Still not home..

Hello guys.
Madde is still not home.. unfortuntly, I wish she would just call me and asked me to pick her up so we could go home.. maybe that to much to ask after everything I have done towards her and being such a bitch. I know she needs time to think and clear her head and so on and she think we are pushing her to come home and not just letting her take the time she needs, so I have desided to do my best and just let her think and not pusher at all maybe just in my minds.
Wel anyway me and Jensen out on our date last night, even though I didn't feel like it after everything that had happed but Jensen conviced me that it was a good idea to do something else. But I think I will wait a little before I tell you about that, so you have to wait a little, sorry :P

I can start telling you about me talking to Jared yesterday. After he came home from seeing Madde and she wroth yesterday, that he had tried to convice her to come home a went a little to far and then he had been jealous at Nico.
So when he came home me and Jensen was sitting in the sofa cuddleing when we saw a sad Jared walking up the stairs. Jensen was on the way to stand up to go and talk to him but instead I asked if it was okay if I talked to him. I acutallt asked Madde yesterday if it was okay if I talked to him and she said yes, but then I had all reday talked to him.
Well anyway i walked up to his room and knocked on his door and he told me to come in. When he saw me he looked a littel suprised and asked what I was doing there, I laied down next to him on the bed and asked how he was doing. And he told me that he was insine inlove with Madde and every old felling had came back to him and that he hated to see Madde with Nico or some other guy but especially Nico since he knew how she feelt for him and that he thought Nico feel the same. He looked really miserble and I then he asked me " I know I have asked you this before but do you know what she feels about me? " I sign and took his hand in mine and said " Jared teh thing is that I don't think she has the same feelings for you but I'm not sure. So I think yo should ask her and talked to her about it just camly like we are doing. And I'm sorry Jared but maybe you should try to get over her.. even though it's hard" He said sad " Yeah maybe I should.. she just seems to have eyes for Nicky.. the problem is that I really love her and I never stopped loving her even though we brok up and when you and Jensen got back toghtere I thought it could be a chane for me and Madde too.. " I said " I never said that it wasn't a chace for you guys but I can't answer that it's only one person who can and you need to talk to her. "
I sat up and laied my arms around him and hugged him and he hugged me back and I said " You should know that you can always talk to me about everthing I will listen. " He said thanks and let go of the hug and I strok his arm with my hand and
walkde towards the door and when I opend it was Jensen on his way knocking on the door. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and walked up to Jared and sat on the bedside and just before I closet the door I heard that Jensen asked him how he was doing.
Another pesron who had been visting Madde that day too was mum, and she looked so much more happy then before even though I still can see she misses Madde like crazy. And I'm so happy that they finally talk and said that they loved each other and so on. If Madde moves home I think those two will have a diffrent realtionship anyway. :)

Well to the date.
As you know I'm must be the slowest person on earth to get ready and last night was even worse since I'm use to have Madde around me to help me when I'm going on dates and things like that she helpes me with chooseing clothes and shoes and so on but las t night I was all on my own so I choosed a pink purple dress, and a pair of black high pumps,a black flower in my hair and a wide white gold bracelet. I thin k it took like 3 hours to get ready, and of course I was late liek usel, I think people would be more suprised if I was on time. I walked down stairs and in the hallway Jensen stod Jensen all handsome and dressed up, he smiled when he saw me and I smiled back. Behind him stood the rest of the family looking at me. Jensen took my hand and kissed it and said " You are beautiful!" I smiled, then all the others started to tell me that I looked amazing and so on. Then Jensen just said goodbye to them and lead me outside. He smiled and looked at me and said " You really look beautiful! But I have to say those shose might not be the best one " I said " You all reday said that. And what are we going to do? " He smiled and said " I know but you do look fantastic and I can't stop saying it and you will see where we are going. " He took my hand and we walked a few meters then I saw beautiful pablo standing there in the sunset. He sat up on her and helped me up behind him, then we started to move throw the warm summer evening, I held my arms around Jensen and kissed his shoulder. When we had been riding for an half an hour or so we stopped and then I saw where we was, on the beach. He got of and helped me of in teh sand, so the fisrt thing I did was to take of my shoes then we walk for a short while then I saw pablo stand there tied to a tree so we walked over there to leave pablo there too. Then Jensen took my hand agian and we walked in the sand towards the water and a little rowing boat. I looked out over Mälaren and hundred meters out in teh water I could see a pontoon with a table and chairs and so on. I smiled and asked Jensen if we where going there. He looked at me and smiled but he didn't say anthing, and we sat down in the boat and Jensen started to row towards pontoon. Everything was so quit and peaceful, the only thing you heard was the oar who is stroking the water. When we arrived at pontoon Jensen walked up on it and tied the boat and took my hand to help me up, then he pulled out the chair to me and I sat down and he sat down on teh otherside of the table and then he lighted two candels. He poured up wine to us and he served food then we started to talk and eat or one of us eat anyway, and I did my best and he didn't compline about that today which was good.
He picked up his wine glass and said " Cheers for the most beautiful and wonderful woman in the world! " I smiled but I wasn't that willing to lift the glass up and agree but he just smiled and lifted up for me and put it in my hand and said cheer. He is just so cute and romantic I can't belive that I even consider breaking up with him, I must be stupied!

