Home again

Hey you everyone!

Well... I suppose I can begin with saying that I'm home in sweden now... I don't really know how to explain the feeling because it's both good and bad. I allready miss Shane and the rest so much, but espcially Shane but at the same time it's good to be home and hang out with my friends, see nicky again and talk to jensen face to face. Oh and does anyone understand what Tove is talking about? That I talk Jensen into stuff like the fact that she is behaving like a bitch and that he has to call me to have someone to talk to :S I don't get it, what the fuck is her problem?! She has the most amazing man at home but still she spends no time with him, and the fact that she has been so fucking close to losing him doesn't seem to bother her anymore. I really don't understand her problem I just hope that she will figure it out and stop and that is soon because Jensen is one of my closest friends and I stand by what i have said before, i will kill her if she hurts him again and Tove, you are hurting Jensen. Maybe you should try to spend time and talk to your husband instead of hanging out with other people all the time. I mean nicky?! You don't even like nicky, you can barely stand him and you don't have to because you and I aren't friends anymore so I don't care if you hate nicky. But you have to spend time with Jensen. Anyway... before I get to angry and my inlay end up being a hate massage to Tove I should change subject and talk about my day today.

So when I woke up this morning I woke up way earlier than my gorgeous woman and I didn't want to wake her up so I put on a top and a pair of black knickers and walked out of the room. I headed downstairs and heard the tv on in the livingroom and got quite surprised that someone was up. So I walked in and there was Shane sitting on the sofa watching sports. I smiled at him and he smiled back and said "Up so early?", I nodded and walked over to him, sat down next to him and he put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer. I pulled my legs up and rested my head against his side and he put his head on mine and I felt his fingers genlty brush against my arm, up and down. I smiled and snuggeled closer to him and he whispered "You're cuddely today.". I nodded and said "I love you Shane.", he kissed my forehead and said "I love you too darling.". I smiled but then my smile just vanished and I said "I don't want to go home...". He stopped strokeing my arm and pushed me up a little so he got a good look at me and said "Why not?". I said "When I'm finally here... things are crappy at home and something always happens... here it's just... amazing. And yu aren't there.". He gave me a soft smile and siad "What is it that's crappy at home now then? Yeah I'm here but I'm always with you as well. You can call me whenever you want to.". I said "Tove's being a bitch towards Jensen... I know you are and I know I can but I can't hug you or cry against your shoulder if i ahve to..". He stroke my cheek and said "Well about tove and jensen, I don't think that anyone of us can do anything about that but you can atleast be by Jensens side. I promise you that I will try to come and visit more often and if you really need me just call and either I will come to you or you can come to me.". I smiled and said "I'm always there for Jensen. Thank you, you have no idea how much you mean to me Shane. You really are an amazing friend and thank you for everything you've done for me this past year. There aren't words for how much it's mean to me that you've been there.". he cupped his hands around my cheeks and pressed his soft lips against my forehead and said "My pleasure. I love you and you mean a lot to me as well so I'll do anything I can to help you in anyway possible.". I smiled and cuddled closer to him again and wrapped my arms around his body and he did the same to me and then we just sat there watching tv in each others arms. Apparently we fell asleep because when we woke up it was really bright outside and nicole was standing next to the sofa looking at me and Shane. That was when I noticed that we had laid down because I was lying ontop of him with my head on his chest and he was still sleeping because he ahd that slow, relaxed and safe way of breathing and I heard his golden heart beat inside his chest and it made me smile at once. I carefully tilted my head up and looked at him and gently toched his cheek and said "Shane... wake up babe.". He made a displeased sound but the he opened his eyes and looked into my eyes and smiled and i said "Good morning pillow.". He laughed and said "Good morning beautiful", then we sat up and Nicole sat down next to shane and said "why are you two sleeping here?". Shane said "Well I couldn't sleep so I went down here in the middle of the night to watch tv and then Madde came down here around 5 for some reason and then we fell asleep.". She nodded and said "I'm hungry.", I laughed but then my stomach began to complain and i grumpled and said "So am I.". We looked pleading at Shane and he laughed and took our hands and said "let's go and get these beautiful princesses some breakfast.". nicole and I laughed and walked with Shane to the kitchen and made some breakfast.

