Date?

Heya!!

The happiness didn't stay long... Today has been one of those hard days that I have gotten so used to now after everything that has been going on with nicky and zara and jared and all that shit. let's talk alittle about that.

As you know Jensen got a call from his mother who told him that his grandma had died and I feel so bad for him. R.I.P Grandma!! He was so close to her and now he is totally broken down about it. And both me and Jared wants to go with him and Tove to dallas or texas atleast to show him that we are there for him and then we also wanted to go and see jareds parents and I told Tove that but she thinks that we should stay home because now when this with Nicky and zara happened she thinks that zara needs me. And I seariously have to talk to Nicky about that, I can't believe he can be so fucking stupid that he would do that to her!! I mean what man would hurt a woman and fall in love with someone else and then whent aht someone else finds someone knew he just thinks he can go back to the first woman and that she will greet him with open arms!? Stupid stupid Nicky byrne! Anyway, lets start from the beggining of the day shall we?

When I woke up this morning and felt Jareds arms around me and I stroke his chest and looked up at his face and smiled. He looked so goregous and peaceful right there in my bed... I mean our bed. :) I don't know how long I was lying there looking at him but then he moved alittle and slowly opened his eyes and looked into mine and he smiled and said "Good morning beautiful.". I stroke his cheek and kissed his lips and said "Good morning handsome." he smiled and kissed me again and then he tried to undo my bra and coninued to kiss me but then I said "no, let's just cuddle alittl first?". He looked at me really weird and then he pulled me closer and held me tight and I rested my head on his shoulder and he kissed my forehead and said "I never thought you would say no to sex.". I didn't say anything for a while but then i said "Neither did I but I just want to lay here for a while.". He smiled and closed his eyes and so did I and we just laid there holding each other and it felt so good. Then I said "Jared, I have to go to Nicky today if that's okay.". He opened his eyes and looked away and I could tell that he was not okay with it so I put my hand on his cheek and forced him to look me in the eyes and I said "I have to go over there and yell at him for being stupid. I love you jared and I promis you that I'm not going to hurt you again.". He nodded and then he said "Why is he stupid?" I said "because he went to zara yesterday and said that he loved her and wanted her back just like that and he tought that she was going to take him back but he hurt her by doing that and he is a fool if he thinks that it's taht easy. But before I go there I have to go to zara because she wants to talk to me alittle more then just yesterdays talk.". He nodded and said "He is a fool. but I guess he is a lonley fool. Sure go t her and talk, I guess she needs you.". I kissed him and said "yeah I guess he is but that doesn't give him the right to do that. yeah but are you sure? Don't you need me?". He smiled and pressed his lips against mine and said "I always need you honey but yeah i'm sure, you go.". I said "I need you too but thanks. So what are you going to do then? Tove and jensen are leaving for Dallas today.". He sighed and said "i don't know, might hang out with johan or maybe go into town and wander around.". I smiled and said "that sounds good." then we got up and put some clothes on but I didn't put so much clothes on, just one of jareds big t-shirts and he looked at me and said "Wow you look so sexy in my clothes it's crazy! Can't you wear them all the time?". I laught and gave him a kiss and said "Thank you but I don't think so, you look much more sexy then me.". he shook his head and said "No you always look sexier than me." and then he gave me a realyl romantic kiss that just blew me away. I smiled and couldn't say anything else and he laught and took my hand and we walked down the stairs and just as we were about to enter the kitchen we saw krisen, Johan and Dennis at the table. I smiled at dennis and he got up and gave me a hug and said "Good moring!". I said "morning, you're here early." he nodded and said "yeah, I was going to pick Kristina up and then she invited me in for breakfast.". Jared huffed alittle and I looked at him and he smiled and then Dennis said "You guys back together?". I looked at Jared and tought that he should answer that question and he said "No not yet but hopefully soon. We are going to take it slow.". Dennis nodded and said "Well I hope you will, Madde is a pretty amazing woman.". Jared kissed my cheek and said "yeah everybody says so, Nicky did so yesterday.".Dennis smiled and went back to his chair and Jared was about to go to the fridge to get some food but i stopped him and said "you make coffee, I make sandwishes.". He smiled and kissed me and satrted with the coffee while I turned to the fridge and started with the sandwishes. Then we joined John, Krisen and dennis at the table and ate. It was really nice to see dennis again and he looked amazing in his uniform but I don't feel as attracted to him as I do to Jared so I think that mine and dennis little game is over... for now anyway. :P