Then he lead over the table and gave me an amazing kiss, when our lips parted he strok my cheek with his fingers and smiled. When we had eated we sat down in the boat and row us back to the beach and the sand was warm from the sun, we walked over to the horses and got up on them and started to rid in the moonlight on th beach and it was so romantic. When we had been riding for while Jensen stopped and got of and helped me of we sat down in the sand, he picked up a little present from his pocket and gave it to me. I smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek, he stok my back with his hand and told me to open it, which I did. In side it was beautiful openble chram neckless it was wonderful, I picked it up from teh box and on the backside of the charm it was engarved " In my heart always " I smiled and throw my arms around Jensens neck and gave him a hug and then a long kiss, then he siad " Do you like it? " I smiled and said " Of course I do, it's beautiful! But I have told you not to speand so much money on me all the time " He laghted and said " Well what am I then going to speand my money on then if I can't use them on my woman? And by the way I haven't speand any money on this one " I laghted and said " Good qustion, maybe you should just contiune speanding money on me, I'm going to get spoiled. And if you didn't speand money on it did you steal it or something? " He smiled and said " Honey you are all reday spoiled and no I didn't steal it " I smiled and said " Oh shut up, so what did you do? " He took my hand and said " Well this neckless was my grandmas and when she gave it to me for 5 years ago she made me promis that I would give it to a person that I loved and cared about the most in the whole world and I also promised that I wouldn't give this neckless before I was absolutely sure that I wanted to speand the rest of my life with this person, and today that is something that I'm absolutely sure about. I have never feelt like this for no one else, you are all need to be happy and all I need to make me whole, you are everything I need and I love you so much " I was so near tears, but I smiled and huged him, he kissed me and put his arm around my shoulders and said " My grandmother got this from my grandfather when they where really young and when he knew that she was the one, like I know now with you. " I could barly say anything becasue then I know I would start cring but I said " That is an amazing story and so romantic, and I feel the same about you I have never feel like this for some one else eiether and I love you too!" Then a tear roll down my cheek, Jensen asked if it was sad tears or happy tears, I smiled and said " Happy tears, really happy tears " He smiled and pulled me closer
and kissed me, when we let go I was on my way to open the amulet but Jensen stoped me and said " I have to aske you to open it when you are all alone and I also have to ask you to think about it before you say anything " I looked and him confused and he said " Don't worry, just wait " I smiled and said " Okay I will. " I kissed him and took teh neckless from my hand and movied my hair and put it on me and it really looked amazing!Then we just sat there looking out over the water, Jensen put is jaket on my should so I wouldn't get cold. When the time was about 1 at night it started to get really cold and dark so we decided to walk towards the horses and before we ride home he gave me a long and amazing kiss that I never wanted to stop but it did. Then we raieded relly slow home and talked.

When we got home it was really quit in the house so we sneacked inside and walked up to our room and got ready for bed and laied down, I kissed him and said " Thanks for convicing me to do this and thanks for an amazing evening, you are amazing! " He smiled and sid "thanks for the companie it's the best I have could have. " I kissed him again and took his hand in mine and laied down on the pillow and kissed his shoulder, we talked for a while and then we said goodnight and after a while Jensen feel asleep.
I just laied there and thought about the amazing night I just have had, I had put the nekless on my night table next to me I turned my head and looked at an smiled and thought about what could acutally be in there, but it was hard since it was so small, but after a few hours of thinking I just thought that I had to found out tomorrow then crowled even closer to Jensen and laied my head on his chest and kissed it, then I fall asleep to after a while.

