Heaven on earth

Heya!

Well I can't begin to tell you how over the moon I am at the moment! with some of my closest friends around me! All I'm missing at the moment is my gorgeous girlfriend! I'm the happiset woman in the world and I'm so lucky to have all these amazing people around me.

Anyway I bet you want to know about our little romantic dinner the other night. When we had gotten into our new dresses we took a limo to a really beautiful restaurant. Zara got out of the car first and took my hand and we walked hand in hand to the reception and Zara said "Hello, I have reserved a table for two.". The woman nodded and took two menus and showed us to the table. The restaurant was small but really cozy and romantic and there were a few couples there already and the whole feel was just love, love and more love. We sat down and the woman handed us the menus and left and Zara said "order whatever you want, i pay.". I smiled and said "okay. thanks.", i looked through the menu and decided for a chicken thing and Zara took some sort of sallad... They have such wierd names that I'm not even going to try to spell. And we ordered just some water with lemon in it. Anyway we told the host what we wanted and he took the menus and left us alone but after a while he came in with a jar of water and poured it up in our glasses. when he left Zara raised her glass and said "Cheers honey. For us.". I smiled and clicked my glass against hers and said "Cheers love.". She smiled and we took a sip of the water and then she said "So have you had a good time here?". I said "Well, the photoshoot was fun but you know that I'm not really fond of the whole fashion thing... not really my thing but I've had fun.". She said "I know it's not your kind of fun but I'm really glad you wanted to come anyway.". I smiled and said "Of course I wanted to come with you. What would I have done at home?". She said "Hung out with Nicky maybe...", I reashed out and took her hand that was resting on the table and said "No I don't think I would have.. would probobly hung out with Jensen or someone.". She smiled and said "Really? You seem happy that Jensen is home again.". I said "I am. After we crashed with the car and the fear I had that he was going to die I just can't stand to see him in the hospital. So yes it is really nice to know that he is home again.". She nodded and said "And he is fine Madde, he always will be.", I said "Yeah i hope so. He is a good friend and I don't want to lose him.". She said "Oh you wont.", I smiled and looked her deep in the eyes and said "And I surely don't want to lose you. I love you so much baby.". She flushed and said "Oh I love you too baby and you wont ever lose me.". I smiled and reashed over to kiss her hand, she smiled and said "What did I ever do to deserve you?". I shook my hand and said "no, I'm the one who should ask that question. You are way to good for me yet here you are. Why?". She smiled and brushed her thump over the top of my hand and said "Because I love you. I love everything about you Madde. There isn't a part of you that I don't love.". I smiled and said "After everything I've done to you, caused you pain... How can you love me so much?". she smiled and said "Because all of that is forgotten. There is only you and me and no one else. The pain and horror is all gone and all that is left is love and that love is for you and you alone.". I gave her a shy smile and said "You are fantastic. I love you so much Zara.". I got up and walked over to her chair and put my hand behind her head to keep it in place and kissed her beautiful full lips. She smiled and we broke from the kiss and I looked into her beautiful blue eyes and said "I love you Zara Svensson.". She smiled and said "I love you too Madde Karlsson.", I smiled and gently brushed my lips against hers again and then I sat back down just in time for our food to be delivered to us. We thanked the waiter and dug into our food which was absolutley delicious! Of course Zara started to steal food from my plate and I just stared at her and said "Oi! Keep to your food miss!". She laughed and I gave her a grin and she said "But it looked so tasty.". I smiled and took some food on my fork and fed her and she just closed her eyes and enjoyed the taste of the food. I looked at her and couldn't help but smile, she even looks beautiful when she eats. I took my shoe off and slowly began to stroke my foot against her leg and she opened her eyes and just gave me a beautiful smile. Anyway after a while she said "So... what are we going to do in Sligo then?", I smiled and said "I don't know! All I know is that I have to hang out with the lads!". She smiled and said "I understand that. i bet they miss you.". I said "I sure as hell miss them and I hope they miss me as well.". she smiled and said "I know they do. Shane has tried to get you there for a while now.". I nodded and said "Yeah I know. Sooo... when are you going to go and see Nickys folks then?". She said "Well i've talked to shane and when we land in Dublin he will come and pick you up with the helicopter and I will go and visit them and then turn up in sligo that night or the day after.". I nodded and said "That sounds good.", she said "You know, you can come if you want to...". I shook my head and said with a low voice "I don't think that I'm their favorite person...". She said "They don't know you so they can't say anything.". I looked at her and said "They absolutly love you and I know they love their son... I broke it off between you so of course they hate me.". She sighed and said "No Madde. They don't hate you, like I said, they don't know you. If you come with you'll just show what an amazing woman you are and they'll understand how things could turn out the way they did...". I shook my head and said "nah... I think we'll go with the original plan, that I'll go to sligo first.". She nodded and said "If that's what you want.", I nodded and said "yeah and then I get to hang with the lads alone as well. Maybe go to the pub or something.". she smiled and said "Yeah, without your clinging girlfriend.". I laughed and said "Yeah exacly, I can never get rid of her so now I just have to take the chanse.". She laughed and said "I understand you.". I smiled and said "No.. I love having you around, I always want you around.", she smiled and said "Me too.". Then we finished our dinner and headed back to our hotel.

