Friends or Family?

Hey guys!
I bet you all think I'm a huge bitch right now after everything Madde is telling you! Sometimes I can't belive where she get everything from..

Well anyway let's start from the begining shall we.
I woke up from a screaming baby I just tured around and pressed the pillow to my ear, I was so tired I had gotten home at maybe 5 this morning after a party at mine and Sofies freind Jonas place with some other guys that we meet when we was clubbing for a few nights ago.So I tured around a looked at the time and it was nine in the morning and I just sign but then I heard Jensen voice talking to her and she got quite again so he must have picked her up, then I feelt how he lied down in the bed again and he said to Dennie " Mum is sleeoing she was out so late intill 5 this morning." I slowly opend my eyes and saw how he was holding Dennie in his arms and I said " I thought you where a sleep last night when I go home.." He looked at me and said " Yeah.. well I wasn't.. and even if I had been sleeping you wasn't that quit either. " I said " I know, sorry. I had been drinking a little. He said " A little? it seemed more then a little to me." I sign and said " Whatever. " He said" You had liver cancer and you are drinking that much, do you want to die?" I sign again and said " Yeah yeah.. " He said angry " What the hell Tove! How can you not care?!!" I slowly sat up a little and said " One of my closest friend is dying Jensen.. " He said" I know and it's horrible and so sad and every other bad word in this world.. but even thought it's not just Sofie that loves you you know... Your family, your daughther.. and I love you, your husband. " I said " I know.. I'm sorry. It's so much going on in my head this days so It's.. hard. " he said " That is okay that you are scared and sad so am I and if you want to talk or cry or just sit there I'm here for you whenever and whatever it is. But don't say that you want to die that I can't take after everything. " I nodded and said " Yeah. " then he took my left hand and pointed at my wedding ring and said seriosly " What dose this mean to you? What dose it say to you? " I said " That I love you so much to marry you and that I will mess this up some how. " he said " You don't beleve in us at all do you? Do you think we should get up now?" I sign and said " I didn't say that.. I believe in you, I just don't belive in me. " he just shook his head and I said " Jensen what's up with you? what's going on? " He just stood up and said " What have happend to you Tove, it's like I don't know you anymore.. " Then he just walked out from the room with Dennie in his arms. I sign and thought to myself that the bitch Madde had talked him into something now, why can't she just leave me alone!! I tured around in bed and then apprently I fell a sleep again. Because next time I woke up the clock was 12.09 so I slowly got up from bed and put my softy pants on and a big t-shirt on and walked downstairs.

I went into the kithen where I found Johan, I said good morning and he said " Is it morning now? I thought it was in the middle of the day. " I sat down and Johan gave me a cup of coffiee and said " You look tired, rough night? " I smiled and said " No, awesome night, just to little sleep. " He nodded and I took a zip of my coffiee and said " Where is everyone? " He said " Your mum is working and your siblings are haing out with freinds and Jensen, Maja and Dennie went outside of a walk. " I nodded and I said " I should take a walk with Ebba now. " He smiled and said " I have all reday done that, I need a walk so I thought why not bring her. I hope you don't mind. " I smiled and walked over to him and gave him a hug and said " Thanks, you are the best. " He smiled and kissed my cheek and said " Well I should go and take a shower. " I nodded and he walked upstairs. I fished my coffee and thought I also needed a walk. So I walked upstairs and took a shower and got dressed. I started to walk in the beautiful winter weather and it wasn't that cold either and after walked for a while and clearing my head I heard a voice behind me and there was Niklas, he walked up to me and gave me a hug and and we started to walk he was going to Nicky. He looked at me and said “ So how are you doing? “ I smiled and said “ In general or do you mean something specific? “ He said “ I mean it’s alot that have happend I mean with Sofie and all that... Sara told me. “ I said “ Well then it depends when you ask me.. so I don’t know sometimes it feels unbearable and sometimes it’s just easier.. so I don’t know.. “ He nodded and said “ About you and Madde then? It’s just so hard to see that you two are not friends anymore I mean it’s you, you have been best friends aslong as I can remebere and now this. “ I said “ I can’t talk to you about Madde... she is your sister. “ He said “ Tove you can talk to me about everything. I know she is my sister and I love her so much but I love you too and I’m worried. As long as you don’t call her anything bad I think we will be fine. And you know.. I think she misses you.. “ I sign and said “ I miss her too.. but I mean you can’t be that