Amazing!

what's up peeps!

Well today has been pretty good. Right now i have to say that almost nothing can bring my mood down. I'm happy, I have an amazing girlfriend and amazing friends and everything is just about perfect at the moment. :) It's kind of nice to feel that way finally, haven't felt like that in atleast 1.5 years which is a very long time. Anyway let's talk about today.

This morning when I woke up it just felt like it was going to be a good day but the thing is that last time it felt like that something rally really really bad happened... that was the same day as the thing happened between Jensen and I. I tried to shut that memory out of my head and then i felt a finger slowly move over my stomach and up to my neck and cheek. I smiled and looked down on Zara who was resting her head on my shoulder and she looked at me and smiled and I just felt my heart beat faster and I got all warm inside. For some reason it looked like she could hear my heart beat faster because she smiled even more and kissed my chest and then moved up alittle and said "Good morning my amazingly beautiful girlfriend.". I smiled and moved my face closer to hers and whispered "Good morning my angel.". She smiled and put her hand on my cheek and gave me a soft kiss and then we smiled and she laid back down on my shoulder and i just stroke her arm and stared straight up at the ceiling. Then suddenly it knocked on the door and I said "Come in." and then the door opened and nicky peeked in. He smiled when he saw us and i said "What do you want?". He said "Good morning to you too. I was just going to ask how long you will be sleping for because I was wondering if you madde wanted to go boxing with me and shane today.". I smiled and said "I would love to! Just going to spend some time with tove first and but maybe we can go boxing around 4?". He smiled and said "that sounds great!" but then zara said "and when are you guys going to eat dinner?". I kissed her head and said "when we get back." she looked at me and said "Well I'm not waiting with cooking just because you guys are off boxing.". nicky laughed and said "Fine then done, I can make us a nice dinner madde and the three of us can just eat together. unless you are willing to wait zara.". Zara raised her eyebrows and said "In your dreams nicky. Fine you can cook to the three of you but I was thinking of having a cozy evening with my girlfriend later tonight.". I smiled and said "You were?" she nodded and I said "But we can do that after I've eaten and taken a shower.". She tought got a while and I said "please...", she smiled and said "Fine we can do that.". Is miled and put my hand behind her neck and pulled her down for a kiss and said "thank you baby.". She sighed and said "just because i have a weak spot for those eyes of yours.". I smiled and said "i know, thay are my lethal weapon.". nicky laughed and said "That they are.", I smiled and looked at him and then he said "i'm going now.. call me later?". I nodded and then he left and closed the door behind him and I said to zara "You are fine with nicky and I going boxing right?". She sat up and looked at me and said "Of course. I know that that is something the two fo yuo have en common and i want you to still be friends madde. And you know, I would never o boxing with either one of you.". I smiled and said "Thank you. I know... And I really like to box with nicky becuase we are more on the same level then Jared and i are. he is alittle bit bigger then me and I don't know... it's more fun to box with nicky.". She nodded nad said "I know. If you want to box with nicky I'm not stopping you. I trust you.". I smiled and said "thank you, you must be the only one.". She shook her head and leaned down and said "Don't listen to anyone else then me.". Then she kissed me again and I said "How did this happen?". She looked into my eyes and said "What?", I stroke a lock of hair away from her face and said "You and me... together after this year.". Her eyes softened and she said "You mean how did i fall in love with such an amazing woman? You want to know why?". I nodded and she siad "Becuase this woman that I love has a heart of gold. She's brave, strong, beautiful and smart and she's so loving. She cares about everyone in her surroundings and she is the most perfect being in the world. I never thought that I would understand Nicky, but i do. You have an amazing skill Madde... just by a smile, a touch, a kiss, a word you can win the world over. You could have everything you want in this world just because of who you are. You won me over becuase that smile on your beautiful lips, becuase of those words that are spoken from the heart, becuase of that touch filled with love and of course becuase of those kisses that are filled witn love, devotion and care. I love you.". I smiled and felt how my body shivered and how I got goosebumps all over my body. I said "I'm not the most perfect being in the world beucase that spot is already taken by you. I don't think I've ever met a person who is so forgiving, loving, careing and beautiful like you. There is no other person who would forgive me for what i have done to you. And especially not to fall in love with me after what i've done.". She stroke my cheek and said "Babe, everything that has happened this year led to this... to you and me... So in a way I'm not sad and angry becuase if it would never have happened I would never have felt like this about you.". I said "i love you Zara