When we finally got up to our room Zara just walked in and sat down on the bed and rested because of the fact that I had forced her to walk up the stairs instead of taking the lift. I just smiled and closed the door behind me and walked over to her. I slowly brushed a lock of her hair back behind her ear and she looked up at me and gave me a soft, warm, loving smile and I bent down and pressed my lips against hers. I opened my mouth and let her tongue play with mine and she let out a low moan. While kissing me she pulled her legs up and stood un her knees on the bed and I slolwy let my fingers run over her bum and up to her back to find the zip and slowly open it. I felt her bare skin under my fingers as I ran my hands over her bare back and she began to undo my zip as well. Both our dresses fell over our bodys and hers landed on the bed and mine on the floor. I stepped out of it and pushed Zara down on the bed and took the dress and threw it on the floor. She laughed and I crawled over to her and began kissing her again. She ran her amazing hands over my bare back and with the hand that i wasn't holding myself up with slowly stroke her stomach up to her breast which I began to caress. Then I began to kiss her jawling, down her neck, over her chest and breasts and down her beautiful flat stomach. she ran her fingers through my hair and moaned. I smiled and continued to kiss and taste her stomach while my hand stroke up her thigh and reached the wetness between her legs. I smiled as she gasped for air in a loud moan as I slid two fingers in her and began to move them slowly. I ran my other hand over her gorgeous stomach and she took a hold of it and kissed and tasted it. I started to move my fingers faster and deeper and she moaned louder and louder. I smiled and went even faster and I culd feel her whole body tence up as she began to lift her hips so I could get even deeper. Her moans were really loud and after just a while she screamed out with pleasure and her body contracting and relaxing as she reached total ecstasy. When she relaxed again and tried to catch her breath I pulled my fingers out and kissed my way up to her full lips and kissed her softly and she smiled and ran her fingers through my hair and whispered "You are a godess.". I smiled and brushed some black hair away from her sweaty forehead and said "no baby, you are the godess, I'm meanly a servant of yours my lady.". She smiled and put her hand behind my neck and pulled me in for more kisses. She rolled us around and began to kiss her way down my chest and stomach while I just smiled and felt my skin burn where ever her lips and fingers touched my bare skin. She put her hands on my thighs and parted them and I felt a tingle between my legs as she kissed and licked even lower down on my stomach. I gasped for air as I felt her tongue down there and she let her fingers slide over my body. Then she slowly slid a few fingers in me and I moaned, closed my eyes and tilted my head back on the pillow and focused on feeling her around and inside of me. She kissed my stomach and it felt like my skin was on fire and it felt soooo good. I murmured her name and she peppered my stomach with kisses and I just moaned and gasped for air. I felt how close I was and moaned "Yes!" and she immediately moved her fingers deeper and faster and then my body began to pulsate as I rode the pleasure wave of my orgasm. When I relaxed again she took her fingers out and laid down next to me and I put my arm under her head and she cuddled closer to me. I kissed her forehead and said "I love you so much.". She cuddled even closer and whispered "I love you too.". I stroke her hair untill she fell asleep and then I fell asleep after just a short while.

