Terrified!

Hey guys..

I can't belive how fast things change, when I woke up last sunday morning everything
was just wonderful, me and Jensen laied there in bed cuddleing and talking and everything was just perfect, and then I had no idea that in few hours I would find the man of my dreams with my best friends on her car almost having sex and that my whole life would just be destroied.
I don't think I have told you why I walked into the garage that day. Mum had asked me to take her car and tank up the car at the gas station. So then I thought I should bring a throb with me and fill it with gas which isn't a full tank and give it to Madde so she could drive her lover since she said driving her car was like haveing sex, so I thought I should be nice to her since she hadn't really had sex for a while... So I walked out to the garage to take mums car and drive to the gas staion and get gas for both mum and Madde.. but then I found them..

Jensen sead me a text messager yesterday like Madde had told him to do. He had writen " Hey Tove... I miss you so, so much, but I understand if you don't miss me.. well anyway I was just woundering.. do you want me to go home? If you tell me to stay, then I will and if you want me to leave.. I will do that too. Plz answer I just want a answer what you think.. I love you. Kisses from a stupid dickhead. " I read the message and then I put away teh phone and laied down in the bed and thought about what I would answer and picked up the phone and read it again and again and everytime I got to that part where he told me that he loved me it feelt like a knife straigt throw my heart, I don't know why it wa snot like it was a big suprise that he loved me, but it just hurt..
I started to write back and wrote " Do whatever you want Jensen... I don't care.. " I knew those words would hurt him but it was the truth, because I don't really care what he do right now, I acutally wroth I love you too, but before I send it I erased it. He didnd't answer so I dont know what he desideds to do..

I also got a visit from Jared last night which was a suprise. Sara opened the door and I was lying in bed resting because I was feeling nauseous and she said I had a visiter, I asked how it was and then Jared showed up and walked over to me and gave me a hug and he looked at me and said " You look horrible!" I said " Finally some one who is telling the trust!" Jared laughted and then he said more seriously " How are you doing? " I sign and said " Terrible. " He said " I could almsot guess that.. I have never seen you like this before.. you really look like a wreak.. " I said " I know..I have never felt like this before. " he gave me another hug and then I pushed him away a little and said " Thanks. " He looked at me confused and asked " For what? " I said " For everything. For coming to the cottage 3 years ago so I got the chance to know you and thanks for bring with you the love of my life. Thanks for always beeing her for me and for Jensen after he broke up with me. Thanks for beeing Maddes friend right now and standing up for her agaist my family. Just thanks for everything and especially just beeing an amzing friend. So thank you so much!" He smiled and said " That is nothing. Is Jensen really the love of your life? I mean you marry Tobbe and not Jensen. " I said " Yeah he really is. When I marry Tobbe I hadn't meet Jensen yet. I really do love him. " he said "I know I can see that, and he really loves you too you know that. " I said " I know. But I just can't forget this and move on.." Jared said " I understand that, I'm not here to try to make you chance your mind, even thought I would like you too.. but that is not why I'm here. I just wanted too see if you needed someone to talk too. " I said " Thanks" He smiled and then he said " You know Madde just wants to talk to you, she is worried " I said " Yeah but I don't want to talk to her. " He said " Not even for a minute? " I said " No, have you talk to Jensen? " He sign and said " No. " I said " There you go, you don't want to talk to your best friend and I don't want to talk to mine. That's the same thing. " He said " yeah I know..I'm sorry. " I hugged him and asked how he was doing, he said " I''m okay. I'm still jealous and want Madde back. And I kind of miss Jensen. " I said " I know honey, everything will be okay in someway. " He said " Is everything going to be okay between you and Jensen too? " I sign and said " I don't know.. I don't think so.. even though I miss him like hell. I just want to hug him and hear his voice say that everything will be okay. But that's the problem I can't do that because he made me feel like this, and
I hate it but I love him. " A tear run down my cheek and I just dried it with my hand and fought the tears back. Jared pulled me closer and hugged me and another tear run down my cheek and jared whisperd " You can cry, it's okay " Even though I did my best not to cry I couldnt tears started to roll down my cheeks faster and faster and Jared just held me in his arms. When I had calm down he let go and wiped some of my tears away with his hand then he showed me his index finger and said " eyelash, wish something. " I blow it away and wish something like he said. He asked what I wish for but I said " I can't say that, then it will not come true." He smiled and said it maybe was time for him to go, he gave me a hug and said " Call me if you need something " I said " I will. " Then we said goodbye and he left.

