Husband!

Hey guys.

I'm so grateful to have a best freind like Madde that care so much about me and would do anything for me.. that is amazing. But maybe I should just start to tell you about what kind of things we talk about all night.

We said good night to Jared and got undressed and Madde looked at me and said " Which side do you want? Jensens? " I nodded and she crawled down on my side and i said good night to Dennie and crawled down on Jensens. I smelled his pillow but that just made me even more terrified.. Madde looked at me and then I feel her hand taking mine under then cover, I just sign and she said " Tell me what you are thinking.. please. " I said " I'm thinking how unfair this fucking world is! Why dose bad things keep happening to us why can't we never just be happy! It's always someone who is sick or hurt or whatever! I'm so tired of this, I'm so tired of the world, I'm so fucking tired of living!! " I sat up in the bed and so did Madde and she just looked at me and I said " I can't belive that people can belive in God and that all she dose is good, if that was true why is there still wars all over the world where innocent people are getting killed everyday! People that starve to death, get raped, get asbused, get killed, get sick or hurt or to fall in love with the person abouslty shouldn't! If God is so great then why is this happning!! Eveything is just so messed up in my head right now.. from funeral clothes to kissing him again and to how the most painful way to kill myself to how will I survive this and what about Dennie and so on! That is what's going on in my head! " She stroke my cheek and said " the world is not fair and God can go and screw herself! And he won't die, he will survive this because of you and Dennie. " I said " Can you promise me that? that he won't die.. " Madde sign and said " No.. " I said " Then don't say that you don't know that! " Madde was just about to give me a hug but I pulled away and said " I need to pee.. " I walked into the bathroom and closed the door and just sat there to calm down or try anyway.. then I heard someone knocked on the door and I heard jareds voice saying he forgot his phone so he took it then he said " You looked scared? " I could heard in Maddes voice how scared and freaked out she was and she said " I have never seen her like this before..never.. " Jared said " You are here for her that's good. " Madde said " She.. she is freacking me out.. " Then they didn't say anything more and after a few minuts the door opend and closet. I took a deep breath and opend the door and looked at Madde which was laying in the bed and she looked at me and I sadi " Am I scarying you? " She said " Yeah.. sorry.. " i said " No I'm sorry.. I.. I just.. " madde inturupted and said " It's okay sweeity, come here. " I crawled back into bed and she said " I'm also terffied about Jensen.. and if I'm teriffied I can just imagen how scared you must be.. " I didn't say anything, she kissed my forhead and said " I love you and I have missed you and this so much. " I said " I love you too and I really mean when I say I have missed you and I still do. I'm sorry if I have given you that feeling that I don't care.. because I do I just don't know how or what to do anymore.. i'm sorry. " She said " I know.. and I'm not jealous of Sofie I wnat you to hang out with her..it's just.. " i said " I know honey.. I know. And as you said about me and Nicky I say the same about you and Sofie. She maybe will be ONE of my closest freinds but you will always be THE closest freind. " Madde smiled a little and I sat up and said " Give me a hug sis. " She smiled and sat up and gaveme a big hug I kissed her sholder when we let go Madde looked at me and said " What kind of cancer dose she have? " I said " Sofie? " She nodded and I said " breast cancer.. " Madde said " Oh god I feel so bad for her! Think if she has to cute them off!" I said " I know we all do.. So I'm pretty glad I have liver cancer even thought it's often a worse cancer but still.. " Madde stare at me and said " Have?! " I said " no I mean had.. sorry..I think. " Madde said " You are heatly okay? " I nodded and then I said " So how are you feeling about everything? " She said " I'm so scared both about Jensen and Zara.. I just hope she will listen.. " I said " So do I.. she shouldn't be ashame for her drinking it would be better she would admit it so we could help. I don't know another person that have had such a hard life as she has, first with her psycho parents that abused her everyday and then even worse raped her every night, then to find the wrong men, to loose her son, then the man she loves or loved more then anyone let her down and that can't be easy.. she have been abonden so many times so if would almost be weird if those feelings didn't show in someway. She is seriosluy the strongest woman I know and that she is not totally screwd up after everything and she is this woanderful person that is so sweeit is just amazing. I just wish she could face that she have a problem and try to make it stop before she needs real help. But that is probobly easier said then done.. " Madde sign and said " Yeah I know she is unbeliveble in every good way there is.. I just wish she could stop for the people that love her, or at least her kids.. " I said " Me too.. but like I said earlier I think you and Nicky should talk to her kids and ask then how they feel and let them tell Zara how they feel, if they are angry, sad, scared or what they just feel that might help her understand. Just sit down all of you in the livingroom as a family and explaine to her camly what your inner thoughts are and listen to each other. If I know Zara she would never start yelling at her kids if they say things like this.. but maybe that depends how far gone she is.. " madde nodded and said " I think we need to do that, even thought she say