Paris

Bonjour!!

Well I can say as much as so that I am alive! I survived the horrible flight to France and Zara and I are now at our hotel room and Zara is taking a shower after the runway and I took the chance to blog. Today has actually been pretty fun but I would actually like to go home and hang out with my friends there. Especially Jensen now when he is finally home and when that bitch of a wife he has can't even stay home the first night he is home! Who the hell does that!? I mean she has complained that he is at the hospital and that she misses him and then when he finally comes home she just ditches and goes out to party with her friend! Tove, you should really feel guilty of leaving him last night! I told you don't hurt him or I will kick your ass and you know I mean it.

Anyway let me tell you a little about last night when we came home from Alexanderson’s. I was in a very good mood after hanging out first with Nicky and David at the movies and then to find Jensen at home and hang out with him so I was just very cheery. So when we came home Zara went upstairs to take a shower, Sara went home to Niklas and Jodi, Nicky and I died in the sofas and watched some football. Of course it was Manchester and Nicky was totally into it and Jodi and I just shook our heads and she said "I bet Kian and Shane are watching the same thing.". I nodded and said "They are a bit crazy.". She laughed and nodded and then when Zara came back downstairs we ate dinner and it was great and then I went upstairs to read Toves inlay and when I read about Zaras surprise to me I just ran downstairs and hugged her and kissed her and said "Thank you thank you thank you!!!". She just laughed and said "What honey!?". I smiled and said "We are going to Sligo!!". She smiled and said "I thought you would like it.", I nodded and then Nicky walked in and said "Did I hear Sligo?". I smiled and said "Yeah Zara and I are going there!". Zara said "Yeah and you will stay home with the kids, I think you could use that.". He nodded and I felt sad that he couldn't come with and I saw that he felt the same. I walked over to him and slowly wrapped my arms around his neck and he buried his face in my shoulder and I buried mine in his and said "Going to miss you babes.". He said "Going to miss you too... I want to come with and hang out with you and the lads.". I breathed in his scent of his neck and smiled and said "Me too. I miss it so much. We had so much fun.". He nodded and then we broke from the hug and then I said "But now I want to talk to you Nicky.". He wrinkled his eyebrows and said "Okay... let's take a walk.". I nodded and I gave Zara a kiss and then Nicky and I went for a walk. We walked our usual route and he said "So what was it you wanted to talk about.". I gulped and said "I... I want... I need you to back off a bit.". He stopped and looked at me like a question mark and I said "from Zara I mean.". He said "What do you mean?", I said "I know about the letter and your reaction when Zara want to go and see her mother...". He took a step closer to me and said "She still means a lot to me..", I back away so I would keep the wall up, so I wouldn't fall into the deep ocean of Nicky Byrne again and said "I know, but she is my girlfriend and I can take care of her. It's my job to keep her safe, not yours...". He said "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to... offend you or whatever I did. Upset you.". I said "I know... it's just... sometimes it feels like... like there are still something between you.". He quickly moved over to me and took my hand before I could back away and his piercing blue eyes looked deep into mine and he said with his amazing voice "There is nothing more than friendship between me and Zara. I promise.". I nodded and said "That's what we used to say Nicky... "we are just friends" when even a blind man could see that we were in love.". He stroke his thumb over my hand and said "I lied then... I never lie to you. I can't, remember, you just see through me.". I nodded and pulled my eyes away from his and said "Suppose that's true.". He pulled me back and said "Madde, believe me. Please.". I nodded and said "I do.. Alright? I believe you.". He smiled his wonderful smile and said "Good.", I smiled back at him but felt that the smile didn't really reach my eyes and Nicky must have seen that because he said "Not good... What do you want me to do to prove to you that I don't love her like that anymore?". I bit my lip and shrugged and said "I don't know Nicky... I just don't know.". He took both my hands and said "I promise you that I don't feel anything like that about her anymore. I feel nothing when I look at her, just that I care about her.". I nodded and looked into his blue eyes and could tell that he was telling the truth and I was completely lost in his eyes and the words just left my lips "what about me?". He gave me one of his amazing crooked smiles and said "You know that.". He brushed a lock of hair away from my face and tilted his head slightly and said "The lost piece of my heart.". I felt tears well up in my eyes and I said "Why do you always say the things I want to hear when I shouldn't want it?". He said "Because I know how I feel.", I nodded and a tear escaped from the corner of my eye and I took my hands back and brushed the tear away and said "And I know how I feel. I love Zara and I'm not going to hurt her. And I'm asking you to back off from trying to protect her. It's my job.". He got a look on his face like he wasn't expecting that and slowly nodded and said "Yeah... I promise I'll back off.". I nodded and said "thanks. Shall we continue?", he nodded and we continued our walk and headed off home and went to bed after a while.