After breakfast we were finally accomapnied by our beautiful women. I smiled when I saw Zara nad she walked over to me and pressed her soft gentle lips against mine and siad "Good morning babe.". i stroke her cheek and said "Good mroning angel.", and then Gillian said "So when are you guys going home then?". I sighed and said "In just a few hours...", Shane stroke my arm and gave me a sweet look and Gillian said "You don't want to go home do you?". I shrugged and said "I don't rellay know. I mean I really miss everyone at home but it's so amazing to be back here and to be here and not be sad all the time.". She nodded and said "But you can always come back whenever you want. This door is always open for you.". I smiled and got up adn gave her a hug and said "Thank you Gill. You've been an amazing friend and I love you.". She smiled and said "I love you too Madde.". I turned to Zara and said "well, you eat some breakfast and I'll go and pack my stuff okay?". She nodded and I headed upstairs and began to pack my stuff. All of the sudden the phone rang so I picked it up and Jared said "Hey Madde!". I smiled and sat down on the bed and said "Hi handsome. How are you?". He siad "Just fine thanks, how are you?". I sighed and said "I don't know... I want to stay here but at the same time go home... Eh whatever, I ahve to go home anyway. By the way, how's Jensen?". He said "oh I see, well know that we all miss you. Well he is fine I think but a little down... He and Tove are like fighting or something..". I clenched my teeth and said "I miss you guys too. Now I really want to go home so I can see Jensen and talk to him.". He siad "Yeah? You know, he misses you like crazy.". I smiled and sadi "I miss him too.. I just don't get what Tove is thinking with.". He said "what do you mean?", I knew that if I was going to talk to Jared about this I had to make myself more comfortable so I put the suitcase down on the floor and laid down on the bed and said "Well... haven't you noticed that she's never home with Jensen and Dennie? She's just out partying with Sofie...". He said "Yeah I have noticed that.. I just haven't talked to Jensen about it... Maybe I should.". I said "I think it's okay Jare... I've talked to him but he might need his best friend as well. And tove is acting really wierd when it comes to my phone calls with ´Jensen... She says that we are all cozy and stuff. I have no idea what she is talking about.". He said "She said that? I don't get what she is up to lately... Like the whole family has noticed that she is gone all the time and it's pretty annoying to wake up everynight when she comes home drunk.". I said "she wakes you up to?!" he said "Well she isn't exacly quiet... she could wake the dead.". I felt more and more anger build up in me and I said "What the fuck is her problem?! I mean fine that she wakes you up or someone else in the family but she wakes Jensen up. The person who really needs his sleep now so he doesn't get sick again and has to go back to the hospital.". He said "Yeah I know, I totally agree with you, I understand that she wants to spend time with sofie now but she has to spend some time with Jensen as well..". I sighed and nodded and said "I know but she doesn't listen to that... Anyway, will you take care of jensen until i come home?". He said "Of course I will.", I smiled and said "Thanks Jare, then I know he is in good hands. I ahve to go now... have to pack and hang alittle with the people over here. See you later.". He said "Yep he is! Okay you do that, see ya!". Then we said goodbye and hung up and I continued packing. But it's hard to consentrate of what you are doing when you are angry so I had to put on the radio and try to calm down. I don't get what toves problem is!!! Okay fine, not going to start up with that subject again.

