Do tell.

Heya!

Today alot have happened but I can finally say that I am happy :D let me tell you more about it.

When I woke up this morning I actually woke up with a smile on my face and I looked at Zara and she just woke up so i said "Good morning.". She smiled and said "Morning. You seem happy and excited." I smiled and said "Yeah I am, I'm so excited that we are going to tell everyone and that I'm finally going to be able to kiss Jared, maybe if he wants to kiss me.". She stroke my cheek and said "I know and I am too. He is going to want to kiss you, trust me.". I smiled and said "Thank you zara, you are really wonderful." she wrinkled her forehead and said "Really? Thanks.". i sat up and looked at her and said "Yeah you are, you are a wonderful and amazing person and I really love you and I'm so sorry for all the pain I have caused you this year, I never meant to hurt you.". I saw a tear fall from her eye and she sat up and hugged me and said "thank you and you are an amazing woman too and I love you Madde. It's okay, I know you never meant to hurt me and I'm alright now.". When we parted from the hug I said "Zara, Tove kind of told me about why you reacted the way you did when emma called you a whore. And I'm so sorry for that but I really think you should tell Emma that story to show her what a great childhood she's had and that you are a wonderful person that she should both love and show respect.". She nodded and said "I know I should.. It's just that I don't know how to tell her... It just feels weird to just go to her and talk about it.". I said "Hey, your her mother and if you want to talk to her about anything you just ahev to go to her. Mothers do that.".She whiped the tears away and smiled and said "You're right, thank you. I'm actually going to miss not hanging out with you this much.". I smiled and gave her a hug and said "Me too." then we got up and got dressed and I walked into the kitchen to get some breakfast while Zara went to talk to Emma. I made myself a sandwish and then a cup of coffee and sat down and ate and after a while Zara came back alone and I could tell that she had been crying. I got up and was just about to give her a hug when she said "No, then I will just start crying again. I'm okay.". I nodded and asked how it went and she said "Well, she said that she was sorry for everything and stuff like that and I really hope that she will start behaving now.". I smiled and said "I think she will, don't worry. She is a smart girl if she wants to and she love you. You know, she told me that she hated me not because I fell for nicky but that I hurt you. She hated that i hurt you and I thinkshe still does becuase she loves you so much adn she doesn't want to see you hurt.". She nodded and said "Yeah she is and I love her so much. Well I hope she will stop hateing you because I have and I'm not really hurting anymore. Right now it's just ahrd that I have these feelings for nicky but I'm not going to go back to him.. Not now for a while anyway and if I deside to do so I will talk to you first.". I shook my head and said "You don't have to do that... I wasn't that nice." she said "I want to becuase you are my friend and I don't want to lose you again and if that means that I can't have nicky abck then so be it. We can all still be friends I hope.". I felt tears brun in my eyes and when I hugged her they just came pouring down my face and I said "thank you and I don't want to lose you either. I know that we can all still be friends what ever happenes.". We stood there holding each other for a while and when we had stopped crying we sat downa dn finished our breakfast adn then Zara looked at me and asked "Are you ready to go?" I took a deep breath and nodded and picked up my phone and dailed Nickys number. Zara went to the kids to tell them that we were going to Alexanderssons. After a while Nicky answered and he sounded realyl tired, I laught and said "hey sleepyhead, did i wake you?". He said with a dowsey voice "Yeah it's okay. What's up?" I smiled and said "Well get ready and go to Alexanderssons because me and zara have something important to tell everyone and you are one of them.". He cleared his voice and siad "Alright, I'll be there in an hour or so. Don't tell anyone without me.". I smiled and said "Good. We won't I promis." then we hung up and I went into zaras room and sat down on the bed adn thought that it was my last day there. It felt really good and I was so excited to go abck home and sleep in my own bed and hopefully fall asleep in Jareds arms and kiss him good night. I couldn't think about Jared without smiling and then Zara walked thorught the door and said "What are you smiling about?". I said "I was just thinking about Jared." she sat down next to me with a smile on her face and she said "You really love him don't you?". I felt how my face got warmer and my cheeks redden and I said "Yeah, I think I do.". She smiled and said "I'm glad." I said "But I still have feelings for Nicky and Tove says that i shouldn't make things more deep with Jared before those feelings are gone.". She sighed and said "I know you do and those feelings are not so easy to get rid of but you know what, spend alot of time with Jared and less with Nicky and you'll see that you will fall in love with jared and out of love with nicky. Of course you will always love nicky but not in the way you do now.". I smiled and said "you're right. Thanks." she smiled and nodded and then she took my hand and said "Shall we? The kids are ready adn so is sara and niklas.". I took a deep breath and said "yeah let's go. Nicky is on his way there now too so.". We walked out of the room adn I had huge butterflies in my stomach and then I saw niklas stand by the door and he asked "So our car is to small for all of us..". I said "I know, that's why Zara and I are taking my baby." he nodded and then we all went down to the garage and got into our cars. Zara asked if I was nervous and I nodded but said "but it feels good to drive. It always calms me down and to hear the sound of the engine is even better than soothing music.". She laughed and said "I can't believe you turned into such a car enthusiast. That is one reason Nicky fell for you I think, he loves car but I don't... I don't really care about them and I guess when he notieced that you love cars he found that you two have a mutual interest and that appealed to him.". I nodded and said "Yeah, might be.. Cars are amazing, I love them and I guess I loved that about nicky too because I don't really have anyone to share my car interest but him.. Okay Jared likes cars but not like nicky and I.". She smiled and said "In one way I'm gald that nicky has found someone who he can share that common interest with because that is such a big part of him as is soccer and music.". I smiled and said "I ahve the car side of him and you have the music side, that is something anyway.". she laughed and said "Yeah, fianlyl we have found a way to share him." then we both bursted out laughing. It was really great to be able to joke about our love for nicky without fighting or anyone of us getting hurt or angry.

