Now you know.

Heya!!

Well now you know that me and zara was just a joke. I don't really know how we thought of it, we didn't even mean for it to go so far but it did and it's still going on strong. The thing is that eventhough it's kind of fun to see peoples reactions it's still hard because I hate to hurt people and right now I'm hurting jared. He misses me and I miss him really much and I just want to tell him so that we can cuddle and I can tell him that I miss him and love him and to just fall asleep in his arms. I think that is what I miss the most, to fall alseep feeling safe in his arms. That is the best feeling ever. But the game goes on and we will see how far we take it but I don't know how long I can keep going and I'm really satrting to miss sex!!! Beucase zara and I aren't having sex for real, everything I worte in here was just a joke and I havn't had sex in 5 days with is alot for me!! Anyway let me tell you about today becuase it's been crazy!!

When I woke up this morning I looked into zaras face and sighed because that wasn' the face I wanted to look into. I had been dreaming about Jared and that we were together and everything was just amazing like a fairytale and then I wake up and I'm lying next to the woman i have been fighting with all year. Not that we aren't friends now but still, not really what I was dreaming off you know. I pulled the covers off and walked out to the kitchen where niklas was sitting eating breakfast. I said "morning, where is Sara?" he smiled and said "Good morning little sis. She is in bed sleeping. What about your zara then?". I started to make my coffee and put the gameface on and said "Okay, she is sleeping too. didn't want to wake her.". I sat down next to niklas and he asked what i was going to do today and I said "Well I'm going home soon, and then I ahve to go over to Nicky an dtalk to him about something that happened yesterday.". he looked like a questionmark and said "What happened yesterday?" I sighed and said "Your beloved girlfriend started to fight with him eventhough he didn't do anything and he has really been trying his best to fix things and I hate if she is going to make everything worse again and bring him down again because I don't know how much he can handle.". Niklas closed his eyes, shook his head and sighed and then he said "Damn it sara! Well talk to him and I'll talk to her and see if she can cut him some slack. I know he is trying and she shouldn't be mad at him because you and zara aren't mad at him are you?". I shook my head and said "You do that. no we aren't and she has no reason. I won't let her bring him down again, I just won't.". He said "I know sis. And I'll talk to her, I promis." he put his hand on mine and I smiled and said "Thanks Niklas. I love you.". He smiled and got up and kissed my head and said "i love you to little sis.". then he put his coffeecup away and walked out of the room. I smiled and got up and got my coffee and made myself a sandwish and sat down and ate. After a while David showed up and I helped him make breakfast and then we sat abck down at the table and i asked "Do you know if nicky is coming here today?". He shook his head and said "not today, he said he had to do some things... don't know what though.". I nodded and said "okay." then we contiued eating and when I was done I walked into zaras room and she said "mornign.". I smiled and siad "Good morning. what are you going to do today?". She yawned and siad "I don't really know... We'll see. What about you?" I said "i ahve to go home and then i have to pay Nicky a visit because I really need to talk to him about something. You okay with that?". She didn't look so okay with it but said "Okay sounds good. yeah I'm okay with it, as long as nothing happens.". I smiled and said "Tahnk you zara. see you later." then I walked out of there, said goodbye to david and went out of the apartment. I walked down to the garage and found my baby standing there waiting for me and I smiled and stroke the hood and got in and drove off home. Somehow I couldn't earse a smile I had on my face and when I enetered the house it got even bigger because there was Jared standing, just outside the kitchen. he smiled when he saw me and walked over to give me a hug and then he said "You look good.". I smiled and stroke his cheek and my eyes just got fixated on his gorgeous lips and I just wanted to kiss them but insted I said "Thank you, so do you. Do you know where Tove is?". He nodded and said "She and Jensen are out for a walk you just missed them. Theya re probobly back in like an hour or so.". I nodded and said "Damn. Well in that case I guess I can alway hang out with you then.". He smiled and said "If you don't have anything else you need to do." I said "Well i ahve to go to nickys place and talk to him but that can wait for a while.". I looked into his eyes and the happiness was just glowling in them and it just made me smile. He said "Alright, so what do you want to do?" I said "Can you be more happy?". He laught and said "I'm sorry, it just feels nice that you would take me infront of Nicky thats all. Just wish you could have picked me insted of Zara too.". I smiled and tried my hardest to keep away from the sudden urge to kiss him and hug him but I said "Well, it felt like the right thing to do and it was what i wanted to do. I know honey... sorry.". he smiled and stroke my cheek and I couldn't help but close my eyes and enjoy the sudden touch. He said "I'm glad. It's okay, I guess you can't help who you fall in love with but still...". I opened my eyes and looked into his green eyes and fought a battle within not to give myself and zara away and kiss him but I said "I know. so what do you want to do?". He laught and said "I don't know, what can we do? usually we just cuddle and watch movies or have sex but I don't think zara would be so happy then.". I laught and said "No I don't think so either but what about take a swim in the pool?". He smiled and said "Okay sure." then we walked upstairs and got into our swimsuits and went downstairs.

