Rest in Peace..

Hey..

Now I’m in Dallas Texas, as you can imadgen things are kind of sad around here but it’s still kind of nice.

Well me and Jensen flow here yesterday and it was really long flight and a really long day. We didn’t say that much in all this hours. I could see how sad Jensen was and that was just heartbroken too see him like that.. When we got up in the air a few tears quitly ran down his cheeks, so I took his hand that was lieing on his knee and just held it in mine and I led my head on his shoulder and he lied his head my head we sat there for few hours and I could hear that he was crying occasionally, and I just let him cry without making it a big deal because he needed it and I did my best to try to just be there for him. But I have to say that it’s hard because I have never loset anyone not to death anyway so I have no idea how it feels, but hopefully I’m doing something for him.
When more and half of the flight was done Jensen falled a sleep which was excatlly what he needed and I stroke his hand and when we started to go down again he woke up and he looked at me and I kissed his cheek and he gaved me soft smile but he had tears in his eyes and he said " Thank you for coming with me, even though I'm the one who should be taking care of you since you are pregnate. " I looked at him and said " You don't have to thank me for that. You have taken care of me almost the whole year and been there for me so now it's my turne to do the same towards you, so don't woory about me right now. " A tear rolled down his face I dried it away with my left hand and he grabbedny my left hand and kissed it and then he let go. I smiled and lead myself againt him and we just sat there.

When we had landet we stood there wating on our bages, Jensen had his arm around my shoulder and I strok his back. When we had resived our bages I took Jensen hand and we walked out of there and meet by Jensen big brother Joshua, that I acutally never have meet, I haven't meet his younger sister either. Jensen gave Joshua a hug and they where so cute and when they let go he looked at me and smiled and shooked my hand and said " So you must be the famous Tove" I smiled and said " I'm famous? " He laughed and little and said " Yeah, everytime I talks to Jensen all he dose is talk about you so it almost feels like I all ready know you " I looked at Jensen and he smiled and I could see that he was happier now a little anyway.. and I said " You talk about me? " He smiled and gave me a kiss and said " Of course I do, you mean the world too me" I smiled and kissed his cheek and Joshua said " So it's really niceto finally meat you" I said " Nice to meat you too. And I'm really sorry for your loss" He said " Thank you.. " He gave me a hug and then we walked towards the car and he started to drive. He said " congratulations to your engagtment!" Jensen said " Thank you bro"

After a while we was there at Donna and Alans house and it was so cozy and really american. We walked inside and Donna throw her arms around Jensen and gave him a big hug and Alan hugged me and then we let go Donna turned to me and hugged me and I could hear that she started to cry so I held her in my arms and strok her back and whipserd said " I'm so sorry about your mum". After a while she let go of me and looked at me and said " I'm so glad you are her. " Then she put her hand on my belly and said " You look amazing" I smiled and said " Thanks. " Jensen was hugging Alan and then his younger sister Mackenzie, and he gave her boyfriend a hug and Joshuas wife. Then I walked over to Mackenzie and introduced myself for her and she gave me a soft smile and said " Oh my god you are so beautiful! Even more then on the picturs" I smiled and said " Thanks. " Then Joahuas and Michelles kid Simon come rushing towards Jensen and he throw himself in Jensens arms and jensen picked him up and hugged him and they where so cute. Then he let him down and he looked at me and said to Jensen " Is she your girlfriend? " Jensen smiled gently and said " No she is my fince. " I looked at him and hit him soft on his hard he smiled and kissed me and nephew looked at me and said " Your name is Tove right? " I smiled and sat down a little so I was almost in the same hight as he and said " Yes, and you are Simon right? " He nooded and I said " So how old are you? " He smiled and said " I'm Seven" I said " So you are a big guy then." He smiled and said " Yepp! " He is so cute!!

When I had said hello to everyone we walked into the kitchen and sat down and Jensen looked at Donna and asked how she had died, tears rolled down Donnas cheeks and she said " She just collapsed in her kitchen and then she was death.. " Tears rolled down Jensens cheeks too and everyone else except mine and she said " She died from a heart attack. " Jensen nooded and I took his hand and squeeze it. Then we walked for a while longer and then me and Jensen desided to go to bed since we was pretty jetlag. We walked into Jensens old boy room and it was blue and it was kind of cozy and it had a few pictures of Jensen when he was younger and sooo cute! Donna walked into the room and said " If you guys want a bigger bed since this is kind of small then you can take a extra bed from the attic" I said " Thanks, but I think we will be okay after sleeping in a hospital bed for weeks. " She said " Okay if you say so" Then she said good night and gave us a hug, and we got undressed and crawled down in the bed and since it was kind of small we lied really close to each other which was cozy. We lied there for a while and after an hour Jensen falled a sleep and eventally so did I.

