me will soon have our own family and then we have to do this things since we are gertting married some day. And I love you and your family so of course I want too. " He smiled and said " You have no idea how much that mean too me. " I smiled and said " I'm happy if you are happy. Even though Madde said she wouldn't go to sligo if I didn't go to texas. " jensen said " And you are still sure? " I nooded and said " Of course I'm.. I don't want her to go, but I think me leaving is alittle bit differnt since you are my family" He smiled and said " I'm so happy to hear you say we are family, and I just wanted to know where you staded in that qustion. Since I called mum yesterday and asked her, and she said she would talk to teh rest of our family and get back to me today but I think mum liked that idea anyway " I smiled and kissed him and said " Thank you so much!" He smiled and kissed me and then he said " So what are you and your PMS going to do all day?" I sign and said " I just want to lie here all day and pull the cover over my head and die.. " jensen said " You are not going to die from me now!" I sign and said " No I won't, I just feel like that..but acutally I think I'm going to see if Sara is going to Nicky otherwise we can hang out.. and tonight... " Jensen said " Tonight what?" I said " I think I'm going too visit.. Henrik.. " Jensen took my hand and said " Do.. that " I smiled and said " Yeah.. but do you want to come with me?" He said " Is that really a good idea? " I said " Yeah why shouldn't it be? I mean yuo have nothing to be jealous about, I choosed you and my whole heart is beating just for you so don't worry. " He said " Just ask me one qusition honest? " I nooded and said " Anythig" He looked into my eyes and said " Do you still have feelings for him? " I looked back into his eyes and said " No I don't, not more feelings then I have to my friends " He smiled and said " good, then I would love to come with you. " I smiled and said " Good, but behave and don't do anything stupid . " He said " I won't if he won't. " I nooded and then he gave me a kiss and he stroke my back with his hand and then lower and lower and then he was at my ass, he kissed my neck, I sign and said " Jensen I don't want too, PMS remebre and I feel a little sick " Jensen kissed me and said " Yeah right sorry, do you want me to stay home today with you? " I sign and said " No I'm fine go..Even though I would be happy if you didn't go there but for a whole other reason. " Jensen sign and said " Then I will go, but you can call if you need me. " I nooded and kissed him and I got up and started to get dressed and Jensen also got dressed then he walked over to me and pulledme into is arms and gave me a hug and kissed my forhead and said " It's crazy how much I really can love another person, I have never feelt like this before for anyone, and it's amazing feeling to know that I would do anything and then I mean anyting for one special person. " I looked at him and smiled and said " So who is the lucky woman or man that you love so much? " He smiled and looked at me and said " She is standing in my arms " I smiled and said " I love you too so much!" He smiled and he leand his head down and kissed me and then he said " I know you love me. " I smiled and said " Good you should and I know you love me" He smiled and gave me another hug and then he took my hand and we walked down stairs.

We walked into the kitchen and we found, mum,Johan and My there. My ran over to us and gave us a hug and then Jensen made his sandwish and I took a cup of coffiee and Jensen looked at me and said " You are drinking that today? " I said " Yeah if you don't want me to become the worlds biggest bitch today. " Jensen sign and said " Fine, and please don't call youself that. " I just ignored him and sat down next to My and Jensen sat down next to me. Mum looked at us and said " so when are you guys going over to Nicky then? " Jensen said " I don't know when I'm going there " Mum looked at me while she picked up her coffie mug and said " You are not going? " I said " No I'm not. " Mum didn't say anything she just looked at me and then I said " Can I talk to you after breakfast, maybe you want to go for a walk? " Mum said " Of course honey, are you ready in 30 minuts? " I smiled and nooded. Then I drank my coffee and then I walked upstairs to get dressed, I put on a pair jeans and a top and a coat on tat since it's pretty cold here in Stockholm now, then I took on a pair of high heels and walked over to mum and Johans room and knocked on the door and she told me to come in, which I did. I asked if she was ready and she nooded and we walked downstairs and I meet Jensen in the hallway and he just grabbed my arm and pulled me to him and kissed me, when our lips parted I smiled and then I got out of his arms and we said goodbye and me and mum walked throw the door.She looked at me and said " Should I be worried about our talk or? " I smiled and said " No don't worry. " She nooded and we countinue walking and she said " I'm so happy for you that you have Jensen, he is a wonderful man and I can see that he makes you happy " I smiled and said " Yeah he is amazing in so many ways, and yeah I'm happy " She smiled and said " I can't belive you are getting married.. again. " I said " I can't belive you are getting married.. again" She laughed and said " me neither. " I said " I'm just wating that you will tell us that you are pregnant.. again " Mum laughed and so did I, then we sat down on a bench in a emprt park and she asked what I wanted to talk about. I said " Well me and Madde had a talk yesterday that we shold have had for month ago or maybe even years ago.. " Mum looked at me and said " What did you talk about? " I said " My cancer " I looked at her and I could see she got worried right the way and she looked down and said quitly " It's.. it's.. not back right?" I took her hand and said " Of course not, like I said don't worry I'm so healty I can be.. " Mum exhaled and looked so much calmer and then she said " So then what have this to do with me? " I took a deep breath and look at her and said " Madde told me how you was when you got home from the hospital after you had visit me.. and I though maybe you want to talk how you feel, maybe.. " Mum said " What did se tell you? " I said " That you where so scared and that you where crying all the time.. are you still scared? " Mum didn't answer so I said " I'm still scared, everyday I worry that it will come back again and that this time I would be stronge enough to make it throw this. " Mum sign and said " I'm also scared, from that day when you whrere 7 till now and I probably always will be scared. " A tear rolled down her cheek and then she said " I remebere that day in the hospital when you where 7 and they told me that you had cancer, I thought it was some kind of bad joke at the begning and I could see it on your face that you didn't really understand what was going on even though you was scared. The first night at the hospital and when you got your first chemotherapy I still didn't want to realize that this was for real, I didn't want to understand because then it would be throw that my daughter had cancer and maybe was going to die, I just wanted to wake up from that bad nightmare and realize it was just a dream. But one night they called from teh hospital and said that something had happend and that they couldn't get any respond from you that was teh night when I realized that this wasn't a nightmare that we was going to wake up from because this was real.. " tears was pouting down her cheeks and I was holding her hand and then she said " And when you told us that you got it back this year I just wanted to die, I tried to keep it togeheter around the family and especially the kids and i tried to be there for all of them even Madde, but I couldn't.. I couldn't do anything, eat, sleep, work all I could do was cry. So every night I cried myself to sleep if I could sleep and every morning I cried because that hour I had sleeped I had been dreaming nightmares about you how you lied there death in your bed and sometimes I couldn't even keep it togehter when I was with the family.. but it was worse when I had come and see you at the hospital.. that was so horrible to see you in that bed so pale and skinny and tired... I just wanted to take your place insted and be the one who was sick so you didn't have to deal with it and just cry and cry and cry. " I tried a few tears away from her cheeks and she countinued saying " I'm so sorry that I didn't come and visit you that often..I just was.. to hard for me.. to see you like that.. I'm a terrible mother.." Then she started to cry even more I lied my arms around her neck and hugged her and I said " You are a wonderful mum and you where there for me and I can just imadgen how hard it must be to see your own kid sick.. I'm all reday worried that Dennie will get my cancer from me and die so I can just imadgen how hard it must be for real. " Mum cried " No I'm a terrible mum I couldn't even be there for my own daughter when she needed me.. " I said " You are the best mum in this world, ask anyone off us, My, Jess, Tim, Emil, Tom, Jerry, Madde, Zara, Sara just anyone, you are amazing mum who can take care of us all since we are not the best and nices kids either, and you ahve always been there for us and you still are and always will be. " Mum didn't say anything she just cried on my shoulder and when she had calm down a little I let go of her and dried her tears away with my hand and I looked at her and said " I love you mum so much!" She sob and said " And I love you honey" I smiled and stroke her cheek and said " I know, and you are amazing mum " She didn't answer to that she just looked down and then she said " Maybe we should walked home. " I nooded and we started to walked home and I said " I would love to talk about this again about this and cry I think we all need that.. " Mum nooded and said " It was good to talk about it with you I have just talked to Johan about this.. and without him I would never been abel to go throw this.. " I said " I know you wouldn't.. and I'm glad you ahve Johan. " Mum smiled and we walked home.

When we got home Jensen, Jared, Madde and everyone was just on there way to go to Nicky and mum said she would be there in a while she just ha dto take a shower.
Madde just gave me a hard look and then she walked into the garage but I have to say that she looked amazing in that dress I bought her and in my shoes.Well anyway then Jensen gave me a kiss and said " Should I tell Nicky happy birthday from you? " I said " No it's okay I think I will survive without that. " Jensen looked at me and I sign and said " Fine tell him that then if you liek I don't care. " He sign and gave me a kiss on the cheek and left and so did the rest of the family except mum she walked upstairs to take a shower.
