Angry day!

Heya.

I can't explain how fucking angry I am right now at that fucking bitch Tove Alexandersson! I've told her so many times this past year that if she hurts Jensen I would kill her well you know what, she has just hurt him so I'm going to put an end to this! I will not see him sad again because of that skank! Anyway let me tell you what she did this time but first I have to tell you about my day visiting people with Zara and Emma.

The whole day started with me waking up in an empty bed and I desided that it was time to get up. I looked into my wardrobe and tried to find a big t-shirt but there where none. I sighed and said "that was one of the good things about Jared...". I just put on a top instead and went downstairs to the kitchen were Nicky was sitting eating his breakfast together with David. I said good morning to them and Nicky said "Morning love.". I smiled and then David said "Good morning Madde." which made me smile even more. I took some coffee and sat down next to Nicky and began to make a sandwich. Then Nicky said "You should get ready for school David.". He sighed and said "How come Emma gets to stay home today?!". Nicky said "Well because they have a day off at her school but they don't at yours so off you go.". I could tell he wasn't happy as he left the table but he did anyway and I patted Nickys arm and said "Good father.". He laughed and said "Thank you. So... I heard about your planes for today. Zara told me.". I nodded and he said "How does it feel?". I shrugged and said "I don't know. I mean, I know for a fact that I'm going to get angry with Jonas and I'll do my best not to hit him but about her mum... I'm not sure.". I tilted his head to the side and siad "How come?". I said "Ehm... I just... I don't know how act around that subject. I mean, I don't have a mum either and I've never gotten a letter or anything from her so I don't really know how to be there for Zara when she meets her mum.". He nodded and said "Well I just think you have to be there. Just be there and if she needs to talk then you'll listen.". I nodded and said "I guess I can do that. I just hope I don't break down.", he stroke my cheek and said "Why would you?". I bit my lower lip and said "I did once before when I told Jared about my mum and... I guess I wish I could get a letter from my mother as well..". I slowly looked up from the table and met Nickys eyes and they were just filled with compassion and he said "You know, if you really want to find her you probobly can.". I said "But I don't know if I want to find her. Or find out what happened to her. What if i find out that the fact that she left us was becuase she didn't want me and Niklas and that she just didn't care about us? Then I'll just be more upset.". He moved his chair closer and I felt his knee against my thigh and he took my hand and said "She is a fool in that case.". I sighed and said "Jared said that too. But still, she is my mother and she is supposed to want me right? A mother is supposed to want her child just like zara wants and loves all of hers. isn't that what motherly love is?". He nodded and stroke his thumb over my hand while saying "You're right. She should want you and maybe she did and does but just couldn't because of your dad or something.". I said "Yeah but if it was because of dad then she could have taken us with her instead of leaving us with that monster.". He nodded and said "yeah she should have. But you know there is only one person who can answer those questions and that is your mum... If you really want the answers you should try and find her. I'll help if you want me too.". I smiled slightly and said "Thanks Nico but that's the problem. I don't know if I want to know the answeres.". He nodded and said "Alright, what if you go with Zara today and meet her mum and if you then feel like you really want to meet your mum we will try and find her okay?". I nodded and he pulled me closer for a hug, I kissed his cheek and siad "Thank you Nicky. I love you.". I could feel his smile against my neck and he siad "No problem hun. I love you too.". Then we continued to eat our breakfast and then I went upstairs for a shower and a change of clothes.

