I don't know..

Hey guys..
I don’t really know how I feel.. it just feels like things are starting to get messed up again and it feels like it’s nothing we can do about it.. And I hate it.

Well I woke up from the most amazing stroke on my cheek , I moved a little and then I opened my eyes and saw the most amazing person in this world, that I love so much. He was looking at me and smiled and gave me a kiss and continued touching my cheek and I crawled closer to him and I almost like plait in my legs in his and since we had sex last night he was still naked and so was I so I could feel his beast against my thigh and he gave me a kiss. I sign and looked away from his eyes and he asked if something was wrong, and I looked at him again and said “ Can’t be go back to Texas? “ He said “ Now? “ I nooded and he said “ Why? “ I sigh and said “ because I miss them and I don’t want to be here.. “ he took my hand and said “ Why don’t you want to be here? You missed Madde so much and the rest of them when we was there I could see that “ I sign and said “ Because I can really feel how close me and Madde is to start fighting again.. and things was going so great.. “ I grabbed the best friend neckless I was wearing around my neck and looked at it and then at Jensen and he said “ Maybe you just need to talk.. “ I said “ yeah, but things will never be like it was before.. I though me and Madde could get back to that page but I’m not sure anymore, and that feels horrible.. it have been too many lies and betrays this year..” Jensen said “ I can just imaged how horrible that must be.. but you need to try.. “ I said “ Maybe mine and Maddes days are over.. for good.. maybe we grow a part, it feels sad that things maybe have to end like this after all this years. But it feels like whatever we do or say we always end up on square one again and again. “ A tear rolled down my cheek and Jensen said “ Then maybe you should stay here and try to fix this, and not run away “ I another tear rolled down my cheek and I said “ I’m not running away for this problem, I want to leave so things won’t get worse.. maybe we need time a part.. “ Jensen said “ Haven’t you guys all ready tried that? “ I said “ Yes we have and that didn’t really help.. and we have tried to be together and that didn’t help either, so what can we do.. I can’t stay here and see how me and Madde just are slipping away from each other more and more for everyday.. that is killing me. “ I started to cry more and Jensen sat up and he pulled me up into his arms and hugged me and stroke my bare back. I feelt how I started to cry more and then I just pushed him away and walked up from the bed and took my top on and my panties and Jensen said “ Tove come here, please? “ I looked at him and dried my tears away with my hand and shooked my head and said “ No, I don’t want to cry.. “ I put on my softy pants and he got up from bed and put on his boxers and walked over to me and took my hand and said " Maybe you two need to be alone togehter with us there for just a weekend or something to talk and hang out and remebre why you where best freinds. " I sign and said " I don't know.. Do you have an idea where to go? " Jensen said " I don't know. maybe Paris since you two love to shop.. next weekend my treat for everything you guys want... I just want you two to become those freinds again.. " I said " I don't know Jensen.. " He said " Just think about it.. " I nooded and he gave me a kiss and I looked into the mirrow to see if I looked terrible from the crying, and it barely showed then my eyes moved from my face to the neckless around my neck with a half heart and with the worlds best on it, then Jensen inturpted and kissed mey cheek and whisperd " Evereything will be okay honey in someway.." I looked down on my feeth and he turned me around and said " Listen to me. This will be okay, because you guys have to fix this, I know Madde and I know she can't be without you and I know you even better and I know that you can't be without her eiether.. Tove look at me" I took a deep breath and looked up into his eyes and I said " I hope you are right,I really do.. " He kissed my cheek and said " I love you and I'm always here if you want to talk. " I said " I know and I love you too.. " He smiled and I said " Can you do me a favour? " He said " Anything " I said " Well can you stop calling Madde sexy for while longer.. it still feels early " He looked at me and said " Of course honey, I'm sorry " Isaid " It's okay you didn't know " He kissed my forehead and pulled me into his arm and hugged me. When he let go he put on a pair of softy pants and he grabed my hand and we walked down stairs.