When I woke up this morning I heard the shower running and the bed was empty so I took the opportunity and picked up my phone and rang Nicky. He picked up after a few tones and I said "Hey handsome!", he said "Hey beautiful! how are you?". I smiled and said "I'm feel great, what about you? I heard you had some trubble yesterday and called Tove..". He laughed and said "that's brillinat honey. Yeah I'm just fine but it's ahrd being the only parent home.. Yeah, I didn't know who else to call..". I nodded and said "It's okay. But you have to calm down Nicky, it's perfectly normal what is happening to your daughter.". He let out a long breath and said "Yeah I know it's just that I don't know how to handle it. I don't know if she wants to talk to me about stuff like that and the fact is that I don't know so much about that kind of stuff... It's girl stuff.". I laughed and said "I understand Nicky, don't worry. A womans body is a very complicated thing but it's nothing to be worried or scared of.". Then he said with a very cheeky voice "I'm never afraid of a womans fine curvy body.". I shook my head and said "Nico... what's up with the voice.". he laughed and said "Nothing, sorry.", I laughed and said "You are a very complicated man Nicky Byrne.". He laughed and said "Maybe so but you are a very complicated woman Madde Karlsson. Anyway, how does it feel to go to Sligo today then?". I let out a loud shriek and said "I can't wait!!!". Then both Nicky and i bursted out laughing and I think we were laughing for like two minutes. Then he said "I can understand that. Wish I could go too.". I said "Yeah I know Nicky.. But we'll go some other time yeah?". He said "Absolutly! We just have to.", I smiled and said "Yep. But hey, i have to go now... Zara is done in the shower and I really need one as well.". He said "okay. call or text me when you've landed in Sligo and don't worry about the flight, you'll be fine.". I smiled and said "thanks Nico. I'll do that and you take care of yourself, you hear?". He said "I will, I promise. Bye honey.", I smiled and said "Goodbye babe." and hung up just as Zara stepped out of the bathroom in just a towel. I got out of bed and walked over to her and said "Good morning beautiful". She smiled and said "Good morning.", I gave her a soft kiss and then I went to take a shower as well.

When I got out of there we went downstairs and ate our breakfast and then we had to go up and pack our bags and then it was time to check out and go to the airport as our flight left at 13.45. I was as always really nervous about the flight but there isn't so much I can do about that now is there.. Anyway the flight went as well as you could hope, we didn't crash so I'm happy but it was some horrible turbulence and that scared the shit out of me. Zara found me very imbarrassing but I don't care.

Anyway when we finally landed in Dublin and we stepped out of the plane I just felt the memories come back to me from my trip there with Nicky. The air smellt like the ocean and the sun was shineing on the winter landscape and it was just amazing. i smiled and Zara took my hand and said "I can tell that you are happy to be back.". I nodded and then we went to get our bags and then it was time to say goodbye since Zara was going to Nicky parents and I was heading to sligo. I gave her a big hug and a few kisses and said "I'll see you tomorrow yeah?". She nodded and kissed me again and said "I'm going to miss you.", I stroke her cheek and said "I'm going to miss you too.. I have to go now... Shane's waiting.". She nodded and I gave her a last kiss and then I turned around and headed to the place where the helicopters land and zara walked out of the airport. When I finally got there I immediately recognized the helicopter that was getting refuiled but I soon realized that it was empty. I sighed and stood there and waited until I heard Shanes amazing voice behind me "What is that beautiful creature standing out here in the cold for?". I turned around and smiled as I saw him in a grey coat and a light grey scarf and he looked absolutly gorgeous! I smiled and dropped my bag and ran over to him and threw myself in his arms. He swung me around and then we just stood there for a while hugging one another. It felt so good to see him again, I can't even begin to tell you how much I've missed him even though it's just been three week or so since we last saw each other. I pressed my lips against his cheek and he said "You look lovely darling! are you ready to go to sligo?". I just smiled and nodded and he picked up my bag and just then another man came walking over to us and reached out his hand to me to shake. I shook it and he siad "Hi, I'm Kenny and I'll be flying you guys to sligo.". I nodded and said "hi, well fly safely because I hate flying.". He