When we got to the hourse and parked in the garage we got out and went inside. Tove, Jared, Jensen and My was sitting in the livingroom so we walked there and gave all of them a hug. I ahd a hard time taking my eyes from Jared and I think Jensen noticed that because he gave me a weird look and I knew that he was going to be so boastful about the fact that he figured me and zara out a few days ago. After a while Niklas, sara and the kids walked throught the door and joined us in the livingroom then I desided it was time to get everyone else so I walked upstairs and knocked on everyones doors and told them to come down to the livingroom and soon everyone had gathered there except for nicky. But after just a few mintues he knocked on the door and I went to open it and he gave me a hug and we went into the livingroom together. He gave zara a hug too and then he sat down next to Jared. I walked over to Zara and she took my hand but it wasn't as an act, it was for reassures and to calm the butterflies in our stomachs. Everyone was sitting there looking at us and just as I was about to say something Emma siad "nicky... I'm sorry for what i said to you... For everything that I've said to you.... You are more a father to me than my real dad would ever.". i smiled and so did zara and Nicky just got really shocked and then he got up and so did emma and they hugged. It was so great to see and then she turned to me and said "Madde, I'm really sorry for every bad thing I have said to you too... Please forgive me?". I smiled and got up and gave her a hug and said "Of course I fogive you, we car freaks have to stick together right?" and I looked at both emma and Nicky. then both smiled and said "Yeah, that's right." then we sat down and everyones looks got turned to me and zara again. I took a deep breath adn then nicky said "Okay guys, you're killing us. Tell us now!". I looked at zara and then we took the rings off and put them on the table and everyone stared at them and then back at us and I said "Zara and I aren't together, we have never been.". The looks on everyones faces was different but everyone was shocked except Tove and Sara and of course Jensen who just raised his hand in the air and said "I knew it!!! Told you didn't I? Damn I'm good!". Me, sara, zara and tove couldn't keep but laughing at him adn then Nicky said "You aren't together? But what about the pool and all the kisses and all that?". Zara said "No we aren't nicky. nothing happened in the pool and the kisses never meant anything, they were just an act and I have to say; madde and i are the best actors in the world!". I laught and said "Yeah that's right!" and then Jared said "An act? It was an act?". I could tell that he was a bit hurt and I said "Jared, baby... I'm sorry. I have to talk to you later when everyone isn't around.". He nodded and leaned back against the backrest and then My said "You aren't together? But you kiss.". I smiled and said "No My, we aren't a couple. We just acted and the kisses didn't mean anything. people can kiss each other without they meaning anything.". She just looked so confused and zara said "Don't worry My, you'll understand sooner or later.". She nodded and then Niklas said "but you had sex!" and everyone just looked at him and then at us and we just sat there and then I said "Yeah well... ehm... we were drunk and in really desperate need of sex but all we had was each other so... we took waht we had.". He just looked at us with huge eyes and I said "look, we don't want you to be angry with us because don't regret anything we have done because it has brought us closer together. But we are sorry that we fooled you like this and we are sorry if we have hurt you.". Zara nodded adn said "Yeah, but come on, don't be mad... After all, wasn't this better then the two of us fighting?". Everyone nodded and then Nicky said "So what happens now?" I shrugged adn looked at zara and she stroke my arm and gave me a smile and said "now me, sara, niklas and the kids are leaving and I think Madde is going to talk to jared.". I smiled and she gave me a hug and whispered "Good luck." I smiled and said "Tahnk you.". and then she and niklas and sara and the kids went to the garage and left. Everyone was still sitting in the livingroom looking at me but then krisen and Johan took the youngest kids away and Tim adn Jess followed them so the only once that was left in the livingroom was Tove, Jensen, Jared and Nicky. Then Nicky stood up and walked over to me and gave me a hug and said "Well. that was a surpirse.". I smiled and said "yeah... sorry." he laughed and said "it's okay...". Then he just stood there looking at me but I didn't care because i took a few steps and held out my hand to Jared and asked "please come with me, I ahv to talk to you.". He looked at me and then at Nicky and then back at me and then he took my hadn and stood up. Just as we were about to walk upstairs nicky siad "Jared, you're really lucky. She is an amazing woman.". Both me and Jared turned to him and Jared nodded and i gave nicky a smile and mimed "Thank you." and then Jared and i went upstairs to our room.

