Texas..

Hey Guys!

Today have been a pretty good day if you think about the circumstance with Drew and everything, and that is pretty good I think even thought it have been a few tears but they need to cry so it should be tears.
But I havet to admit that I'm missing home, or not really home but the people at home, Madde, Jared, My and just everyone and of course I miss Ebba too and my horses.

Well anyway when I woke up this morning I had Jensen arm around me and our bodies was cuddling with each other and it was so cozy to feel his warm body against mine, his front against my back. I took his hand that was lieing over my side and on my over belly and stroke it with my fingers. It was really light in the room since the sun was shineing in and it was a beautiful day, the weather here is really nice yesterday it was 28 degress in the sun and at home in sweden they have a cold fall now.
Well anyway I lied there and I was thinking if I should walked up from the bed or not but since he ahd his arm around me he would wake up and I didn't want that. So I lied there feeling his warm chest aginst my back and the all teh sudden he moved his hand that was lieing on my belly and started to stroke it, his hand moved up under my top and countinued touching my belly. I put my hand on top of his hand and he kissed my bare shoulder and we lied there for a while, then Dennie kicked and I could almost feel how Jensen was smiling behind me. Then I heard his new awake voice saying " That is so amazing! " I smiled and said " Yeah, I have promised Madde that I wouldn't cut her hands off because she wants to feel it " Jensen laughed and said " Yeah she should feel it, it's amazing " I smiled and turen around and looked straigh into his amazing green eyes, he was smiling and he stroke my cheek with with his hand and he said " Good morning love. " I smiled and said " Good morning, or is it a good morning? " He smiled and said " Every morning I'm wakeing up next to you is a good morning or even a great morning. " I smiled and he said " You know if wasn't for you this last days I wouldn't been abel to do this, I would have been lying in bed this whole week. So thank you for beeing her for me, and taking care of me and just making my day worse living. " I couldn't help it a tear rolled down my cheek, Jensen dried it away with his hand and I gave him a long kiss. Then when he let go he strok my hair and said " I'm not sure that I want to go to the funeral on monday.. I don't think...I don't know what I think.. but I just can't. " I took his hand and said " No one can force you to go, but if you don't go you will regret it I think.. and you know it will just be on funeral so you can do it later, you have to say good bye to her Jensen not for her sake but for yours. So I really think you should go even though you are scared or worried or whatever it is, I will be there for you every step of the way if you want me too. But I really hope you deside to go you need to say goodbye for real.. just think about it. " He nooded and said " I will think about it.. but you will be there? " I said " Yeah of course honey, I love you so much and I hate seeing you like this, so if it is something I can do then just tell me. " He said " I love you too more then everything in this whole world..you are here and that is just want I won't so don't worry " He kissed me and I said " Madde belives that Drew is watching over you and you family right now and when Dennie get's born she will become her gurdian angel so I don't have to worry. " Jensen said " Are you worried? About what? " I gave him soft smile and said " We can talk about that later, I'm probably just ridiculous. " Jensen said " Tell me, I can take it. " I said " I just don't to worry especially right now. " He said " You know we promised each other to tell each oother everything.. so tell me " I said " It's just that I have a bad feeling about all this I don't know why but I just have.. like I said ridiculous.. " He stroke my cheek and said " Everything will fine. " I siad " Yeah maybe.. but you don't know that, I don't know that, Madde don't know that, no ones knows for sure.. " Jensen said " That's true but you and me knews that things are good right now, and we just have to live by that. And see what happends, but whatever happends we can do this aslong as we have each other." I sign and said " I hope you are right.. " He smiled and said " I'm always right " I laughed and said " Yeah right in your world maybe " He smiled and kissed me and he lied down on his back and I put my head on his cheast. He strok my hair and then it knocked on the door and Jensen said come in . And Donna opend the door and smiled when she saw us and walked over to us and sat down on the bed and looked at us and smiled and she said " You two are so cute together" We smiled and Jensen said " You are not the first one who is say that" Donna smiled and said " I understand that. " I kissed Jensens cheast and sat up and Donna said " We are invited to dinner at the Cohens family tonight. " She looked at me and said " They are old friends to the family and I thought maybe you would like follows too? " I smiled and said " We would love to, thanks. " I gave her a hug and she kissed my cheek and when we let go Jensen smiled and said " I'm so happy that my mum and my girlfriend is getting along so well. " Both me and Donna smiled and I said " Yeah so am I, but I love your mother so much. " Donna smiled and said " I love you too sweeti" Then she gave me another hug and then she said " Have Dennie kicked anything more? " Jensen smiled and said " Yeah this morning " Donna smiled and said " That's wonderful. " She put her hand on my belly and stroke it and the she got up and walked towarsd the door and said that it's breakfast in ten minuts, then she left.