she will listen to me and stop.. I'm not so sure it's that easy so many her kids can get throw to her..she also has that alcholic gene since both her mum and dad had drinking problems. " I stroke her cheek and said " Yeah.. honey everything will work out I believe in Zara. and don't blame yourself it's not your fauilt. " She nodded and said " As long as you don't blame yourself for this with Jensen, it's not just fauilt. " I sign and said " fine.. " Madde kissed my cheek and then I said " What should we do with this? " Madde looked at me confused and said " With what? " I said " With us.. we.. or I can't have it like this it's killing me. It feels like we are so close but at the same so far apart.. " madde sign and said " I know how you mean.. but I don't know what to do.. " I sign and said " me neither.. " Then we just lied there for a long while in silence and then she said " For a year everything was still good.. you where healty of that was what we thought anyway and we had an aamzing realtionship, I wans't inlove with Nicky, Zara was happy, everyone was happy. " I said " Zara is happy now too so don't worry about that. Alot of good things have happend too like Dennie or me and Jensen, you and Zara, mum and Johan, Maja, and so on. " madde smiled and said " Yeah.. and for a year ago you would have laughed yourself to death if I had said that next year at this time you would be married, I would be together with Zara and you would have a daughther. " I laughed and said " I know, I could have bet my life on that those things wouldn't happend. " Madde said " Me too except that marriage thing. And now you want more kids crazy woman. " I smiled and said " Yeah I do, Dennie can't be only child right? " Madde said " So when? " i said " I don't know, not this year anyway. " Maded laughed and said " I bet you are pregnant before the summer is over. " I laughed and said " No I'm not!" She laughed and said " We just have to see about that won't we!" I laughed and said " Yeah probably but I'm right. " She just laughed ands said " Whatever you say!" Then we countinued talking for many hours and it was amazing to have her there just like we did before this whole mess started, she is amazing and I love her so much and I miss her even more.. well after many hours of talking and many tears falling esepcially from one of us we decied to sleep. Madde fall a sleep after a while but I couldn't sleep I just lie there looking throw the window on the dark night and thinking about all the amazing times i have had with Jensen, all our dates, all the time we cuddle up in the bed or sofa, all the amazing talkes we have had about everything, all the times with Dennie, and all teh times he have been there for me and I been there for him, it's just amazing. But after a few hours of thinking I fall a sleep too.

When I woke up this morning I looked at the clock on my phone and it showed 8 a clock which meant I had just sleeped 2 hours. I looked at Madde that was still a sleep so peaceful next to me, I stroke some hair away from her face and it's crazy how beautiful a woman can be both on the inside and the outside. Zara is a really lucky woman to have girlfreind like her, both of them is so amazing and wonderful so they really make a beautiful couple. I stroke her cheek then I looked throw the window on the beautiful sunny day which just made me irrataed that everything outside seems perfect but inside of me everything was such a huge mess it feelt like my head was going to explode. I got up from the bed and closed the drapes to hide that perfect sun outside my window. i looked at Madde that was still asleep and I opend the door to the closet and looked at Jensens clothes and of course I strated to think every horrible thoughts I could find, that he never would be in this room again, in our bed, in this closet chaning clothes, maybe he would never wear his favorite t-shirt again that I know he love.. I will never see him holding Dennie and see how happy he is, to never feel his strong amazing arms around me, feel his lips agianst my hair, fell his scentens, hear his amazing voice telling me how much he loves me.. I know this day would come one day but I thuoght we was going to be around 80 or so not this soon, I can't belive this.. tears started to roll down my cheeks and I picked up Jensens favorite t-shirt and it looked so empty which made me cry even more. I saw down on the floor lean against the wall under his shirts. I looked around and saw all the shoes he might not wear again, all his jeans that makes his bum look so sexy, all his shirts that makes him look so handsome, tears silencely started to pour down my face. I buried my face in his shirt and just sat there with my tighs aginst my stomach and letting tears roll down my face. Then i feelt someone sitting down next to me I feel a hand on my bare knee and Madde put her arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to her, she kissed my hair. I took a deep breath and did my best to get the stop the tears from pour out of my eyes. I quickly dried them away and looked at Madde. She looked at with worrying eyes and her soft hand stroke my cheek and I was so close to start crying again. Madde said " I love you, just be you please don't hide your feelings for me. You can cry with me honey.." She kissed my cheek and wrapped her arms around me and new tears just started to roll down my cheeks. When I had calm down a little she looked at me and kissed my forhead and said " He will be okay.." I said " Why should he be fine? Everything in our life this last year have just gone bad and been hell so why should it go well now?" Madde took my hand and said " Yeah alot of bad things have happend, you got cancer, had two operations, kidnapped, I got shoot and so did mum, Jensen and I was in a car accident, then when you was giving birth to Dennie so yeah alot of bad things have