suprsied after last year. “ he said “ But you two have always fought but made up again. Like you last year. “ I said “ Niklas we never actually got friend again or we tried we did but we always ended up like this again. So we can’t say we haven’t tried because we have a lot but nothing. So this our own fauilt but this is how it will be so the easiet for all of you is just to except the way it is and try to get use to it. Okay? “ he nodded and I said “ But you are happy right? “ He smiled and said “ yes I love Sara so much, she and Ida is he best thing that have ever happend to me. I really love her so much that I can’t even describe it. I can’t believe we where apart for so long and for a very long time when I was with my ex it feelt like something was missing and I couldn’t really understand what, intill I meet Sara again it was like the last puzzle bit fell to place in my heart and everything was so right. She makes me whole and so happy. “ I smiled and said “ Good I’m happy for you two. So when is Ida getting here again then? “ He smiled and said” In a few weeks I can’t wait. “ I said “ I bet Sara isn’t that happy. “ He said “ No she isn’t but she just have to get use to it. “ I nodded and he laughed and said “ I can’t believe that me and Zara is the same age and I have one daughter at 5 years old and she have 4 or had 4 kids. And now she is becoming a grandma! She will hear that world grandma so many times! “ I laughed and said “ I know it’s crazy! But she will be the hottest grandma in the world. “ Niklas laughed and said “ Oh yeah, but it’s funny. But I know Emma can do this if she wants too and we all will support her whatever she choose. “ I nodded and said “ What did you say when she told you guys she was pregnate? “ He said “ I didn’t belive her at all. I was so mean.. but then Sara told us that it was true and then i just started to laugh because I could not see her like mum I mean you know how she was. It was so hilarious and she got pretty pissed off. That was my reaction. “ I said “ You are so evil! But you where wrong. “ He smiled and said “ I know but I got to eat it up I mean she changed when Emma got born or at least she changed when she was with Emma. And she have always been an amazing mum she loves thoughts kids more than anything out there. She really is one of the best mums I have ever meet to be honest she have actually reached me a lot about parenthood from watching her for year. So I owe her much. “ I said “ I know she is a fanatic mother I just wish she understood that like she should understand that Antons death isn’t her a fault..” He said “ I know..I know Zara better then she think I do and even though she tries to hid that guilt and sadness she has some days I still see it. And last year was hard year for her so she had many of those days and she just digs herself down and want to disappear and that is so hard to see.. she should know that’s not her fault.. but honestly since she and Madde have been a couple for this two month our how they now count she have been so much happier . Happier then I have ever seen her before which is amazing. Sure she have had her days too but not as much, maybe tree under two month that is a little. Madde makes her happy and makes her to move on from the past like she should have done years ago. Madde is changing her into a much happier and peaceful woman then before and I can see Madde is really happy to for the first time in a really long time. So I’m so happy for them and I love them so much.” I smiled and said “ I’m really happy to hear that they deserve to be happy. “ He smiled and said “ They do both of them. “ I smiled and nodded and he said “ So how is Jensen? “ I said “ He’s just great, just a little more tired but otherwise just fine. “ He smiled and said “ You must think it’s great that he is home again. “ I smiled and said “ I do, I have missed him. “ Niklas smiled and then he got serious again and said “ so...how long..dose Sofie have..before..” I said “ Before she dies and leave her kids, her family, this world and me? Well about 6 month give or take.. then I will be all alone... again. Like in school without friends.. but then I had Madde at least.. even though she regret that she was my friend but still.. “ He said “ Tove you are not alone..you have us your family. “ I said “ I know I do.. it’s just that Sofie is the only one I can talk to about everything without hurting anyone.. I mean fir example if I want to talk about this with Madde.. I can’t talk to you because she is your sister, I can’t talk to Zara because she is her girlfriend, I can’t talk to your girlfriend because she is your girlfriend and I can’t talk to mum or anyone else about it, or if me and Jensen have been fighting I can’t go to you either because we are a family. Do you understand? “ he said “ I do.. but you know you can always talk to all of us whatever it’s we love you. “ I nodded and said “ Thanks... I can’t believe she is dying..” he said “ me neither it’s horrible.. and Madde didn’t mean that she regret being your friend you two have learn so much from each other and been there throw so much..“ I sign and said “ Whatever..”