After about one and a half hours I was done packing so I went downstairs and saw that Kian and Mark was over. I gave them both a big hug and Kian said "So now you are leaving us again?!". I made a sad face and nodded and said "Yes... sorry Ki.". He smiled and said "That's okay, you can come and see us again soon.". I gave him a happy smile and said "Yeah that would be brillinat!". Then I turned to Zara and said "Honey aren't you going to go and pack your stuff so that we can bring everything home with us?". She sighed and said "Yeah I suppose I should do that..." then she turned to Kian and said "Is't Jodi at home?". He shook his head and said "No, she went to London this morning. Thought she told you.". She said "Oh yeah that's right! Something with Wonderland right?". He smiled and nodded and he looked so proud. I just smiled and then Shane said "What do you guys say about taking a walk? Who's with me?". I smiled and said that I would love to join him and Mark and Kian said the same but Gillian and Zara said they had to saty home and fix some stuff so Shane, Kian, Mark and I got dressed and went out if the cold winters day. It's so beautiful here in the winter, I have to say that it's almost as beautiful now as it is in the summer. It's just white as far as the eye can see and the snow glittered in the sunlight that was warming our skin. My heart just rushed and i got a goofy smile on my lips and I felt so happy in a way and Shane just looked at me, laughed and said "What's up Madde? You look like a dog who just fetched a stick.". I laughed and picked up a stick that was lying on the ground and the lads just laughed at me and I said "It's just so beautiful here and I'm here with you and with zara and life is just great as long as I don't have to think about home.". They nodded and after a while we reached a fallen tree that we were suppose to climb over. Shane went first and that went so smooth, then it was my turn and it was a bit tricky because it was such a big tree but I got over safe and sound. Then Kian was going to go over and he had complaied at me and Shane for getting over so slow so he put his foot on the tree and was just about to push off from it so he would land on the same side as us. But then his foot slipped on the tree and he fell face first down in the soft cold snow. Shane, Mark and I was like dying from laughter. i sank down in the snow and laughed until tears were pouring down my cheeks and I had to calm down so I wouldn't die. Kian just stared at us and said that we were mean which just made us laugh even harder. I continued to laugh but stood up and walked over to him and took his hadn and said "are you okay?". He nodded and I brushed away some snow from his shoulder and put my arms around his waist and agve him a hug. He softened and hugged me back and I said "I love you Kian, you are amazing and so funny.". He let out a little laugh and said "I love you too darling, you are the one who's amazing but thanks for thinking that I'm amazing.". I smiled and looked up at him and gave him a quick peck on the cheek and then we continued our walk without anymore mishaps.

When we came back it was time to say goodbye to everyone so I gave Mark, kian and Gillian a big hug and a kiss on the cheek and then Nicole and patrick came running down the stairs screaming "Madde!!!!". I smiled and squated down and they ran straight into my arms and I hugged them and nicole said "Please don't leave! I missed you!". I kissed her cheek and said "I missed you too Nic, but I have to go home... I'm sorry. But i will come back as soon as I can and you know you can call me whenever you want.". She smiled and kissed my cheek and siad "I love you Madde!". I smiled and said "I love you too little angel.", then I turned to Patrick and picked him up and said "and you, you little monster, I love you as well!". He laughed as I kissed him all over the face and then he siad "I love you too Madde.". I smiled and said "You take care of your brother and sister now yeah?". he nodded and I put him down and siad "Well then... I suppose it's time to go... is everything in the chopper?". Shane nodded and then we said goodbye and got into the chopper and I held both Shane's and Zara's hands all the way to dublin airport. Shane helped us with the bags to our gate and then I turned to him and buried my face in his chest. He pulled me close and pressed his lips against my hair and breathed "I'll miss you.". I said "I'll miss you too shane. Love you so much.". He looked me in the eyes and said "I love you too madde. Remember, if you ever need to talk, I'm here for you.". I nodded and he gave me a kiss on the cheek and then he gave Zara a hug and then he were off and so were we. The flight went by pretty well... Not so bumpy but still scary...