happend you are so right. But have anyone died? No we have been lucky we have had so many chances to die but we are still here so it have always ended good right? So why should this end bad? " I sign and said " Well our lucky has to ture some times right? And why shouldn't it be now.. when my husband is about to die. " Madde said " Honey.. you need to try to be posetive. You are useally the one telling me that, so try to listen to your own words. " I sign and said " It's not that easy.. " Madde stroke my bare arm and she said " Honey you are freezing.. you are just weraing your underwear.." Then Dennie started to cry and I was just about to stand up and Madde said " I will get her. " I nodded and she got up and walked out of the closet. Mean while i just took on Jensens t-shirt I was holding in my hand and it smelled so good. I heard how Madde was talking to Dennie, then she steped into the closet and said to Dennie " Look here is your mum ao please stop crying. " I smiled sligtly and Madde sat down next to me and put Dennie in my arms and I said" She is just hungry. " Madde said " How do you know that? " I looked at Dennie and said " Well then she has more like a deseprate cry it's hard to discribe. " Madde said " You are an amazing mum do you know that? " I looked at her and smiled slightly and said " Thanks.. I'm really trying. " Madde said " Do you want me to leave you two alone so you can feed her? " I shook my head and said " No if you want to stay you can. " Madde smiled and stroke Dennies cheek and pulled up the t'shirt and started to feed her. I took dennies hand and she was so cute and Madde said " So how is to have someone sucking on your nipples like a hundred times a day? " I laughed and said " Well the first couple of weeks was horrible! Everytime tears just started to pour down my cheeks from the pain but now she knows what to do and all my sore have healed so now I acutlly enjoy it. " Madde said " God you really sounds like a real mum. " I laughed and said " Well that is what I'm right? " She said " yeah but it's scary.. but sore on your nipples? That sounds weird.. " I said " Well imagen some one sucking at them for hours a day. " She said " Okay dosn't sound so good.. " I just smiled then Madde said " It's crazy how fast she grows.. and she have become so strong now she can almost hold her head by herself. " I smiled and said " She can hold her head up but just for afew seconds. " Madde nodded and said " I bet when she get older that she will have every guy chaseing after her. " I said " Don't say that, you are scarying me. " madde laughed and said " Would you surive if she got bigger boobs then you? " I said " Of course I would, then I just have to pay someone to make them bigger.. I just kidding. " Madde laughed and said " I hope so otherwise it would be sad. " I just smiled then Madde looked at Dennie and said " She is beautiful just like her mum and dad. " I smiled and looked at Dennie who was still eating and said " No, she is more beuatiful then her mum and dad...I just hope Jensen will be her with me watch her grow up.. " A tear rolled down my cheek again and landed on dennies temple, Madde dried away the tear on Dennies head then she lean her head aginst my shoulder and it feelt so goo dto have her there. We just sat there looking at Dennie eating while tears was rollling down my cheeks all the time. When Dennie was done I pulled jensen shirt down again and I looked at Madde and said " I can't do this... " she took my hand that I wans't holding Dennie with and said " You can do everything you want, you are so strong. " I cried " No not this! I can't live without Jensen.. I just can't!" Madde said " What about me? you would just leave me? And most of all dennie?! Don't say that.. I will be here for you whatever happends and so will the rest of the family. " I cried " No! " Then we heard my phone ring on the night stand and I tried to stop crying and said sobing " It is maybe the hospital.. maybe he is death!" Madde said " Calm down if he was death all reday I think they would have find a better way to tell you then on the phone. I get it you try to calm down honey. " I nodded and I heard how madde started to talk out there and I kissed dennies for head and she looked at me but not with those happy eyes as she use to I think she can feel that everyone is worried around here.. after a few minuts Madde walked back into the closet and stopped in the doorway and I just brust out crying and said " he is death!! he is...death!!! NO!!" I saw Maddes lips moving but I couldn't understand what she was saying. I hugged Dennie and cried even more then I feelt Maddes hand around my wrist in a firm grip and I looked up at her and she had a smile on her face and said " Tove, honey.. he is awake? " I just stopped crying and looked at her and said " What? I must have heard wrong.. " Madde shook her head and said " He is awake Tove! do you hear me? He is alive!! " I just stared at her for a few seconds then I got back to hat just ahd happend and I started to feel the pantic that I wasn't at the hospital, I said " I need to go there right now.. where are my car keys... " Madde said " Tove I drive.. otherwise you will also end up in a hospital right now. " I just nodded and stood up and was on my way out from my room with dennie in my arms and Madde said " Tove you don't have any pants. " I just said chocked " yeah right.. " Madde took dennie and said " I go and tell everyone about the amazing news. " I nooded and I put on a pair of jeans to jensens t-shirt and then arn downstairs where I meet the rest of the family trying to get dressed as fast as possible..they looked really stressed but really happy. Mum was holding Dennie and she walked over to me and stroke my cheek and I said " Can we go? " Mum nodded and we hurried out to the cars and I was riding with Madde and Dennie was in mums car.