When we was outside Nicky and Zaras house Niklas said " Come with me.. please. " I sign and nodded. So we knocked on the door and stepped in and found Nicky in the kitchen cleaning the dished and putting it in the dishwasher. He smiled when he saw us and Niklas walked over to him and patted him on his shoulder and said " Good boy. " Nicky laughed and throw the towel at him. I sat down and said" Men!" Both of them looked at me and then at each other. Nicky poured up a cup with water and both him and Niklas walked towards me and I could see what they where thinking so I got up from my chair and backed away and said " If you throw that water on me then Nicky Byrne you are so death! And Niklas Karlsson what happend with I'm always there for you?" He smiled and said " Well I'm I just thought you needed a shower. " I begged " Okay, please I do anything!" They looked at each other and Nicky said " Okay. " I said " Why did I say that! What do you want me to do?" They laughed then Nicky said " Well I want you to bring Jensen and yourself here to night to hang out and eat some dinner. And Maybe Niklas and Sara too? " Niklas smiled and said " We would love too!" I sign and said " I was suppose to hang out with Sofie and watch some sad movies. " Niklas said " Well why don't you bring her then? " I said" Sure. And I'm guess I'm cooking..." Nicky laughed and said " You guessed right!" I sign and said " Won't Madde get pissed because you are haning out with me? " He said " No I think she thinks that is my destion.. but I will call her later to cheack. " I nodded and then Niklas phone rang and he answer. When he hang up again he said " I have to go home my wonderful amazing girlfreind are home!" I laughed and said " What do you want from her? sex? Since you are useing all those nice words. " He laughed and said " Not exatlly.. I'm trying to get her to sell her apartment and move in with me for real. " I lauged and said " So how is going? " He said " Well not that good yet but I have my planes. Can't you try to convince her? " I said " Well I think you have a better shoot with Zara since they are so close if she een listens to her I mean it's Sara. " He laughed and said " But I know I will get my way with this. " I smiled and said " I hope so too. " Then he said goodbye and left. Then it was just me and Nicky... I said " So.. how is everything going here today then? " He said " Better.. but I still don't get how Zara dose this alone. " I laughed and said " Mum knows everything right? " He laughed and said " Yeah they seriosly do. " I smiled and said " What have you been up to all day? " He said " Mostly just cleaning the house since I promised Zara that she would come home to a clean house.. otherwise I know I will get a big tell of when she gets home. Otherwise nothing or my mum called that's all.. and she was crying and smiling at the sametime I think because Zara had been there and cried because she left. " I smiled and said " So sweeit. " He smiled and said " They love her like she was their daughther. But as you and me have said before no one hates Zara everyone loves her. " I smiled and said " Well they should love her. So what did they say when you first told them about her? " He said " Well what would you say if Dennie would come home when she is 17 and tell you that she meet a guy that is a model and have two kids. " I said " I would kill him. " Nicky nodded and said " So would I if it was about my kids. " I said " So what did you tell your parents then? " He said " We sat at the table the whole family eating dinner and mum asked me why I had been so happy latly and I said I had meet the most wonderful girl I have ever meet, so beautiful, sweeit and caring and a heart filled with love for everyone. And dad was really happy and asked who this wonderful person was and asked me to tell the about her and I said her name was Zara and from Sweden and 17 years old but I had meet her in London for a few weeks and everyhing feelt so right. Then they asked what she was doing so long way from home at the age 17 and I said she was a model and they didn't really like that since we all know how they can be sometimes even thought Zara isn't. And then I thought what the fuck I can as well tell them she is mum of two kids which I did and then they started to tell me I couldn't be with her and I was to young and so was she and so on. But In the middle of all the yelling I just stood up and said I love her and I'm in love with her and if they didn't give her a chance I would leave. So a week after that they invited Zara for dinner and since that day they love her so much and she was just herself and made her way into there hearts. They kind of have become her extra family after mum welcomed her with open arms when she told them about her so called parents. Even though Zara and I are not together anymore I know they still will call her a few times a week as they do with me and invite her to every dinner and every party there is which I'm happy for because she need them and love them too. And here and Adam sees her I think like his sexy big sister and those two can talk for hours they are best freinds. But I'm glad my family have Zara and she has them because they are all amazing. " I smiled and said " I do understand their reaction when they found out she was a mum.. but you didn't mind that right? " He said " No not at all. I couldn't wait to meet them to see how amazing they must be and I was right. I know Emma and Anton isn't my kids but that dosn't matter I still love them acuatlly as much as I love Kim and David. They all are amazing and I'm so proud to be there dad. " I smiled and said " Good you should be, they are amazing. But you know if you where so okay with Zara having kids try to be okay with Emma having a