Baby You Can Tell Me Everything!

Hello!

Like Madde told you yesterday it's alittle weird between me and her, we who was going to built up our realationship again and not mess it up again.
I just wish she could talked to me how she feels about all this with me, beacause it's not good for her to keep it inside, that will just hurt more. I know she think I will get angry and yell at her, even though I would try my best to I probably would end up angry so she is right. But I really like to know what she is feeling and thinking, because all I know is what she have writen her and that is much, she have just written the obvious reasons that I could of fiuger out myself, that she is worried and want to help and that I should eat and seach help. But i want to know what she is really feeling deep inside of her, since I have known her my whole life and I know she is an sensitive person with alot of feelings who I know she is an expert of keeping inside of her to long, sometimes I just had to drag then out of her to find out how she feelt. But at the same time she has really easy to cry, so if it get's to hard and diffecult then she don't say anything and if it is easier things then she spill it right the way. And she is so fucking stubbern to so it's so hard to get something out of her if she don't want too. But I really need her to tell me this both for my sake and hers, she's my best friend, my sister, my light, my strength, my life and I love her so much so I can't even describe it, so that's why I need the hear what she is feeling and thinking her opition matters to me even though I maybe will get angry or disagree, it still means something to me. So honey, plz talk to me and tell me your every thought and feeling about this and I will promis I will try my best to not get angry and if you like you can even tie a muzzel on me so I will shut the fuck up, or if you really really don't want to talk to me face to face then can't you just write me a letter or write it here on the blogg? Plz, I need this maybe I will even chance some of my options about this too, so just tell me, yell at me, cry, hate me, I don't care as long as you tell me. Since you want to help me, this is the way you can help me right now to tell me about how you are doing and feeling, so plz I beg you!

I acutally asked Madde if she wanted to take a walk with me this morning since I couldn't sleep like always and apprently Madde couldn't either, she heisted but said yes. Since I didn't want to presser her about talking about this, so we talked about
alot of our things except that. We talked about Nico and she told me how much she misses him and she really like him to come home soon, even though he offer to come hime but she told him to stay in China which I thought was good for everyone. Madde said that she wish that me and Nicky could become friends for real and not just pretend to me, but it's hard we have so diffrent opitions about alot of things who has to do with Madde and both me and Nico are really good at share our opitions with each other and which isn't good, but I have promised to be nice to him and I will but it's hard, but as long as me and Nico dosn't talk then it's fine. Then we talked alittle about me and her since it havn't been that good lately and how we was going to fix it, I told her that the only thing we could do is try to talk and be honest to each other and hang out alot and try to do things we did before Nico showed up in the picture and the I said " The most importent part in all this is that you don't startig to treat me like shit again when Nico cames home, you still need to talk to me, hang out with me, not abandon me for him like you did and you still need to show me what I mean to you and not just choose Nico before. If you do that then we will be great again, and you have to trust me" Madde promised she would do all those things and that everything would be okay and that she wanted this as much as I wanted because she needed me by her side. Then we just have to hope she keeps what she promised which she isn't that known for.

When we got home Jensen, Jared, Johan and My was siting in the kitchen eating breakfast. I walked over to Jensen who was sitting with his back towards me, I just lead towards his lips and gave him a fast kiss and apprently i sacred him because he jumped like 2 meters up in the air and Madde sat down in the between of Jensen and Jared to eat too.
Jensen looked at me scared and suprised and said " You scared me like hell, don't do that again!" I laughted and laughted because he looked so funny, when I had calmed down I asked " So you don't want me to kiss you anymore?" He said " Don't be stupied, you know what I meant " He gave me one of his amazing smiles and stood up and put his hand on my neck under my hair and the other hand on my back to push me closer to him and then he looked me into the eyes and then he gave me the most romantic, passionet and sexy kiss as only he can do, I love those kisses!! Then My said " Not here, I'm acutally eating! EW!!" Jensen let go of my lips and then he looked me into the eyes and gave me a smile, then we turned to My and laughted and I said " You don't have too look, admit that you think it's kind of intresting too? " She said stuborn " No I don't! Just gross! " We laughted and then Jensen lifted My up with his strong arms from teh chair she was sitting on and he said " Just because you think me and my girlfriend are gross then I'm going to give you alot of kisses " He gave her a teasing smile and started to kiss her whole face with alot of kiss, and My was laughing and screming and laughing and screming then he laied her down on the fllor and started to tickle her till she almost was crying but she wanted him to continue, which he did intill he todl her that she needed to eat again. Those two are like best friends, I think they could play all day long and night togheter and I think both of them would enjoy it as much, they are crazy about each other and they are just soooo cute togheter! When I see Jensen with My I feel a little bad that I don't really is ready to get kids yet, since he saw is, and tell that he want's to e way he lookes at My, I can't really decribe it because he lookes in a special way with love, worried and protcection of her and he look so happy and peaceful liek he is ready to become a fater and have a kid of his own because I know that what's he's dreming about and I know he would be the happiest man on earth if I got to become a father, and I would be the most valet and spoiled woman on earth if I was pregnate, he would do everything I asked for and more and I don't even think he would get tierd of me which he should be, since I now know how I'm when I'm pregnate and that wasn't to good, I was really emotional and really bitchy and angry almost like when I have PMS, except the crying then. I would kill myself if I had to live with me then, but I don't think Jensen would he has more patiencet then I'm and like I said he would be flying on clouds then of happiness. Even though he wouldn't kill me I know another person who would she startes with an M and it ends with a ADDE beacuse she hates PMS me and then I would be like a thousand times worse! So bad for Madde and good for Jensen. So that's why I hate disappoiting him over and over again. Like when My had spread the rumore arond the other day that I was pregnatent Jensen got SO happy , I have never seen him that exsited before and when I told him that I wasn't preagnate then his smiling face just fell down to the grouved and he I looked so disappointed like never before. So it's hard, I want to make him happy ofcourse, but I don't know if I'm ready and if I ever will be, what shold I do?