So I picked my phoen up and called Sara and she answer right the way and I said " Where are you? " She said " Not at Nickys anyway, you? " I said "Me neither, do you want to do something? " She said " I would love too, can't we go to some cafe or something?" I smiled and said " Yeah I would love that. See you in 1o? " She said " Yeah I will be over then. " Then we hang up and I put some make up on and then Sara arrived and I told mum I was going and then we walked out into the garage and took a car and drove to teh city, and we went on oen of my favorite places, both ofus took a coffee latte and sat down at the table and I said " So how did Zara take it that you didn't go? " Sara said " She was a little pissed of.. but if we say it like this I think it's for everyones best that I didn't go because.. " I inturrpted and said " Because you would have ruin everything and killed him. " She said " Excatlly and I exspect that is why yuo stayed home too. " I nooded and said " Are you really trying to except all this that your promised Madde you would do the other day? " She said " It dosn't matter if I'm trying or not because I will never be okay with it.. " I said " me neither.. Madde wants me to try to be okay with they being freinds, but I can't not even for her.. It's harder then it looks to be okay with that" Sara said " I know.. it's impossible.. " I nooded and said " She wants me to respect that him.. and I don't know I can do that. To be honest after what he have done I can never respect that man again, I don't even want to respect him again, why should I? " Sara said " It's scary how alike Madde and Zara is sometimes, because Zara have asked me to respect him too, but I can't either and like you said I don't want too, he dosn't deserve it, his an idoit and hate him so much that I can't even desribe it!" I said " I can't belive that they think we should respect him after evrything.. Madde said that Nicky is my Hnerik and that it's the same and that she respect him.. but I don't know" Sara said " That is not the same, I mean what Henrik did isne't even close what Nicky did and second off all he saved your life. Okay maybe Nicky saved Maddes life to when you where sick but still he almost killed his fiance instead, and Henrik just hurt you and no one else while Nicky have hurt so many more, so no it's not the same.. " I said " I know I don't feel it's the same either, and I wans't even that hurt.. but how are tings between Zara and Nicky? " Sara sign and said " Unfortuntely good.. maybe even better then good.." I sign and shooked my head and I said " Should we talk about something that wan't make us all pissed off, I just wanted to hear if I was teh only one who is not trying and if I was stupid but apprently I wasn't " Sara said " No you wasn't understand exactlly.. " I nooded and she said " So how was thing sin texas? I feel so bad for Jensen and his family " I said " It was a kind of sad week but at the same time really good, I really love his family they are amazing " Sara smiled and said " I bet they loved you too" I smiled and said " Yeah I think so. " Sara smiled and said " Of course they did, you are that kind of person that parents-in-law really love " I laughed and said " So you are not? " She laughed and said " Not even close, brians parents hated me and then i mean hated, because I'm not that sweeit, kind, considerate person not liek you and Zara, every guy she have ever been together with there parets really adore her, espeially Nickys parents and you and Zara are kind of alike sometimes so that's why I think they loev you too. Dose parents love Madde? " I said " Thanks.. Mostely not. since she often and up hurting them.. " Sara said " Maybe em and Madde can start a club then, called.. hated of parenst or something " I laughed and said " maybe " I had my back towards the door and Sara was just staring at it and I tured around took look what she was looking at.. and there was Eddie!!!! I tured around again and looked at Sara and she looked at me and I said " Have he seen us? " She nooded and then I feelt a hand on my shoulder and that just made me shiver and then I heard his voice saying " Isn't it my lovely daughter and miss Sara " I looked at him and asked what he wanted and he said " Can't a father say hello to his oldest daughter " I push his hand away from my shoulder with my left hand and then he grabbe it and said " Then I just have to say congratulations to your engagement then, to that weak pussy.. what was his name? Pensen? " I pulledmy hand back and said " Jensen! And you don't know him! " He grind and said " I would love to know him, since I'm maybe going to pay your wedding since I'm your father. " I looked at him and said " You are going to pay the wedding? " He said " Yeah, but just if I like your prince charming.. so maybe you two would like to come home to us on Dinner on sunday?" Sara just stared at me and then my phone called and it was Jensen so I said excuse me and walked away from the table so he wouldn't hear and Jensen said " I'm going home now and so is My I though maybe you wanted to meet me there " I said " Why ar eyou going home now? " he said " because I want to spenad time with you instead and I miss you and My is going home because she and Nicole started to fight about something that non of them wants to say what it was about. " I said " I'm with Sara so is it okay if I come in a while? " jensen said " Of course honey. " I said " have you all reday left? " he said " no, I'm just going to say good bye. " I said " Then can I talk to Madde? " Jensen gave the phone to Madde and she said " What?" I said " Eddie is here" Madde saiid " here where?! Not at teh house righT?!" I said " No me and Sara is taking a coffee on a cafe and he walked in here and he said he want's to pay for the wedding!!" Madde got quit and then she said " Let him do it, we can take all his money! " I said " Do you think that is a good idea? I have to go to dinner at his place on sunday. " Madde said " Yeah it can be funny to take all his mony! But don't go alone, and since I can come with you take Jensen " I said " Yeah fine I do it, yeah but don't say anything to him because then he will go and kill him I lett him on sunday " madde laughed a evil laugh and said " This is going to be great!! I won't " then we talked for a while longer and then we hang up and I walkedback to teh table. Eddie looked at me and said " Was that Madde? " I just stared at him angry and then i said " Me and Jensen would love to come for diiner on sunday" Sara just stared at me and Eddie smiled and then a girl walked into the cafe and she was about 10 maybe and she walked over to Eddie and said " Dad can we go now" Both em and Sara looked at him and he said " Stop naging about this! We go when I say so!! Otherwise you know what will happend when we get home!!" His daughter just looked sad and scared and walked out to the car again. Then Sara looked at Eddie and said " Do you hit her?" Eddie just grined and then he said " see you onsunday" Then he left.