and I don't want to hurt you anymore then I have already.". She smiled and said "i have faith in you not to but I suppose i've hurt you too...". i shook my head and said "When have you ever hurt me?". She said "When i was with nicky and I knew you loved him... when I had sex with him.". When she said that it felt like somone stabbed my heart with a knife and i cleanched my teeth and said "You didn't hurt me then... Nicky did.". She said "But i'm still sorry.", I took her hand and said "it's okay, now i'm with you and I'm happy and I love you and I don't want to talk about nicky anymore.". She smiled and kissed me but then she said "Who do you get jealous of? Nicky or me when we talk about this?". I sat up adn looked down on the bed and she said "please tell me... I'm not going to get hurt or angry.". I looked at her and said "i'm not going to lie to you. I don't know who i get jealous of. I'm sorry.". She stroke my thigh and said "i'd rather hear that you don't know then a straight forward Nicky..". i smiled and then i was just about to kiss her when I phone rang. I sighed and was just about to pick it up when zara took it and answered and said "Tove! why did you have to call and interrupt like this!!". I laughed and then zara handed me then phone and I put it to my ear and said "Tove, give me a sec.". Then I put it down on the bed and moved closer to zara and wrapped my arms around her neck and parted my lips slightly and pressed them against zaras. I felt how her tongue found it's way to mine and started to play with it and her fingers moved over my back and i ran my fingers through her hair and she moved even closer and sat down in my lap and the kisses got even more intence and she soon started to moan alittle and I just wanted to rip her clothes off and feel her closer to my body but then I remembered Tove and stopped kissing her and said "Tove.". Zara didn't care, insted she began to kiss my neck and i clsed my eyes and moaned alittle and picked up the phone and said "Hey Tove.". She laughed and said "Sorry, did i interrupt.". I tried to talk without moaning or breathing to loud but it was hard and I said "It's okay... we were just talking.". But then Zara moved a hand from my back to between my legs and I let out a moan and Tove said "Madde! What are you guy doing!? okay don't answer that, I don't even want to know.". I laughed but stopped pretty fast becuase Zara caressed me even more and got inside of my panties and I moaned even loader adn I said to tove "Give me 2 hours and then I'll be there okay?". She laughed and said "okay fine... two hours.", I smiled and quickly hung up and threw the phone on the floor and took zaras head between my hands and started to kiss her with all the lust I felt in my body. We slowly laid down on the bed and she started to caress me even more and I was just so turned on and then she kissed her way down to my panties and took a hold of them with her teeth and slowly pulled them off and threw them across the room. I smiled and then she placed her hands on my knees and slowly spread my legs and stroke my thighs higher and higher. I closed my eyes and focused on her touch and soon I felt how she bent down and slowly started to play with her tongue down there nad I moaned out with pleasure and ran my fingers through her hair. She slowly stroke my stomach up to my boobs and started to massage them and it felt so good. After a while she kissed her way up to my lips and started to caress me down there again and then she carefully pressed a few fingers in me and began to move. I stroke my hands over her back and kissed her with all the lust and love in my body and heart. she ran her fingers through my hair and began to kiss my neck just the way I like it. She began to move her fingers faster and it felt so good, I moaned loudly and started to breath faster and faster and felt my whole body tence up. I was so close to come nad then she whispered in my ear "I'm going to miss you today,sexy.". I smiled and then she moved her fingers even faster and I almost screamed out and came. She smiled and so did I and then she took her fingers out and laid down next to me and I laid down ontop of her and held myself up with my arms. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I began to kiss her passionately and then I carefully laid down alittle more ontop of her and moved my hand over her stomach and strated to caress ger down there and she stroke my naked sweaty back with her beautiful hands and I felt how wet she was already so I gently pressed my fingers in her and began to move them and she moaned out and smiled a gorgeous smile. I smiled back and looked into her eyes and saw the love and pleasure in them and I kissed her gently on her lips and started to move my fingers faster and she moaned and pressed her nails into my back which made me move my fingers even faster. I knew that she was pretty close so I slowly started to kiss her further and further down and carefully started to play with my tognue between her legs and she moaned even louder and I just smiled and continued with my fingers and tognue and soon her whole body got tense and she came with a scream and I smiled and took my fingers out when she relaxed again and laid down next to her. She cuddled closer to me and said "I love you baby.". I smiled and kissed her and said "I love you too honey. And I'm going to miss you too today.". We laid there for a while and then we got dressed and went downstairs.