smiled and said "I will, let's go.". So Shane jumped in and held out a hand to me and helped me onboard. We sat down next to each other and he helped me on with all the head phones and stuff and then we took off. I held shanes hand all the way to Sligo and when we finally landed I gladly jumped into shanes arms and stood down on the ground. Shane took my bag and together we walked towards the huge house and I just couldn't stop smileing, I was finally back there... My favorite place in the world together with some amazing friends! What could be better? When we came closer to the house we heard a dog barking and a girly scream and saw kaiser and Nicole running towards us. Kaiser just ran around us while Nicole ran straight into my arms and i picked her up and she just laughed and said "You're here!!!!". I smiled and said "Yes I am! It's so good to see you again nicole.". She kissed my cheek and said "You too! I've missed you Madde.", I smiled and said "I've missed you too sweetie.". I carried her the rest of the way to the house and put her down as we entered the hallway. We quickly got out of our clothes and then we heard more running feet and Patrick came inot the hallway to greet us. I smiled and squated down and he walked over to me and gave me a hug and I said "Hey handsome, how are you?". He gave me a shy smile and said "Good, how are you?". I smiled and said "I'm just brilliant sweetheart.", I let go of him and Shane and I walked into the huge kitchen where Gillian was prepering lunch. She smiled at me and gave me a warm hug and said "Hi Madde! It's so good to have you here again.". I smiled and hugged her back and said "It's so amazing to be back. I've missed you guys and this country so much!". She smiled and went back to her cooking as she said "We have all missed you so much to, especially Nicole and shane.". I gave shane a big smile and he put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me against him. I wrapped my arms around him and just smile and felt so at home. That man is just so amazing and Gillian has no idea how lucky she is. He is just so careing and generous and just brilliant. He is such a good friend and I owe him so much because of everything he has ever done for me. I felt how he pressed his soft lips against my head and then said "So... I invited kian, jodi, mark and kevin over for dinner tonight. Thought you might like to see them too.". i looked up at him and said "Realyl!? that's great! Yeah I really miss them. Wow now I can't wait.". he laughed slightly and then Nicole came in and said "Where is Nicky?", I sat down on a chair and picked her up and sat her down on my lap and said "He is at home.". She said "Why? is he coming here soon?". I shook my head and said "no he won't... he's at home with the kids but zara is coming here soon, tomorrow acctually.". She made a grumpy face and said "I want nicky here! Zara is no fun!". I laughed and said "Isn't it enough that I'm here then?", she said "But it's even more fun when you and Nicky are here. When you are here without him you just cry and are sad.". off course i went straight back to that week in August when I had left Nicky to go to sligo so he and zara could figure things out. I remember the pain i felt through that whole week... how hard it was... I bit my lower lip and shane tried to save me by saying "That's not true. And now Zara is here and Madde wont be sad again.". Nicole said "Good... I don't like to see you sad madde.". I said "thank you nicole... I don't like being sad either.". She nodded and then she got off my lap and ran off to her brothers. I felt shanes hand on my shoulder and I took it and squeezed it and then he said "Can I talk to you?". I looked at him and nodded and we walked through their huge house to my room and I just smiled when I saw that everything looked the same as last time I lived there. I sat down on the bed and pulled my legs up and Shane sat down opposit me and said "So how are you? Really?". I said "I am actually pretty good. I'm happy with Zara and I love her.". He said "But you miss Nicky sometimes?", I shurgged and said "I don't know... I suppose... I mean, he means so much to me and I've never loved a man like I loved him and it's not like I can just flick a switch and the feelings will go away but I'm not in love with him anymore. I just care about him and love him and that is something I always will do. That's like in my bones and is impossible to get out.". He nodded and said "I understand, I do. And of course you will always care and love him, I mean a person who doesn't understand that is just nuts. It's not like you would turn around and just simply hate or dislike the guy.". I nodded and said "Yeah exacly. But the thing people or should I say Tove complains about is that I don't know in which