We sat down on the bed and I could tell that he was still in shock so I took his hands in mine and looked him in the eyes and said "Jared, please forgive me for fooling you this much. I could see that it was hurting you and seeing that made me hurt too and I just wanted to tell everyone. You are actually the reason we told everyone today because I couldn't keep lying to you and staying away from you. I'm sorry that i fooled you but at the same time not because it made me realize the feelings I have for you and how hard it is to keep away from you when my heart is aching to be near you.". He didn't say anything, he just looked at me and then i said pleading "please say something Jared.". But he didn't insted he just pressed him lips against mine and it felt so gooooood that it was crazy!! I ran my fingers through his hair and I ahve missed that so much and to feel his hands stroking my body again was just so amazing!! He kissed me with eager and I kissed him back and I felt his tongue play with mine and it was so great! I stroke his abck and took a hold of his shirt and pulled it over his head and stroke his goregous back with my hands. It felt so good to feel that again and his hands found their way inside my top and unhooked my bra and then he too my top off and threw it on the floor together with the bra. we both satrted to breath faster and then he satrted to kiss my neck just the way I love it and I quietly moaned as he kissed me further down. he played with my nipples with his tongue and then he conitnued kissing me further down and then he started to undo my jeans and I just closed my eyes and enjoined his touch. He pulled my jeans off and then he kissed me up to my lips again and then he started to caress me down town adn it felt so amazing to feel his big hands down there. I smiled and he siad "I've missed you so much!" I kissed him and said "I've missed you too. Then we rolled around so that I was ontop and I stopped kissing him adn I just sat there looking at him, his goregous face and his amazing chest and arms and abs and just everything. I ran my fingers slowly over his torso and he just smiled and then I started to kiss his chest and abs and to feel them against my lips was just ontop of the world!!! I was so happy and then I started to undo his jeans and I pulled them over his amazingly fit ass and then I kissed my way back to his lips and put a leg between his legs and pressed my thigh against his beast and I felt his it started to grow slowly by the simple touch. He stroke my back with his amazing hands and then I kissed him back down to the egde of his boxers and I slowly pulled them off and I just smiled and stroke his abs and around his beast and he satrted to moan alittle so I kissed it and then I put it in my mouth and satrted to move and he moaned even more and then I played with the top of it with my tongue and he moaned even more. Then i started to use my mouth again and I felt how it grew and got harder between my lips and soon it was up and raising so I kissed his lips again and then we rolled around again and he took my panies off and stread my legs slightly and started to use his tognue down there and it felt so good. He is way better than zara is and I just moaned louder and louder. I felt that I was totally wet and I had been that since he satrted to kiss me and soon I felt that I was close to coming but then he stopped and turned back to kissing my lips and then he help with his hand to press his beast inside me and it felt so good that I screamed out with pleasure. He smiled and started to slowly move and it felt so good. I stroke his back with my hands and stopped on his bum and squeezed it slightly and he kissed my neck and chest and it felt so amazing! God I ahve missed Jared so much!! I stroke him over his back again and moved my hadns to his arms and I felt his huge biceps flex as he pressed it deeper in me. I moaned and then he sat us up and ran his hadns through my hair and kissed my neck and I stroke his thighs and back and arms and just everywhere I could fine anything of him. He smiled and moaned and then he said "Did you realyl have sex with Zara?". I laughed and kissed him and moaned loudly and he pressed it even deeper in me and said "Yeah, like i said, we were drunk and desperate. But I've missed you so much.". he smiled and said "I'm better?" I kissed his neck and said "Way!" and then he laid us abck down againa nd started to move harder and faster and I moaned more and more and I felt how close I was. I buried my nails in his back and moaned "faster!!" and he did as I asked adn the more he moved the louder I screamed untill I came and I stopped breathing and he continued to move fast and hard and it was so fucking amazing!!! Then I kissed his neck and lips and stroke his abs and further down and he started to moan and I move my hand to his ass and then he moved even faster in me and then he got all stiff and came inside of me. It was so amazing and then he just pressed his naked body against mine and I could have just laid there forever and ever. He kissed me and then he took his beast out and laid down next to me and I just cuddled up closer to him and rested my head on his chest adn he wrapped his amrs around me and held me really tight and it made me feel so safe and at home and I just smiled and stoke his abs and chest. He kissed my hair and said "I love you." and I smiled and said "I love you too." then I tilted my head up and kissed him softly and then his chest and he just stroke my arm over and over and it felt so good to feel his body near mine and his hands touch my skin. I've missed him so much.