We met Nicky and Shane in the kitchen and Nicky gave us a cheesy smile and said "You should really try to be more quiet Madde.". I stared at him and said "just so you know, Zara was alot louder today then I was.". They got really surprised and Nicky said "Who screamed just a few minutes ago.". I smiled and put my arm around Zaras shoulder and kissed her cheek and said "My girlfriend here did that scream.". Then nicky said "But zara is never that loud.", I looked at nicky adn then zara and she blushed alittle and I smiled and said "She isn't huh? Then what was that scream this morning Zara?". She quietly said "Madde stop.", I smiled and looked at Nicky and said "She always screams with me... Sorry Nico.". He looked at zara and said "Really?", I just smiled and Zara said "Do we have to talk about this?". I siad "No we don't. Nicky is just jealous.", he said "No I'm not but I doubt that you are better in bed then I am Madde.". I laughed and walked over to him and stroke his cheek and said "Then why does she scream with me and not with you?", Shane couldn't keep himself from laughing and I smiled and patted Nickys cheek and went abck to zara and we started to make breakfast and sat down at the table with Nicky and ate. After a while Nicky said "You do have enough energy to go boxing today right?". I laughed and said "Of course I do, this morning just gave me a bigger energy rush so of course I have enough energy to box.". He smiled and said "Good." then Kim walked in and had something in her hand and I knew exacly what it was and I just smiled and looked at zara who said "Good morning Kim.". Kim smiled and said "Morning mom, dad... Madde.", I nodded and then Kim siad "I wanted to give you this mom." and handed her the painting. Zara looked at it and i could see how proud she got and she stood up and gave kim a big hug and said "It's amazing honey. Thank you so much.". She smiled and said "No thank you mom for everything you've done for all of us. You're the best.". Zara smiled and kissed her cheek and then Kim said "Is it okay if I go to Jimmy today?". Zara said "Of course honey, just be home for dinner.", Kim nodded and then walked out again and then Emma walked in talking on the phone and she luahged and seemed to talk with someone she liked. Zara said down next to me agai´n and all of us looked at emma and then she said "Yeah Mattias I can ask... But can it wait alittle?". I looked at zara and nicky and said "Mattias?". They shrugged and then I looked at the clock adn noticed that I had to get going to tove so I kissed Zara and left.