When I got back downstairs I noticed that Zara and Emma was ready to go so I put my clothes on and said "Shall we go?". Emma nodded and walked pass me out the door, Zara walked over to me and gave me a soft kiss and said "Try to stay calm okay?". I said "I'll try but I can't promise anything.". She nodded and took my hand and we yelled a good bye to Nicky and then we went to Zaras audi and drove off to Jonas. I looked at Emma through the rearviewmirror and siad "You look nervous Emma.". She nodded and said "I am... but I don't know why.", Zara looked at her and said "You have nothing to worry about and you shouldn't care what he ahs to say. He is just an idiot.". I looked at her in a bit of shock and said "You just called someone an idiot.". She laughed and so did Emma and then Zara said "Yeah well.. I suppose that is what he is and I suppose you are not the best influence on me are you.". I smiled and said "Good.", she laughed again and then I parked the car outside Jonas appartment building. We got out of the car and I took Zaras hand and we walked together up to his appartment and knocked on the door. Jonas opened after a while and he actually looked pretty good and for once he didn't smell like booze. He smiled and gave Emma a hug and let us in, we went into the kitchen and sat down at the table and he offered us some coffee which we accepted. Then he said "So what brings you to my door ladies?". And Emma said "Well there is something I have to tell you dad...". He looked curiously at her and I quickly said "And you should really think hard before you react in a bad way becuase I'm not in the best mood.". Zara put her hand on my arm like to tell me to be quiet but I couldn't and Jonas said "What do you mean?". I shook my head and said "Listen to your daughter.". Jonas turned to her and she took a deep breath and said "I'm pregnant dad...". His
expression changed form surprised to angry and he turned to Zara and said "How could you let that happen?!". Before Zara could respond I said "Watch it Jonas! It wasn't her fault and it wasn't Emmas! Things like this happen.". He stared at me and I said "Yeah you can try to say something to me and I will kick your ass.". Zara siad "Madde please.", and Jonas just said "Yeah and I'm supposed to be scared of you?". I raised my eyebrows to test him and said "I can break something on you and then maybe you'll be scared.". Zara sighed and said "Madde and Jonas, please stop.". I sighed but kept looking angry at Jonas and he turned to Emma and said "What the fuck were you thinking!? You're just 15 years old and you can't take care of a baby!". She said "Yes I can and mum was just 15 as well.". He said "Yeah she was, you should make the same mistake as she did!". I quickly stood up and said furiously "She didn't make a mistake Jonas! She got an amazing daughter and so did you! so you should watch your tungoe before you say something you truly will regret!". He stared at me, stood up and sputted with rage "This has nothing to do with you!". I clenched my fist and was just about to smash it into his face when Emma stood up and said loudly "Stop it! Thanks dad for your time but Madde, mum and your mistake for a daughter are going now. Good bye.". He just stared at her and I took Zaras hand, gave jonas an evil eye and followed Emma through the door. When we had gotten out of the appartment building I stopped and took a few deep breaths while Zara talked alittle with Emma about what her dad just said about her being a mistake. Then we got into the car and drove off home.

When we got there Emma went straight to her room where Mattias were. Mean while I took Zaras hand and said "So are we going to see your mum?". She nodded slowly and then said "Yeah just give me a sec.". I told her okay and she went to the bathroom so I seized the moment and called Jensen. He picked up rather quickly and said with a cheerful voice "Hey!", I just smiled and said "Hey you! What's up?". He said "Oh not much you know. Playing with Dennie wihile watching tv. what about you?". I said "Let me guess, she isn't home is she? I'm waiting for Zara.". He sighed and said "No she isn't... she's in town with Sofie. Okay, why?". Once again I felt anger bubble up in me but I tried not to say anything bad about that bitch so I just said "Oh how rare. Well we are going to see her mum...". He said "Yeah, tell me about it... That must be a bit scary.". I said "Yeah it is... I don't know what to do. You know me and parents aren't the best.". He laughed slightly and said "Don't worry about that love. Just listen to Zara and do what she wants you to do.". I nodded and said "Yeah I suppose but still.". He siad "It's going to go well, trust me on this.". I smiled slightly and said "Alright, I'll do that. Thank you Jensen.". He laughed a bit and said "No problem honey, anything for you. So... do you want to come over to night and hang with me and Jared?". I said "Yeah sure babe! That sounds great! wait... is Tove going to be there?". He said "No she's not...", I let out a loud sigh and he just said "Madde please... let's just have a good evening and not care about that okay?". I said through my clenched teeth "Fine... But I can't stand her hurting you all the fucking time!". He said "I know... but please... for me?". I sighed and surendered and said "Alright, for you.", he sounded like he had a smile on his face and he siad "Thank you. I'll see you tonight. Bye.", I said goodbye and hung up just in time for Zara to come back and say "okay so... shall we go?". I nodded and we went back to the car.