Then Tove and Jensen came down the stairs and me and jared gave them a hug and told him that we were sorry for his loss adn then they joined us at the table and after about an hour Tove said that they had to go because otherwise they were going to miss their flight. We hugged again and we feel so sorry for jensen, I just hope seeing his family will help alittle anyway but I really hope they won't be gone to long because I already miss them. Tove I love you and tell Jensen that I love him too adn misses you both. <3>you okay with me and nicky dating again or whatever it is we are doing?". I sighed and said "I don't know... But I don't want you guys to be sad and alone... It's just so hard even if I have jared, I still love nicky. But zara, if you want to do this I'm just asking you as a friend to you and not as a rival; are you sure you will ever fullyly be able to trust him?". She shook her head and said "I kknow and I don't blame you for not being completely okay with it because I know you love hima dn it's hard to see the person you love be with someone else... I know you don't. I don't know.... I don't think I will because this year will always be in the back of my head and hunt me. I don't think I will ever trust him like i did before because he hurt me so bad.". I nodded and said "yeah it is... I know and that's why I will ask you to take it super slow and if you see any tendency of him hurting you again you will be out of there in a heartbeat. I can't believe I'm saying this, but he is not worth being miserable over. You deserve better and even if he change he can always fall back. None of us ever though he would hurt you like this... well we didn't think I would either but I did and so did he.... people can seem like angels but when you get to close they often hurt you... I'm sorry.". She took my hand and said "I promis you that I will not rush into anything and I can promis you that even if we go out on a few dates I don't think I will call him boyfriend untill atleast a few months away and not this year. You right, he isn't worth the heartache even though it's hard to admit but he isn't and if he hurts me again in anyway then he has spoiled his last chanse. I know and that's why i will never trust him completely again and I don't think a relationship with a man you can't trust won't work so well... But we'll see and I don't hate you for hurting me anymore, I hold a bigger grudge against Nicky than you.". I said "You don't have to promis me that, promis yourself that insted and don't let him charm you so that you will rush things because we both know that if he wants something, he takes it and that is fast.yeah it is hard to admit because he is an amazing man but still but I'm glad that this is his last chanse to make it up to you because otherwise you should try and find someone else, maybe Nicky isn't that one... No it won't, sorry... But trust is the key in a relationship and I feel that it's so frustrateing to not feel like Jared trusts me, because he doesn't and especially not when I say I'm going to nickys but I'm going to make it up to him and I guess a part of me hope that nicky will do the same to you while one part of me don't...". She took a deep breath adn said "Okay, I promis myself that and I swear that i will not let him charm me, I have kind of gotten immune against his charm. Yeah he is an amazing man but maybe you're right, maybe he isn't the one for either of us... It's going to be hard to date someone knew, haven't done that in over 12 years. yeah you're right, trust is the key and I hope you every good thing with jared and i too hope that nicky will prove me worng but a part of me doubts it... It's okay that you don't want me to be with nicky, I understand.". I gave her a hug and said "You'll get through this and you know i'm here for you if you need to talk. But now I ahev to go to nicky and talk alittle to him.". She nodded and I got up and just as I was about to open the door and walk out she said "Thank you Madde, and honey... I trust you.". I smiled and said "i won't hurt you." she smiled and I walked out of there and went down to the garage and got into my car.