When we got the the hospital the rest of the family was just behind us so they must have droven pretty fast too. I just ran up the stairs and into the ICU. I stopped outside of Jensens room and took a deep breath and the rest of the family stood behind me. I opend the door and took a few steps inside I looked at the bed and there was the most amazing man in this world looking at me with a smile on his face. Tears started to slowly roll down my cheeks and I couldn't move. Jensen said with a smile on his face " What's up with the tears?" I smiled back and said " You almost scared me to death. " He slowly reach out his hand towards me and I slowly started to walk over to meanwhile more tears came out from my eyes and Jensen said " Well do you know how many times you have then that too me?" I smiled and said " Now we can say we are even. " Jensen smiled and said " Honey not even close. " I smiled and slowly reach my hand out towards him and then he just grabbed it and pulled me closer. I sat down on the bedside and lean over him, my salty tears was dripping down on his beautiful cheeks. He lifted his other hand up and let it touch my cheek and dried a few tears away and it was so amazing to feel his hand agianst my skin. He looked into my eyes just as I was looking into his perfect green eyes and he said " How can anyone be this beautiful. " I smiled and said " I have missed you so much. " He stroke my wet salty cheek and said " And I have missed you. " His own hand moved from my cheek to behind my neck and I placed my hand on his cheek and I looked him deep into his eyes and I had totally forgot that it was like alot of other people in the room all I saw was Jensen. He smiled and gently moved my face closer to his and when our lips meet it was like I was in heaven, I can't even decribe the feeling or how I feelt it is not words enough.. but it was unbelievable and so much more. When our lips parted he smiled and whisperd " I love you. " I smiled back and said" I love you too more then anything. " I pressed my lips aginst his and he of course kissed me back and I could feel his toung playing with mine and it was so much passion and so much love and everything was just perfect. When we stopped kissing I looked at him and stroke his cheek then Jensen said " So where is my other favorite girl? " Mum walked over with Dennie and gave her too me and she stroke Jensen cheek and walked back to Johan. I lied Dennie down on Jensens arm and she looked so happy when she saw him and started to laugh and crow and jensen looked just as happy. He kissed her head and smiled and said " So where is my third favorite girl? " My said happy " I'm here!" Jensen looked at her and said " good, come and give me a hug. " My ran over to his otherside and cuddle down next to him, she kissed his cheek and said " I love you Jensen, and you can't die!" Jensen kissed her head and said " I love you too honey more then you ever know. And I won't die not now anyway. " My smiled and said " Good. " I looked at all three of them and they looked so cute together. I lean over and kiss him, and then Jared said happy " Can you move a little from my best freind so I can tell him how much he scared me. " I laughed and said " No never! Just kidding of course I can. I just need to kiss him once more. " Jared just laughed and shook his head. placed my hand on his cheast and gave him a soft kiss, then I picked up Dennie and walked over to Madde that kissed my cheek and I just smiled and she said " My heart gets all warm to see you this happy again. " I smiled and said " You are sweeit. " I looked at Jensen and Jared who was hugging I smiled and said to Madde " They are so cute. " Madde smiled and said " I know. " Dennie reach her arms out towards Madde. I smiled and said " Do you want to take her? " Madde sign and said " Why dose she likes me.. " I smiled and said " Because you are a abouslty amazing woman. " Madde sign and took Dennie from me and Dennie just smiled and started to play with Maddes hair, they where so cute. Madde looked at Dennie and said " Shall we go and get your dad a hug. " Dennie just laughed and Madde gave Jensen a hug and kissed his cheek and said " Stop scarying us like that man!" Jensen laughed and said " I can't promising anything. " Jensen took Dennie from Madde and kissed her head. When everyone had hugged him and calm down Jensen stroke Mys cheek and then he looked at me and said " So where is my beautiful wife? " I smiled and walked over to him and lied down next to him and stroke Dennies cheek which was laying in Jensens arm and My was still lying on his other arm and she looked so happy. Jensen kissed my head and then he said " My wife really must be happy I'm alive because she dosn't even react when I call her wife. " We laughed and I said " Enjoy it because it won't last long. " He smiled and kissed my forhead, then he looked at My and said " When I get out of here we play and play and play. " My smiled and said " You promise? " He smiled and said " I promise. " He kissed her head and then he looked at me and said " I see someone is wearing my t-shirt today.. " I smiled and he said " You look amazing, I love you. " I stroke his cheek and said " And I love you baby. " he kissed me, then the door opend up and jensens doctor Mattias Eriksson. He smiled and said " I see you have you whole family here, that's nice. " Jensen smiled and said " Yeah they are amazing all of them." He kissed my cheek and Mattias said hello to everyone then he walked over to us on the bed and I shook his hand and Dennie looked at Mattias with big confused eyes. Mattias smiled and started to talk to Dennie but she just looked even more chocked so we laughed and then he turned to Jensen and said " So how are you doing? " Jensen smiled and said " I'm pretty good.. just tired and things like that. " Mattias said " That is good. It's a miracle that you are all reday awake. " Jensen looked at me and said " It's just because of my amazing wife. " I just smiled and said " Or not you are crazy. " Jensen looked at Mattias and said " When can I go home? " Mattias laughed and said " You are in that much hurry to get out of this place. " jensen nooded and Mattias said " I can't say exatlly when but at the earliest on Monday.. " jensen sign and said " So long.. " Mattias nodded and said " The nurse will come and take some tests soon. " He nodded and the doc left and Jensen looked at Johan and said " Sorry man I will miss your birtday.. " Johan said " Don't worry about that Jensne. " I kissed him and said " I wish you could come home.. " he said " So do I.. " Then we sat there talking for a while all off us then mum said " Maybe Tove and Jensen wants to be alone for a while. " Jensen said " No it's okay, it's great to have you all here. " Then the nurse walked throw the door and took some blood from him and said " You maybe need to rest a little. " Then she left and Johan said " Maybe we should go home and take a shower and make come back later. " They nooded and My said " I don't want to go home.. " Mum said " My gave Jensen a hug and e can come back after dinner I promise. " My sign and gave Jensen a huge hug and kissed him and said " I love you. " Jensen smiled and said " I love you too sweeity.. Then she walked over to mum and they said goodbye and left except Madde and Jared. We sat there talking for a while then Madde looked at the time and said " I really need to go and find something to Johan.. " I said " Do you want me to come? " She shook her head and said " No You saty here with your husband. " I smiled and Jared said " I can come if you want? " Madde said " Yeah sounds good. " Jared looked at us and said " Do you want us to take Dennie? " I smiled and said " no it's okay. " They nodded and gave us a hug and left.