baby too. She needs you. " He said " I know... and I will. " I nodded and said " Good, and also when she have told Mattias if she all reday haven't done that...maybe try to like him or be nice to him anyway as your parents was with Zara. And you maybe can talk to him since you acutlly understand how it is to find out that the girl you like have kids and that it's okay be scared or whatever you was.. you undestand him in a way we don't since you been thow the same to become a dad at early age for someone else kid. " He sign and said " You are right.. and I will do my best because I can she likes him.. " I smiled and said " good. " Then David walked into the kithen and he said hello to me then he looked at Nicky and said " Dad are you ready?" Nicky smiled and said " Yeah I just have to change. " David nodded and looked at me and said " We are going out running we always do that on mondays. " I smiled and said " Okay, must be fun to hang out with dad with out your sisters. " He nodded and said " But I miss mum...dad when is mum coming home?" Nicky stroke his back and said " I think on wednesday. You can call her and ask her later, but we are doing okay right with out mum? " He said " Yeah but I miss her... espcially when it's night.." Nicky said " I know you do and she missed you too. " He said " I..miss Madde too. " Nicky said " I also miss them both, but go and get dressed for our jogging tour now and remebere it's cold outside. " He nodded and ran upstairs and Nicky said " He miss his mum so much, he is so down when she is not home. But when she gets home he will hug her all day, they are cute togther. " I smiled and said " It's cute." Then David walked into the kitchen again but this time he had Emma,Mattias, Kim and Jocke behind him. Jocke walked over to me and gave me a hug then he walked over to Nicky and said " I'm going out for a while I will be home for dinner. " Nicky said " Where are you going? Home? " Jocke laughed and said" Hell no! I'm home now. It's a girl wating. " I said " You have a girlfreind? " Jocke smiled and said " No but I have girls. " I shook my head and said " Aren't you to younf for that? " he just laughed and left. Then David said " Dad go and get ready.. " Nicky looked at Mattias and took a deep breath and said " Mattias would you like to join us? " Mattias smiled and got happy and said " Thanks, I would love too. I just have to change. " But even if Mattias got happy for that invition Emma got even more happy she smiled and walked over to Nicky and kissed his cheek and said " Thanks...dad. " Nicky smiled with his whole face and said " Don't worry about it honey. I love you. " She smiled and said " Love you too dad. " Then Emma said she needed to go to teh bathroom and Mattias walked upstairs then Kims phone rang so she started to talk. I said to Nicky" She called you dad that's big. And you made her day now. " he smiled and said " I know it's amazing. Me and Emma had a little talk last night about everything and it feelt great we have never talked like that before. " I smiled then all of the kids was back again and Kim said " Dad can't you drive me and Emma to town we have nothing to do.. since we don't have any school today. " Nicky said " Sorry I promsied David and after that I need to shower then it's almost dinner. " Kim said " Mum would have done it.. " He said " Yeah well that's just because she loves to shop more then you two do. " Kim sign and said " You are so boring. I miss mum. " Nicky said " I'm not a woman I'm sorry so I don't get those things.. you can follow us out jogging? " Kim just stared at him and Nicky laughed and said " I take that as a no. " I smiled and said " Girls if you want to we can drive to some cozy café and have some girltalk? " They smiled and said " Sounds great. We will go and get ready. " Nicky walked over to me and gave me a hug and said " Thank you! " I laughed and said " I just think they need some woman companie. Don't worry you are doing great Nicky. " He looked at me and said " Thanks. You can borrow Zaras car if you want too. " I nodded then all they guys ran off.

When Kim and Emma was ready we walked into the garage and there stood Nickys BMW, Zaras audi and Maddes lamborghini... Still everytime I look at it I see Madde and Jensen on that car that image dosn't want to leave me. I took a deep breath and shook i of and said " Shall we? " They nodded and I strated the engine and I thought I was going to become deaf so I tured down the radio a bit and said " Is your deaf? If she isn't then she soon will be. " They laughed and Kim said " Well you apparently never have been with me, Emma and mum in a car. Then we turen up the volume and sing our lungs out, it's so much fun. " I laughed and said " It sounds fun and it must sounds good too I mean it's Zara and she's amazing and I know you two are amazing singers too. " Emma said " Well we often just do it when it's us and mum because David just gets angry and Nic...dad just wants to listen to some sport channel. But driving around with mum is great we do that sometimes just for fun. But Madde is boring sometimes she never wants to sing then! " I just laughed and when we was driving Westlifes song Where we are started to play on Rix fm and Kim just sign and said " Please change channel.. " I laughed and did as she said to NRJ instead and Kim said " Thanks.. I mean I hang out with my parents all day so then I don't want to listen to them at the radio too." I laughed and said " You never listen to them? " Kim said " No never! It's enough that I have to listen to them live. " I laughed then Takidas song Never alone always alone started to play and both Kim and Emma started to sing and I just smiled because they are unbeliveblely good. But I mean I shouldn't be suprised with those genes.