When we finally landed I got out of the plane as fast as I could and I had to wait outside for Zara who isn't the fastest person in the world, but I love her anyway. When she finally got out I agve her a kiss, took her hand and we walked into the airport and waited for our bags. Thankfully it didn't take so long for our bags to come so we quickly grabed them and made our way towards the exit. When we got there we heard a boyish voice yell "mammy!!", and then David came running towards us and flew into Zaras arms. I smiled and then I saw Nicky who just had a big smile on his face and I quickly walked over to him, dropped my bag and wrapped my arms around him. He let out a happy laugh and squeezed me tight and I just laughed along with him. God, I never thought it would be so good to see him again. I kissed his cheek and asked "How are you?". He smiled and brushed some hair away from my face and said "Now I'm great! howare you? How was the flight?". I smiled a big goofy smile and said "I'm great too! Well, it was okay but you know me... not such a big fan of flying.". He laughed and said "i know sweetheart.", I smiled and then Zara and David joined us and Zara gave Nicky a hug and I looked at David and said "I heard you missed me. Is that true?". he nodded and I smiled and gave him a hug and said "now let's go home. I miss home in some way.". Everyone agree with me and Nicky helped us with the bags and we sat down in the car and began to drive. I asked Nicky how things were with my baby and he said "He's just fine. Standing in the garage waiting for you. Think he misses you.". I smiled and said "I sure as hell miss him.". Both david and zara sighed but i just ignored them becuase I do miss my baby and I don't give a damn what they think about that. Anyway then Nicky asked "So how was things with everyone over there?". I smiled and said "Just fine, the lads misses you so I think they will come and visit as soon as possible.". He nodded and said "Good, I miss them too.". then I said "So, how was the dinner the other day with Tove...". I saw him bite his lower lip in the rear-view mirror and he said "It was good... Jensen seemed a bit down but I guess he is still a little tired from being sick and all.". I clenched my teeth and said through them "As if.", I saw that nicky looked at me in the mirror and said "You don't think so?". I said "I'm sorry Nico... can't talk to you about it... but it's not why he seemed down, I can tell you that much.". he nodded and said "okay.. well I just hope he will get better and back to his old self.". I nodded and said "Yeah me too... I think I'm going to go and visit them when i've dropped my stuff off.". Zara said "Yeah you do that. Just be home for dinner.", I laughed and said "Sure mum.". She gave me an evil look and said "Ew, stop it.", I laughed and so did Nicky and David and Zara just sighed. When we finally parked the car outside the garage I just smiled and felt how good it was to be back home. We got out of the car and Zara and Nicky grabed our bags while I opened the garage door and walked over to my Lambo. He looked so beautiful! I smiled and ran my fingers over the shapes of the car and said "Hey handsome.". Then I heard a voice behind me say "I would get so scared if it acctually spoke back.". I looked at Nicky who was standing in the doorway and said "He doesn't have to speak back. But yeah, I think I would get pretty scared to. I don't want a car like Kitt on Knight Rider.". nicky laughed and siad "okay, come on now. Let's go inside.". I nodded and left the car behind me and followed Nicky inside where I got a big hug from Emma, Mattias and Kim which was a nice surprice. I smiled and siad "Hey... thanks for standing up for me the otherday when you were out with Tove.". They nodded and Emma said "Of course! That bitch can just go and die!". I agreed with her and then I turned to Zara and said "Think I'm going to Jensen now...". She nodded and I agve her a quick kiss and left again.