I knew it was going to be hard for me to keep my hands off his amazing body and I couldn't help but look at it a few times and he was having a hard time not looking at my body either but I don't really care about that. All of the sudden he swam over to me and put his hands on my shoulders and I just took a deep breath and fought myslef and he said "Damn! Zara is one lucky woman.". I smiled and said "Yeah she is. But I gotta say that i kind of miss your body, atleast your arms adn abs.". He laught and took my hand and put it on his abs and I just started to breath faster and tried so hard not to do anything and then we heard Tove behind us say "heya!". I pushed Jared away and looked at her and said "Hey!" then I walked out of the pool and put a towel around me and walked with her upstairs so I could change. We closed the door to my room and she sat down on the bed while I changed in the wardrobe and she said "That was close wasn't it?". I peeked my head out and said "If you handn't turned up when you did I would have kissed him so thank you so much!!!". She laught and siad "There you go, it isn't so easy to keep away!" I said "no it's not but it's so hard to because he really loves me and I love him and I just want to be with him but I can't. This is almost harder then with nicky because we knew we couldn't be together but I know that me and Jared can be but we can't right now. It's driving me crazy!!". Then we heard a knock on the door and Jared said "Can I get my clothes before you go crazy?". I had my panties and a top on and i walked over to the door and opened it and there he was standing with a towel thrown over his shoulder and his bathing shorts and his amazing abs! I took a deep breath and smiled and told him to come in adn then I said "how much did you hear?". He laught and said "just the word crazy. What is driving you crazy honey?". I shook my head and said "Nothing, it just a thing with zara that's all. nothing to worry about.". He smiled and said "okay." and then he picked up his clothes and went into the bathroom and changed. I sat down on the bed next t Tove and she said "That was close!". I nodded and said "Yeah, thank god he didn't hear everything." then I put on the rest of my clothes and said "i have to go to Nicky now, see ya later.". Then I said goodbye to Jared too and went down to the garage and got my lambo and drove off.

When I got there I parked the car and walked over to the door and knocked on it. It took a while for him to open but when he did he was just standing there with a pair of really sexy jeans and a bare chest and wet messy hair. He smiled and I took a deep breath adn said "heya." he said "Hey love, come on in.". I smiled and walked pass him and smelled the Dolce & Gabbana cologne he was wearing and I took another deep bretah and walked into the livingroom. I don't get it, it's like everyone knows about me and zara and they are just fooling with us because both the guys I love is getting undressed and trying to get me to break down and kiss them. it's really driving me crazy and I have no idea how long I can do this for. nicky followed me to the livingroom and started to put on a shirt, he said "Sorry that it took some time, I had just stepped out of the shower.". i smiled and said "I can see that. It's okay." he sat down next to me on the sofa and asked "So waht's going on?". I put my hand on his and said "i heard about what happened when you met sara and Tove yesterday and I just wanted to make sure you are okay.". He smiled and said "oh, I'm okay. Of course it hurt a bit but i guess it's true." I sighed and said "I don't care if it's true. She shouldn't behave like that, not now when you are really trying to fix things and she shouldn't have let her anger out on you.". He stroke my cheek and once again i couldn't help but close my eyes and enjoy the touch. he said "I guess not but why was she so angry?" I opened my eyes and tought about what to say and the only thing I could think of was "She was angry with me and zara.. i don't know why though. But Nicky, I just want to tell you that I'm so so proud of you for how hard you try with the kids and that you listened to me when I asked you to do so.". he smiled and said "oh okay. Thank you, and i'm really trying my best. Of course I would listen to you, I love you. And I miss you so much Madde, I miss the times we just could sit here and talk forever or just to cuddle up next to you and watch a god movie with you in my arms. That things would turn in this direction is really something that I never thought would happen.". Chills were running down my spine as he spoke those words because that was exacly the things I miss so much too and i said "I love you too Nicky and I miss you alot, I really do and I never thought that things would turn in this direction either but it did.". He looked me in the eyes and didn't say anything and i just got completely lost in his wonderful blue eyes. I don't know how long we sat there but all of the sudden he started to lean in and tried to kiss me but I stood up and tried to get back to reality and he said "I'm sorry! please don't leave.". I closed my eyes and had still my back turned to him ad I tought to myself to put myself together and not to kiss him so I took a deep breath and sat abck down and he looked me in the eyes and said "i'm sorry. I don't know what happened.". I nodded and said "It's okay... Don't worry about it." then we just sat there in silence again and it wasn't a comfortable silence but a very awkward silence. Then he finally said "Wanna watch a movie or something?" I smiled and said "yeah that sounds great.". So we put on a movie and I couldn't just sit there so I leaned alittle closer to him and he put his arm around my shoulders and then he said "is this okay?". I nodded and said "yeah, friends can sit like this right?" he smiled and pressed his lips against my forehead and that also made chills run down my spine and I felt all the worry and everything just wash away from me and I smiled and we started to watch the movie.