I told Sara about the plane me and Madde had and she just thought it was stupid, and then I change subject and said " Mum thinks that she is a teribble mother to all of us.. that she was never there and so on.. I can't eblive she said that" Sara said " What?! She is the best mother in the world! " I said " I knwo I just wish she knew that!" Sara said " We should do something for her all of us and show her what she meens to us, talk to her and I don't know but just something. " I said " Yeah that is a great idea, show her how mush we lover and how mush she have helped us throw the yers " Sara said " Exatlly, I mean she is not really my mother or Zaras or Maddes but some how she still is I love her like my own mum, and she should know that without her I don't know.. and if Zara and Madde hadn't had her they would be death now " I said " I knao I just want her to know that.. so what can we do?" Sara said " I don't know we can plane that tomorrow, you, me, Zara and madde and all the others and then we can do it tomorrow night maybe " I smiled and said " Sound great " She smiled and we desided to take teh car home.

When we got to our house me and Sara walked inside and we found Jensen in the kitchen he smiled and gave me a kiss and then he told me to wait there and he came back after a minut and he smiled and gave me the most amzing rose ever!! I smiled and kissed him and said " So why do I get this? " he smiled and look my hand and said " Just because you are you and I love you " I smiled and gave him a hug and Sara smiled and said " Mayeb I should leave you two alone. " jensen let go of me and said " No stay. " We sat down in the kitchen and talked and I asked what had happend with My and Nicole he said " I don't know they was fighting about something and then My wanted to go home so I followed her. " I nooded and Sara said " Did you all have a nice time? " Jensen smiled and said " yeah we had. " I looked at Sara and said " so when did Zara go there then? " She said " Like 7 this morning.. she was going to help him clean and bake on so on.. and on monday Zara and Nicky desided o have dinner at home in te house since all teh westlife lads are there and there familys and appretly i have to be there too and Nikklas so it will be some kind of couple dinner.. " I laughed and Sara said " Great huh? Jealous? " I said " Not at all " Then we talked for a while and then it was almost dinner time and the whole family came home and they was lauging and talking and Madde gave me a hug and so did Zara and told me it was good to have me home. I smiled and me, Zara and Sara walked up on mine and Jensen room and Madde and Jared talked to jensen.
We sat down on the bed and Zara asked how our day ahd been, and I said " It was intersting.. " Zara said " Did you gusy talk about me, Madde and Nicky? " Sara rised her eye brows and Zara said " So what did you say? or do I even want to know. " I said " Probably not. " She laughed and Sara asked how Zaras day ahd been, and she said " It was great, I'm going back there after dinner to hang out with all of them like we use to do all the time before " I said " I heard that things between you and Nicky is going pretty well.. " She said " Yeah it is. I'm acutally going to move back to the house, because it's so small in Niklas apartment so I think it's time " Sara said " Was that Nickys idea? " Zara said " no, It was mine, and it dosn't mean we are togehter or anything and we proably won't even sleep in the same room I just think the kids would like there room back and I would like my house back. " Sara just nooded and I could see that she wasn't that happy about it and I said " How you todl Nicky this? " She said " yeah I have, and he said that he liked that plane and he could really say now since I have all the right to liv ethere too. " Sara sign and said " When are you moving? " Zara said " I don't know, next week said Nicky. " We nooded and then Zara said she needed to go home to make dinner before she was going back to Nickys and Sara followed her I gave them a hug and they left.