I actually walked on the snowy road that lead to Alexanderssons. It was a pretty nice walk but I was so thrilled to see Jensen adn Jared and everyone else again! When I finally got to the door I quickly opened and took my clothes off and heard voices from the kitchen. I walked over there and saw Jensen, Tove, Krisen and Johan there talking. Jensen was standing by the fridge, Tove was standing by the counter and Krisen and Johan was sitting by the table. I smiled when I saw them and then I nocticed that Jensen had spotted me and of course Tove had to and she looked so angry but Jensen had a smile on his face and I just walked pass Tove and into Jensens arms. He smiled broadly and held me thight and said "God it's so good to see you again!". I smiled and said "You too Jensen! I've missed you!". As I said that I looked at Tove and she looked like she wanted to kill me or something. I just continued smileing and gave Jensen a kiss on the cheek and he stroke mine and then I said "Don't move.". He nodded and I turned to Johan and gave him a big hug too and it was so nice to feel his arms around me and hear him say that he had missed me. I just couldn't stop smiling and then I gave mum a hug too and she kissed my cheek and said that it was good to see me again. Then Johan said "So how was it?", I smiled and said "It was great! Fine Paris was okay... not really my cup of tea but then when we went to Sligo it was just amazing! The first night it was just me and the lads and that was great!!! I've missed them so.". They nodded and Krisen said "I bet they have missed you too.", I nodded and said thta they had. We were talking for a while but then I just wanted to talk to Jensen so I took his hand and said "Do you want to take a walk?". He smiled and said "Yeah I'd love to!". I smiled and we went to the hallway to put our clothes on when I suddenly felt two strong arms lift me up from behind and hug me hard. I laughed and told Jared to put me down which he did so I could turn around and face him and he just smiled a really contagious smile, then he gave me another hug and I kissed his cheek and said "It's so good to see you again Jare.". He said "it's so good to see you too! Hey, do you feel like doing something tomorrow?". I smiled and said "Yeah sure I would love to!". He smiled and then Jensen said "Are you done Madde?", I looked at him and he looked so good in his black jacket, red and white scarf and blue jeans. I smiled and said "Yeah, just let me put my shoes on.". He nodded and I hurried with the shoes, we said goodbye to Jared and the others and then we sat off down the street.

Everything looked exacly like I had left it and I have to say in a way it's pretty nice to be back home but I miss Shane and the rest, and Ireland of course. Anyway when we had left the house behind us Jensen said "So how does it feel to be home then?". I smiled and walked a little closer to him and he put his arm around back and I did the same and I said "It's pretty great actually. But it would be even better if Shane and the rest of the lads and their families were here.". He nodded and said "I see. Aren't I enough?". i laughed and hug his arm harder and said "Of course you are handsome! It's really good to finally see you again. I have really missed you Jensen.". He smiled and said "Good to hear, I've missed you too love.". Then we came to a bench that someone had saved from all the snow and we sat down and I said "So how is things with you and tove?". He shook his head and said "I don't know. It's really like I don't know her anymore. She is out all the time or hanging out with Sofie. She doesn't even care about me or Dennie for that matter.". I shook my head and took his hands in mine and said "I'm sorry Jensen. I don't get what's wrong with her either. She has such an amazing man and a daughter right infront of her and she doesn't even see you. She's crazy not to see you.". He nodded slowly and bit his lip and said quietly "We aren't the couple we used to be... we haven't ahd sex in like almost a week... so not us... she is never home and we hardly talk anymore. And she gets angry with me because I talk to you... I just don't understand.". I sighed adn said "Neither do I Jensen... I'm sorry. But you know... it's her loss really. you are an amazing man and I love you Jensen.". He smiled slightly and said "I love you too Madde. Thank you for always being there for me, through thick and thin.". I laughed and said "Almost like we were married eh?". He laughed and pulled me closer and siad "Yeah almost!". We laughed and then we continued walking and I think we were out walking for maybe three hours and I knew I had promised Zara to be home by dinner so Jensen walked with me to the door to drop me off and he said "So... Tove is going to hang out with Sofie tonight... do you feel like doing something?". I nodded and said "Yeah absolutly! We can watch some movies and just chill.". He smiled and said "That sounds great! You come over after dinner?". I nodded and then I agve him a hug and we said goodbye and he left.

I just came home in the nick of time because I heard Nicky yell from the kitchen that dinner was ready so I quickly got out of my outdoor clothes and joined them at the table. I gave Zara a quick kiss and she asked how things were with Jensen and I said "Well... so so I suppose.". She nodded and then we just ate and had a good time as a family and I have to say it's really good to be home again and see the kids and of course Nico again. I've missed him.

Anyway after dinner I just ran up and blogged so here i am but now I'm going to wrap this up and drive over to Jensen and watch good movies with him and just chill. It's going to be great!

Take care
Love
Madde