After the movie it was time to head back to Niklas and sara and eat some dinner. I said goodbye to Nicky and gave him a kiss on the cheek adn left. When I got to niklas and saras I found them and zara in the kitchen so I walked over to zara and gave her a kiss and said "Hello.". She smiled and said "hey honey. where have you been all day?" I sat down by the table and said "First I went home because I was looking for Tove but I hung out with jared alittle insted and I totally forgot that i was going to talk to Tove so i have to go abck there tonight. Becuase after hanging with Jared I went to nicky because I had to talk to him and then we watched a movie and just had a good time.". Sara siad "You went to Nickys?" I looked at her and siad "yeah well someone had to apologize to him for your behavior yesterday. And what do you care?". Niklas said "look let's not fight about this okay? Sara, you should cut Nicky some slack becuase he is really trying and madde is with zara now so.". Sara just gave me a weird look and then she gave the same to zara and then she said "Fine. Zara can I talk to you for a sec?" and then they left the table. I sighed because I knew that Sara was going to talk to zara about nicky and me and that something might have happened and blablabla... Niklas must have seen that I was tense because he said "What's wrong sis?". i looked at him and shook my head and said "Nothing, I'm okay. It's just that i think sara is going to talk to zara about nicky and me and bring everything up again and shit.". He looked confused and said "Why should she do that? You are with zara so, and you wouldn't do anything with nicky then would you?". I sighed and said "Beucase it's sara and she doesn't trust me around nicky, not even though I' with zara.... Of course I wouldn't do anything, Nicky and I are just friends and I love zara.". He nodded and got up and hugged me and said "I'm sure things are going to be okay, don't worry." I smiled and said "Thank you niklas.". He kissed my hair and said "No problem little sis, I'm here for you and I will always take care of you.". i smiled and siad "i love you big brother.", he smiled and said "I love you too little sister.". Then he turned to the fridge and satrted to pick things out for dinner and I asked if he wanted some help but he just said "Why don't I keep to the food and you keep to the table. You can start to set it if you want.". i stuck my tongue out to him and started to pick out plates, glasses and forks and knifes. When dinner was done everyone came and ate and after dinner I said "i have to go home... dunno when I'll be back but i see you later.". I gave Zara a kiss adn said "Love you." she smiled and said "I love you too" and then I walked out of there. I really miss kissing Jareds wonderful lips insted of zaras, she isn't even half as good a kisser as Jared is. I got in my lambo and drove home.