We woke up from Simon running into the bedroom and then up into the bed and he stared to tickle Jensen and he plaied a long and started to laugh, I smiled and yawn and then Michelle walked inside and looket at me and said " I'm sorry that he woke you up.. I had no idea.. " I smiled and said " Don't worry about that, I'm use to it " She smiled and said " Yeah right you have a big family " I nooded and smiled and got up from bed and got dressed and so did Jensen. I gave him a kiss and I could see that he was feeling better
which was good.
We walked into the kitchen where Donna was making breakfast bacon, eggs, pankcakes and so on. Everyone sat down and they staredt to talk about the funeral, and they where going to go and fix a few things today. While they where talking I strated to get really nauseous, Jensen looked at me and asked if I was okay, I said " Not really.. Donna is it okay if I go and lie down for a while longer? " She looked at me and said " Sure thing honey. " I stood up and Jensen grabbed my hand and looked at em worried and said " What's wrong? " I said " I'm just nauseous, i'm fine" Jensen still looked worried and said " Are yuo sure? " I smiled and said " Yes, Jensen Ackles stop worring so much. " He smiled and stood up and gave me a kiss and a hug where we stood for a couple of minuts and he kissed my hair and then I walked into his bedroom again. It feelt s omuch better to lie down and the sheets smelled Jensen so that was even better. I could hear that they where talking in the kitchen but I was half gone so I didn't hear what thet said and I heard the front door open and close and after 10 minuts it opend a closed again. When I had been lying there for an hour Jensen snecked into the room and he had a tray with him. He smiled when he saw I was awake and I smiled back and he put the tray on the bed and sat down next to me. He asked how I was felling and I sat up a little and said that it was better. Then he gave me a spoon from the tray and gave me a half watermelon, I smiled and said " Thank you honey " He smiled and said " Yeah I walked to the store and bought one since I thought that is what you wanted. " I smiled and said " You are so sweeit, but you know you don't have to take care of me and be there for me right now you have other things on your mind. " He said " It's hard not to take care of you and be there when you feel bad because I love you so much. " I lead over to kiss him and then I said " I love you too, and I'm so sorry for this with your grandma" He took my hand and said " I know, and it means so much to me that you are here. " I kissed his cheek and Jensen said " We are going to look at coffins, do you want to came with or stay her and rest and take it easy? " I said " Well do you want me to come or do you want to be alone with your family? " He said " Honey you are in my family, so if you want to stay here that is okay with me and if you want to come with that is great, as long as you are okay. " I said " Yeah, well I think I will stay here if that is okay? " He said " Of course honey that is more then okay " I smiled and he gave me a kiss. I eat my watremelon and got up and got dressed and we walked into the kitchen where they was talking. We sat down and Jensen put his arm around my shoulders and kissed me cheek and then Simon can running and Michelle told him to get ready to go with them, and Simon said the he didn't want to and Michelle said he had to because he can't be alone at home. I looked at Michelle and said " I'm going to stay here, and if you want to he can stay here with me? " She said " Are you sure? " I said " Yeah " She smiled and said " Thanks. " I smiled and said " I'm glad I can help. " I looked at Simon and said " Do you want to stay here with me? " He smiled and said " Yes!" Then he throw his arm around my neck and hugged me so I can tell you that he is not sky at all but he is so cute. Then all teh suddden my phone rang and on the display it stood home and since in sweden the time was about 6 in the morning i started to think something was wrong.. but I answerd and I heard Mys voice and she was crying, so I asked why she was crying and she said " Because I miss you guys especially Jensen.. and his grandma is death and he is sad then I'm sad. " I said " Well we miss you too honey, and yeah Jensen is sad... " My cried and Jensen looked at me and asked who it was and I whisperd that it was My, he said " Let me talk to her. " I nooded and said to My" Jensen wants to talk to you " Then I gave the phone to Jensen and he walked away into the livingroom to talk. Donna looked at me and said " Are you feeling better? " I said " Yes I do. " Then she smiled and said " Let's see the engagment ring now!" I showed my hand and everyone looked at it and said wow and Joshua asked how much it had cost, I laughed and said " Ask your brother that, but i can tell you that he is stupied. " Then Jensen walked back into teh kitchen and he said " I love you My and miss you" Then she said something and they said good bye he gave me the phone and sat down. And then he gave me a hug and he said " That was from My" I smiled and said " Aww that is cute " He smiled and Mackenzie said " So bro how much did the ring cost? " Jensen looked at me and then at her and said " Why should I tell you that? " She smiled and said " because I asked you. " Jensen sign and said " 11 millions. " Everyone just stared at him and Jensen said " What? She is worth it and so much more. " Then he kissed me and Jensen said that they should go now. They stood up and said good bye to me and Simon and Jensen gave me a kiss and said that I could just call if I needed something I smiled and kissed him and then they left.