So this morning when I woke up my dear girlfriend had actually gotten up before me as a change so I was completely alone in bed. I took the opportunity and really stretch myself out on the bed, it was really comfy. Anyway after a while I picked up my phone and called Jensen, he picked up after a few tones and I said "Hey handsome!". He sounded happy but really tired and said "hey darling! How are you?". I smiled and said "sorry did I wake you? I'm good. Nervous about the whole flying thing but..". He laughed and said "yeah but that's okay!"Yeah I can understand that, since it's you.", I said "good. Oh thanks Jensen! I know I hate flying but I have a good reason.". He said "And that is?", if I would have been there I would have hit him but instead I said "Your an arse! A plane can crash you idiot!". He laughed and said "Yeah and a car can crash too but still you would be able to live in a car.". I said "Now you are just being stupid Jensen! I can control a car but I can't control a fucking plane you daft man.". He laughed and said "Okay okay fine honey.", I sighed and said "Yeah... so how are you then?". He said "I'm good. It's so great to be home again.", I said "Yeah I can understand that but wouldn't it have been better if your wife were home when you finally were home?". He was quiet for a while but then said "Well I suppose Sofie really needed her..". I felt anger build up in me and I said "Jensen come on! She should not have left you like that when she has longed for you for so long! Nothing is more important than having you home again!". He didn't say anything so I continued "If I were her I wouldn't have left your side for a second! She's a foolish bitch that one!". He said "Madde stop talking about her like that!". I sighed and said "No. because that is what she is and nothing you say will make me change my mind but fine... sorry for saying it out loud.". He sighed and said "Yeahyeah... So, will you come by and say goodbye then?". I smiled and said "Of course I will. I'll be over as soon as possible. But gotta head downstairs now and eat breakfast and then I'll be over.". he said "Okay you go and do that and I'll do the same, I'll see you later love.". I smiled and said "Yeah sounds good! Bye!".

Then we hung up and I headed downstairs and found Zara packing a third bag in the hallway. I sighed and gave her a kiss and said "Why do you need so much clothes when you are going to be naked anyway?". She just gave me a snarky look and said "Ha-ha-ha really funny Madde.", I smiled and walked into the kitchen where Nicky was sitting eating breakfast. I gave him a quick peck on the cheek and began making sandwiches and coffee. He said "Morning darling, how are you feeling?". I said "Well you know, nervous.", he gave me a soft smile and said "There is nothing to be nervous about. You'll be fine.". I nodded and sat down and took a zip of the coffee and said "Gonna miss you.", he smiled and said "Gonna miss you too. Hope you'll have a good time, especially in Sligo.". I said "Yeah well, would be better if you were there.". He nodded and said "Yeah, to play football, box, go to the pub...", I smiled and said "Go for walks, go shopping, watch telly.". He smiled and said "Good times.", I nodded and then I had finished my breakfast I said "Well I have to run.". He looked surprised and said "Where to?", I said "Have to say goodbye to Jensen and of course the rest of the family.". he nodded and said "Well hurry back if there is something you haven't packed.". I said "Oi! I'm not like her out there, I packed all my stuff last night.". He laughed and I said goodbye and got dressed and went to Alexanderson’s.

When I got there I just opened the door and stepped in and at once Ebba came and greeted me. I patted her on the head and then when I looked up I got a nice surprise of two strong arms getting wrapped around me. I smiled and hugged Jensen back and he gave me a peck on the cheek and said "Good to see you honey.". I smiled and said "You too, you look so much better then yesterday.". He smiled and said "that's what a good night’s sleep at home does to a man.". I smiled and said "Oh really, I see. Well good then that you got that because you deserve it.". He smiled and said "How come you are so sweet all of the sudden?". I hit his arm and said "Oi! I'm always sweet!". He laughed and put his arm around my shoulders and said "Yeah you are.", I smiled and then we went to the living room and sat down and just talked and then we heard footsteps from upstairs and I looked at Jensen and said "Who the hell is awake already more then you?". He shrugged and said "Maybe Jared, I know he wants to say goodbye to you as well.". I smiled and just like Jensen said it was Jared because soon he walked through the doors o the living room and I just smiled when I saw him and he gave me a smile back and said "Though I would find you here.". He walked over to me and kissed my cheek and said "How are you feeling?". I shrugged and said "Good but nervous about the flight. But what the hell right.". He laughed and said "Exactly, you are going to be fine Madde. So you thrilled about going to Sligo then?". I nodded eagerly and said "Oh yes! I can't wait to see Shane and everyone again!!". He smiled and said "Even without Nicky?", I sighed and said "Well... no... But I suppose I have to. But I love hanging out with them on my own as well but with Nicky it's always something special.". He smiled and said "But now you have Zara.", I said "Yeah I know but... It's not the same thing you know. She doesn't want to play football or box or do stuff like that...". He smiled and said "that might be true.", I nodded and said "but it's going to be amazing anyway!". Jared and Jensen laughed and then I looked at the clock and said "Oh shit, I have to run!", I got up and we all walked to the door and I gave Jared a big hug and a kiss on the cheek and said "Going to miss you Jare. Love you.". He smiled and stroke my cheek and said "Gonna miss you too love. Love you too.". Then I turned to Jensen and kissed his cheek and he wrapped his arms around me and said "Be good and don't do anything I wouldn't.". I nodded against his shoulder and said "Gonna miss you Jensen. See you when I get home.". We broke from the hug and he said "Love you honey.". I smiled and said "Love you too handsome.". He smiled and then I left and went home just to get going to the airport.