I didn't sleep that night either, all I do is cry and think, and I hate it.
I walked up early this morning and took a shower and got dressed and I feelt like taking a walk.
So I walked outside and I didn't really know where to go, but I desided to sneak in at home and take Ebba with me, I kind of miss her. WhenI had picked her up we started to walk and I talked to her how I feel and tears just started to roll down my cheeks, since it wasn't any people out that early I didn't really care. More and
more tears started to roll down my cheeks for every step I took and just looked down in the groved and let the tears fall. After a while I took up and a few meters away stood Madde looking at me and I just tried to dry my tears away with my hand the best I could. Madde took a few steps closer to me and she looked so sad when she saw I was crying. She took a few more steps and I really didn't want to see her so when she was almost infront of me, I just walked by her and ignored her.Madde tried to make me talk to her and caleld after me but I just walked away, I could hear on her voice that she was crying, but I didn't care. When I couldn't hear her anymore I slowed down and I sat down on a bench and told Ebab to jump on the bench to and then I throw my arms around her and cried my eyes out. Then I heard a mans voice asking if I was okay, I dried the most of the tears away and looked up and a man in his 50th and he looked like a homeless person and I acutally reognize him and but I didn't know why, I said I was okay. But he countine talking and asked what have happend, and I diddn't answer. He serch in his pocket and oicked up a bottle with booze and asked if I wanted a drink, I skook my head but he said " Come on sexy you look like you can need some fun. " I said " I'm pregnate, so no I don't need some fun even though I want to. " Then he countie asking me qustion and then all the sudded I rembere why I reconize him. It was Zaras fake dad, who had gone of to prison with Zaras mum, because they abused her and raped her and they where always drunk, that's why Zara moved in with us. I had no idea that they where out of there and apparently they hadn't changed that much, they acutally almost killed Zara a few times they are so scary. Her looked at me and said " So should a pretty girl be all alone this early in the morning? Something bad maybe could happend. " I looked at him and said " You see my dog here, she would protect me so I'm not worried. But I have to go now, bye. " I stood up and told Ebba that we was walking, and I walked away a few meters then he said " Bye Tove. " I just frose to ice,he knew who I was!! Then he said " Say hello from me to my daughter and tell her that.. I would like to see her again and have some fun. " I tured around and he gave me a cheesy smile which totally freaked me out, because I knew what he ment with fun.

Then I just walked away as fast as I could and I was really scared! But I didn't know what to do I didn't want to lead him to Zara if he was following me. But I didn't know where to go so I walked a detour and in hope I would lead him off. Then I ran into the house where Niklas, and Sara lives and in to the appartment and let Ebba go and who ran into the kitchen where everyone was up now eating. Niklas looked at me and said " You look like you have seen a ghost. " I just stared at him and said " Niklas can I talk to you alone? " Sara and Zara looked at me confused and so did Niklas but he followed me into my bedroom and I walked back and forth in the room and Niklas just stared at me and after a while he took a grip around my arms so I would look at him and calm down and he asked what was wrong. I sign and said " Zaras mum and fake dad us out of jail, I meet him and he said I would tell Zara that he wanted to meet her and have some fun. " Niklas just stared at me and said " Oh my God! I will, fucking kill him!!" I said " Yeah do that! But should we tell her? " Niklas started to walk around too and said " I don't know... maybe we should tell Sara, maybe she know what to do. I go and get her " Then he left and after a minut he came back with Sara and she looked really confused and asked what was going on. And I told everything and she got reallt scared and said " She has the right to know.. but I don't know.. should we scare her? " I said " I don't know. " Then it kncoked on the door and Zara peeked in and asked what we was doin, and we just said nothing. She said " Are you talking about me? " We didn't say anything and Zara closed the door behind her and said " tell me. " I looked at Sara and Niklas and Zara said firmly " Tell me!" I said " fine, your parents are out of jail.." Zara just stood there and then she sign and said " more? " I told her the whole story and she said " He treath me? I'm not scared of him. He can never hurt me more then he all reday done. " We just stared at her and said " are you crazy? He can kill you?!" Zara said camly " I'm still not scared of him after all this years. " The she just left the room and we just stooed there.