It's always so calming to sit down and drive and to think because there I can always be alone and it's just so great. To just take the car and go without any real destination and to just press down the gas and feel the motor work and feel the ground rush under the tyres and to see the trees swoosh by in fast speed. It's great and it's an amazing way to clear your head and just be one with the car. Anyway I took a pretty long detour, almost an hour, just to clear my head and then I drove up to nickys drive way and parked and just as I opened the door and walked out the front door opened and Nicky stood there with a smile on his face. I smiled and he gave me a hug and then we walked in and sat down in the livingroom and nicky said "So To what do I owe the pleasure?". I took a deep breath and stood up and looked at him and said "How stupid are you? How can you go to zara and tell her that you want her back after everything?!". He looked down and I said "nicky, look at me! What you did was wrong and you hurt her again and... you hurt me too but that isn't why I'm here.". he said "I want her back!!" and I said "And what if I say that I want you adn not Jared, that I miss you so much and that being with jared isn't even half as good as it feels to be with you and what if I tell you that I want to go all the way with you?". He looked at me and I saw hesitation in his eyes and then he said "But you don't?". I shook my head and said "A part of me do but another part of me really wants this to work with jared and that part is bigger but just because you feel lonley you can't just rush over to her and babble that out and then think that she would even consider it! how foolish are you?". He stood up and took my hands put I pulled them back and he siad "Madde, please don't be angry with me. I'm just so lonely and I didn't think...". I said "I'm not angry with you, I'm disappointed and I can't believe you would be so stupid to do something like that. I know yuo are lonley but that is not a reason to act the way you did because Zara really sees herself as a consolation prize for you and not as your first hand choise.". He sighed and sat back down adn I did too and he said "I'm sorry I disappointed you.... I know it's not a reason to behave like that but I don't know what to do... But now zara has agreed to go on a few dates with me.". Interrupted him and said "Don't say your sorry to me, tell her that. Yeah she has but I can tell you even though she loves you as much as I do, you're chanses are slim and if you mess up again you won't have another one.". He looked at me and then he looked me deep in the eyes and said "Do you want us to be together?" I shook my head and looked away and said "I don't know, yes and no. Beucase I can't stand seeing the two of you sad and alone but I love you so much and it hurts to see you with someone else...". He nodded and said "I don't want to hurt you." and I said "But you want to hurt zara?". he looked at me with a shocked expression on his face and he said "No!" and I said "Good, then don't. Take it slow and don't push her and for crying out load don't do anything stupid!". he gulped and I said "Nicky... you have to undertsand that even though I came by and said all those thing, which I really mean, you still mean so much to me and I really really want you to be one of my best friends because I need you. you know me in a way no one else does, you know the car freak and that is a big part of me adn you are practically the only one I can share that part with.". He gave me a long hug and it was really nice to hug him and fel the love but not like passion but friendly love and care. When we parted from the hug he stroke my cheek and said "A long time ago I made a deal with you that i would never leave you and I will always keep that. I'm here for you and I don't want to lose you. Like you said a few days ago, we car freaks has to stick together and so we will. Cars are a big part of me too and you are the only one here in sweden that i can share that with and I don't want to lose that.". I smiled and said "Good, then we are two that will stick to that deal. I don't want to lose you either and we have to stick together. But don't hurt zara.". He nodded and said "I'll try my best not to." I smiled and kissed his cheek and said "Well I ahve to go home now, thanks for the chat and remember what i said. I love you.". He nodded and said "I will, thank you. I love you too honey." then we hugged and I left to go home to Jared.

When I got home I asked johan where Jared was and he said that he was upstairs and that he had a surprise to me. I smiled and got butterflies in my stomach and slowly walked upstairs and opened the door to mine and jareds room. I didn't see him anywhere, the whole room was empty adn i sat down on the bed and felt really grumpy because I was kind of hoping that he would lay in bed waiting for me or that he would have done something else but now he wasn't even there. All of the sudden he stepped out of the wardrobe and he looked AMAZING!! He was so hot and good-looking and... I can't even describe how handsome he was!! I got really shocked and a big smile spread over my lips and he walked over to me and softly pressed his lips against mine and then he looked me deep in the eyes and said "Madde, it would be an honour for me if you would like to accompany me to dinner tonight.". I just smiled and couldn't say anything and then I think he got a bit nervous because he said "Ehm, i know you don't do dates, but I just wanted to take you out.". I put my index finger over his lips to shut him up and then I kissed him and said "Give me an hour and i'll be downstairs.". He smiled and kissed me and walked out of the room, I just sat there and smiled for myself for awhile. He is right, I don't do dates, but if jared want's to go on a date with me then I can handle it, a date with jared is going to be great. I got up and walked into the wardrobe and picked out a black dress with alot of cleavage and then my gorgeous black pumps. Then I went into the bathroom and fixed my hair and makeup and then I was ready for dinner out with Jared. I walked downstairs and found him in the livingroom chatting with tim and johan and when I walked in they all got quiet and then all of them whistled at me and Jared got up, gave me a soft kiss and took my arm and turned to the guys and said "Sorry lads but this one is mine.". I smiled and Johan said "have fun guys!" we thanked him and walked outside where our limo was waiting for us. I said "how romanitc is this date to be exact?". He looked pleading into my eyes and said "Please, just go with it." I nodded and said "For you." he smiled and we walked over to the limo and got in. Well there he handed me a glass of champagne and we sat there talking and then after about 30 minutes the car stopped and the door opened and jared got out and held out his hand to me and I took it and stepped out. He had taken me to a restaurant that is really hard to get a table at but we just walked in and got a table and a waitor at once and they seated us in a corner away from everyone else and it was so cozy with candles and a single red rose on each plate and a single red rose means "Exceptional love all concentrated on you.". I smiled and Jared walked over to my chair and pulled it out and I sat down and he pulled it in and then he sat down opposite me and I smiled and picked up the rose and smelled it and it smelt wonderful. I looked at Jared and he said "You know what that single red rose means right?" I nodded and said "Yeah I do, you're amazing.". He smiled and held out his hand and I took it and he stroke the back of my hand with his thumb and I thought that this night was going to be really great actaully. After a while the waitor came over with the menues and we ordered and waited for our food. We talked about the things that had happened today and alittle about jensen and tove and what they were up to now. And then I asked "So how long have you planed this?" he smiled and said "Well I had actually planed this a few weeks ago but then you and zara made up your little plan and all this was over but I'm so happy right now that I finally got to take you out on a date.". I smiled and said "I'm sorry that I ruined your plans. I have to say that this date is the best ever, I could get used to this, just the two of us.". He smiled and he looked so happy and that made me really happy and he said "So if I ask you out on another date some day, you wouldn't say no?". I said "Nah i wouldn't." he smiled and we continued to eat and it was so cozy and romantic!!