In the kitchen the whole family was sitting eating, My ran over to us and first she gave Jensen a hug and then me and I smiled and looked at Madde fast since I didn't want to break down infront of everybody, she looked back at me but then I Just tured away my eyes and walked away to take a glass of juice and then mum smiled and gave me a huge hug and said " Than you so mcuh for yesterday!" I smiled and said " So you liked it?" She said " love it!! Thank you " I gave her another hug and smiled and she sat down again, and I started to cut up a watermelon, then Ebba walked into the kitchen I said hi to her and Jensen squat down and talked to her and her tail movied faster and faster and then she started to lick Jensen in the face and all of us laughed and Jensen pushed here away and said " I don't do dog kisses. " I laughed and said " So what kinds of kisses do you do? " He smiled and I walked over to him and kissed him then he stoped and looked at me and said " Damn woman, someone should really have to learn from your dog how to kiss because she is so much better then you" Everyone laughed and I hit his arm and said " Well someone should learn how to be nice to your girlfriend! Dick!" He lauged and shooked his head and I raised my eyebrow and smiled and then I grabbed his head and gave him a long kiss and when I let go he said " What was that?!" I laughed and said " I though you liked it that way, really wet and with alot of tonuge" jensen laughed and said " Yeah that is excatlly what it was, I was just kidding " Everyone laughed and I said " If you don't startingto be nice with me then I will start kissing you like that!" He laughed and pulled me closer and pressed his lips againt mine and gave me a really passiont kiss and when his lips let go of mine he smiled and said " I will be nice " I smiled and said " Good!" Then we sat down with the rest of the family it was really great, and mum was so happy and I think almost evreyone else also was that and

When breakfast was over my phone rang and I answer and then I heard the most horrible voice in the phone and it was Eddie!! And as you know me and Jensen was going over to dinner tonight but Eddie said we had to do it some other day this week because he had to work tonight. I said it was okay and we said goodbye. So then I don't ahev to tell Jensen about that today. Then I walked upstairs and took a shower and got dressed . Then my phone rang and I picked up and said hello and then heard a familier voice on the other side and he said " Hello beautiful!" I smiled and said " Hi pete!" He laughed and said " Is hi pete all I get? " I laughed and said " Fine, Hello sexy! Happy? " He said " Oh yeah. " We laughed and he said " A little fly whisord in my ear that you was engagaed and pregante, so congrats! I'm so happy for you!" I luaghed and said " I can just wonder who was fly was, was she blonde, and had big boobs and the most beautiful woman in this world? " Pete said " Yeah she was blode and had biig boobs and an amazing body, but the most beautiful woman, douth it, since I'm talking to her " I smiled and said " Thanks.. and I heard that you are coming to the wedding. " He said " Yeah if it's okay with you? " I said " It's okay, but just so you know the wedding sin't intill next decmbere " He laughed and said " We will see " I just said " I hate you!" He laughed and said " And I love you and you ahven't changed a bit" I said " No I haven't just a little fater right now " he laughed and said " Thst isn't so weird. " I laughed and said " Shut up!" He said " Jensen must be so happy about you two begin engaged and haveing a baby, he is a lucky man " I smiled and said " No I'm a lucky woman, he is an amazing man" Pete said " Yeah he is, and you two are so perfect for eac other " I smiled and said " Yeah I think we are. " he said " So how are things? " I said " That depends which day you ask me. " He laughed and said " So if I ask yo today then ? " I said " It's okay.. but not more, how are things with you? " He said " They are great. " I smield and said " I miss you pete!" He said " I miss you too!" I smiled and we talked for a while longer before we hang up.