Then we walked out of the room too and then we saw Zara talking in the phone and she
said " Calm down. Evereything will be okay Nicky, I'm fine. Yeah bye" Zara looked at us and said " He had made Nicky a visit and asking for me and now Nicky is worried and he is coiming over here. " Sara said " Good that he is worried since you are not!" Zara just ignored that. After 10 minuts Nicky walked throw the door and I could see how worried he was, he walked over to Zara and gave her a hug. Then we sat down and talked and Nicky was just staring at the front door. After an hour I knocked on the front door and David rused up and said " I opend the door " Nicky just stood up and said " No david, let daddy do it!" But David was all reday with the door and opend it and Nicky ran over there and Zaras fake dads voice said to david " Where is Zara? " david said " Do you mean mum, or the other Sara? " Roger (Zaras fake dad ) said " So you are Zaras son? I'm your grandpa" Then I heard Nicky say to David " David leave " David just said " But dad! This is my grandpa. " Nicky said again " david go to your room!" Then Roger said " So david where is mum? " Zara just sat there next to us and then David scremed " Let go of my arm! You are hurting me!" then Nicky said " Let go of him!!" But david started to cry and Zara just stood up and took a deep breath and told her other kids to stay there and then she walked over there. Me, sara and Niklas followed her. Zara walked over to Nicky and looked at Roger and said " Let go of my son now!! " Roger just smiled and let go of davids arm and he rushed into zaras arms crying. Zara said angry " What do you want? " He smiled and said " See you of course baby, you look good " Nicky said angry " Leave her alone your fucking dick!! " zara looked at Nicky and said " Take it easy. " Nicky just looked at her furious and David was still crying, and Roger took a step closer to zara and David, Zara called after Emma and she came and she looked scared,
Zara said to her " Take your siblings and Ida and walk into Niklas and Saras bedroom and lock the door and don't opend intill I say you should. " Emma just nooded and took Davids hand and did and Zara said. Roger looked at Zara and said " Beautiful daughter you have there. " Nicky said furoius " I will kill you if you touch her!!" Roger just laughted and said " I'm not promis anything thing. " Zara said " It's me you want. " Roger smiled and said " Yeah so why don't you and me take a walk." Zara said " Fine" Nicky yelled " What?!! You are not going anywhere with him!!" Zara said " As long as he leaves or family alone, then yes I'm going!" Zara walked towards Roger and Sara yelled " Don't go Zara!! " Zara turned around and looked at her and she acutally looked a little scared. Then Roger said " Let's go Bitch! Now!" Nicky yelled " You don't call her that!!! " Niklas walked over to Nicky and said angry " Leave her alone!!" I have all ready called the police. " Roger looked at Niklas angry and grabed Zaras arm in a hard grip and zara said " Let me go! I'm not scared of you " He smiled and said " Not even if I do this? " Then he hit her so she follow right in the wall and started to bleed in her face. Sara just yelled at him that she was going to kill him! And ran towards him but Niklas manage to stop her before she hit him. But then Nicky just walked over to roger and hit him the hardest he could in his face and Roger hit back and Nicky hit him and when he got the chance he kicked Zara in the stomach and Nicky and Niklas started to hit Roger and Sara and I was crying in each others arms. But then we heard the police and Roger looked at us and run away as fast as he could. Krisen came running to us and said the others was chaseing him. She looked at Zara who was still at the floor but she tried to stand up and krisen said " I will call the ambulans, don't move " But Zara said " no i'm fine, I have been worse just help me up " Krisen looked at her really worried and said " Are you sure? " Zara said " Yes, I have been throw this a thousand times. I know I'm fine, just a few bruises. " Sara walked over and helped her up and gave her a big hug and Zara said " Stop crying I'm okay. " sara let go of her and Nicky ran over and throw his arms around her and hugged her. And when they let go Nicky was crying too. Zara strok his cheek and dryed a few tears away and kissed his cheek and he looked at her and said " I love you, and I have never been this scared before in my whole life!" Zara said " I love you too. I know. " Then Zara took Nickys hand and they walked over to the kids to calm them down. Mum walked over to me and gave me a hug and then Sara and Niklas. Then mums phone called and they said they had catch him, which calmed Sara down a little.

Me and mum walked into my bedroom and sat down on the bed she asked how I was doing after all this, I sign and said " i don't know.. I still in chock I think.. " Mum sign and said " Yeah me too... but how are you doing with everything else? " I sign and said " Not so good " Mum hugged me and said " Is it something I can do? Just
tell me" I said " yes it is. " Mum asked what, i said " Start treathing Madde with respect and show her how much you really love her, and tell her that too and be there for her if she wants to talk. " Mum said " Is that what you want? " I nooded she said " Okay, I will do that. " I said " Thanks mum. I love you " She smiled and hugged me and said " I love you too, I wish you could come home " I sign and said " Not yet anyway. " Then she had to go back to work again. She gave me another hug and said good bye.

It was dinner time but no one really feelt like eating everyone was just staying in there rooms. And of course I started to think again, I thought about what I was going to tell My if Jensen deside to go home she will be devstated. Maybe it's better if Jensen tells her himself, but I don't know what is best...
Then I just laie there and I was wearing the charm neckless he had gave me and I took it of and open it and I still had the note in there "Marry me?" Then tears started to ran down my cheek and I thought about that amazing date at the beach and how happy I had been and everything was just perfect. I just want to back to that day and never let it end. But I can't..
Then everything just disappear and I fall a sleep and woke up after a few hours and then I thought I should blogg.And here I'm. But I dont have anything more to tell you about this horrible day, I just hope Zara is okay. But I think Nicky was going to stay here tonight.

Madde will blogg tomorrow.
Kisses
Tove