Well maybe I should tell you what happend today, I woke up before Jensen and laied ther looking at him for a little while and then he finally woke up, he looked at me and smiled and said " Good morning my beauty" Then he kissed me and we just laied there for a couple hours and cuddle and talked. Then we got up and walked down stairs and since the time was kind of late like 12 so we was the last one to get up. Eveyone was still sitting at the table talking. Jensen took my hand and we walked in to the room and when they saw us everyone got quit and we sat down and Jensen started to eat and I started to drink my coffie and everyone was looking at us, after a while Jess said " So.. how was your evening? " I looked at Jess and then at Jensen and smiled and he smiled back and I said " It was amazing. " Jensen strok my cheek with his hand and I lead over and kissed him and after a while silence Donna said " Was that it? Tell us about it? " I looked at Jensen and said " Well we cheaked in on a hotel and had unbeliveble sex all night long" Eveyone looked at me even Jensen, then he just started to laught and so did I, while everyone else looked confused then I said " I was just kidding, everything started with me having the wrong shoes.. " Then I told them about the with pablo, the dinner at the water and teh horse backriding. Ever girl at the table was like all dreamy while every guy was almost taotally bored. Then Alan looked at me and smiled and said " So what a beautiful neckless you have. I'm glad that he finally gave it to a woman after all this years and i'm espcially glad it's you" I smiled and looked at Jensen who smiled too, then Jensen told them all teh whole story behind the neckless and so on. Everyone thought it was so romantic and sweeit which it is.

After breakfast mum and them started to pack becasue they where leaving today to go out to out cottage, so they left me in charge. When they where was going, mum, Johan, Donna and Alan we walked down stairs, My gave mum a long hug and when everyone had done that I walked over to her and gave her a hug and mum whispered " I love you honey, take care! And if you need to talk of if Madde need to talk tell her to call me and call me if she comes home " I whispered back " I love you too mum you are the best, and yes I will " She gave me a kiss on teh cheek and let go of teh hug and put her arm around my shoulder and said to everyone " And now you will all be nice to your big sister " My just looked at me really angry and Krisen said firmly" My you too, nice. " My just sticked her tonuge out towards me and looked angry. Mum looked angry at her but I just smiled and said to mum " Don't worry it's not like I haven't been watching over them before I have like been doing that for my whole life, and My have been so much worse to me then she is now, so don't worry" My yelled angry " No I haven't!! I will show you!!" I laughted and said " Yeah do that" Then My jusr ran up to her room angry. And mum said " Yeah you are right, I don't have to worry. " I said " no, so go now befoer I chnace my mind about taking care of them!" Mum laughted and said goodbye and they left.

When mum had left Emil asked if Wilma could stay over again and I todl him that it was okay, and Jess said angry " And when I wanted Mikael to stay over that was not okay and I'm 19! I said " Well that's teh problem that you two are 19 beacsue then you want to do something more then talk and sleep and by the way Mikel is a jerk" Jess just walked up to her room.
Then my cell rang and it was a hidded number but I answerd and it was a man in the phone and he said " Is it Tove? " I said " maybe, who is it? " He said " This is Robin from the police, if you remebere me? And I would liek you to came down to teh staion because I want to ask you some qustions" I said " Yeah I remebere you. Oh about what? " he said " Great! About your kiddnap. Didn't Kristina tell you that? " I said " I thought you had asked me everything all reday? And no she didn't " He said " No sorry I need a few more thing sfrom you " I sign and said " okay , I will be there in 15 minuts. " He said " Great! I'm waiting here" Then we hang up and I told Jensen that I had to go and I asked him to take care of My which he gladly did.

Down at the station Robin waited on me in the entry and he smiled when he saw me and he pointed at the direction towards his room, so I walked at that way and he walked after me, then I saw a sign with the name Robin on it so I walked in there and he closed the door behind him, and I have to say that he has really nice body!! Yummie!
He walked towards me where I was standing and he ha dto walk pass me to get to his office chair. But instead he stopped infron of me and said " You are so damn sexy do you knwo that!" Then he put his hand under my shirt and strok my back and tried to kiss me but then I said angry " What the hell do you think you are doing?!" He countied what he was doing and pushed me against the wall and movied his hand to teh front and touched my stomach and he said " So you like those kind of things kinky girl, hard word and hard sex, so kiss me you fucking bitch! " I said angry " First of all I have a boyfreind that I love more then anything and seacodn of all if you call me bitch one more I'm fucking goingto kill you!!" He countied and said " Why
did you come here of you had a boyfreind? Admit that you are not totally satisfied and that why you wanted to come over to me" I pused him away and said " Leave me alone!! Is this just why you wanted me to coem over?! " he gave me a cheesy smiled and said " Oh yeah what else? " I said angry " You know that my mum can get you fired in two seconds!! Since she higher ranked then you are and she is not just a simple police offcer as you are! Ýou know that she is promoted to something else, so you just have to wait and see if I tell her or not because she would proably kill yuo too!!" Then his smiled dissaperd from his face and I walked over towards the door and and before I left I said " Just so you know my boyfreind can satisfiy me trust me! You should just know what eh can do with his tonuge, amazing work there and the actual act I can't even deribe it with words so amazing is it! And it's only him who has the right to this kinky girl! So goodbye! " Then walked out of there and I just laughted to myself.