Well at the café I order a frappé coffee and the girls took a coke and we all eat a piece of cake. We sat down next to the window. I looked at Emma and said " So..have he kissed you get? " She smiled and said " Yes..or I kissed him and he kissed me back. " I smiled and said " I told you he liked you.. so tell me. " She smiled and said " We went out for a walk last night because I had decied to tell him that I was pregnate, and I was so nervious and he saw that so he just told me to say what I had on my mind and he promised to stay whatever it was. So I just told him. " I smiled and said " So what did he say? " She smiled and said " This is the best part I thought he was going to freack out and never want to see me aagain but he just smiled and said okay and I know you will be a wonderful mum and he gave me a hug which made my heart rush and he smelled so good it was just so great. " I smiled and said " And then..." She laughed and said " Then he let go of me and I just looked him deep into his eyes and.. kissed him. " I just smiled and she said dreamy " His lips were so soft and he tasted so good and his hand were so gental.. " Kim just sign and I laughed and Emma snapped out of it and said " And when we got home we watched a movie and then he went down stairs to eat something and I called mum to tell her. " I smiled and said " Romantic. " She said " It was.. and then I talked with Nicky...dad for a while which was so great and he were so understanding and just listen and he promised me he would try to get to know Mattias. " I said " Good... so have you told your dad Jonas get that you are pregnant? " She shook her head and said " No he would become so angry" I nodded and said " At Viktor? " She nodded and said " Yeah but also with mum which is even worse... because whatever bad thing I do according to him it's alwayas mums fauilt in someway. " I said " Well you need to tell him... maybe you should ask someone to be there with you if you think it's hard.. and you know your mum can take care of herself so don't worry about that. " She said " I know she can but I hate that he blames it on her when it's my fauilt.. at the sametime I want mum their when I tell him but at the sametime not because I know he will just start yelling at her and you know mum she hates to fight so she just take it and tries to talk later when he has calm down but then he have already said all those hurtful words...It wouldn't suprise me if he have called her really bad words if you know what I mean... But I know i have to tell him oterwise it will just get worse." I said " He have called her those things? Okay I'm not going to say anything bad about your dad because he is your dad but he has no right to do that...and I know how Zara get's when people calls her things especially those kinds of things then she just takes it which is wrong. But you know what I think, I think you should have your mum there if that is what you want because this is about you and how you want to do this to feel as good as you can about this and Zara is strong she will be okay even though she shouldn't just let it slide. " Emma said " I will ask mum to be there... but then I want Madde there too for mums sake..and mine. " I said " I know she will be there for you. " She nodded, then it walked in a few kids or maybe teenagers and when they walked by our table they looked at Kim and one of the girls said with a teasing voice " So Kimberly how are your lesbian mum then? " I just said " Don't care about them Kim. " She smiled and looked at them and said " She is doing just fine thanks for asking. " They just got quit and shuted up. I looked at Kim and said " Well done. " She nodded and we countinued talking about everything and nothing. Intill I heard a voice saying hello and I recognize the voice to well and I just sign and said " Matilda what do you want this time? And I bet Jessica is here too.." I tured around and faced them both and I said " Two times in one week what are the odds.." Jessica said " Well the world is small. " I said " Yeah apparently to small.." Jessica smiled a evil smil and said " Still freind with that blonde brain free slut? Or have she sleeped with your boyfreind again? and left Zara for him.. all I have to say lucky Zara to finally get away from her, I mean how stupid can she be to be with Madde she will probaly just end up with aids or something! " Then Kim said furious " That's my family you are talking about! Don't call my mother stupid!" Jessica said " Well I still thinks she is weird to be with that slut " Kim said " Madde is so not a slut! " Emma said " You don't know her at all. If you did you should know what an amazing woman she is that would do everything for her family and freinds!" Kim countinued" She is caring, loyal, honest,loving, brave, funny, sensetive