When I got home and opened the door i met My in the hallway and she just smiled and ran int my legs and said "You're home!". I laughed and crouched down and picked her up and gave her a hug and said "Yeah I am. You've missed me?". She nodded and said "Yes, alot!", I smiled and kissed her cheek and said "I've missed you too honey. maybe you want to come to nicky and zaras tomorrow so we can hang out?". She smiled and nodded and I said "Good, bring tove over too.". She nodded and I sat her down on the floor again and said "so where is tove?", My just pointed upstairs and said "where else?". i laughed and ran my fingers through her hair and headed upstairs where i met Tim in the hallway. He smiled and so did i and i gave him a big hug and said "hey handsome.". he smiled and said "hello beautiful, so we finally have to honour of seening you at home?". I smiled and said "yep, I was able to drag myself away from my girlfriend for a while. But it was hard.". he laughed and said "Poor you. it's so strange to hear you say girlfriend.", then he slowly stroke a lock of hair away from my face and placed it behind my ear and I just said "i know but I love her. So how's things for you and molly?". He took his hand away when he noticed I wasn't going to do anything with him and he said "it's good, i'm on my way to hers at the moment.". I nodded and said "Well I have to go to toves room... see you later handsome.". then I gave him a kiss on his cheek and he said "Yeah.." and I walked over to tove and jensens room and knocked on the door. Tove said come in and I slowly opened the door and peeked in and saw Tove sitting on the bed with dennie next to her. I smiled and walked over to them and gave tove a hug and said "Hey honey. sorry if i'm late.". She laughed and said "it's okay.", i smiled adn looked at dennie who crowed and reached for me. I let her take my finger and she held on to it really tight and I said "She's getting so strong.". i looked at tove and she just smiled and nodded and said "Yes she is. thank you.". i said "Don't make such a big deal out of it... fine I like her, when she is like this but i hate when she cries... that is the worst sound in the world.". Tove smiled and said "thank you and fine I'll try not to make a big deal out of it.". I said "Good. So when is mom coming home?". she said "in not tomorrow and not the day after that but the day after that... so three days from now.". I laughed and said "Why did you make is so complicated?". She laughed and said "I don't know, I hang out with you to much.", I laughed and said "Yeah obviously. I love you tove.". She smiled and said "I love you too" and then we heard a voice say "and I love all three of you.". I turned around and saw Jensen standing in the door, I smiled and he walked over to us and gave me a big hug and said "It's good to have you home again Madde. We've missed you.". I smiled and said "it's good to be home again and I've missed you too. but now I miss zara.". they laughed and then jensen kissed tove and then he kissed dennies head and said "Well I'm going to leave you girls to it. See you later.". We nodded and then he left and all of the sudden Dennie started to cry and I said "Do something!". Tove laughed and picked dennie up and said "she's hungry.", I said "Can I watch?". Tove sighed and said "yeah, I did promise didn't I.".I nodded and then she began to feed dennie and it was really beautiful. i can't believe my best friend is a mom, it's so hard to understand... When dennie was full tove put her down in the crib and then sat down on the bed again and said "So?". I just shrugged and said "it looked strange but it's really beautiful. You're an amazing mom tove. I love you.". She smiled and I gave her a hug and she said "Thank madde, I love you too. So what are you going to do today?". I smiled and said "i'm going boxing with nicky and shane and then we are probobly goin to go adn see mom and then nicky is going to cook for us and after that zara had planed a cozy evening just the pair of us.". Tove smiled and said "Sounds like a pretty amazing day for you.". I smiled and nodded and she smiled back and said "i'm so happy to see you happy. Right now that is all I want. I want you to be happy, to be with someone that you love and that loves you back just as much.". I smiled and said "I am happy and I love zara and i know she loves me to. Why else would either of us be with the other?". Tove laughed and said "That's true. And what does nicky say about all this?". I laughed and said "he's just horny and want's to join us but that is something he can just dream about.". She shook her head and I said "Don't be angry with him because of that tove.. Do you really think that nicky is the only one?". she said "i'm not angry, i promise. and no, i know that he isn't the only one... some days jared can't keep his mouth shut about you and zara nd then tim follows his lead and then they just dream and drool.". I laughed and said "boys.", she laughed and nodded and then we talked for a while longer about everything and nothing but then it the door opened and jared hurried ina dn walked over to me, pulled me to my feet and hugged me. I got so surprised but hugged him back and he said "It's so good to see you again.". I smiled and said "You too Jared. But you know, I am just 15 minutes away so you can come and visit.". we let go of each other and I sat abck on the bed and he said "Won't zara kill me then?". I laughed and said "don't tell me that you are afraid of zara. And no she wouldn't.". He smiled and said "well in that case I might just come by someday.". i smiled and said "Good because i don't want to lose my good friend Jared.". He smiled and said "You won't.", then he looked at tove and then back at me and said "Well I'm going to go.. just wanted to say hello.". i smiled and said "i'm glad you did." then he gave me a soft hug and left the room and i turned to tove again and she said "Do you miss him?". I tought for a while and said "i suppose... I don't know. I miss some things, I miss him as a person and as my friend but I need him in a sexual way becuase there i have zara.". She nodded and I said "Do you know if he misses me?". She said "yeah he does, alot... i don't know how though and I think that he is both happy and sad that you have zara becuase then he can drool over you guys but he can't have you like he wants to.". I nodded and said "I hope I'm not hurting him..." she took my hand and said "Don't worry honey. be happy insted, you can't please everyone.". I nodded and said "i know but it's hard.. I hate to hurt him and I've really tried not to but it doesn't seem to help.". She said "I know but you aren't hurting him... it's not your fault that he is in love with you so deeply and you aren't... just as it's not your fault that you love nicky so mcuh...". I said "I know it's not but there has to be a way from both him and me to stop loving people we shouldn't love.". she said "Time... that's the only thing that will help...". i sighed and said "Yeah.. I suppose you are right.". After that we just talked about some stuff that aren't so interesting and then after a while the clock started to get closer and closer to 4 so i picked up my cell and called Nicky and told him to come over here in about 15 minutes. Then I headed into my... or jareds room to et some of my stuff and I put on a white top and a pair of black shorts and a pair of sweatpants ontop of them and then I packed down my gloves. when I was standing in my wardrobe i saw my handcuffs and smiled and decided to pack them down too and then I packed down some clean clothes and went downstairs. After about 20 minutes it knocked on the door and shane and nicky walked in andwe took the mustang gt to the gym.

When we got there we met charlie who gave me a hug and then began to coach us while we were working out. It was alot of fun and I had totally forgotten how amazing it is to spend alone time with nicky and shane. They are so much fun and just so amazing and makes time fly. I don't know if we worked on our boxing skills or if we were just working our abs becuase of all the laughter. I think charlie got a bit sick of us becuase of all the fooling around but when we started to spar we began to focus more and Nicky and shane did everything they could to piss me off so that I would hit harder and it was really fun. God i've missed hanging out with them so much!