When I sat down in the car I called Jensen and he asked how it had gone with the qustions, I just laughted and told him that I would tell him later, since I know he wouldn't like it.
Then I asked him if it was okay if he could take care of the kids for the evening and get them dinner he said " yes of course, but Tove you know I can't cook" I laughted and said " Yeah trust me I know, but do you know that it exsist something call ordering food? " He laughted and said " Yeah right, sorry. But what are you doing? " I said " You are cute. Well I'm going to make Madde a visit. " He said " Okay have fun. Love you, kiss" I smiled and said " I will, love you too, kisses" Then we hang up.
Then I remebred that I had promised Madde to make a call to Zara since everything
that have happend between them since he told Zara that he was inlove with Madde. And Zara ofcourse gte hurt and sad and yelled at Nico that she never wanted to see him again and so on and that Madde was a slut and so on. So I dial the number and hit the dial button even though I wasn't that fond about doing this call since I do understand that she needs more time then one day before she talks to him I should anyway, but I had promised Madde so..
I took long time before someone asnwerd and it was Sara who picked up, she sounded kind of torn herself when she answerd. I asked how Zara was doing, and she said " Well not good..she is doing her best she can around the kids so they don't know anything yet around them she pull everything togheter and laught and smile and talk. When they aren't around... well then she dosn't eat, or sleep or cry or talk. She haven't said a word to me under all this time almost, she just sits there looking into the wall and is a totally wreck. And it not like her to not cry when something si wrong and not to talk either. So I'm acutally really worried. And I can't help in anyway I have sleeped next to her this two nights but I don't know if that is helping or making it worse. " I said " Oh poor Zara. That really dosn't sound good but still we can blame her since this was the thing she had feared the most over this past few month and then it comes to life. I feel so bad for her, and she is strong who can act normal around the kids, I would never be abel to do that. And have she talked to Nicky? " Sara said " Yeah I know it's like nightmares comes true and I never thougt this nightmare would come true.. yes she is a really strong woman and she lives for her kids she have alsways done that, them are the most importen thing in her life and if something happend to them she would probaly kill herself, but all the normal mothers think like that I think which is good. And no she hasn't talked to him, he have called her many times but she refuse to pick up but you are right we can't blame her he was fucking cheating on her in one of the worse way I think,I mean I rather have Niklas haveing wild sex for one night then tell me that he is inlove with another woman that is so much worse! He acutally have call me to like a thousand times and after a while I got tierd of it and asnwer and he asked if he could speak to her, and I said if you have caller her cell a million times and she haven't picked up don't you get the message that she dosn't want to talk. Then he just mumble something and I told him that she would call him when she was ready and that she needed time. I don't think Nico understand how bad she is doing right now she so hurt and dissappointed and he should know that she has take of the enagagdment ring and she acutally made me promised that I would go and throw it in the ocean, but I couldn't so I still gottet it if she chance her mind.. " I said " Yeah I know she lives for them and she really is a good mother. And I agree with the cheating it's so much worse to fall inlove with someone else becasue that means something.. just sex don't even though that is hard to find out too.. I think she needs time too I just hope Nico gets that. And I think it's good that you didn't throw it away becasue maybe she will just reagret it then. But wheren't you coming home like tomorrow? " Sara said " Yeah I know, a woman wants to feel speacial and know that she is the only one not like her freind is more importent.. If he don't get that then he get to hear my oppintion about this and that is not good! yeah maybe.. and yes we where, but Zara don't want to go home right now I think she isn't ready to face Nico yet. And teh kids have asked why they are not going home tomorrow and Zara have just made up some excuse why they are not going home " I said " yeah excatlly.. I can imadgen. But dosn't she want to leave the kids at home so she can get some time by herself? " Sara said " No I don't think she wants to leave them with Nico after everything last time he was here and I also think she wants them her since they are the only thing who makes her a little happy " I said " Yeah that's proabaly true, can I speak to her? " Sara said " I doubt that she wants to talk tou you but I can ask. " I heard Sara asked Zara if she wanted to speak with me but then Sara said to me " She just looked in to the wall so I take that as a no.. I hav eno idea what to do.. " I said " Okay, tell her then that I'm thinking about her and she call me when every she like and that I love her. I'm sorry honey I don't know either.. " Sara said " I will. I know.. and I don't really feel like going home either since I'm not really tht fond of sleeping at the same house t Madde right now.. sorry I know she is your best friend but you know what I mean I'm just protactive you would be too if it was Madde this was all about " I said " Don't worry I understand.. and yes you are right I would be the same. And if you ever need to talk call me. " Sara said " Trust me I need to talk! But now I have to go because David just woke up. I can't belive I'm doing this,I hate kids!! " I said " Yeah well you are nice that you are doing it. " Then we said godybye and hang up.