After about an hour we put our clothes on and walked hand in hand down the stairs and into the livingroom where Tove and jensen were still seated. They smiled and jensen said "happy now?" me and jared just looked at each other and then he swooped me into his arms and kissed me and when he let go of me I just laughed and nodded and jensen said "I can tell. is Jared better than Zara?". I laughed and hugged jared and said "much much better!!! Can't even describe it! Everything is much better, his touch, his smell, his kisses and hugs, the sex, his voice, his face... All of him is way better than zara. But I still love her but not in that way.". Tove, Jensen and Jared started to laugh and Jared kissed my cheek and said "You guys want to watch a movie or something?". They nodded and we joined them in the sofa and i cuddled up closer to Jared and he wrapped his arms around me and it was so cozy. But all they way through the movie Tove sat and ate melon and spitted the seeds on a plate and it said "Cling" all the time!! It's really annoying but I was just happy that I was resting in the arms of Jared... My Jared. :) Then I remembered that we had left Nicky downstairs when jared and i went upstairs so I asked "When did Nicky go?". Tove said "A few minutes after the two of you went upstairs, he said that you probobly wouldn't have time to talk to him today.". I cuddled up closer to Jared and said "No not today... Today I'm going to be with Jared.". He smiled and kissed me and squeezed me tight and it felt so good!!