All three of us just lied there cuddling and it was so amaing and I was happy. Jensen looked at me and said " So.. how are you doing? " I smiled and said " Right now amaizing. " He stroke my cheek and I said " I'm so sorry I wasn't here when you woke up.. I should have been and all this is my fauilt. I should have called the ambulans sooner and.. " He inturrupted me and said " Tove this is not your fauilt, please listen to me this is no ones fauilt. I said " Fine but I could have been here for you all day yesterday and the day before that and this morning just as you did when I was at the hospital but it was just so hard to see you but that is not an excuse... what kind of wife am I that can't even be here for her husband when he is sick.. you deserve better then me you should just divorce... " He stopped me and said " Don't say that.. I won't divorce you I would never do that not even if you beg. I love you and you are always here for me whatever it is, and I understand that you are scared I do. I know how it feel to see the person I love the much in this bed and how horrible and scary that is. You have been here for me more then you will understand, i'm alive because of you, Dennie and also My the three most amazing girls in my life.. so please don't feel guilty in anyway. " A tear rolled down my cheek and he smiled and stroke it away with his hand and I said " Please never scare me like this again, if you do I will kill you myself!" Jensen laughed and said " You can't even harm a fly. " I said " Well you are not a fly right? " Jensen laughed and said " So I mean less then a fly? " I laughed and said " Yeah of course you do, so I can kill you. " Jensen laughed and said " Thanks honey that is really warming my heart. " I laughed and kissed his cheek then he said " The best thing is when you are yelling at me when there is a spider or some other insect you are scared off and then i can't kill it! You want me to help it out! " I said " yeah so? " Jensen sign and said " It's a bug!" I said " so? A spider has a heart and brain too and maybe a family and it have just as much right to live as we have. And animals was here before us so we are kind of destroying there world. A spider is just as much worse as anyone else. " Jensen said " I think you view in all this is really annoying but at the sametime this is one of the reasons why I love you because you are to sweeit and kind for your own good. " I smiled and gave him a kiss then it knocked on the door and the doctor walked throw the door, he looked at us and smiled and said " jensen would you like some food? " Jensen said " Yes please, I'm starving!" We laughed and Mattias said " I need to listen to your heart and lungs again. " Jensen nodded and I took dennie from him and sat down in the chair next to the bed and Mattias looked at me and then my hand and said " beautiful ring. " I smiled and he said " So how long have you guys been married? " Jensen smiled and said " 38 days. " I looked at him and said " You are crazy. " he just smiled and Mattias smiled and said " You must have had a beautiful bride. " Jensen smiled and took my hand and said " Abouslutly amazing. " I just shook my head and then Dennie started to crow I let go of Jensens had and held her up so she was doing her best to stand on my tighs and she started to laughed, i kissed her nose and she just smiled more. Mattias looked at us meanwhile he was examine Jensen and he said " How old is she? " I smiled and said " " 2 month and one week today. " He nodded and said " She is really beautiful. " I smiled and said " Thanks. " Then he looked at Jensen and said " It sounds pretty good. But you should maybe try to sleep alittle, and when you get home in a few days you really need to rest and take it easy. " Jensen said " What do you mean with rest? What can I do? " Mattias said " Not that much to walked inside a little but you know you body best so you maybe can feel how much you can do. But even thought take it easy. " Jensen nooded, then Mattis said " The nurse will come by with food and then try to sleep. " jensen nooded and mattias left. I cuddle down next to my amazing boyfreind again and I put Dennie down in the middle of us and Jensen kissed my head then he said " My silly beautiful woman thought I would divorce her, you are the best wife I can ever ask for, I'm so happy my life is just perfect and it's because of all you guys. " I smiled and looked into his eyes and gave him a kiss then I remebered Sofie that I was going to follow on chemo, I looked at jensen and said " I need to go to Sofie she is going to have her second thretment and I want to be there for her if you don't need me? " Jensen stroke my cheek and said " You go, just come back later. " I smiled and gave him a long kiss and said " I love you and I will miss you. Just call me if you need anything. " He smiled and said " I love you too and I will miss you. Don't worry about me, tell sofie I'm thinking off her. " I nodded and said to Dennie " Say goodbye to dad. " Jensen smiled and said " She can stay so you and Sofie can have some real girl talk. " I smiled and said " Are you sure you are up for that? " Jensen smiled and said " Yeah I want to speand some time with my daughther. " I smiled and said " You shold call your parents too..they are worried. " Jensen smiled and said " I will, have you talk to Maja? " I said " Yeah she is also worried I should call her. " jensen said " I can do that. " I smiled and gave him dennie and kissed her head then I gave Jensne a last kiss and left.