and a good listner and so on! I can gone for hours if you want too but she is amazing! " Emma said " I agree with my little sister about every word and I know I can always trust her if I tell her something and I can always trust her that she will be there for me whatever it is and whenever. And she makes my mum happy then I'm happy and I love Madde so much. So you two just shut up because like I said you don't know her and you don't deserve to know her either! She deserves the best and that is so not you two! " I just smiled and I can say was proud of them, and then Jessica said " Well it's not like your mum is so much better then that blonde one I mean who get's pregnate at age 15. " I could see how angry Emma got and I tried to calm her down but it didn't work that well and she said " Things happends! " Matilda said " Well it's not like she planed to get pregnate.. so that means you were just a mistake then. " Emma said " Yes I was a mistake but I don't care I still have the best mum in the world that loves me more then anyone and will love me whatever I do. " Jessica laughed and said " So you mean she would be totally okay if you did was she did and then come home and say you are pregnate? She won't get angry? yeah right. " Emma said " Well she just asked me how I was feeling and she would be there whatever happends. " Jessica said " You are pregante? " Emma nodded and I think the kids that have talked to Kim before heard that and Emma sign and said " And now the whole school will know it.. but I don't care it was worth it.." Then Jessica and Matilda just walked away and I smiled and said" I proud of you two for saying all those wonderful things about Madde. " Kim said " Well they are true, and I really do love her. " I said " You do? " She nodded and said " Yeah.. I hated her when she hurted mum so bad she barely showed that side for us kids but I still could see something was wrong. She wasn't my mum as I'm use to know her with a smile always on her lips and eyes that sparkes of happines that was just gone.. but now this last couple month she is back and even more happy then before and I can she really loves Madde and if she is making mum happy then I'm happy. And Madde is my family and I meant everything I said about her she is amazing. " I smiled and said " Good because they are happy and yes she is amazing both of them. " Emma said " Well I mean if mum can forgive her and be in love with her why can't I forgive her now when she is making her the happiest woman on earth. And I love Madde because she is Madde and I know she loves mum too and I think she loves us kids too. I'm so happy she's in our family. " I smiled and said " You know if you haven't told her this you should she will get really happy! and David?" Emma sign and said " He's still having a hard time with this which I understand... he is still so young and he got hurt so badly about everything that happend. But it's getting better he told me the oher day that he was happy that Madde made mum happy, so that's kind of big from him." I said " I understand ut takes time but I'm glad he is changeing his mind. So what about you two how are you doing? " Kim said " What do you mean? " I said " You have had a pretty hard year first all this with your parents for so long, then your mum fell inlove with Madde that is a woman, then Kristina got shoot I know you are close and then your mums... drinking problems...and now Emma is pregnate. " Kim said " Well i'm just fine, mum is happy, me and dad is building up our realtionship again and mums drinking problem she quit with that so that is great. And about my sisters is stupid enough to get pregante I mean what can I do about that, just so you know I kill the kid of it's screams all night!" I said " Good I'm glad you are doing well. But don't kill the baby. what about you Emma?" She smiled and said " Well like Kim said mum is happy and she have quit drinking and I'm in love. And about this baby I don't know get. " I smiled and said " Good. " Then Kim said " You fogot one bad thing..." I just looked at her and she said " That you got sick.." I smiled slightly and said " Well I'm fine now so don't worry. " they nodded and I took a zip from my frappe and thought to myself that I still feels to easy about Zaras drinking that she just quit... but maybe she wasn't that addicted as we thought. Then Kim said "The only thing I can complaine about that I wish mum and Madde could be more quit in their bedroom! It's draving me mad!!" I laughed and Emma said " I agree with you!" I looked at the time and if I'm wa sgoing to cook we ha dto go. Then I remebere I was going to call Sofie to hear if she wanted to join so I text messaged her and recived she would love too. So we left and I drop them off at home and drove home.