Well anyway Heik called me today and told me that he was fre to go to Malmö tomorrow, and that he had looked up flights so we could go after lunch, our first plan was that we was going to take a road trip to Malmö but since Henrik had to wok again on friday we couldn't be away that loog so the we just have to fly instead, but that's fine. He told me taht we was probaly goingto live in a hotel since he didn't really feel like sleeping at his mum and dad after talking to her and he didn't want to sleep in the same house as his father either and he asked if that was okay with me and I said " That's perfect, I'm just there for support so you deside how you want to do this. Haven't you sleeped in the same house as him before? Sorry maybe that was a stupied qustio " He said " Thanks, I appreciate this so much. No you can ask that, yes I have but now when I have you with me... I don't trust him that much and I wouldn't survive if he did something to you " I said " Henrik don't worry about me and him that's your least problem right now " He said " Yeah but he has a hard time to keep his figers off beautiful women especially young beautiful women, so just stay next to me all the time while we are there " I said " Everything will be okay, don't worry and I will I promis" Henrik said " I hope so.... about the hotel you can look up a hotel you like and call me so I can pay " I said " I'm paying, not you, you have enough of you mind all ready so you shouldn't need to worry about money too since I know you are not the richest man in town because of all your study loan, so let me pay everything, I know you have a hard time letting me pay for you but come on?" He said " I should pay since I'm teh one who making you go with me " I said " No one is making me I do it because you are my friend and needs me and I want to be there for you. Let me pay it could be like a thank you gift from me to you, for saving my life a few times and trusting me enough to let me follow you " He said " Thanks, you don't know how much it means to me, you are amazing! Fine pay then, but then I'm going to ask you out on a dinner when we are there and a bottle of wine and I'm paying. " I didn't answer since I don't know what to say since he don't know that I can't eat, so he asked " Is something wrong? It's not a date or anything, just freindy don't worry " I said " No it's not that I know it's not a date and a bottle of wine sounds good. " He said " Good, but I want you to take it easy with the drinking. " I laughted and said " So now you are my docter again, ot realtionship alter a lot " He laughted too and said " I know, it's weird. But i need to go know I just had a break and thought I should call you " I said " Yeah it is. Okay, I will find the most luxury hotel in whole Malmö trust me. And you can call if you are worried or nervious or something and want to talk " He said " That sounds good! I know. See ya! bye " When we hang up I walked to Jensen to tell him about that I'm going away for a night tomorrow, he didn't get that happy about it but he had promised to trust me and he gave me a kiss and a forced smile and said " Then I'm going to have a sleepless night since I can't sleep alone anymore, I'm so use to haveing someone by my side " I smiled and said " I know what you mean, but you can always ask Madde if she wants to sleep with you since she is feeling lonely " He said " maybe I should do that, I enjoy talking to her and you wouldn't mind she sleeping in out bed? " I said " I know you do and so dose she, no of course not I trust you two and it's not liek you havn't done it before. " He kissed me and said " true "