We ate for like three hours and then jared paid and we went back to the limo and I asked "So do you have anything else planed for tonight?". He laught and said "No I actually don't I wasn't sure you even wanted to go on a date with me so.". I gave him a cheesy smile and said "That's okay, we can always go home and continued our night in bed.". He smiled and told the driver to drive home and then he kissed me with eager and I ran my fingers through his hair and then he suddenly stopped and he looked at me and said "You look so beautiful tonight, just drop dead gorgeous.". I smiled and kissed him and said "You look great too." he laught and then we took another glass of champagne and talked untill we got home. It was pretty late so everyone had gone to bed so the whole house was quiet and dark. We sneaked in and walked up to our room and Jared closed the door behind us. I was standing with my back turned against him and then I felt his hands stroke my stomach and his lips kiss my neck. I smiled and closed my eyes and enjoied the touch and he moved his hands over my arms to my back and he started to unzip my dress. He continued to kiss my neck and shoulder and then he put his hands on my shoulders too and slowly pulled down my shoulder straps and I felt the dress slowly fall down to the floor over my body and I turned around and faced him and kissed him and I felt his hands stroke my back and shoulders. I started to unbutton his shirt and everytime I got to a new button i kissed his chest lower and lower and when the whole shirt was open I stroke it over his shoulders and arms and it fell to the ground. He smiled and kissed me and picked me up and slowly walked over to the bed and laid me down in it. I smiled and he took his jeans off and then he stroke my body with his amazing hands all the way down to my feet and he slowly took my right shoe off and kissed the top of my foot and then he stroke my left leg and took my other shoe off and kissed that foot too. I just smiled and felt how happy I was at that moment. He went back to kissing my lips and this time with more eager and I stroke my hands over his back and he satrted to massage my boobs and it felt so good. I started to breath heavier and then his hands wandered down over my stomach and inside my panties and he slowly started to caress me and it felt so good! I moaned slightly and ran my fingers through his hair and kissed his wonderful lips and then he found the right spot and I moaned louder and then he started to move his fingers faster and then he put a few of them in me and moved them adn it felt soooooo good!!! i moaned louder and breathed more shallow and I was totally wet and I was so close at coming but then I I whispered "not yet.". And he took his fingers out and laid down next to me and I sat up astride him and slowly stroke and kissed his chest then I got to his boxers I pulled them over his fit ass and saw his beast allready worked up but I put it in my mouth adn satrted to move and he moaned more and more and I felt his stomach move faster and faster up and down adn he breathed. I felt how it grew between my lips and then I took it out and stood up and gave jared a cheesy smile and slowly moved my hands over my boobs, my stomach and down to the edge of my panties. I slowly pulled them off and threw them in the floor and sat back down and took a firm grip of his beast and helped it inside of me and we both moaned when it pressed inside of me. I started to move slowly and kissed him and the same time and he ran his fingers through my hair and then he wrapped is arms around me adn rolled us around so that he was ontop and he started to move harder. I moaned and took a grip of his ass and he smiled and kissed my neck and I felt his tongue play with my earlobe and then he took a hold of it and then he kissed my neck again and it felt so good!! I let my hands wander over his back to his amazing arms and then back again. He started to go harder, deeper and faster which made me moan even more and it was soooo good and I was so close at coming and so was jared. He stopped kissing me and he just focused on giving it to me hard, deep and fast and it was so amazing!!! After alittle while we both got all tense and came at the same time and that is the best feeling ever and it was really the best orgasm I have ever had!! I screamed loudly and so did he and it held on for like a minute and it was just so fucking amazing!!!!! When our bodies relaxed again he laid down next to me and gave me a deep kiss and I rested my head on his chest and he said "That was amazing!". I smiled and said "that was better then amazing!" he laught and kissed my head and whispered "I love you Madde.". I smiled and looked up at him and said "I love you too Jared." he smiled and I pressed my lips against his nad kissed him and then I rested my head on his chest again. Then he satrted to stroke my stomach and arm and back again and he siad "one more?" I smiled and said "in a while, I have to blog.". He nodded and kissed me and now he is reading a script that he got through fax this morning but now I'm going to go back to him and have se.... I mean; and make love to him again. :) God, taht was weird to say but it was nice.

See you the day after tomorrow!!!
Take care
Love
A happy Madde!