I went up to mine and Jensen room and on the bed I found Jensen he didn't even look at me so I sat down next to him and stroke his arm and said " How are you doing? " he moved his arm so my hand fell down on the bed and said " I'm fine. " I said " Are you angry with me for something? " He didn't answer so I said " What are you doing tonight? " He finally lookde at me and smiled and said " Nothing at all. " I smiled and gave him a kiss on his amazing lips and I said " Well good because Nicky wanted us to come over there for dinner and wine. And apprently I'm cooking... " he said " Yeah.. why not, that can be fun. " then his beautiful smile just disappeard again he can sometims be so confusing.. I looked at him and said " Jensen can you please stop talking behind my back about me. " He looked at me confused and said " When have I done that? " I said " With Madde. If you are sad, angry or whatever you are can you tell me that face to face instead of leting me find out from her. " he said quit " Well you are never home.. " I sign and said " What's that suppose to mean? You know that Sofie needs me. " He said " Nothing.." I said " You have your chance to tell me now what's on your mind instead of calling Madde. " He said " Do you remebere me? your husband? and your daughther? " I said " Of course I do! You are my family and I love both of you and you mean everything to me. " He said " Really? why are you never home then? " I said " Jensen come on! " He said " I know Sofie needs you now more then ever...But..I just wish you could spend one evening with us. " I smiled slightly and said " Well we are spending tonight together right? " He said " Yeah.. at Nickys..you don't even like Nicky. " I said " Long story. " He nodded and I said " I think I'm going to take a fast shower. " he nodded and I said " And btw what the hell did you mean this morning that you don't know me anymore? You know that hurts me when you said that and I don't even know why you said it. " He said " Weren't you taking a shower. " I said " Yeah... and please stop talking behind my back! " I went into the bathroom and took a shower. When I was done I wrapped a towel around my body and walked out of the bathroom and Jensen had apprently left. Sometimes I just don't get's how he think.. Well anyway I was just about to enter the closet to see what to wear but then my phone rang so I sat down on the bed and it stood Zara on the display so I smiled and answer and she sounded happy too and I said " So I heard you are quite a romantice kind of gal. " Zara laughed and said " It's alot you don't know about me Mrs. Ackles. " I said " Oh shut up will ya! " She just laughed and I smiled and said " Do you have something more romantice planes? " She said " Well I was pretty romantice last night if you ask me anyway I send a huge bouquet red roses 48 to be exatct to her with messanger and a little card where I told her that I missed her och thought about her and of course love her. " I smiled and said " Why 48? " She said happy " Because it was 48 days ago I decied that I wanted to have her in my forever and always and I hope she wants that too. " I smiled and said " And which day was that? " She said " Well at your wedding when I kissed her the first time for real when it wasn't just a prank...and esepcially that night when she came to my hotel room eveything I was so scared about whatever one would think and say just disppeard when I looked at her and all I could feel was how much I loved that blonde gorgous woman infront of me. " I smiled and said " Okay you are romantice. " She said " A little, when we get home I was thinking about asking her out for a proper date." I said " Okay I bet she say yes. So how was everything with Nickys family then? You are in sligo now right? " She said happy" Yes I'm in sligo now. Well it was good just a little empty with out Nickys dad.. I miss him so much he got kind of like my dad to in a way. But other then that it was so wonderful to be there I have really missed them, they are really like my family and I know they support me 100% and more and I do the same with them. " I smiled and said " So they where happy to see you? " Zara said " Yeah, Nickys mum Yvonne almost strangeld me with her hug, but she is amazing she just worry to much about me.. like Nicky dose. She was worried that I still was depressed about all this that have happend and I told her that I was happy for the first time in a really long time and that is all because of my wonderful girlfreind so we talked alot about Madde and I think I got them to undertstand that I'm happy. Then they asked if I missed Nicky and so on. " I said " So.. do you miss Nicky? " Zara said " No not in that way. I miss him like my freind that I could trust and talk to about everything and that knew everything about me. Okay me and Nicky still live together but it's not like we talk it's not like we hang out, and that I miss but nothing else. Because that I get from Madde, to feel loved, to feel importent, to know that someone needs me, to give love, to know that when she touch me our look at me, or smile I know my heart will go crazy all that and so much more is Madde giving me. And I'm so lucky to have her in my life, she is one of the best things that have ever happend to me. To be honest I think she might have saved my life.. " I said " I'm so glad you are happy Zara...but what do you mean with that? " She said " As you know I was in love with Madde for month before I got the courage to do something about it. Before I fell so deep for that amazing woman I was miserble. I had even thought about the best possible ways to die, I don't think anyone knows how down far I was that road.. I'm pretty good to hide my bad feelings and put on a smile, but I'm terrible to hide my happy feelings but that's just good. Well anyway now when I look back at that time I don't know what I was thinking to leave