I called Sofie and we decied to meet at the oncologist so I walked over there and I smiled when I saw her and gave her a hug, and she said " You should be with Jensen honey. I got so worried when you called yesterday and told me what had happend.. " I grabbed her hand and said " I want to be here with you. And Jensen will be fine. " she smiled and kissed my hand and said " Shall we? " I nodded and a nurse lead us into a room and I feelt a horrible feeling to be there again but I just tried to ignore it. Then we sat down and she looked at me and said " How are you? " I sign and said " I don't know yet.. everything is still like a blur in my head but at the sametime I'm really happy and relieved, so it's confusing. " She stroke my cheek and said " I can understand that.. but honey you are an amazing wife.. or girlfreind as you say and he loves you so much. " I smiled and said " Do you know how sweeit you are. " She just smiled and I said " You deserve someone to love you as much as Jensen loves me.. " She said " I know.. " I said " So when Can I meet that man of yours? " She said " Are you sure? " I nodded and said " He can't scare me I promise. " She nodded and said " Well when Jensen get out of here you two should come to dinner at our place. " I smiled and said " We would love to do that, thanks. " She smiled and then the door opend up and a nurse walked throw the door and put in the chemo Iv drip and left. She smiled and said " Well my last hours of not feeling sick for 3 days. " I said " I know how you feel.. and those days you just want to give up and die instead. " She said " Exatlly..but I have a feeling in me that I won't survive this.. I don't know why i feel that way it's just there.. " I said " Don't say that.. you need to fight. Think of your sons, think of your family.. think of me I need you, I love you. " She looked at me and smiled and siad " You do? " I said " yeah, you don't need to love me just because of that. But yeah I love you and need you in my life. We share something that no one will never fully understand if they haven't been in it too. That's why it's so easy to talk to you about everything because you understands me and not just about the cancer. " She took my hand which was lying on the table and said " I love you too sweeity, you are amazing and without you I would never been able to do this. " I smiled and walked over to the otherside and gave her a hug. Then I sat down again and we talked a little more and then the door opend and all of the sudden Henrik walked throw the door. He looked at Sofie and he didn't see me he asked how she was doing and I just sat there smiling and she smiled and said " I'm pretty good thanks to my freind here. " Henrik tured his head and looked at me and he looked so suprised when he saw it was me. I smiled and said " Hi Henrik. " Then he smiled and said " Hi! I didn't know you knew Sofie. " I laughed and said " It much you don't know about me. " He smiled and I stood up and gave him a hug and he said " I heard about Kristina.. and now Jensen.. " I said " yeah. but he is awake now. " He said " That's good! Give him a hug from me, I really hope everything will be okay. " I said " i will. So how are you? " He smiled and said " I'm good, we should do something someday. " I smiled and said " Yeah I acutlly had plance to call you for a few days ago but then al this came up. " Henrik said " Dinner at my place next weekend? " I smiled and said " On one reason. " He laughed and said " Fine you can help me cook . " I laughed and said " You are learning. " he smiled and said " You look great.. as always " I smiled and said " Thanks.. " Then he looked at Sofie and said " Well just call if you need something and keep an eye on your freind here she can be a little roguis. " I laughed and hit is arm then he said " See you soon laies. " then he left and Sofie looked at me which a smirk on her face and said " So? " I laughed and said " What? He was my doctor when I was here and we started to hang out and got really good freinds." She said " Just freinds? " I laughed and siad " Me and Jensen wasn't together when I was laying here so maybe we flirted a little? " She smiled and said " Hum.. alittle? " I laughed and said " What's that suppose to mean? " She just looked at me and I said " Fine! We dated. " She laughed and siad " I knew it! So did you have sexy? " I said " Yeah we did a few times. " She smiled and said " As his body as sexy as his face? Because he lookes gorgous!" I laughed and said " Oh yeah if not even sexier! " She laughed and said " I alwyas get so warm when he enter the room. I hope he don't see that!" I said " I bet that! Because when he was listning to my heart and I feelt his hand touch my skin my heart beat went crazy! " Sofie laughed and laughed then she said " Did he notice it? " I said " Oh yeah! " she countinued laughing when she stopped she said " Was he good in bed? " I nodded and she said " How many times did you sleep with him? " I said " I have no idea!" She laughed and said " So many times huh? " I nodded and then I said " But you can't tell anyone about this because he can lose his job. " She said " I won't trust me! I need some eyecandy when I'm here. " I laughed then she said " Did you have feelings for him? " I sign and said " Yes I did.. " She said " Where you inlove with him? " I thoght for a couple seconds then I said " I don't know.. I.. I think I was pretty close to fall complitly for him..but even if I would have fallen for him I would have hard time trusting him to a 100 procent.. " She said " why not? " I sign and said " Because he had other girls on the side.. and he was always cheaking out Madde.." She said " Then he is nothing to have!" I said " Wel I should be use to it.. " She looked at me confused and said" What do you mean? " I sign and said " Well every guy I have ever dated have always been drooling over Madde and flirted with her and so on. I do understand then she is beautiful but still it's not that fun.. " She look my hand which was lying on the table then she said " Wait? Every guy? " I said " Except pete.. " She said " But Jensen... " I just looked at her and she said " Oh sweeity! I don't know what to say.. how.. how can you be this happy? Because you are happy right? " I smiled slightly