way I love him. If I still have feelings for him... sometimes I think i do but sometims it feels like we are just really close friends.". He nodded and took my hands and said "But you love Zara and want to be with her yeah?". I nodded but said in a low voice so he could hardly hear the words "But I almost kissed Nicky the other day...". He put a finger under my chin adn forced me to look at him and i felt tears burn behind my eyelids and he said "How come? what happened?". I shook my head free and let a tear fall down on our joined hands and said "It was when Tove and I made it clear that we were no longer friends and Nicky was there and helped me through that day and... He just understood and he said the things I wanted to hear, like always, and he said that he loved me for who I am good and bad stuff and... I was crying and... but we never kissed. our lips never touched and I feel so so bad about it.". He let go of my hands and wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer and I cried against his shoulder. He stroke my hair and said "Sweetheart... It was a mistake, everyone makes them and you didn't kiss him did you? And you regret it so.". I continued to cry but nodded against his shoulder and he said "Oh darling, you weren't suppose to cry.. Not this time. When you're finally here again.". I got out of his grip and dried my cheeks away from the salty tears and said sobbingly "I'm sorry. You're right. You have no ideahow happy I am to be back here.". He stroke my cheek and gave me a soft smile and his gorgeous brown eyes were full of compassion and he said "i know, you don't have to apologize. I'm here for you, all the time. Yeah well you have no idea how happy I am that you are back here. I've really missed you Madde.". I smiled and said "Thanks Shay. You are an amazing man you are.". He smiled and said "And you are an amazing woman you are Madde.". I smiled and gave him a big hug and i felt him brush his lips against my cheek and said "Don't let anyone tell you anything else.". I smiled and burried my face in his shoulder and we just sat there hugging for a while until my phone rang and it made us break our hug. I looked at the display and it said "The best J" I smiled and said "I have to get this.". shane nodded and left and I picked up the phone and said "Hey Jensen!". He said "Hey love! How are you? You in Sligo now or what?". I smiled and said "Yeah I am! It's so brilliant to be back here!". He laughed slightly nad siad "That's good, I'm happy for you.". I smiled and said "thanks Jensen. So how are you?", he sighed and said "I don't know. I'm good.". I wrinkled my eyebrows and said "Jensen.. what's wrong?", he sighed again and said "Nothing... It's just... eh, nothing.". I clenched my teeth and said "Is Tove home?", he said "No... she's at Sofies...". I felt the anger just bubble up inside of me and I just wanted to rip her heart out and throw it away! I said "What the fuck is her problem?!". He said "Well... if she wants to hang out with sofie then she should... I mean she is dying.". I said "Yeah and you were close to dying just a week ago! She should be at home with her husband who is finally home rather then run around partying all the time! I know that Sofie is dying and that is horrible and feel sorry for her but she isn't going to die today and Tove can spare on day to hang out with you.". He was quiet for a while and then said "Maybe... I just... It's her choise.", I shook my head and said "Jensen, you are being to fucking sweet for your own good.". He said "What am I going to do? Like I said, it's her choise.". I sighed and said "Maybe so.. I swear to god, if you were my husband and all this would have happened I wouldn't leave your side for a second.". He said "Thanks Madde. You are a really good friend.", I smiled and said "And so are you Jensen. I care about you a lot and love you just as much. I hate to see you hurt, you should know that by now.". He said "I care about you too and love you too. I know.. thanks.". I said "I know. So.. what are you up to now?". He said "Not so much. I'm going to watch a movie with Maja soon becuase she was bored but I said that I had to make an important phonecall first.". I said "Oh but then I'm not going too keep you. I can talk to you later if you have to make that important phonecall now.". He laughed and said "It was to you silly.", I smiled and said "Naw, thanks.". He said "So how's zara?". I said "Good I think. She is still in Dublin to go and see Nickys parents...". He said "I see, how come you didn't go with?". I said "I don't think I'm wanted there... i don't think they are my biggest fans.". He said "Why not?", I said "Because of everything that has happened between me and nicky and zara... They absolutly love zara and... yeah well no parents-in-law likes