Then he asked if I wanted to take a walk with him and I of course said yes so it got alot walking today. I had just put on Ebba leash and we was just going to walk out throw the door, then My came running and asking if she could come with us, I was just on my way telling her that we wanted to be alone to talk but Jensen was faster then me and gave her a big special smile as he just do with her and said " Of course you can " She put her shoes on and Jensen looked at me and said sorry and kissed me. When we had walked for a few minuts My asked if she could hold Ebbas leash which she gladly could do because then she had something else t othink about then me and Jensen so we could talk. And since Ebba is the sweeitst dog ever and wouldn't harm a fly and she is well raised too, so she could ho loose to but the only problem is that people dosn't really like to see a big rottweiler with out a leash which I do understand. Well anyway when My got to hold Ebba she was happy and run infront of us, so then Jensen asked how I was feeling I told him that I was fine, he looked at me with worring eyes and like I was lieing to him and he took my hand, I just wish he also can tell me what he is thinking and feeling, but he's like Madde, not a word. But before we said anything more I heard someone calling my name so I looked around and saw a woman and when she came closer I saw that it was Elin, she had been a really good friend to me and Madde for like 4 years ago then she sleeped with my husband and got pregnatet and after that our freindship ended big time and I can't say that I'm a big fan of her now either, but apprently she was over it. I called on My so she should wait. Elin came and gave me a hug and looked like everything was forgotten then she introduced herself to Jensen and then
she looked at me and whisperd " Is that really Jensen Ackles?" I nodded then she said in sweidsh " How do you know him?!" I said " Well he's my boyfreind " She looked at me with big eyes and said " You are so lucky, he's so much sexier in reality then on tv, I just want to eat him up! " Jensen was laughting a little discreet and I said to Elin " Just so you know he do understand what you are saying" She looked embarrsed and said " Oh sorry" Jensen just laughted and said it was okay. Then Elin looked at My and said " Is this your daughter? " I said " No God no, this is my little sister My if you remebre her" Elin said to My " Sorry, you have gotten so big since I last saw you, I'm Elin your big sisters friend and I saw you when you where really little " Jensen looked at me like " Is she your freind? " I shacked my head discreetly since I have told Jensen about Elin before so he know the whole story. And since My isn't afrid of talking and she isn't shy at all she said to Elin " So you are the slut who was stupied towards my sister" I just looked suprised and My and Jensen started to laught and Elin looked chocked and I said " My don't say that! Say you are sorry!" My said " Fine, sorry, but I heard you say it about her " I didn't know what to do beacause it was so true that I had said that more then once so I said to My " I know more Elin then one" Elin looked at me like she didn't belive me and she said " Can't we just forgett that between me and Tobbe it's over 4 years ago and I'm sorry about that, plz forgive me" I said " You have a kid togheter it's not something you just forgett" She said " Fine be bitchy then and don't forgive me! But I would love if you did" I got kind of pissed of because of her tone in her voice when she said that but I said " Fine,I forgive you then! " She said " Great! Tobbe told me that you had have cancer, but I have to say you look kind of good, alittle pale and thin and your hair almost looks like it's you really one but it looks a little plastic, but except from that you look great " Then I got so pissed of because I hate when people talkes my my wig, since I hate that I have a wig that's teh worse thing I know, and Jensen knows that so before I got the chance to get angry Jensen took my hand again and made up a story that we had to go because we needed to get home because we had promised to hang out with Madde and Jared. Elin gave me a smile and a hug and told me to say hello to Madde and she said goodbye to Jensen and My and we walked away. I was so angry, so when we had walked a few meters I looked back an saw her walking at the other direction, then I said load " Bitch!! " But she couldn't hear me she was to far away, Jensen laughted and said " Didn't you just forgive her? " I looked at him irratated and said " Shut up!" He laied his arm around my shoulders and stopped walking and pulled me into his arms and gave me a hug and then a kiss and then he said " Calm down it's not like you will see her that often or ever again" I just gave him a angry look and he just laughted and took my hand agian and we continue walking.

When we came home it was almost dinner time so I walked up to my room to take a shower and then I sat down at the dinner table next to Jensen he took my hand and whipserd " Please eat "
I just looked at him and then everyone starteed to eat and talk which is good then everybody dosn't find out about this. My looked at me and saw that I havn't almost touched my food. My said " Tove eat, you told me that I didn't need to worry " But fortuntely it was just Jensen, me and Johan how heard that because they where sitting closes to her. Johan looked at me and then at my plaite but he didn't say anything. I eat a few bits then I walked to the kitchen to throw it away and put it in the dishwasher, Jensen came after me with his plaite and then Johan. He asked what was going on which me. I didn't answer then he said " I know something isn't right with you, you have looked worried, scared and sad this last weeks and especially this last days, you can tell me " I said " No I can't you will just tell mum" He said " No I want, I will probaly wait till you tell her youslef whatevre it is, but it depends alittle what it is" I said " Fine I tell you, but don't tell anyone" Jensen took my hand and I told him everything and Johan looked more and more worried to when I was done telling him he said " You should really tell your mum" I looked at him angry and said " You are going to keep your mouth shut!! " Then I just walked out of there to my room and Jensen followed me.