and said " Yeah we are. He dosn't look at her that way now and he didn't do it before that.. one day.. " She said " Honey can I ask what happend? " I said " Long story short.. I found them in the garage pressed against Maddes car he had his fingers inside of her and she was making him all hard and with there touch in each other throats.. that wasn't really the best day of my life.. " She got up and took the Iv with her and gave me a hug and kissed my cheek and said " Honey I'm so sorry.. " She let go of me and sat down on teh table infront of me and took my hand again and said " But everything between you and Jensen is fine now? " I said " It's better then fine it's amazing. I forgive him after a while.. and I forgave Madde too. " She said " How can you do that? I would nevere been able to that that.. " I said " Because I love them and I really can't live without them. So I didn't have a chose. But Jensen isn't the only black sheep in our realtionship.. I have also been unfaithful.. even three times and I hate myself for it.. " She said " You two must be a strong couple. " I said " Yeah we ahve been throw a lot but we see it like it just made us to where we are today which is happy. " She nodded and said " But I can't belive Madde would do that to you.. " I sign and said " I didn't thought that either.. but I know she is sorry and we all do stupid things. " She said " You are an amazing friend to forgive and forget, they are lucky to have you. " I smiled and said " Thanks.." She gave me another hug. Then the door opend again and Henrik walked into the room and he looked at me and said " You look sad.. are you okay? " I nodded and said " yeah I'm fine.. " He stroke my cheek and then he looked at Sofie and said " So everything feels okay? " She smiled and nodded and Sofie looked at me and said " Where is Dennie? " I smiled and said " She is with jensen. " She nodded and Henrik said " If you guys want to you can walked around a little and vistit him just be back here in an hour. " we nodded and Henrik left. Then Sofie smiled and said " Sexy ass! " I laughed and then she said " But your husband... hot!!" I laughed and said " I know.. super sexy!" Then we laughed agian and I said " I will have a stomach ache tomorrow if we countinue laughing like this. " She laughed and said " I know. So let's go and do something! Go and say hi to Jensen? " I smiled and said " Sure, can we stop at the kiosk on our way there? " She nodded and took the gantry and we took the elevatore down and walked into the small store. She said " What do you need? " I smiled and said " I thouht I should give Jensen something, when I was in the hospital he always have me things everyday so now it's my turne. " She smiled and said " He is like the most romantice guy ever!" I smiled and said " Oh yeah he is Mr. Romantice! I have never meet a man that romatice, but I love his romantice side. Now I said romantice 4 times in less then 20 seconds, that is good work. " We laughed and I we walked around and they had a extra large bag with gummie bears which is his favorite candy for some reason. Sofie looked at me like I was crazy and I laughed and said " Jensen will love me even more with this trust me. " She laughed and then we walked to the cashier and paied and started to walked to Jensens room.

I quitly opend the door if he would be asleep and I peeked in but he was siting in his bed playing with Dennie and they was just so adorble, it's amazing to see how much he loves being a father. He looked at us and smiled and said " Two beautiful woman, come in. " We walked into the room and Dennie lighted up even more when she saw me, Sofie walked over to Jensen and gave him a hug and said " I'm so gla dyou are feeling better. " He smiled and said " So am I. " I held the candy bag behind my back and said " Are you allowed to eat everything? " He looked at me confused and said " Yepp... " I smiled and gave him the bag and he smiled and said " You are my hero! I love you more then ever right now! " I looked at Sofie and siad " What did I say. " She laughed and Jensen said " What did you say? " I laughed and said " Nothing!" He took my hand and pulled me closer to him so I was siting on the bed and he hugged me from behind and he laughed and said " What did you say? " I laughed and said " That you would love me even more when I gave you this. " He smiled and kissed the side of my head and said " I always love you with or without gummis. " I smiled and tilted up my head and gave him a kiss. Sofie smiled and said " You two are like the cutes ever. " Jensne laughed and said " That depends who you ask.. people at home is starting to get really tired off us. " She smiled and sat down on the chair and Jensen said " so what have you two talked about then? " I said " You don't want to know. Jensen said " I don't? Now I got even more curious.." I said " Henrik.. that is one of Sofies doctors. " he said " Oh... I see.." Sofie said " Not big fan off him Jensen? " I laughed and said " My man here is a litttle bit jealous.. or even a lot. " Sofie laughed and Jensen said " and your not? " I looked at him and said " I'm not what? " He said " Jelaous. " I said " No! Never been... why should I be jealous that is just insane. " Jensne laughde and said " Yeah right never.. like that woman at the hotel who hit on me, touch me and.. " inturpted and said " That bitch! " Both Jensen and Sofie laughed and she said " Not jealous at all. " Then I gave Jensen a hug and said " From Henrik." He looked at me surprised but didn't say anything. I picked up Dennie and gave her a kiss and said " Have you sleeped anything at all? " Jensen said " No..i couldn't" I took his hand and said " Why not? " He sign and said " Because I was scared of not waking up again.. " I took his hand and said " Jensen honey you need to sleep otherwise you wll get sick again.. I wish I can sleep her with you tonight... " He kissed me and said " Don't worry I will be fine. " I stroke his cheek and said " Can you promise me something? " He nodded and said " Anything. " I said " If you can't sleep tonight then call me and we talk.. okay? " He smiled and nodded then we just sat there talking intill Sofie needed to go back. We both gave Jensen a hug and I took dennie with me and we walked back.