this world when I'm only 30..to leave my wonderful kids, to leave my family and freinds. Now that seems so stupid but then It feelt so good to just leave everything behind. And when Madde and I was playing with the kids that day and decied to fake engaged to each other that was fun and I haven't had that for a long time. And the first time I kissed her I never wanted it to stop I wanted to feel her soft lips aginst mine and her skin and everything. Which was really weird feeling and it scared me alot I mean it was Madde.. but everytime we kissed it was like I was in a dream and when she told me one morning that she thought we shuold tell everyone.. that was so hard because I wanted this to be true. I don't think I relized back then that I was in love with her that have hit me later but yeah I fell for her and deep too like I told you the other day. Then I was suppose to try with Nicky and she was kind of back with Jared which was so hard to see, but I still tried woth Nicky even thought he didn't try that much but still and I'm glad he didn't try when I think about it because then I would have lived with a man that love another woman. So everytime I had seen Madde and Jared together I fought my tears back so I kind of understand how Madde feelt when she saw me and Nicky. And because Madde is such an amazing woman with so much to give she saved my life she made want to live so I could still be her freind. " I heard that Zara was crying and she said "So she have saved my life to even thought she dosn't really know it. Like Nicky did with her. And I'm so thankful and grateful and everything I can be and I owe her so much and love her even more. " I smiled and said " Why are you crying? " she laughed a little and said " Because I love her so damn much! It's happy tears nothing else. I'm crying because I'm happy and in love and I want to marry that woman someday. " I smiled and said " Good. So I just have to ask... at my...wedding.. when Madde kissed Nicky and you got hurt..." She said " I was hurt that they kissed but as everyone thought it wasn't Nicky that hurted me most it was Madde... because I wanted her to kiss me instead of him. But all that with Nicky and Madde really is forgotten and forgiven from my side all I do now is love her with all of my heart and I would do anything for my amazing girlfreind. " I smiled and said " I know you would, you should hear yourself when you talk about her I have never heard anything like it. It's like.. I don't I can't decribe it but it's amazing. And you really should see yourself to when you talk about her because your eyes spurt love and happiness it's so wonderful to see. " She laughed and said " Good and I hope Madde can see that too how much I love her. " I said So you had a great day with the Byrnes then? " She said happy " I really did they are amazing but I missed my amazing girlfriend...alot.. But me and Adam was up intill 5 this morning talking about everything and nothing we had a great time with a few tears. " I smiled and said " Good. You know I have been haning out with your ex this morning and I'm going there tonight too...and the rest of the day I have spend with your daughthers that I have hard talk about you and Madde and how much they love you both. They are amazing young women and I understand that you are proud of them. " She said " Oh really? Nicky and you? that's weird.. but it's good you are there for Emma and Kim so they know they can trust you. It makes me really happy that they are okay with all this that is fantastic.. and yeah I'm so proud of them they are amazing kids. " I said " Me and Nicky long story. they even defended Madde so yeah they are more then okay. They say she is there family too, so don't worry about that. And I have to say what have happend to them.. they are so...nice and sweeit? " Zara laughed and said " I know I'm just waiting for it to ture around again. After they found out about my drinking.. they are like angels.. and so are you for talking to them they need that. " I smiled and said " Okay well enjoy as long as it will last then. And trust me I'm no angel... you are the angel as Madde always calls you. " Zara said " Yes you are. " I said " Whatever.. so what are you guys going to do tonight then? " She said " Well Kevin and Jodi are trying to convince me to follow them out on a few drinks or they drink and I will be sober. But I want to be with Madde too since I was a way from her a whole day almost.. so if she goes I go so we will see. " I said " Okay. " Zara said happy " Right I forgott to tell you one thing about those roses this morning when I got to sligo I suprised Madde with another rose to her bouque since it's 49 days today since the day I decied I wanted just her and no one else. So I'm alittle romtice." I smiled and said " So sweeit. " Then I heard in the background in the phone Maddes voice saying to Zara " Have you been crying honey? " I said " Zara I let you talk to your girlfreind. Love you. " She said " Love you too. bye" "bye" we hang up and I got dressed.

I found Jensen in the kitchen with Dennie in his arms and I said " Shall we go? " he nooded and we left for Nickys, Sofie, Sara and Niklas where all reday there. Kim and Emma walked over to me and gave me a hug and said " Thanks for today. We love you. " I smiled and said " I love you too and if you need to talk again I'm here. " They smiled and the guys went into livingroom to talk and Sofie gave me ahug and kissed my cheek and we started to talk. Then I said " I should start with dinner.. " Mattias who was holding Emmas hand said " Do you need help? " I smiled and said " Stay here with your...freind.." Emma just smiled and Mattias kissed emmas cheek and said " Is it okay if I help her? " Emma smiled and nodded so now is the dinner cooking so I thought I should blog so here I'm. BUt I have to go now because dinner is soon done.
Well see ya!
Kisses from Tove