Then I walked down stairs and I walked into the kitchen and said I was going out on a walk with Ebba and Jensen smiled and gave me a kiss and Tim looked at me and said " Do you want to go alone or?.. " I smiled and said " Do you want to come? " He said " If you don't mind? " I said " Of course not, go and get dress bro " He laughed and walked upstairs and after 10 minuts he walked down stairs agian and he said he was ready, then I gave Jensen a kiss and we left. iT was nice outside a beautuful fall day and we started to walked and I looked at Tim and said " Why did you come with me? Not that I don't like it it just that you never do this. " He looked at me and smiled and said " I just wants to hang out with my big sister. " I still looked at him confused eyes and he laughed and said " Sto looking at me like that, is it that wrong that I want to do that? " I shooked my head and said " No it's nothing wrong, it's just weird " He laughed and said " Well after what we did yesterday for mum I though maybe I should start showing the people I love and that have always been there for me how special they are and hang out more with my family. So I just want to say thank you for all you have done for me over all this years, you are the best big sister anyone can have ever, you are amazing as a sister, daughter and woman and I'm so greatful for everything you have done and I love you so much!!" I stopped and looked at him and I feelt tears welling up in my eyes and I gave him a hug and said " Thank you Tim, and I love you so much too and I know you are here for me" Then we let go and a tear rolled down my cheek which I fast dryed of and I laughed and said " You can't say that when your sister is prgenant, then I starts to cry!" He laughed and said " Have you become a softy,aaw poor Tove " I just hit is arm and told himto shut up and he laughed. When he had stop laughing and we had walked for while he said " Have you forgiven Jensen for what he did? " I said " Yes I have.. " He nooded and said " I don't say that is wrong, I just don't understand how you can do it.. " I said " can do it because it's him, which out Jensen by my side everyday then I have nothing to live for, he makes my day and I know I can't be without him so I had no other choose then to forgive him and I trust him that he won't do anything like that again.. " I couldn't help smiling when I talked about him and Tim said " So you do really love him? " I nooded and said " Yes he is the best thing that have ever happend to me. " He nooded and said " I can see how happy you are with him and that he loves you so since you have forgiven him I will try to do my best to do the same, trust him will be harder but I will get there too. " I smiled and said " Thank you Tim" He smiled and so did I and then I said " Then it's just that sister of ours then who hates him more then everything. " Tim said " Well Jess hates everyone right now " I sign and said " I know, but she is useing it on Jensen and Madde " Tim said " I know.. " Then I changed subjet and said " Lat week you got really angry with Madde and you started to fight about Nicky what was that about? I mean if you where jealouse then you should be angry with jared. " He sign and said " I never meant to get that angry, it just happend. And I'm not jealous.. it's just that I think she deserve so much better then Nicky, even though they ar ejust freinds but still so much better he is not worth her or Zara either. But Jared is a good man and I'm glad they are taking it slow to maybe get back to a couple some day " I said " So you ar enot jealous at all? " He shooked his head and said " No I'm not, I just want her to have the best. " I smiled and he said " I'm sorry that I yelled at her. " I said "Don't say that to me, tell her that " He smiled and said " I will. " Then we walked in silence for a while, then Tim said " Do you remebere that evening in August when you where sitting on the pouch and was upset and scared and sad and .. " I countinued his sentence and said " You where there for me, yeah I remebre " He said " Then I asked what that was all about and you said you didn't want to tell then but I was going to find out.. so what was all that about? " I lied a hand on my belly and said " This was what I was teriffied of. " He nooded and said " Are you still teriffied? " I shooked my head and said " No I'm just nervious and worried " He said " I understand that, but Tove things will be okay " I said " I hope so" He smiled and said " So how dose it feel to have anpther humen begin in you? " I said " To be honest I hate beging pregnate and I have no idea how mum did this 7 times!! " He lauged and so did I, then we was home after a long walk so we went inside and walked into the kitchen and it was just Johan sitting there and I asked where Jensen was and he said he had walked upstairs.