After dinner all the adults and teh youngest kids took a walk, so it was kind of quit at home, me and Jensen walked down and sat down in the dark livingroom in the sofa and Jensen lightend up a few candles and he sat down next to me he took my hand and I laied down my head on his shoulder, he gave me a kiss on the head and then we just sat there for a while in silence and then he stood up and out on some music and pulled me out if the sofa and put my arms arund his neck and he started to dance with me, it was so romantice and then he kissed me and I smiled at looked into his eyes and lead closer and gave him another kiss and then it got more kissing then dancing. Then we heard some one clear there throat, we stopped kissing and turned around and looked to the doorway where Madde and Jared was standing, they both smiled and Jared said " Tove and Jensen are sitting in a three K-I-S-S-I-N-G! " All four of us started to laugh and Madde asked if we wanted to see titanic with them, so we said yes. We walked up to one of our movie rooms and of course we took the one with the big sofas who you can laie down on just liek a big divant sofa. We all layied down and I put my head on jensens cheast and we started to see the movie, me and Madde laught at the swedish guys they are so funny and then Jared and Jensen noticed that Jacks ( main chartacter ) drawing was all about naked women and that all of then had really stiff nipples, which we made alot of jokes about and Rose also have that whe he draw her and it kind of looks like he got all worked up looking at her because he put the drawing table on his "freind " when she alked throw the door, that was funny too.
But Madde and Jared got aliitle bit annoyed at me and Jensen because we was making out like the half movie or intill all the people starts to die, and then Madde started to cry too and when they saw that old couple laying in the bed then she started to cry even more, Jared gave her a hug I just laughted at her alittl, but then she hit me on the arm. And when Jack dies then Jensen and Jared started to cry too, I gave Jensen a kiss and laughted at them a little but I have to say all tree of them looked so cute. We had a great time togheter then we talked for a while.

After an hour me and jensen walked up to our room and when we walked throw the door Jensen pulled me closer and looked me into my eyes and said quit " I don't want to see the person I love the most to die infront of my eyes, as rose had to do " I gave him a hug and said " You wont, I promis" Then I started to kiss his neck and then his lips and I started to unbuttom his shirt and then I let it fall slide down his arms so I could feel his amazing arms and abs. I started to kiss his cheast and then his lips again, he put his hand under my shirt and unhooked my bra and pulled it out from under my shirt and then he started to touch my boob, I moved my hand down to his jense and unbuttom them and put my hand inside his boxers and touched his big beast. Then I pulled his jense of so I could move my hand more inside of his boxers. he touched my ass and kissed me, then I pulled his boxers of too and kissed my way down to his big amazing freind and put it between my lips and started to move and I used my tougue too, I could feel it grow between my lips and get harder and harder and I could hear him moan, when it was up and ready to go then I worked my way up to his lips again and kissed him, he took a grip on my thigh and around my back and lifted me up and walked over to the bed and laied me down and he started to lift up my shirt and kiss my stomach and I helped him take it off and then he unbuttommy jenes and pulled them off and touched the the side of my ass down to my thigh. Then he started to kiss my nipple and lick it with his tougue, which he is so good at! While he did that he put his hand inside of my pantis and started to caress me and I spread my legs alittle, then he kissed my stomach and pulled my panties of and put a few fingers inside of me to work me up and he started to go slow and I started to moan then he did the thing he is a God at he started to use his tougue and he still had the fingers inside of me, I moan more and more and I was really close, so he went even faster with his fingers and tougue and when I had come he put his big hard friend inside of me and started to move slowly but hard and every time he movied it in I gave out a a load moan and I touched his back and then he started to go faster and faster and he slowed down agin and tried to have it as deep as possible wher he staied for a second or so and then he did it again it was so good! I graped his ass and he started to go faster again and this time both of us strarted to moan louader then I was so close of coming again I strok his back and when I came I think I put my nails in his back, it was just so amazing! He gave me a smile and then he countinued for a few minuts then I feelt his whole body get all teace his every muscel and then I feelt him come inside of me. He gave me a smile and pulled it out and laied down, I put my head on his sweaty cheast where Jensen fell a sleep after we had talked for an hour, befor ehe fell a sleep he said " I will miss you when you go away with Henrik, and I will miss this it's to days intill I get some more " I smiled and said " I will miss you too but we have a whole morning tomorrow to do this, I can pack in the night now " he smiled and gave me a kiss.

So now I have to pack so I hope you have a nice night. And you will hear from Madde tomorrow! :)
Kisses from a
satisfied Tove ;)