We were going to meet her mum at a café not so far from home so we got there pretty quickly. When I had parked the car we walked over to the café and Zara stopped at once and grabed my arm. I looked in the direction that she was looking and saw her mother sitting at a table looking at us. I took Zaras hand and we walked over to her together. We sat down opposite her and Zara didn't let go of my hand for a second. It was a very awkward silence at the table but then her mum said "It's good to see you again.". Zara huffed and I siad "What is it that you want?", it was like her mum just noticed me by then as she looked at me with surpriced eyes and siad "You're Madde aren't you?". I said "Yes, that's me. Back to the question, What do you want?". Then she said "I didn't come here to see you, I came here to see my daughter.". I was starting to get angry again and zara said "She's not going anywhere. If you want to see me you'll have to see my girlfriend as well.". Her mum looked alittle shocked and said "Girlfriend? what happened to Nicky?". I said "He's at home. He's not coming and yes, I'm her girlfriend.". She turned from looking at me to looking at Zara saying "That Nicky bloke was much better for you.". I took a deep breath not to kill her and Zara said "No, Madde is much better for me and what do you know about what is better for me. Now answer Maddes question, what do you want?". She sighed and took a zip of her coffee and said "I wanted to see my only daughter of course.". Then Zara siad "Why? Did you know that my dear stepdad came and visited me last year?". She quickly shook her head and said "No I didn't know that.", But I could tell that she was lying and I said "Yes you did. So if you don't tell us what the fuck you are doing here I'm going to fucking kick your ugly fat arse out of here!". Zara sighed and I knew that she didn't want me to get so worked up about that but I couldn't help it. I mean I have to draw the line somewhere. First I'm angry with Tove and then with Jonas and now with that bitch! I have to get to say some stuff. Anyway the bitch finally said "Yes I knew he was here but... Look honey... I need your help... I need your help to get out of that mans life.". I looked at Zara and I could see a small amount of comapsion in her eyes and I quickly grabbed her arm and forced her to looked at me and I shook my head and siad "No.". She looked back at her mum and said "Why should I help you?". she said "I want out of that relationship! You know what he is capable off!". Zara nodded and said "Yes I do. And so do you.." She swollowed and I could see some tears in her eyes and she said "Please Zara! help your mother! I just need some money to get away from him.". I Sighed and said "You know what, that's enough. Zara we're leaving." Zara looked at me and the stood up and siad "I can't help you. You never helped me. I'm your daughter and you never helped me.". I took her hand and looked at her mum and said "You won't get any money here. You should have thought about this about this about 25 years ago. You hag! Don't ever contact us again.". Then we walked out of the café and left Zaras mum behind us crying.

We walked to the car and I could tell that Zara was pretty down so I gave her a soft hug, stroke her cheek and asked if she was okay. She slowly nodded and said "Yeah, I should have guessed...". I nodded and said "I suppose but I understand that you wanted to believe she wanted something else.". She looked out through the windscreen and said "Yeah well... Let's just go home.". I nodded, started to car and drove off home. We got there even more quickly then we got to the café but it was just because I wanted home so badly and just leave that bitch behind us. I don't get how a mother can behave like that! I mean she only have one daughter that has gone through hell growing up and now she comes and thinks that she can get money from her?! I mean what the fuck is she expecting!? That Zara is just going to hand her a few grand and be like the happy daughter? Why can't she just go to hell and leave Zara alone? Right now I really don't want to meet my mother because what if taht is what she wants from me? Instead of just explaining to me where she has been for the last 20 years or so... But in a way I do want to meet her... Gosh I don't know what to do. I think I'm going to take some time with Nicky and talk about it because he was the one who said that he would help me and I know he will. He would never leave me. Anyway when we were home Zara said that she was going to take a shower and calm down so I agve her a kiss and went into the livingroom where nicky was talking to someone on the phone. He smiled at me and i smiled back and then he said to the person on the other side "A gorgeous woman just walked through the door. God I'm so lucky.". I shook my head and smiled and then nicky said "okay hang on...", then he put it on speaker and I heard Shanes amazing voice say "Hey beautiful!". I smiled and sat down next to Nicky and said "Hey handsome! How are you?". He laughed and said "I'm great but god empty here without you!". I smiled at the fact that he missed me and said "I know... I miss you guys.". Shane said "Yeah, but he next time Nicky can come with too. We miss you over here as well man.". Nicky smiled and patted my thigh and said "Yeah I know, I will definitely come with next time!". I smiled and put my hand over his and said "I will drag him with me if I have to. You can count on me Shay.". Shane laughed and said "Sounds great guys! But hey, I have to go... Nicole wants to go out hand play in the snow.". I smiled and said "Give her a big hug from me will you?", he said that he would and then he said "Love you guys. See ya! Be safe! Bye.". And nicky and I siad "Love you too. Byebye." and then we hung up. I stroke Nickys hand and gave him a soft smile and he pulled his hand away and pulled me closer fora hug. I smiled and played alittle with his hair and he said "i miss ireland.". I hugged him harder and said "I know. We'll go there soon okay?". He nodded against my shoulder and then we broke away from the hug and he siad "So ow did it go with Zaras mum?". I shook my head and said "Not so well.. she just wanted money so we left. If we would have staied much longer i would have kicked her ass.". He smiled and said "You really have to learn how to control your anger baby.". I smiled and said "Well atleast I have a few people that can calm me down.". He tilted his head to the side and looked so cute and said "I hope I'm one of the them.". I smiled and said "Of course you are! One of the biggest.", he smiled and said "Good then I don't have to worry about returning the favour.". I shook my head and said "No you don't.", he gave me a soft amazing smile and then my phone rang and I saw that it was Jensen so I quickly picked up and said "Jensen!". He laughed and said "Hey happy! How are you?". I smiled and siad "I don't really know, I'm pretty good right now because of you, nicky and shane but if you had called me an hour ago I would have said that I wanted to kill someone.". He laughed and said "Well good that I called you now then. I was just going to ask if you wanted to eat here as well? Johan and jared are cooking.". I said "I can't... I should be home as long as possible but I'll be over tonight after dinner, promise.". He said "okay, I understand. But sounds good anyway. I'll see you later then.". I said that it sounded brilliant and then we said goodbye and hung up and Nicky said "Would you like to help me in the kitchen?". I looked at him like he was out of his mind and then he laughed and siad "Okay with help I mean accompany me in the kitchen?". I smiled and said "I would love to!". He laughed and together we walked to the kitchen to start with dinner.