So I walked upstairs and into our room and found Jensen lieing on the bed reading a book and he was smiling and I askde what he was reading and he gave me a cheesy smile and said " I think this book belongs to you, it's some kind of porn book.. and it was hided in your bookcase behind everything " I could feel how embarressed I got and then I said " I have never read it!" Jensen smiled and held it up a little and looked at it and said " Well for never had read it it's kind of torn apart. " I walked over to him and triedto grabbe the book but he just pulled it away and said " Admit that you have read it!" I said " Fine! I have read it! Happy?!! When I was single I had it!" He laughed and said " I'm so happy! But when you where so called single you had Henrik and every other guy. " I said " I know, but those guys wheren't you " I could see that he got happy and then he said " but still what did you do with it? I mean did you read it and they plaied with yourself?" I said " No! I didn't play with myself!! " He laughed and pulled me down in the bed and he staretd to read a sec scen out loud from the book and I just grabbed my pillow and pressed it against my face and he laughed and pulled it away and countinued reading and he said " How many tims did you read it?! " I said " Not that .. many" He laughed and then he said " I think I will read teh whole book I need to know what you are dreaming about" I got up from the bed and gave him my evil look and said " Fine do that!" Then i left the room and walked downstairs.

I walked into the kitchen and I found Zara there talking to mum, I walked over to her and gave her a hug and sat down next to them and I said " So are you looking forward to the dinner with Nicky and everyone tomorrow or was it today? " She smiled and said " yes I do, and it's tomorrow monday. " I nooded and mum said " So when are you moiving in there? " Zara said " Nicky thought I should move in the tomorrow so probaly tomorrow " I said " You are not a couple righT? " Zara said " No! I acutally is going out on dinner on friday.. " I said " On a date?!" She laughed and said " No It's not a date, I'm not ready to date yet since I'm madly in love with Nicky. " I said " So how is he? " Zara laughed and said " Who said it was a he, I mean it's just a friendly thing so it can just as well be a girl " Mum said " I can see that it is a guy" I said " Who is he? Do I know who he is? " She laughed and looked down and I said " so I do know who he is, tell me! " Zara laughed and I said " Zara Come on!" She laughed and said " Fine.. it'.. Markus. " I just stared at her and mum said " Who is Markus? " I said " Do you remebre our old driver that me and Madde was crazy about? " Mum said " That's markus! " Zara nooded and said " Me and Madde ran into him when we was a "couple" and we talked and had a great time. " I said " Dose he know that you are not gay? " She laughed and said " Yeah, he called me last week and asked if me and Madde wanted to hang out someday and then I told him that was just a joke and then he said he had known that from the begining which I don't belive and then we talked for a while and he asked me out and I said I wasn't ready for dateing and then he asked me out for just dinner insted as freinds and I said yes. " I said " Well it's still a date, you know it he knows it " She said " If he wants to think it's a date then fine, but I don't. " Mum said " Do you like him? " Zara laughed and said " This feel so weird to talk about some guy and me, I mean after beeing with Nicky for all this years.. and I like him as a friend but that's it for now " I smiled and said " He is so sexy!" Zara said " I know!!!! " Mum said " Dose Nicky know? " Zara said " No I haven't told him yet but I will, and he can't say anything about it because he is telling me so often that we are not together so that's why I thought I should do this because he just takes me for granted all the time like I will be there when he deside that he wants me back. So I thought I should show that isn't the case. " I said " That is maybe good, especillay since you are living there " She said " Yeah I'mnot moving back for him I'm doing because I'm tired living in a 4 room apartment with 3 kids and that is why I'm moving back. " I nooded and mum said " Nicky understand that? " She said " Yeah, he even told me I could take the bedroom and he would take the guessed room. " I nooded and then she said she had to go and to Nicky because they where going to hang out and make dinner togehter and I said " Do you want him back? " She said " Yeah if I knw that he really loves me and not Madde. " Nooded and gave her a hug and she gave mum a hug and then she left.