After the movie it was almost dinner time and Johan asked if Jared could help him out with dinner and he said yes so he gave me a kiss and stroke my cheek and went into the kitchen so I turned to Tove and asked if I could talk to her upstairs so we left jensen in the sofa and headed into my room. We sat down on the bed and Tove said "I'm sorry that you feel like I have betrayed you but you know I won't change my mind.". I nodded and said "I know you won't but I just want you to understand that it has been hard for me too and especially to be so close at losing you. But the thought of losing nicky is hard too and I need you to understand that and if I could have changed things I would have.". She said "I know it was hard for you with Nicky and everything and I know that he hurt you and I'm sorry for that but I still can't take your side.". I interrupted her and said "I don't need you to be on my side I just.... I just want you to be there for me when I need you and I really needed you when things were so messy but you were with Zara insted. I know that she is your friend but she had sara and niklas and I... I had no one... except for Nicky and how good was that? I really needed you but you weren't there and before you say anything I want you to think about that because you abandoned me when I needed you the most.". Then I got up because I really didn't want to cry and I think Tove needed some time to think about what i said. But I didn't get far untill the tears started to roll down my face and I felt so alone and at the same time lighter. I walked into the kitchen and as soon as Jared saw me crying he dropped everything and hugged me and comforted me. When I had stopped crying he asked what had happened but I said that I didn't want to talk about it and then I asked if they needed some help and jared told me to set the table. I smiled and said "That i can do. I'm the best at that." he laughed and kissed me and turned back to the cooking and I started to set the table. Then I called everybody down to eat and we all sat down together and ate. It was so nice to be albe to touch jared and look at him without thinking that i shouldn't, I will never let go of him again.

After dinner I got a call from Robert and that was such a huge surpirse!! he was doing just fine and he was at work at the moment but he said that he heard that tove had talked to kellan so he just felt like he had to give me a call. It was really great to hear from him again and then he said "I heard Tove's getting married.". I smiled and said "yeah she is, the 8th of December in the Seychelles. Hey why don't you and Kellan come and join us at the wedding. It would be great!!". He said "Really, congratulate her from me. Oh my god, we would love to come! but are you sure Tove wants us to come then?". I laughed and said "I will. Of course she wants you to come plus she doesn't really have anything to say about this because I'm planing and i'm inviting you. So please come.". He laughed and said "I should have known that you was going to plan the whole thing. But Kellan and I would love to come!". I smiled and said "Yeah well it's me and Tove isn't as thrilled as me. Well if you guys want to bring anyone that is okay, just tell us before so that we know how many is coming total.". He said "okay, Well, I'll talk to kellan and then we'll get back to you okay?". I smiled and said "that sounds great!! hey is pete there by the way?". He laughed and said "Yeah he is actually sitting right here next to me. Why? You wanna talk to him?". I said "nah, just say hi to him from me and Tove and tell him that Tove is happy that he is coming to the wedding too.". Rob laughed and told Pete what I said and I could hear Pete say "great! Give my love to madde and tove too.". And then Rob said "He sends his love." I smiled and said "Yeah i could hear that.". Then he said "So what is going on in maddes life then?" I smiled and said "Well things are finally starting to look good again after everything that has happened... Alot have happened and I can tell you some other day but now things are looking brighter again.". He said "Okay well that is good. So are you and Jared still together?" I said "No, we broke up if you don't rmember and we havn't goten back together yet but hopefully soon.". He said "Right, well I hope things will go well for you guys." I smiled and said "Tahnk you" and then we just talked about alot of stuff and after an hour or so he had to go so we said goodbye and hung up.