Jensen grabbed my arm and pulled me back on his cheast and he said " I can't belive you are letting her touch your belly, I mean have even Kristina touched it? " I said " No she hasn't, but your mums mum just died so then she can touch it. " He laughed and said " okay, but why do you think it is so horrible with touching your belly? " I sat up and looked at him and said " Would you like if every person you meet was touching your stomach all day long?" Jensen smiled and said " That depends who that people are. " I said " If we said that it wasn't a woman then, it was just guys, what would you think then? " He said " Fine I get it, so it is just me and mum who have touch it? " I said " Yeah, you, Donna and that fucking bitch!! " Jensen laughed and said" You mean molly? " I said " Yeah who else is a bitch?!! " Jensen said " You know that I don't like it when you call people that. " I said " Yeah I know, but I just have to call her that otherwise it would be a lie. " Jensen kissed me and both of us got out of bed and got dressed.

We walked into the kitchen where the rest of the family was sitting and we said good morning and sat down and we started to eat. mackenzie was talking to her boyfreind Willam that he had to come with her shooping for a dress to the funeral, but he just said " No way!" mackenzie said " I need some help, please? " Will just said " Never baby that's lik ethe worse thing I know. " Jensen said " I know, girls and closes is never a good thing. " I looked at him and said " You never seems to mind following me? " He said " Yeah, I'm just beeing nice, it's okay when Jared then we can copline about you and Madde together " I hit his arm and he laughted and I looked at mackenzie and said " You know guys they are idoits" She laughed and Jensen said " Sis why don't you bring Tove along? " She looked at me and said " What you say? " I smiled and said " I say why not, then we can leave our idotic guys here " We laughed and after breakfast I walked away and took a shower and got dressed. Then I walked out and found mackenzie in the livingroom and we said good bye and got into the car and drove to the city.