Then I walked downstairs since it was dinner and I sat down at my chair and we talked and then mum and Johan left the table to go and clean up and then I told the whole family about the idea about mum and that we was going to talk about it tomorrow and Madde smiled and said " Yeah that sound really great! " I smiled and we countinued talking for a while then me and Jensen walked upstairs to get ready to get to Henrik. Then we took a walked over there and I knocked on the door and he opend and smiled when he saw me and he gave me a hug and then he saw Jensen and shooked his hand and he told us to come in. I smiled and he said " This was a nice suprise. " I laughed and said " yeah I know you like suprsies" He looked at me and my belly and said " You look amazing like always. Now I can see that you are pregnate " I said " Thanks, yeah that is nothing posetive with that " he laughed and said " Yes it is. " I said " You are just like Jensen then " Henrik laughed and looked at Jensen who was holding my hand hard and Henrik said to him " You are a lucky man to have her, she really is amazing " I looked at jensen and after a few seconds he said " yes I'm, she is the best " I smiled and Henrik said " Yes she is. " Then we walked into the livingroom and it looked exatlly the same and Henrik said " Jensen do you want a beer or something? " Jensen said " Yes please " Then Henrik look at me and said " And what do you want? water, that is like all I have " I laughed and said " That will be good, do you need help? " He shooked his head and walked into the kitchen and came back with two beers and water then we sat down and started to talk and I said " Me and Jensen are acutally.. engaged. " I could see that he got a little disappointe but he tried his best to hide it and he smiled and said " Congratulations! I'm so ahppy for you guys!" I smiled and gave him a hug and ten Jensen said " Do you want to come to our wedding? " I looked at Jensen and I was so happy that he asked that and I gave him a kiss on his cheek and he smiled and Hnerik said " I would love too, thanks Jensen " Jensen smiled and said " No problem, you are Toves freind. " I stroke his hand as a thank you and then Hnerik said " I have acutally renovate in my bedroom since you where here last time " I smiled and said " Let's see then" All three of us walked into his bed room and it looked great, I said " so much better then the last one, I alwyas hated that weird colore " He laughed and said " I know you did, you told me that a few times " I laughed and siad " It looks good.. not really as I had done it but.. good " Henrik laughed and said " yeah I you had choosed it had been pink or something " Jensen said " oh yeah! We are talking about moving and my beloved girlfreind her wants pink in the whole apartment " Henrik laughed and said " Poor you, I feel so bad for you!! " I hit Henriks arm and he laughed and Jensen said " I know!! I feel bad for me too!" Then hit Jensens arm too and said " Pink is a wonderful color! So shut up!" They just laughed at me and I walked back to the livingroom and thet followed me. We sat down again and Henrik looked at Jensen and said " Man let's pray that your kid is not a girl, she would be pink every where!" Jensen said " Well it is a girl, so I just have to except that fucking pink color! But even if it had been a boy Tove would still have dressed im in pink " Henrik laughed and said " Yeah probably, but have you two desided a name? " Jensen looked at me and smiled and he said " Yeah, she is going to be named Dennie Madde Ackles " Henrik smiled and said " That is beautiful, and Madde have to be so honured. " I smiled and said " Yeah she really is, she is going to be Dennies God mother too" Henriked smiled and nooded and I said " I would not dress my baby in pink if it was boy!" Jensen said " Yes you would" I said " I hate you!" He laughed and said " I love you too honey!" Then we talked for a few hours then me and Jensen deside to go home and I gave henrik a hug and Jensen said good bye and we started to walk home and it was really cold outside.

When we got home We knocked on Jared and Maddes door and tehy told us to come in which we did and we asked if they wanted to watch a movie which they did so we started to watch some movie and when it was over we talked for a while and then we gave them a hug and deside to go to bed. We got undressed and crawled down in the bed and Jensen took my hand and kissed me and then he said " Mum called today.. " I looked at and said " And she said? " He smiled and said " they would love to come here, and maybe stay over new year too " I smiled and I got s happy and gave him a huge kiss and he laughed and said " You are happy I see? " I smiled and said " Oh yeah and Madde will be even happier!" He laughed and we talked for a while and the we deside to sleep and after Jensen had fall into sleep I started to blogg :)

But now I'm going to try to sleep and lied down on my mans cheast, so seexy! ;)
Tomrrow Madde will blogg and tell you about Nickys birtday and about ou planes :)
So good night!
Kisses
Tove