Me and Simon walked into the livingroom and I asked what he wanted to do, he smiled and said " I want to play with cars!" He ran into a rom and came back with a bag that he poured out in the floor and it was like 10 cars in there, he sat down in the floor and I sat down next to him and he said " Do you like cars? " I said " No not really.. sorry. But my best friend do she is crazy about them " I looked at his cars and found a toy lamborghini and said " She has a car like this but a black one. " He looked at me with big eyes and said " For real?! That she can drive?!" I nooded and said " Yes she has" He had a huge smile on his face and said " Wow!! That is so cool!! " I laughed and he said " What is her name? " I smiled and said " Madde. " He said " Can I come on visit you and Jensen sometimes? " I smiled and said " Of course you can. " He smiled and said " Great!! Do you think your bestfriend will let me sit in her car then? " I laughed and said " I promise she will . " He smiled and I said " So which is you favorit car then? " He smiled and said " That one!" He pointed at the lamborghini that I was holding and I said " You will be Maddes best friend " He smiled and said " Yay! The best thing with it is the sound of it and the power I saw it on tv and it was awesome!" I laughed and said " Like I said you and Madde best friends " He smiled and he said " When are you going to have a baby? " I smiled and said " It's few month away. " He said " Is it a boy? " I smiled and said " No it's a girl she is going to be called Dennie" He smiled and said " That is nice!" Then he started to play and then he said " My daddys grandma is death. " I said " I know.. " He said " Is your grand parents alive? " I said " I don't really know them, because they where not that nice. " He nooded and said " How many siblings do you have?" I said " I have 6 so we are a big family. " He laughed and said " Who is your favorit sibling? " I laughed and said " I can't answer that, I love all of them. " He smiled and said " Admit that you love someone more " I laughed and said " No I don't " He smiled and said " Yes you do!" I laughed and tickled him for few seconds and he laughed and then he said " Do you love Jensen? " I smiled and said " Yeah very much. " He said " you guys broke up for a few month ago right? " I nooded and he said " Jensen was so sad then even though e tried to be happy, and now he seems so happy even though his grandma have died. " I said " He makes me happy too. " He smiled and I said " So do you have a girlfriend? " He said " Yes, but I don't love her anymore so I think I will break up with her because I'm in love with someone else. " I laughed and he said " You don't talk english in sweden right?" I said " No we don't we talk swedish. " He said " Can't you teach me something? " I luaghted and said " Sure what do you want to learn? " He thought and said " Teach me say, Hi , you are hot. Then I can say that to the girls " I laughed and said it on swedish and he learn it fast and then I teach him a few other things. Then all the others came home and walked into the livingroom too us and Simon walked over to Jensen and smiled and said " Hej din gamla gubbe!" Both me and Jensen started to laught since it was just we who understod what he said. Jensen started to tickled him and said " I'm not old!" Simon laughed and said " Yes you are, you probably have a beer belly all ready!" Jensen tickled him and he looked at me and said " Did you tell him to say that? "I laughed and said " No that was all him. Because you all ready know what I think about your stomach" He lauged and Jensen said to Simon " If you think I'm old then your dad is even older" Simon said " I never said he was young " Then we all laughed and Jensen stopped tickles him and simon pulled up Jensens shirt and looked at his stomach and I he said " Yeah like I said you are fat " We laughed and Joshua asked " So Simon have Tove behaved? " I laughed and he said " Yepp! I found out that her best friend Madde has a REAL lamborghini!! Which is my favorit car!! And if I came and visit I could sit in it!! We have to go to sweden!!" We laughed and Joshua said " You say so" Simon said " Yes!! We have too!! " Joshua laughted and said " Yeah maybe we will " Then Joshua said to me " Did it go well? " I got up and said " Yeah, he is a great kid, with a lot of qustions " He laughed and said " Oh yeah I know. " Jensen walked over to me and gave me a kiss, and then the front door opend up and a man and he was around 75 years old and he looked sad and Jensen said " We are in here grandpa. " He walked into the livingroom and I walked over to him and shooked his hand and introduce myself and said " I'm so sorry for your loss sir.. " He said " Thank you sweeti, and please call me Andrew. " I said " Okay Andrew. " He looked at me and then at Jensen and said " You have found yourself a beautiful woman Jensen. " He smiled and said " I know, she is amazing. " Andrew said " I hope you two will have just as amazing life togehter as me and drew had for all this years " I smiled and said " Thank you and so do I. So how long was you and your wife together? " He said " I meet her when wboth of us was 20 and I propose on our first anniversary and six month later we gor married " I said " That is amazing" He said " The most importent thing is to be honest with each other and all couples have rough times and then just try to be honest and remebere why you love each other, becuse those days will be there, but since you guys are young mayeb you haven't had any yet. " I looked at Jensen and he looked at me and Jensen said " We have had those days, to many if you ask me" Andrew said " Just think that it will make you strongers since you are stadning her right now together " I smiled and said " We do" He said " That's good especially now when you are going to have a baby" Jensen smiled and said " Yeah, I love her so much that I can even describe it" I looked at him and smiled and I could feel that I got warm on the inside, and I gave him a fast kiss on his cheek and we all sat down in the livingroom and Donna walked into kitchen.