I looked at mum and said " Let me make dinner. " She smiled and said " You don't have to you ahve all showed me how much you love me. " I smiled and said " Yeah well I won't to do it's relaxing and makes my mind busy " She smiled and gave me a hug and said thanks and walked away from there and started with dinner and when I was in the middle making dinner I heard a voice behind me and that almost scared me to death andmy heart almost jumped put of my cheast and Jensen laughed at me and said " Sorry" I just gave him a evil glare and he walked over to me and huggde me from the behind and kissed my cheek and I said " So who much hav you read in the book? " He laughed and said " A few chapters, it's intersting " I said " I hate you!" He laaughed and said " I know you do. " Then he kissed my cheek again and just ignored him and his hand moved over my ass and he grabbed it and then stroke it then we heard mums voice from behind and she said " jensen be nice to Tove and let go of her ass you are dictracting her " Jensen laughed and he tured around my head with his hand and pressed his lips against mine and of course I couldn't resist, so I kissed him back, then his lips let go of mine and I smiled and so did he and I said " If you want to help then set the table. " He smiled and whisperd " Anything for you honey" He let go of me and did as I said and mum laughed and said " You two are worse then bunnies. I though Madde and Jared was worse but I think I have changed my mind you two ar elike two horndags! " Both me and Jensen looked at her and I said " I can't belive you said that!" Jensen said " me neither !" She laughed and said " Well it's true!" I said " No it's not!" Mum laughed and said " Yes it is!" Then she left the kitchen.
When dinner was done I called after everyone and they we sat down and started to eat and Jared said " Do you know how good this is!! You should always cook!!" Johan said " Yeah she should!! Jared we suck compaire to her!" I laughed and said thanks and then mum said " I want to thank you all so much for yesterday that meant so so much for, so thank you and I love you all " We smiled and then we talked for a while and when dinner was over me and Jensen watch some tv for while then he walked upstairs to shower and I didn't know what to do and walked into the kitchen and deside to bake a little and I made cupcakes with frosting on them and then a chocolate balles and some hot chocolate and put in on a tray and walked upstairs.

I walked into our room and put the tray down on our bed but Jensen wasn't there then I heard his voice in Madde and Jareds room so I walked in there and all three of them was talking and I asked if they wanted to watch a movie and they said yes and they started to lied down on the bed and choose a movie and I said " We have to watch in mine and Jensens room. " They looked at me weird and Madde said " Why?" I sign and said " Just come with me!" they did as I said and followed me and Jared said " It smells like cookies in here" I smiled and we walked into our room and all of them smiled a hug smile when they say the big tray and Jared gave me a kiss on my cheek and said " God I love you!" I laughed and we choosed to see spinderman 3 and we ate and ate and ate and drank our hot chocolat and had a great time I think all of us eat to much and when the movie was over Madde and Jared said good night and walked back to there room. I left Jensen there to take Ebba fora walked.