When it was time to go home I said that we were going to mom and say hi so we did but since the clock was almost 7 and we were totally starving we just staied a while and then we drove off home to nicky and zaras. It feels so strange now becuase I don't really know what to call home, I mean these last few days I've spent at nicky and zaras and nothing at alexanderssons but that it still my home... Do you have any ideas? Where do I belong at the moment? Anyway when we got there Shane and Nicky went upstairs to shower adn change and I went into the livingroom where Zara, Gillian, david and Emma were watching tv. I walked up behind Zara adn wrapped my arms around her neck and kissed her cheek. she smiled and stroke my arm and said "Hey honey, did you have a good workout?". I smiled and said "Yes I did. But now I have to take a shower and eat something.". She nodded and tilted her head back and I kissed her lips and headed upstairs where I met Shane in the hallway with just a towel around his waist. I said "So then I suppose one of the showers are free?". He smiled and siad "Yep it is. Nicky is soon done too and then we'll start cooking.". I smiled and said "Awesome! I'm starving!" he smiled and said "You are not alone, I'm hungry as hell. But now I have to go and get dressed, can't walk around like this all night.". I smiled and said "I'm not going to comment on that.", he laughed and kissed my cheek and said "I love you.". I smiled and said "I love you too shane.", then he walked over to his room and I went into Zara and nickys bed room. I just opened the door and walked in but turned around just as fast and so did nicky who was standing in there taking his underwears on. I just saw his bum tought but it was kind of embarrassing and I said "I'm sorry Nicky!" and quickly closed the door. I staied outside the door leaning against the wall and tried to erase the sight of his bum out of my head and then the door opened and Nicky said "Hey...". I looked at him and now he was wearing a pair of softypants and I said "I'm sorry.. I should have knocked.". He said "It's okay darling.. I should have known you were going in here before you headed to the shower.". I nodded and said "well... I think I'm going to take that shower now.. are you and shane going to cook now?". He nodded and said "Yep, just going to get dressed and then we'll start with that. Tahnks for today btw, it was great!". I smiled and siad "Yeah it was, thank you for asking me to come with.". He smiled and pulled me in for a hug and then he said "Go and take a shower and come downstairs after.". I nodded and went into the room and got some clothes and then I went into the bathroom adn took a warm shower and i felt like a new person. I got dressed in just a plain black top and a pair of grey softypants and then I headed downstairs and into the kitchen where Shane and nicky was cooking. I walked over to nicky who was standing by the stove and put a hand on his shoulder and said "What's for dinner?". He smiled and said "Pasta and mincemeat sauce, good with carbohydrates when you've been working out.". I smiled and said "It smells wonderful Nico.", then I was about to walk over to shane who was slicing up a tomato but I just smiled a mischievous smile and slapped Nickys ass and he just laughed and shook his head and I laughed and walked over to shane and said "And you are a good boy, slicing and dicing.". He laughed and said "That I am. Go and set the table.", I nodded and began to set the table and it was kind of dark in the kitchen but if I put the lights on it was to bright so I lit three candles and put them on the table and then I sat down adn watched the lads work. Then Zara walked in and smiled and kissed my forehead and said "This looks romantic.... I suppose I should have waited.". I smiled and said "Romantic? Yeah right, this is nothing. You should wait a few days and then maybe we can do something romantic.". She smiled and kissed me and then she siad "Well I suppose I should leave you three to it, have a nice meal and come to the livingroom after so we can all wathc a movie and hang out.". We nodded and then shane and nicky put the food on the table and zara kissed me again and left and we started to eat and it was really good!

After dinner we did as zara said and joined her and gillian in the livingroom. The kids had either gone to their rooms or was at a friends so we put on a good movie and I cuddled up closer to Zara and it was really cozy but we just watched one movie with them becuase then I whispered to zara "Was this the cozy evening you were planning?". She shook her head and said "We are going upstairs now, goodnight guys, see you tomorrow.". They nodded and said goonight and zara took my hand and dragged me upstairs and pushed me down on the bed and said "now we can start our cozy evening.". I smiled and she laid down next to me and put on the tv and said "what should we watch?". I shrugged and said "You pick, I have to blog and then I can watch a movie.". She nodded and looked for a movie and I started to blog so now I'm going to wrap this up and cuddle down next to my girlfriend and watch a movie. Night!

Take care
Love
Madde