When we got there it was time to say goodbye to Nicky and I hate that. But when Zara had given him a hug and said goodbye he just swooped me into his arms and I buried my face it his shoulder and whispered "I'm going to miss you Nicky.". He whispered "Going to miss you too love.", then he kissed my cheek and said "And don't worry about the flight, you're going to be just fine. I know so.". I smiled and said "Well in that case I guess I should listen to you.". He nodded and took my hand and squeezed it and said to us both "Go on then. And Madde, give the lads a big hug from me and tell them to get over here and visit sometime soon.". I nodded and said "I will, trust me." then we said goodbye and Zara and I were off. I'm not going to tell you so much about our flight because nothing really happened. More then me being scared and Zara bored that's about it.

But when we landed and had gotten our bags and found our way out of the airport we were met up by a man named Franc and he gave Zara and me a kiss on the cheek (like the french do) and we stepped into the car and he took us to our hotel just so we could drop of our bags and then we were off to the photoshoot. Zara was really nervous all the way which I don't understand because she is so beautiful and great at what she does. Anyway when we got there the photographer came and said hello and he also gave us a kiss on the cheek and Zara said "Hi Noël. This is my gorgeous girlfriend Madde.". He looked at me from top to toe and nodded and said "Gorgeous is not even the right word. Hi, lovley.". I smiled and said "Hi and thank you.". He nodded then turned to Zara again and said "Make-up is over there. Adelle will help you.". She nodded, gave me a kiss and said "You can wait here, I'll be back soon.". I nodded and watched as she left and went to make-up. I looked around the room at all the equipment and was just stunned that everyone knew what it all was for. Then a young man walked over to me and said "Excuse me Miss. Can I get you anything? Cup of coffee, tea maybe?". I said "Just some water please..", he nodded and disappeared as quickly as he had arived and I sat down on a chair next to me and waited for him to return with my water which he did after a little while and I thanked him and siad "So, you're here to get everyone what they need?". He smiled and said "Yeah something like that. No, I want to become a photographer so now I mostly follow Noël around and watch him work to learn.". I nodded and said "So what do you think about this shoot then?". He said "Well, it's going to be lovley to work with, or atleast watch Zara work. I've always though she was a brilliant model and she is so beautiful.". I nodded and said "Yeah she is.", then he turned to me and said "Sorry, are you a friend of hers?". I shook my head and said "No she is actaully my girlfriend.". He nodded and said "Well, you must make a beautiful couple.". I smiled and said "Thank you.". Then I saw my beautiful girlfriend walk through a door with just a dressing gown on and she looked great with her hair done and the make-up. She smiled at me and I walked over to her and said "Suppose I can't kiss you then.". She shrugged and gave me a quick kiss and I beautiful."said "You look lovley.". Then Noël walked over to us and said "Are you ready Zara?". She nodded and walked over to the set and took the gown off and there was my girl, totally naked infront of a bunsh of both men and women. I just sighed and sat down and watched her work. After like a half an hour the young man (apparantly named Alonso) came over to me and said "Noël wanted me to ask if you'd like to join your girlfriend. He would love to shoot the pair of you together.". I smiled and said "Yeah sure.", he nodded and said "Well, go to make-up and Adelle will help you and then just come out and join us.". I nodded and said "Naked as well?", he nodded and i went to make-up and met a woman there. She smiled and said "Hi, I'm Adelle, have a seat and we'll get started.". I nodded and sat down and I almost fell asleep when she was putting the make-up on and fixing my hair. I aboslutly love it when poeple play with my hair and do my make-up, it's so comfortable. Anyway after a short while she was done and I got out of my clothes and got a dressing gown as well and walked out. Zara just smiled and walked over to me and said "You look I smiled and said "Thank you, so do you. now I'm realyl nervous. I don't know how to model.". She smiled, took my robe off, took my hand and walked to the set. We started posing and Noël was really happy with the way we worked it and the way we looked together and how the photos turned out. After about 1 hour we were done and got our clothes on and then a man came over to Zara and spoke in french so I didn't understand anything but obviously she did and then she said "I have to go to a meeting but you can go back to the hotel and I'll see you there okay?". I nodded, gave her a kiss and then I left the building. That was when I noticed that the building was just a few meters away from a building I remeber from my trip to paris last year. I smiled and started to walk towards it and then I entered it and took a deep breath as a gorgeous firefighter walked pass me. I smiled and walked over to a man sitting behind a table and said "Excuse me? Can you tell me when Vic is?". He looked up and said "Yeah sure, he's in the gym. hang on I can take you there.". I smiled and said "thank you.", he nodded and we started to walk and he said "You a friend of Vics?". I said "Yeah I met him in October last year.". He nodded and opened a door and said "in here.", I thanked him and he left and I walked through the doors and had to keep myself from drooling to much because there were about 7 HOT men down there working out and every single one with out a shirt. After a while I saw Vic and walked over to the boxing bag and said "Hi handsome!". He turned around and his jaw just dropped and then he smiled and gave me a bi sweaty hug and said "Hi!! God, what are you doing here!?". I smiled and said "Just though I should come and say hi when I was in Paris.". He smiled and said "Brilliant, hang on.", he took his gloves off and said "Can I just take a shower and then we can go out for some lunch? I haven't eaten yet.". I nodded and said "Sure thing. I can wait here or something. I don't mind watching these handsome men doing their thing.". he laughed and said "You haven't changed at all have you. alright, wait here. I'll just be a while.". I nodded and sat down and watched the hot men working out and I was drooling so hard. Anyway after a while Vic cam out of the showerroom dressed and ready to go so we went to a restaurant just across the street and orded food.