When I walked throw the door to our room I saw Jensen lieing on the bed and he just had his boxers on and a t-shirt and then we saw me he tured of the Tv so fast!! I walked over to him and sat down on the bed and he looked like a dog that have then something wrong but is trying to look innocent. I said " Tured on the movie that you where watching, I want to see what it was you where looking at" He didn't move and I said " Do I have to do it myself, I all reday know what it was. " He sign and tured it on and of course he was watching porn and he looked away and he said " Yell at me then" I said " i won't yell at you, I want to watched with you to see if I can understand what is so good about it" Jensen looked at me and said " Really ? " I nooded and laughed and I ahve to say it was gross to see two woman haveing sex, and jensen said " They are redheads and not blodes with big boobs " I said " Yeah but it's redheads with big boobs. " He laughed and we countinued watching how they worked each other up with there tonuge and fingers and how they carness theer boobs and so on, then all the sudden a guy poped up on the tv and he walked over to the girls and sát down and he started to look at them and he was totally naked and kind of worked up. When we had watch it for a while I said " Not to judgemental, but I still don't get why you look at this, the only thing that was good was the guys abs. " He said " Oh shut up!" I laughed and shooked my head and said " you are an idoit!" Then I walked into the bathroom to wash away my make up and then I lied down on the bed and Jensen got up to go to the bathroom and when he got out of there I smiled a cheesy smiled and pat the bed and said " Come here " He yawn and said " I'm tired, I just want to sleep" I just stared at him and said " Stop messing around with me, come here" He shooked his head and walked towards the bed and crawled down and said goodnight and turned the light off. Then I stroke his abs with my hand then he just got up from bed an dtured on the light and said " I'm tired okay?" I laughed and started to undress myself while he was standing next to the sofa looking at me. I pulled my top of and carness my own boobs and played with my nipples and then my hand wander down over my stomach and into my panties and I started to carness myself and I moan a little and I looked at him and he was staring at me and I said " You still don't want to join me? " He shoolked his head and said " No I'm tired " I smiled and walked up from the bed and stopped infront of him and I could see that he was trying to not throw himself over me. I took a firm grip of his shirt and walked backwards slowly and he follwed me and I smiled and I tured us around and I pused him down on the bed and I smiled and astraddle over him and him hand got under his shirt and I pressed my lips against his and he started to kiss me back rigth the way and he was really eager and he rolled us around and I pulled his shirt over his head and throw it on the floor and I stopped kissing him and smiled and said " Still tired? " He smiled and said " It was my brain who was tired and right now I'm not thinking with my brain. " I laughed and pulled his head down and started to kiss him again and then he stoped and smiled and said " you where right, I was just messying with you " I laughed and hit his arm and he smiled and said " Kinky!" I just laughed and he pressed his lips againt mine agian and his tonuge was playing with mine, and his hand was carness my boob and massage my nipple and my hands movied over his back and arms and his amzing neck that just is so sexy!!! Then he kissed my neck and collor bone and beween my boobs down on my stomach and he pulled my pantis down and smiled and spred my legs apart and pressed a few finger inside of me and started to move and it was just so amazingly good!!! I moan and he moved faster and I breath faster and more shallow and then he pulled his fingers out and started to use his tonuge and which really is the best think I know!! I moan loauder and loader and he licked me like I love so much and his hand was touching my stomach and my thigh and he was touching the right spots and I was so ready to pop, and then he pressed is finger inside of me too while he was useing his tonuge and he started to move and then I moan really load and i got all stiff and I came and it was so amzing!!!! Then jensen took his fingers out and looked at me and smiled and kissed my staomach, my boobs and he licked my nipples and then he kissed my neck and then my lips and I smiled and he rolled us around so I got on top. I smiled and kissed his necak and his cheast and his amazing abs and pulled his boxers down and pulled them of and his freind was all reday pretty hard and I smiled and started to use my tonuge and he moan and I could feel how he got harder and bigger between my lips and I moved a little faster and he moan more and more and loader and he breath more shallow and when he was hard enough I took it out and crawled back up to his lips and started to kiss him and he rolled us around again and I smiled and looked at him and he also smiled and slowly pressed it inside of me and I moan of pleasure and he moved pretty slow but hard and it was so good!!! I moan and ran my fingers throw his hair and bot of us moan more and more and I moan " Faster!! faster!!" he smiled and did as I said and I moan even more and so did he and his hand touched my hair and then it movied down over my neck, shoulder and boob. Then he moved even harder and faster and I moan and I could feel that I was pretty close and I know he also was and then he started to kiss me with so much eager and his tounge was massageing mine and then he stopped kissing and moan and he started to move even faster and I started to breath even faster and shallow and I grabbed his hair and I moan really load and closed my eyes and came and it was so amazing!!!!!!! When I opend my eyes Jensen smiled and I grabbed his ass with my hands and he started to move even faster and then all his muscels got more and more stiff and his beast got even bigger and he moan and I stroke his sweaty back and then he came inside of me and he could barly be still and I smiled and he pulled it out and lie down next to me and I lied my head on his cheast and I stroke his cheast and he kissed my head and he said " Are you tired? " He laughed and said " No not at all. I like messing with you and it just makes the sex even better " I smiled and pressed my lips against his cheast and then he laughed and said " Did you get turned on of th eporn? " I laughed and said " No at all! I got tured on by you lieing on the bed without pants " looked up at him and he smiled and gave me a kiss and we lied there for a while and he tured of the light and after a while he feel a sleep. So I picked up my computer to blogg and here I'm.

Now I think I will go back to sleep in my sexy mans arms and feel safe and loved, It's crazy how much I love him, he is my best friend, my soulmate, my everything.
Well you will hear from Madde tomorrow and please keep your fingers crossed for me and Madde.. we needed..
Kisses
Tove