After 20 minuts I left the livingroom and walked into the kitchen and Donna was cooking dinner and I said " You shouldn't cook dinner, you should be with you family right now, so please let me do this. " She smiled a soft smile and said " It's okay, but thanks honey " I said " Then please let me help, it feels like I don't do anything to help out " She said " Of course you can help, and sweeit you are helping all of us to just be here esceially for Jensen. " I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her and gave her a hug when I let go a tear roll down her cheek and she dried it away and we started to cook and after a while she looked at me and said " You know Jensen is really alike my mother in many ways. " I looked at her and she countinued and said "
That sweeit considerate quality that Jensen have mum had that too, she always worry to much even though it wasn't nessesary and she always made sure that everyone was okay and she cared about other people before herself, and as you know Jensen is the same. And he must have resived that from her because neither me or Alan is that way not that much anyway. And Both of them have always been a little careful and gentle, and mum had a great singing voice just like Jensen. " A few tears fall down from her eyes and I said " I'm glad that you are telling me this since I just got to meet her once last year when your dad was on a trip " Donna said " That they when you meet her and you and Jensen went out for a walk she told me that she really like you, and that you where a sweeit, intelligent, funny and a beautiful woman and she was so sure that you two was going to end up together and get married and start a family. And when she said that I asked why she was so sure and she said that it was something special with you and special with Jensen when he looked at you and talked about you, and she said to me that she really hoped that it would be you and Jensen forever because you where perfect for him, and I think she is right which I'm really happy for, she really really like you Tove after just those hours and I just want you to know that. I just wish she could have been around longer and really got to know you for real because she would adore you I know that, just like I do. " A tear rolled down my cheek and I said " You do? I really wish I had got to known her too because she must have been an amazing person, and she must have been good at reading people since she was right about me and Jensen. I really wish I got to meet her.. " Donna walked over to me and gave me a hug and said " Yes I do I love you so much and she was an amazing person. " I new tear rolled down my cheek and Donna was also crying in my arms and I said " I love you too so much!" Then we just stood there for a while and then we had to countind with the food.

After 10 minuts the dinner was ready and we called after the others and we sat down and eat and everyone talked and it was a nice dinner with Jensens whole family. When we had eated Donna started to do the dishes and I said " Let me do that, please I'm beging you? " She smiled and said " Thank you " And walked out in the living room and Jensen staied and helped me too, then we walked into Jensen bedroom and lied down on the bed and I asked if they had found a coffien he said " Yeah it's really beautiful she would have loved it " I said " That's good. " Jensen said " The funrel is on monday.. will you be there? " I took his hand and looked at him and said " Of course honey" He smiled and said " Thank you.. have you talk to Madde today? " I shooked my head and said " No I had thoughts about calling her but I never got time, and now the time is to much at home it's like 3 at night. " He said " Okay.. do you miss her? " I said " Yes I do very much. " He said " You know you don't have to be here since things are starting to get so good between you guys maybe you should be there with her.. " I looked in to his eyes and said " Jensen I know I don't have to be here, but I want to be here and me and Madde will be fine, and if I had been with Madde I had missed you like crazy insted. So don't worry, I want to be where ever you are. " He kissed me and I said " You know Madde told me to say to you that she love you so much and she miss you " He said " I love her too she is amazing, and I miss her too and Jared and everyone else. " I kissed his cheek and rested my head on his cheats. After 10 minuts he said " Do you want to take a little walk with me and talk? " I said " Of course" He smiled and got up from teh bed and I said that I was just going to change clohes and he nooded and walked out the door.