When I got there I parked the car in the garage and I didn't even get out of the car until the garage door opened and My came running. She hugged me and said "Your home!" I laught and said "Hi, I've allready been home once today but you weren't eher then.". She stopped hugging me and said "Why didn't you come and find me?" I said "because i wanted to spend some time with jared alone and I found you now didn't I?". She shook her head and said "no! I found you!" I laught and said "That's right, you did. Shall we go in now?" she nodded and took my hand and we walked into the house. Krisen and Johan was watching tv in the livingroom so I walked over and gave them both a hug and then I asked "Do you guys know where Tove is?". Krisen said "she and Jensen are upstairs and so is jared.". I smiled and said "Thanks. see you later." then I told my to stay downstairs because I ahd to talk to tove alone and I walked up the stairs and opened the door to Jensen adn Toves room. Jensen was lying in bed with just a pair of boxers on and Toev was nowhere to be seen. He said "Hey. have you forgotten that you should knock before you enter?" I said "Ha-ha really funny. Where is Tove?". he said "In the shower, what are you doing here then?" I smiled and walked over to the bed and sat down and said "Okay, nah just needed to talk to her about something. Hey by the way, she said that you won't continue to propose to her anymore... why is that? That doesn't sound like you.". He smiled and said "Okay, well we'll see if I do it or not." I looked at him and I could tell that there was something going on but none of them told me. All of the sudden Tove came throught the door and stopped when she saw me sitting next to a half naked Jensen in bed. I smiled and said "There you are." she said "hey, what are you doing here?". i said "Just had to talk to you, did I scare you or something?" she shook her head and said "Nah I'm okay.". Then she ran her left hand through her wig and I saw something glitter on her hand. i flet a huge pit in my stomach and walked over to her and took her hadn eventhough she tried to take it away but I got a hold of it and looked at it and couldn't believe my eyes. I looked from her hand to Jensen adn then up in toves face then I just opened my mouth and screamed! I felt how everything got black and when I came to Jared was standing over me looking really worried trying to wake me up. He asked "Are you okay honye? God you scared the living crap out of me!". I didn't answer his question I just looked at Tove and satrted to scream again and Jared took a hold of my shoulders and pressed my down against the floor and said "What's wrong?!". I tried to get lose but he didn't let go insted he siad "Calm down! You should be still!". I looked him in the eyes and said "Let go of me now!! help me up!" he shook his head and i said "I'll kick your ass, now help me up!". He did as i asked and helped me up and I satred at Tove and then I saw that the whole room was filled with the whole family. Jensen pulled the cover over his abs but staied in bed and Tove just stood there staring at me. krisen said "What is going on? It sounded on you like someone has died!". I looked at her and then at everyone else and they looked really worried and then I turned to Jared who was standing behind me and he was still holding his hands around my waist so that i wouldn't faint again. I turned to Tove and said "WHEN, HOW, WHERE!!!" then jessica said "What?". And Tove just said "Nothing." and then Tim said "What is going on?". I yelled "THEY ARE ENGAGED!!!" I lookd at Tove and she look scared and then at jensen and he was just lying there looking like the happiest amn alive and I got out of jareds grip around me and I jumped on the bed and threw myself at Jensen and hugged him and kissed his cheek. he just laught but everyone else just looked at me, jensen and tove like they hadn't understood anything. Jensne said "madde calm down." I was so happy and then I got off him and looked at the family and said "What is your problem? I thought you would be happy too!!". Then Krisen said "Is it true!?" I walked over to Tove and took a hold of her hand and showed everyone the ring on her left ringfinger and everyone started to say "oh my god!" and everyone satrted to hug everyone and of course tove and jensen. I smiled and was so happy and then finally all the commotion was over Tove sat down on the bed with jensen adn i said again "When, how, where?" and Jensen said "A few days ago...". I felt anger bubble up in me and I satred at Tove and said "And you didn't tell me!!! and neither did you!?" and I looked at Jensen. he said "i couldn't, that was one of the deals I amde when she said yes, that I wouldn't say anything to anyone but trust me, I wanted to.". I satred at Tove and she didn't say anything in her defence which made me even more angry adn she siad "You should be happy I said yes.". I juts stared at her but didn't say anything because I would probobly regret that later. I don't know how long we were standing there in tove and jensens room but after a while people started to slowly leave. First Jessica, then emil, then tom and jerry, then tim and soon krisen and johan as well after giving tove and jensen one last hug. Jared and I stayed for a while longer and then Tove asked "What was it you wanted to talk to me about?" and I just looked confused and then I said "Hum, I don't remember... Now all i can think about is you guys getting married!". I hadn't even noticed that Jared had been having his hand on my back inside my shirt untill my phone rang and Zara said "hey where are you?". I told her what ahd happened and then she and sara and niklas wanted to talk to tove so I just handed the phone over and that was when I felt Jareds hadn stroke my back gently. I bit my lip and closed my eyes but then Jensen said "You aren't going to faint again are you?". I looked at him and he looked really curious and I said "no, why should I? I have to go to zara soon.". Jensen still looked curious and I'm really hopeing he isn't trying to figure out what is really going on between zara and me. When I finally got my phone back I got of the bed and said "Well I have to go back to my girlfriend now. See you guys tomorrow or something.". I gave tove a big hug and then gave Jensen a hug and a kiss on the cheek and wispered "congratulations!". He smiled and said "Thank you." then I gave jared a big hug and a kiss on the cheek and then he smiled his goregous smile and I had to hurry out of there because otherwise I would have jumped him! :P

When I got to Sara and Niklas place they were sitting in the kitchen and told me to join them but I just went there and gave zara a kiss and siad "I'm kind of tired so I'm just going to go and blog and then turn myself in. Good night.". They nodded and said good night and now here I am. A happy Madde that can only get happier but I guess that will have to wait atleast another week or something :P I miss Jared so much!

Tove, the soon-to-be-Jensens-wife, will blog tomorrow!
Take care
Love
Madde