In the car we stared to talk and I asked how long she and Will had been together, she smiled while she was driving and said " We have been together for 7 years now, I was just 17 when I meet him. " I looked at her and said " Oh my God that is so cute!" She smiled and said " Yeah, you and Jensen have been together 3 years right? " I said " That depends how you look at it " She said " Yeah right you broke up.. you have been married before right? " I said " Yeah I have once for like 2 years.. " She said " Why did you get divorced? If you don't mind me asking. " I said " Because he made another woman pregnate and left me for her.. " She said " Oh My god I'm so sorry for that!" I said " Thanks.. but I'm not that sorry about that anymore, because if we ahd still been married I had never meet Jensen which is really the love of my life, he is an amazing man " She smiled and said " It's so weird to hear someone talkes about that about my brother, but yeah he is, and I can see how much you two love each other " I smiled " Yeah I really love him. " She smiled and parke the car and we got out and walked into a few stores and I had made myself a promise that I wouldn't shop more then 5 things because I know myself and then I had to buy a new suitcase on the way home. But do you think I could keep that promise? No of course not, after like an half hour I had bought 2 pair of shoes, 4 tops, 2 dresses and barbie to My!!! But that doll was so beautiful so I just had too!
We search for a perfect dress for the funeral but it was kind of hard since you don't want to show that much skin and not cleavge or anything. But after a few hours we would a beautiful dress that she tried and she looked so amazing in it. Then we deisded to go home so we could get ready for the dinner.
We sat down in the car and she stareted to drive home. I said " Thanks for a great day!" She smiled and said " I had a great time too! Even though it was hard to find a dress. " I said " Yeah, but we found it. " She smiled and said " Yes we did, but what are you going to wear? " I smiled and said " I bought a dress with me from home." She said " Okay, but you can probably wear anything and just look amazing" I said " No it isn't that easy. " She said " It's not? I mean you are so gourgous, you are like one of the most beautiful women I have ever meet. " I looked at her like she was crazy and said " Yeah right. " She said " Well you are, with that hair and those blue turquoise eyes and you are just so hot!" I said " You are crazy do you know that, you are the first person who have told me that I'm the most beautiful woman they have seen.. excepct Jensen. " She said " That is weird! Evereyone have to see that, what about your others boyfriends? " I said " Well I have a best friend who looks like a goddess and is so beautiful and sexy and every guy that sees her think she is sexy, which she is she is so sexy and beautiful, that's why I always comes last. " She said " Those guys have to be totally dickheads to drool over some other woman while they have you. " I said " Yeah maybe..but every guy lookes at Madde otherwise it have to be something wrong with that guy. " mackenzie said " You are beautiful honey, just belive that " I said " Thanks it is just so weird to here that, and so are you " She smiled and said " Thanks. "

When we got home I found Jensen in "our" bedroom and he smiled and gave me a kiss, then he looked at all my bags and said " Wasn't it you who wasn't going to buy anything almost? " I sign and said " Yes! But it's not that easy!!" He laughed and gave me a hug and then I stared to get dressed and do my make up. When I was done after two hours I walked out to the livingroom where everyone was sitting and talking, Jensen smiled and got up and gave me a kiss and then Doona said it was time to go so we got into the cars and left.
When we got there it was a big house, with a big yard and with a stable. A woman and a man walked towards us and they gave the whole Ackles family a hug and when they had huged Jensen they looked at me and I shooked there hand and they sai dthere name was Thomas and Ginger. Ginger smiled and said " I heard that you and Jensen where engaged and that you are pregnatet, Congrats!" I smiled and said " Thanks" They looked at the ring and looked at Jensen and Thomas said " That is what I call ring, she must be special " Jensen smiled and put a arm around me and said " Yeah she is very special" I smiled and he kissed my for head and they smiled and we walked inside and got meet by the cutes cocker puppy ever called Lexi! I squat down and she started to lick my arm and she was just so adorable!! Wesat down at the table and Lexi wanted to come up in my lap so I picked her up and I sat there scratch her, and Ginger said " I think Lexi have find herself a best friend because uselly she never go straight up to new people" I smiled and looked at her big eyes and she just stried to lick my face I laughed and said " I don't do doggy kisses " Thomas said " So you are a animal person? " Jensen looked at me and then at Thomans and he said " Oh yeah, sometims I think she love her animals more then me" Everyone laughed and Thomas said " Maybe then you want a tour and see the horses?" I smiled and said " I would love too" He smiled and and all off us walked out on the way to the stable I asked what the kind of horses they had and he said " We have quarter horses. " I smiled and said " Those are so amazing!" He smiled and said " Yeah they are. " We walked into the stable and they where so gourous!! Jensen said " I think she is drooling " They laughed and I said " No I'm not!" Thomas said " Do you want to take ride? " I smiled and said " I would love too!" He smiled and said " Do you also have hourses? " I said " Yeah a few.. or more " he laughed and he looked at Jensen and said " Maybe you should come with her so she don't get lost some where. " Jensen said " yeah that might be good since she is suck at finding places " I looked at him and said " No I don't!" He laughted and kissed me and said " Yes you do!" I just gave him a evil glare. We took two horses and made then ready and Jensen looked at me and said " Are you sure you should do this? I mean the baby " I said " I won't fall off, stop worry " He sign and said " Fine. " I smiled and we got up and said we would be back to dinner who was in an ahlf and hour. It was so amazing to ride western, I was smiling the whole time that was just so cool!! And it was so great to feel the wind in you hair and feel teh speed! I just love it!