me very much becuase mostly I just hurt their kids...". He said "That's not true. Jareds parents love you.". I let out a laughter without any joy and said "Yeah two out of? How many? that's a good thing about my realtionship with Zara, we have the same parents..". He said "Honey, they do love you and I doubt that they are alone. anyone would be a fool not to love you.". I said "now you are just trying to make me feel better.". He said "No I'm not. I'm telling you facts okay?". I smiled and said "Tahnks Jensen. You are realyl amazing. I love you.", he said "So are you. I love you too darling.". I smiled and then he said "By the way! Do you know what Tove meant by "you and madde seemed very cozy yesterday"?". I said "No! I have no idea what the heck she is talking about! She thinks we talk to much... I ahve no idea what she's playing at.". He said "No because she just said that yesterday when I was about to call you and I had no idea what she was talking about.". I said "I know, she wrote that in the blog and then she wrote "Jensen and Madde talked like three times yesterday, what's up with that all of the sudden? i know they are friends but no friends that talk three times a day and now apparently he have to call her again...".". He said "Really?! she wrote that?", I just said "Yeah." and he said "so what? Now we can't call each other? God this is driving me mad... what's going on with her?". I sighed and said "i don't know Jensen... I'm sorry... maybe you should talk to her?". He said "Yeah... maybe...". I nodded and then I said "You know what... Go and watch the movie with Maja and try not to think about this and if you need to talk tonight just call. I'll always pick up okay?". He said "okay I will. Thanks Hun.". I nodded and said "No problem. I'm always here for you. bye.".

I hung up and went downstairs and we ate some lunch and after that I mostly just played with the kids and Shane which was really fun. I've missed those kids and shane so much, I can't believe I let Tove keep me at home when I wanted to be here. I will never do that again, if I want to go to sligo then I will. I'm tired to try and make everyone happy, I'm going to focus on my happiness... that's what's important. And right now, I'm happy. Anyway during this time I also had time to give Zara a call and hear what she was doing and she was just fine, they had gotten really happy to see her and they where just sitting and talking at the moment.

Anyway when it was about an hour before dinner I ran upstairs, took a quick shower and ot into something a little bit nicer then my top and jeans that I flew in. I mean it's just a bit nicer to look good when you have dinnerguests eventhough they are good friends of ours. anyway, I went downstairs again and was met by Shanes bum as I entered the livingroom because he was cleaning off the table. I smiled and tilted my head to get a better look and said "Hey sexy arse.". He turned around and laughed and said "Hi beautiful. Stop checking my ass out.". I smiled with my tongue between my teeth and he just shook his head and said "Can you please take that toy to Nicoles room?" pointing at a little toy horse. I smiled and picked up the toy and headed up to nicoles room with it. When I came back downstairs I heard the door open and voices comeing from the hallway. I quickly made my way over there and saw Mark, kevin, jodi and Kian standing there. I shrieked out and ran inte Kians arms and he just laughed and kissed my cheek and said "Hey beautiful!". I smiled and looked at him and said "Hey sexy!", he laughed and pulled me close for another hug and said "i've missed you darling.". I smiled and buried my face in his neck and said "Missed you too Kino.". Then we heard Mark say "Hey, can't I have some of that?". I smiled and let go of Kian and looked at mark and just smiled, he smiled back and held out his arms to me. I walked straight into them and wrapped my arms around him and squeezed him hard. He said "It's so good to see you again love.". I smiled and said "You too Marky. I've missed you.". He kissed my cheek and said that he had missed me too. Then we let go of each othernad I agve Kevin and Jodi a hug each as well and then we all sat down in the livingroom, well except for jodi who went to the kitchen to helt Gillian. Shane made everyone a drink and we sat down and chatted for a while but then I thought that it would be smarter if I blogged now thn to do it when they had all left so here I am blogging but i'm also chatting with my friends. I'm drinving them mad with my typing so they are going to be really happy that i'm done now. So this is me, signing off for now from Sligo! You'll hear from me another day but first you will hear from that thing named Tove who can't see a good thing when she has it.

Take care
Love
Madde