Then I started the car and first of all I drove to the food store and from there I walked out with two big bags with food, then I drove to the "Systembolaget " to get a bottle of wine and then to Niklas place. I rang on the door bell and it was acutally Madde who opend and she smiled at me and then she looked at the two bags and she looked confused and I said " Are you going to let me in or not?" She movied so I walked insideand walked towards the kitchen. Madde asked what I was doing and I turned around and looked at her and smiled and said " We are cooking dinner, or maybe I'm, are you hungry?" She said " I'm cooking? Not really but I always get hungry when you cook. " Then Niklas came into the kitchen and smiled when he saw me and said " So we have companie I see, and what are you doing? " I laughted and said " I'm cooking for me and Madde do you want to join us? And I hope I didn't inturruped your planes or something " Then Madde said " Is it just me you are cooking for or is both of us going to eat? " I said " Madde please can't we just let this go for one night? " She didn't answer and Niklas just ignore what we just had talked about and he said " No I'm acutally have something to do so I'm leaving soon so have a nice evning ladies" Madde asked " Where are you going? You just told me that you had no plans for tonight " Niklas said " Yeah well I think it will be good that you two just speand time alone, I will be back tonight" Madde just smiled and said " Yeah maybe, see ya" Then the door slamed and he left.

I started to cook the food and Madde asked after a while "so what do you want me to do ?" I smiled and said " Well you can open the wine bottel if you like" Madde laughted and sai " Yeah I know how to do that" I laughted and said " I know thats why I aksed you to do it, my little drunko" Madde laughted and walked up to open the bottle and then she poured up two glasses and walked over to me and put it on the kitchen sink while she held hers in the hand. Then she land towarsd the sink and I said " You have no Idea where I just have been, I have been at the police station with Robin" Madde looked angry at me and said " What the hell did you do! You promised!! Think of Jensen!" I laughted and said " Calm down we didn't do anything or I didn't anyway but he tried he made upa story so I would go there. " Madde didn't really lighten up intill the end of teh story when I told her about what i had told him before I left then she said " I'm fucking going to kill him!! Tell krisen.. mum.. about it!" I smiled when she said mum and said " Yeah maybe. " Then Madde asked " So what about the date you where nerous about? Tell me" I smiled and said " can't that wait till dinner? " madde said " No! Tell me now I want to hear" I smiled and started to tell her about what I had been wearing and what he had told when I walked down the stairs. We hadn't gotten farther then that before I was done with dinner so we sat down and I conitine to tell her. When I had told her evrything from top to toe about everything, she was smileling and thought he was so romantic and so sweeit and so on. Then she said " Is that the neckless you are wearing from his grandma? " smiled and said " Yes it is" Madde told me to take it of so she could look at it which I did. She smiled and said " In my heart always, so sweeit! it's beautiful! And I know he will never regreating his destion to give you this because it really will be you and him forever " I smiled and said " Yeah I really hope so" Madde was on her way opening it but then I said " Don't!" She looked confused and I said " Jensen told me to opened it when I'm all alone and I haven't had the perfect time yet" Madde said " Oh really I wounder what it is.. and by the way, just before you arrived here I called Jensen and asked if he wanted to sleep here with me to talk, is that okay with you? " I smiled and said " So do I.. and of course it is" Madde said " So you won't be jealous? " I laughted and said " Yes I probaly will be jealous but who cares " Madde laughted and said " Yeah right who cares" Then I said " He is acutally home watching the kids right now since mum and them have left. " Madde said " I know Kristina called me " I said " okay good. " I picked up my wine glass and said " Cheers for an amazing evening!" Madde picked up her glass and said cheer.