We got back to the house Thomas asked how it was and I smiled and said " Amazing!! " He laughed and said " That's good!" I said " That is more then Good!!" Jensen gave me a kiss and said " You are crazy" I laughed and said " Yeach maybe" Then it was dinner time and we stareed to eat and it was so good!! And Lexi was sleeping on my feet which was so cozy. :) When we had eaten we talked for a while and it got pretty late before we desided to go home. We gave them a hug and Lexi wanted to follow me home, I just wanted to steal her with me!! I smiled and said to Giner " If you deside you don't want her I can always take care of her " They laughed and said " Good to know " I gave Lexi a last kiss on her head andwe left, I'm totally inlove with that dog!
Well ayway when we got home Donna and Alan said good night and went to bed. Me, Jensen, mackenzie , Will, Joshua and Michelle sat down in teh livingroom after Joshua had carried Simon to bed. Jensen opened a wine bottle and poured up a glass to everyone except me and we sat down and talked about everything and nothing. I lookedat Jensens wine glass and Jensen said " Are you jealous? " I nooded and he laughed and said " My little alcoholic " I hit his arm and said " No I'm not!" He said " yeah right. " mackenzie said " Are you a party girl? "I said " I don't know if that is the right word.. " Jensen said " Yes it's so the right word! Tove and her best friend Madde use to party like every friday and sometimes Saturday too,so yeah she is aparty girl " They laughed and I said " Yeah okay I'm.. and i miss it!" Jensen said " I know you do! " I said " So do you guys go out often? " they shooked there head and said " No not that often" I said " Well you should come to Sweden when I'm not pregnate then we can have a girls night out, and the guys can be home baby siting " Michelle said" Yeah that would be great! We just have to do that " mackenzie said " yeah, then you can show us how Swedish girls party" I smiled and said" Yeah we will do that!" Jensen said " Then pleasetake it easy with my little sister, because you and Madde can be pretty wild" I smiled and said " Yeah we will take it easy " I gave him a kiss and he said " Yeah right,you and Madde are famous for taking it easy..not"Mackenzie said " My brother is a litle over protective " I said " I know! " Jensen said " Well you are over protetive about your siblings too" I said " Yeah well they are younger... and stupid" We laughed and just had a great time, I really like his family they are great!

Then we went to bed and lied down I put my head on his cheast and we lied there and after a while I heard that he started to sob and I sat up and looked at him and he was crying, I feelt so bad for him.. I put my arms around him and he cried on my shoulder, and we sat there for an hour almost and he jus cried and cried and cried, I just sat there holding him in my arms.. when he had calmed down we lied down. After 10 minuts it knocked on teh door and Simon snecked in me and Jensen sat up and Simon said " Can I sleep here? I had a dream about grandma drew.. " He looked so sad and tired and Jensen said " Of course you can,don't you want your mum and dad insted? " He shooked his head and said " No I want to be with my uncle. " Jensen smiled and simon walked over to us and Jensen gave him a hug and all three of us crawled down in the bed and it was pretty tight, but kind of cozy at the same time. We said good night and we lied there for a while and Simon said sleepy " I really want to go to Sweden!" I smiled and Jensen said" Yeah some day you will" Then Simon fall a sleep, and so did Jensen so I started to blog and here I'm.

Well that was this day and it have been pretty okay to be a day in sadness.
And Jensens family really is amazing! :) But I miss my family, escpecially Madde.. I love her so much and hopefully I will see her soon..my sweeitheart! Honey I miss you and love you!!
Well good night!
Kisses
Tove