While waiting for it he said "So what are you doing in Paris?", I said "Well. I'm here with my girlfriend.". He looked at me like a qustionmark and said "What?", I laughed and said "well... I'm together with Zara and she is here doing a photoshoot and I just followed her.". He nodded and said "okay.. didn't see that one coming.". I laughed and said "I know, not many people do.", he laughed and said "Suppose not. but what about Jared then? Or Nicky for that matter.". I sighed and said "Well... I still love them and they mean alot to me but we are just friends. Jared even date now and nicky lives with me and Zara...". he nodded and said "Are you happy then?", i smiled and nodded and said "Yes is a matter of fact I am.". He smiled and said "that's good.", I nodded and said "Sow what about you? Still single?". He laughed and said "Yes acutally. Still want to marry me?". I laughed and said "No actually not. Sorry.", he shurgged and said "that's okay. Atleast you are my friend right?". I nodded and he smiled and then our food came and we ate and just had a good time but then it was time for him to go abck to work and I went back to the hotel and waited for Zara. Meanwhile I picked up my phone and rang Nicky, he picked up and said "Hey beautiful.". I smiled and said "Hey handsome. I'm still alive.". He laughed and said "That's brillinat! thanks for calling me. So how did the flight go?". I said "Well like always but she didn't fall asleep anyway.". He said "Good for you then, or maybe her because otherwise I suppose you would have killed her.". i laughed and said "Yeah probobly. By the way, I got to be in the photoshoot with zara today.". He said "Really?! that's brillinat! Was it fun?", I smiled and said "Yeah it kind of was but kind of scary in a way.". He sounded a bit shocked and said "You scared of being naked? Who are you and what have you done to my Madde?!". I laughed and said "Well... I've never been naked infront of a camera and to be that next to Zara who's skinny and surrounded by poeple who loves fashion and models... I just didn't feel as home as zara does.". He said "honey, you should feel as home as she does.", I said "But she looks like a model... I don't. she is tall and skinny and I'm short and...", he said "Don't you say it!", and I continued "Not skinny.". He sighed and said "babe, you are beautiful darling. What as gotten into you? You've always believe that you are the most gorgeous girl out there. What's happened to you?". I laid down on the bed and stared at the ciling and said "I don't know... Nothing.". He sighed and said "Oh, I wish I was there so I could talk to you. Trust me when I say this, you are so beautiful. No one is more beautiful than you are. You used to believe that, no one could change your mind about that... Not even a man.". I said "I know.. But I'm not so beautiful... I might be sexy and so on... but not beautiful... not like zara.". He sighed and said "Don't be a fool honey. You are beautiful. You are so beautiful, with your blue eyes and that blond hair, your amazing body and taht smile of yours. You are so amazingly beautiful.". I couldn't keep myself from smileing and said "Thanks nicky.. You really didn't have to say that.", he said "I wanted to, and I'll keep telling you until you believe it. Because it's the truth.". I smiled and said "Thanks.", then the door suddenly opened and zara walked in. I smiled and said to Nicky "I have to go. Zara just got in.". He said "Okay, tell her I said hi and have a good night.". I said "I will. and you too. I love you, byebye.". He said "I love you too honey, bye.", then I hung up and Zara came over and gave me a kiss and said "Who was it?". I said "It was Nicky, he says hi.", she nodded and said "Alright... we have to go.". I nodded and said "Waht about dinner?", she said "Well.. I thought we could eat something now and then go and do the runway show and then head back here and just chill.". I nodded and took her by the hand and we walked out to a cab that was waiting outside and took us to a restaurant.