Then my cell called and it was Jensen he asked if it was okay if he speand the night with Madde tonight I said " Yes of course honey, you can come over now because I was
acutally leaving soon. Jess can keep an eye on My, because she is sleeping right? " Jensen said on the other end of the phone " okay I will be there soon. And yes she is sleeping. " Then we hang up and I told Madde that Jensen was on his way. Madde said " You are leaving all ready? " I said " The clock is 12 not so eraly, and I have other things to do all alone in my bed room, and that came out alittle wrong" Madde smiled and said " I want to know what is in that charm " I said " Well asked Jensen then you know. " I walked up and started to do the dishes and put it in the dishwasher and after a while it knocked on the door and Madde opend and I could hear Jensens voice comeing closer, when he walked in the kitcehn he smiled at me and gave me a kiss and he asked what we had been doing so Madde told him. When I was done I walked towards the hallway and Jensen took my hand and pulled me closer to him and kissed me. When He let go I said to Madde " If he get's mean give hima glass of wine then he will be an angel again and Madde left overs to " All of us laughted and Jensen looked at me and said " I'm always an angel " I smiled and said " Yeah right" Jensen just pulled me towards him again and said " Come here" Then he kissed me agian and them Madde said to me " Are you sure about this? " I smiled and said " Yes take him I don't want him I have more importent thing to do to night you know " Madde gave me a mendingful look and I put my shoes on and gave Jensen a hug and a long kiss and said " Love you!" Then I carefully gave Madde a hug too becasue I wasn't really sure if she wanted a hug or not but she huged me back and said " Thanks for this! This evening feelt like the picture I have in my room when everything was great, so thanks!" I smiled and said " No problem I had a really good time honey we have to do this again soon. Love you" Madde said " Yes we should and I love you too"
Then Jensen smiled and me and before the door I said " I love you both and have a great evening" They smiled and I left and drow home.

I found Jess and Tim sitting in the sofa watching a movie so I sat down next to them and they asked wher I had been so I told them. Then we sat there for a while and talked before I said that I wad going to go up stairs. On the way to my room I passed Emils room and heard voices, so I knocked carfeully on the door and opened. They where still away but they where laying in there beds talking and laughing, I smiled and said " Time is soon 1 so maybe you two should try to sleep a little and talk tomorrow instead " Emil said " Please just for a little while longer? " I smiled and said " Yeah fne, but just a little while, at 2 a clock I want it to be dark and quit in here, okay? " Both of them smiled at me and I walked into Emils room and said " Do I get a goodnight hug as I useally do or are you a tuff guy now when your girlfreind is here? " He smiled and sat up in the bed and gave me a hug and said goodnight and then I gave Wilma hug too and said goodnight. Then I walked towards to the door Wilms said to Emil " You should be so lucky to have a big sister like Tove, I wish I did " Emil smiled and looked at me and then at Wilma and said " Yes I'm she is pretty great" I smiled and said " I love you little brother" He smiled and said " I love you too sis" Then I walked outside and closed the door and walked over to my empty room since Jensen was at maddes.

Well I got ready for bed and laied down and then I took of the neckless and hold it in my hand and looked at it for a while before I open it, it was a little hard to
open but when I did I saw alittle note where it stood with red letters " Marry me?" I looked at the letters for a long while and I just held it in my hand for along time. Then I laied down and put out the light but I was still holding teh closed charmed in my hand, where I laied intill the time was 6 in the morning thinking about what I would say to him, what my answer would be. I have been thinking all night now and I still don't know what to say to him. I love him so much and I do want to speand the reast of my life with him, but still I don't know. This is so hard!
Liek I said I helded it hard in my hand all night while I was thinking about the good things and the bad things about married, and I think I have read that text inside of it mor ethen hundred times to night. But still I don't know the answer. And now I have been lieing here alone in the dark for like 5 hours and it's still not easier.
But I think I have to try to sleep now for an hour our so before My wake me up but maybe she won't since she is pissed off at me but the only problem she has is that she is to young to take care of herself, so bad for her.
In my next inlay you probably will hear my answer to my night long problem.

So good night from me and Maybe good morning for some of.
So have a nice day!
Kisses
Tove