After dinner I gave Zara a kiss and went to Alexanderssons to spend my evening with Jensen adn Jared. When I got there I noticed a car on the drive way that I didn't recognize so I just guessed that someone had a visitor. Little did I know that the visitor was in Jensens and toves bedroom when I walked in. I stopped in the doorway and saw Sofie talking to Jensen who gave me a huge smile when he saw me and walked over to me and gave me a hug. I hugged him back and said "Hey handsome.". He smiled and said "Hey love.", I turned to Sofie and said "Hi.". She gave me a smile and said "Hi Madde.". Then she turned to Jensen and said "So how was your cozy evening the other day then? I bet it was nice to have Tove home and for yourself now when you're finally home from the hospital.". Jensen looked at her confused and I said "The other day? As in Tuesday night?". She nodded and Jensen said "but she was out with you then...", I nodded and said "Yeah she even wrote about it in the blog. She was hanging with you and some guys named Adam and Max i think...". She shook her head and said "No, I didn't feel so good that night so I just wanted to stay home and she said that it was just as well because she wanted to stay home with you.". Jensen said quietly "She wasn't... she laid to me.". I got more and more angry and said between my clenched teeth "Where is she?!". Sofie shrugged and said "I don't know. I though she was going to be home tonight as well.". I looked at Jensen who looked so sad and I said "Jensen... what did she say to you?". He said "she didn't say anything. I've barely seen her today...". Then Dennie started to cry so Jensen went to get her and I got more and more angry and I said under my breath "I'm going to fucking kill that fucking bitch!!". I doubt that Jensen heard me because he didn't say anything but Sofie gave me a mad look and I just said "What?!". She put her hadns up in the air as if to show me that she wasn't challaging me and I said "You can leave... and if you see Tove. Tell her that she is a dead bitch!". She said "You can tell her yourself when you see her.". I snapped "I don't want to see her! But if I do! You won't.". She shook her head and said something I didn't hear and I don't really care what she has to say either and then she said goodbye to jensen adn left. I sat down on the bed with a sigh and tried to calm down. After a while I looked up and saw Jensen standing by dennies crib with his back towards me and I could tell that he was sad so I got up and put my hand on his arm and turned him around. He looked into my eyes and said "Why did she lie?". I just shook my head and pulled him in for a hug and I think we stood like that for a good few minutes. When we let go I stroke his cheek and siad "Do you want to talk about it?". He shook his head and I said "Then I fix a movie that we can watch and then we just watch that. Okay?". He nodded and laid down on the bed and I put on a good movie and laid down next to him. After about 40 minutes into the movie he said "What should I do?". I said "I don't know... She isn't herself. Jensen... you should think about yourself for once. and your daughter.". He nodded and said "Will you be there for me... Help me?". I took his hand and said "Of course. What do you want to do?". He said "I don't know... I'll try to talk to her but if I can't... I don't know.". I squeezed his hand and said "I'll help you. If you need to talk to someone I'm here for you. Always.". He nodded and looked into my eyes and said "Thank you Madde.". I gave him a soft smile and siad "Of course handsome. You're my friend, I don't leave my friends.". He smiled back slightly and pulled me closer and we continued to watch the movie. After a few hourse Zara called me and asked if I could come home and I asked if it was okay for Jensen if I left and he said so but I told him to call me if he needed to talk and he promised so I went home.

So now I'm here. angry as hell and I just hope Jensen will think about himself here and not that bitch!

Anyway you'll her from that lying skank tomorrow.

Take care
Love
Madde