After 10 minuts I was ready and Jensen peacked in and asked if I was reday and I nooded. He took my hand and and he had a bag in his other hand and we walked into teh livingroom where evryone was sitting and Jensen said " Me and Tove are taking a walk, it will proably get pretty late before we are home again, so good night" I said good night and we left and we started to walk. I looked at the bad and then at him and said " Where are we going? " He said " Wait and see. " He finally stopped and we was up on a small hill and it was a really beautiful view, the water was below us and teh moon started to rise in the dark. We sat down and we didn't say anything for a while and it stared to get a little chilly so he opend the bag and pulled out a blanket and wrapped it around us and we was sitting really close to each other. I looked at him and said " So how are you acutally doing? " He said " I don't really know how I feel.. " I nooded and took his hand and we sat there for a while and the moon was rising and it was so beautiful! He said " Do you know why why we are here at this spot? " I shooked my head and looked at him and he said " That night when mum rushed into the hospital to give birth to Mackenzie, I was 7 and Joshua was 10 and grandma was watching us and dad called from teh hospital and said that it had been a few complications and both me and my brother could see that grandma got worried and of course we got worried to even though we didn't know what had happend. And to calm us down in teh middle of the night we took a walk here and watched the stars and the moon and talked and just had a great time, so everytime I was sad or angry or just wanted to think when I was younger I always went here to this spot. " I strok his cheek with my hand and said " Thank you for sharing this with me, she must have been an amazing perosn to know.. I would love if you told me about her since I just meet her one? If you want to of course. " He looked at me and then out over the water and the moon and said " We always got to bake cookis with her, and we got to choose what we wanted to bake in a book, and one day we couldn't agree on what we wanted to bake, since grandma was so sweeit we got to choose something each of us and we got three kind of cookies. She always was so nice and easy to talk to and I always knew that she was there for me... " Then he started to cry so much so he couldn't talk, I put my arms around him and he cried his eyes out on my shoulder. When he had calm down a little eh cried and said " I just wish she had been at our wedding and meet Dennie.. " I said " Yeah so do I honey... " We sat there for a while without saying anything, then all teh sudded I let go of him and put my hand on my belly and said " Om my god! " Jensen looked at me worried and said " What is wrong?!!" I said " Nothing I.... I think she kicked " Jensen looked at me with big eyes and a huge smile and said " Dennie?!!" I nooded and then I feelt a weck kick again and i took Jensens hand and lied it on my belly and after 2 minuts or so she still hadn't kicked and I could see that Jensen got disappointed, I looked at the moon that was high up on teh sky no and it was so beautiful, and just when we was going to take away his hand she kicked again and Jensen face lighted up and he said happy " I feelt it!! It's amazing!! " I smiled and said " Yeah it is! It feels weird, but yeah it is amazing. " He smiled and said " I can't belive you are saying that, I hope you are not just saying that because you feel bad for me " I strok his cheek and said " I would never do that. I acutally starting to like this idea with a baby more and more. " he smiled and put his arm around my shoulders and gave me a kiss on my cheek and we sat there and Jensen said " I can't belive that she is that big that we can feel her on the outside, that really made my day " I smiled and said " I know!" I gave him a kiss and we sat there looking over the water for an hour or so and it was so cozy and romatice, but unfortuntly it started to get cold so we desided to go home.

When we got home the house quit since it was pretty late, so we sneacked into the kitchen and took something to eat and then we walked into Jensen room and crawled down in the warm bed. I put my head on his cheast and he said " I miss her.. " I said " I understand that.. I wish I could do something to make you feel better " He said " You are, you are here and that is what I need. " I smiled and said " Yeah but still.. " He kissed my head and then Jensen said " I really wanted her to meet Dennie... " I said " Well she is probaly watching over you from heaven, don't you think? " He said " I can't belive you are saying that you are not even Christian. " I said " Yeah but you belive in that and I don't know what I think so maybe there is where she is or some where else, but I think she will see Dennie in on way or another, don't you? " He said " Yeah I really hope so and she watching over everone of us. " I kissed his bare cheast and said " Yeah so do I" Then he tured of the light and we lied there for a while and I looked up at him and gave him a kiss and we said goodnight. And since no of us couldn't sleep I started to blogg and he read a book. But now I see tears rolling down his amazing cheek again so I'm going to wrappe this up now and be there for Jensen. First I just have to say that I miss you Madde so much!! I wish you where here, love you! and call me tomorrow.

You will hear from the most beautiful woman in the world tomorrow :) And R.I.P Grandma Drew, where ever you are.
So good night!
Kisses
Tove