We had a good meal and talked about the photoshoot and the upcoming runway... okay Zara did most the talking and I mostly just sat there and nodded. I feel a bit guilty for not being so intersted in her fashion and model stuff but I've never found it interesting at all. But when we were finished it was time to head to the runway show and of course as soon as we got there Zara disappeared backstage and I took a seat next to the runway. All of the sudden a pretty large gay looking man sat down next to me and smiled and said "God this is thrilling!". I just gave him a short smile and a nod and turned away from him to show that I soooo didn't want to continue that conversation. More poeple started to arrive and soon the whole place was full of babbling people. i sighed and just wanted to get it over with and soon enough the music actually started and the runway started and out came one model after the other and at regular intervals Zara walked by and she worked the runway like a god. She was brilliant and the most beautiful up there! Proud girlfriend over here! :D

Anyway after the runway she dragged me backstrage to meet all her friends but they were just talking about fashion and stuff and I so didn't feel like home so I went to the back of the room and called Jensen. He picked up after a while and I said "Finally a normal person.". He laughed and said "tahnks! what's going on love?", I sighed and said "Well, Zara's just done the runway show and now we are backstage and she and the rest of the models are just standing there talking about fashion... not really what I consider fun.". He said "Oh darling, I'm sorry. I agree sounds boring actually.". I said "Yeah, it is! I just want to go abck to the hotel and chill out.". He said "Can understand that. Go and tell Zara that then, I bet she will understand.". I sighed and said "nah.. she is having fun. I can't just drag her away from her friends..". he said "mayeb not. why don't you go back to the hotel and she'll come when she's done talking.". I said "That just feels stupid. Just leaving like that... Suppose I just have to bare it.". He sighed and said "Yeah maybe. At least you are talking to me now.". I smiled and said "Yes and for taht I am happy. Btw guess who I met today.". he said "Ehm.. I don't know...", I sighed and said "Well think then. We are in Paris.. we meet a lot of frensh people... Do I know a frensh man?". He said "Vic!?", I laughed and said "Yeah, Vic! He took me out for lunch today.". He said "That great. How was he? Do you still want to marry him?". I laughed and said "nah I'm alright. He was just fine, working his butt off but he has a nice butt.". Jensen laughed and said "I don't want to know about his ass.". I smiled and said "You don't? I bet you do jensen.", he sighed and said "no, really I don't. But guess wh I met today then.". I sighed and said "That can be anyone!", he laughed and said "A blond man.". I smiled and said "Nicky?", he laughed and said "10 points goes to Madde Karlsson!". I smiled and said "Thanks, so waht did you two talk about then?". He said "Not much, you and your trip and when your coming home and stuff.". I smiled and said "So two handsome men has been talking about me today?". He laughed and said "Yeah something like that.", I smiled and said "I don't mind. You can talk about me when ever you like as long as you say good things and no bad once.". He said "And what bad once would that be? I haven't seen any.". I smiled and said "Shut up, now you're being sweet.", he laughed and said "I know. I'm sorry hun... I have to go.". I said "okay... talk to you later then.". He said "Yeah for sure. take care of yourself. byebye darling.". I smiled and said "You too babe, bye!", then we hung up and after about 30 minutes zara and I headed back to the hotel and here we are now and like I said earlier she is in the shower and I'm blogging but now I'm going to stop and wait for my girl.

Tomorrow Tove will blog and hopefully she has some god damn good reason for leaving Jensen like she did!

Take care
Love
Madde