Then someone knocked on the door and Jared walked in and I said "You don't have to knock, this is your room too remember.". He smiled and said "I guess that I'm just so used to it but I'll try and stop...". I smiled and then he walked over to the bed and kissed me and I laid down on the bed and he followed me and got ontop of me and contiuned to kiss me. then he kissed my neck and I took a hold of his shirt and pulled it over his head and felt his amazing back against my hands and I stoke his back lower and down over his ass and inside his pants. He smiled and sat us up and took my top off and stroke my stomach and back with his big goregous hands and then he ran his fingers through my hair and I kissed his neck. He smiled and breathed faster and more shallow and then he unhooked my bra and threw it on the floor and he started to massage my boobs with his hands. It felt so amazing and I moaned slightly and he laid us back down again and started to lick my nipples and undo my jeans with his trembling fingers. I ran my fingers through his hair and closed my eyes and moaned with pleasure. He threw my jeans on the floor and took my panties off and started to tickle me with his tongue down town and it was so amazing!! I moaned loudly and took a grip of the covers with my hand and squeezed it tight. While he was licking me he stroke my stomach and started to massage my boob again and it was just so amazing and I was so close at coming and he noticed because he started to help out with his other hand and I got warmer and started to breath faster and faster and after a few seconds I came with a scream. He smiled and started to kiss my lips insted and then he rolled us around and I sat up ontop of him and stroke my hands down to his jeans and undid them and gave him a cheesy smile and pulled them off and threw them on the floor. I moved further back on the bed and looked at the gorgeous sexy man lying in my bed and I put my hands on his knees and stroke them higher and higher. Then I pulled his boxers off and looked at his beast and I could almost see how it grew but I though I should help out so I took it between my lips and started to move and use my tongue just like he likes it. He moaned loudly and i stroke him abs with my hand which made both of us even more worked up because I LOVE his abs!!I felt how his beast grew in my mouth and soon it was hard and big enough so he pulled me up to his lips insted and kissed me and rolled us around so that I was ontop and then he pressed his beast in me and it felt so fucking good!! I wish I could have it in me all the time!! I moaned and kissed him with eager and desperation and he started to move and it was so amazing! he kissed my neck and I ran my fingers though his hair and over his back and bum and squeezed it and he let out a loud moan. I smiled and kissed his neck and then he started to move faster and deeper and I moaned for everytime he was deep in me and he did the same. I took a hold of his big biceps and he kissed my neck and moved even faster and I could tell that he was close because he got even more eager and tense and I smiled and ran my hand through his hair again and whispered "Faster, harder!" and he did so and soon he stopped and got all tense and then he came inside of me and it was what made me feel the same feeling too because I screamed out with pleasure as I come for the second time nad he smiled and laid down next to me and I cuddled up with him and we just laid there silently cuddeling and it was so great! God I have missed Jared so much!!!

After a while he fell asleep and I thought it was time to blog so here I am and I'm going to wrap this up soon but first I'm going to tell you about yesterdays visit to Tony. when we got there we talked alot and then he showed me the sketches he has made but non of them was really what I wanted. One was just to big.. like the skirt was just to big and on the other it was to much bling and shit on it. The third one was alomost to sexy with to much cleavage and a very close-fitting slit skirt. It was abit to dareing. But I told him to continue working on it and he would eventually find one that would be there perfect match! :D

Well now Jared woke up and asked me to come back to bed so I'm going to do as he asked and fall asleep in his arms which is something that I've been waiting for for ages!! Nighti!!
Btw, If you are lucky then Tove might tell you about our little talk and hopefully she has something to say tomorrow to me... I really hope so...

Take care
Love
Madde