We sat down in the room and after 10 minuts Henrik showed up. He smiled when he saw dennie and started to talk to her and she just laughed. Then he turned to Sofie and said " ready to get the needle out? " She nooded and a nurse came and took it out and Henrik said " Then I see you in thee weeks in nothing happends. " She nodded and and he looked at me and said " And you I see next week.. " I nodded he said " Tove everything will work out in someway you are a strong woman. " I smiled slightly and he gave me a hug and then said goodbye and left. Sofie looked at me and said " Did he have feelings for you? " I nodded and said " He said that I was the only woman he really loved so yeah.. " She said " hen my next qustion is.. dose he still have feelings for you? " I sign and said " I don't know.. why? " she said " When you hugged he closed his eyes and I think he smelled your hair.. not like in a freind way.. " I said " That is his problem not mine. " She said " true. " I said " Do you need a ride home or? " She smiled and said " No thanks.. my mum is picking me up she have been taking care of the boys so we ar egoing to have dinner there... or I think it will be eating that much but still... " I said " Okay.. I feel so bad for you that have to go throw this.. " She said " I know you do. " She walked over to me and gave me a hug and said " Thanks for being here with me today that ment alot. " I smiled and sai d" If you want me in three weeks here again I would love to hang out with you. " She smiled and said" That sounds good. " We walked out of the room and I gave her a last hug and said " Call if that is something I can do. otherwise I call you tomorrow sweeity. " She said " I will thanks. Bye. " "bye" I startedt to walked back to Jensens room and I smiled and thought about how everything can just feel so natural with her, we have so much imcomment and she really understands me, she is amazing.

I walked into Jensens room again and he smiled when he saw me he was eating his candy. I put dennie on Jensens own side then I walked to the other and cuddle up real close to him and put my head on his shoulder. He put away the candy and kissed my head, I stroke his stomach above his hospital close, then I let my hand wander under his shirt and I stroke his bare abs, it was so goo dto feel his skin aginst my palm. Then Jensens breath got deeper and deeper and I looked up at him, his eyes was closed and I knew he was sleeping so I just smiled and countinued stroke his stomach and I looked at Dennie and she was also sleeping. So after a while I also fall a sleep. I woke up that I heard the door opend up and I yawn and saw jared sneack in, I said with a tired voice " Hey handsome. " He smiled and sat down on the chair then jensen woke up too and kissed my head and looked at Jared and he said " You three lookes so beautiful together an amazing family. We smiled then he said " I have been thinking about the apartment, I don't think I will be moving in with you guys. " I said " why not?! " He smiled and said " Calm down I'm not going anywhere. I think after this hard year that you guys have had, I think you guys should live by yourself and just be a family for the first time in your life, as a married couple with a beautiful baby girl. I'm so happy for you guys and deserve it so much so I think you should live your life just as amazing. " Jensen said " what? You are our family too.. " I said " Jared don't think like that.. " He said " Fine then I tell you that I don't want to live with you guys and you can't change your mind and I think you will thank me later. " I walked up from the bed and walked over to him and gave him a hug and said " Are you sure about this because we would love to have you with us? " He kissed my cheek and said " I'm sure honey, go and live your dream life in that wonderful apartment with your amazing man and baby. I will be just fine honey this is my destion and I have been thinking about this from the day you got married. " I looked at him and said " You really mean this? " He nodded and then he smiled and said " So when are you two moving in?" Both me and Jensen said at the sametime " Soon!" Jared laughed and said " You agree with each other anyway, what is soon then? " I sat down n the bed side and picked Dennie up and looked at Jensen and he said " really soon? " I smiled and said " yeah really soon. Like when you get out of here we can deside wallpapers and so on? " Jensen smiled and said " Sounds great. I can call the builders on Monday and see how fast they can come. What do you say if we make up a plan that we will move out in a month? " I smiled and said " Sound amazing, can't wait to start our family. I love you. " Jensen kissed me and said " And I love you. " I looked at dennie and stroke her head and said " And I love you the most. " She just smiled and then I looked at Jared and said " And I also love you Jare. " He smiled and said " Love you too sweety. " Then I said " Where is Madde? " he said " She is talking to Nicky in the hallway. " I nodded and we talked for a while then Madde opend the door and she gave me a hug and then Jensen and stroke dennies cheek. Then she looked at Jared and Jared responded with a weird look then he said to me " Tove can I please talk to you outside? " I nodded and looked at him confused then we walked out in the hall. I looked at him and said " So? " he said " Well.. I wanted to talk to you about..about..traning.." I said " Traning? " He said " No.. I mean.. food.." I said " What about that? " he said " What is...you favorite food? " I looked at him confused and said " Jared you don't really want to talk to me do you? What is Madde and Jensen doing in there?" He just looked away and I said " You are suppose to be an actor, you can't even lie! What are they doing?" He sign and said " Sorry.. I don't know.. " I said " yeah right.. " he said " Really I don't know" I said " Yeah right... sure. " Then the door opend up and Madde told us to come in agaian so we did and I looked at her and said " What was that? I know it was something. Tell me. " She smiled and said " Beep" I said " I'm so tired of you and Jensen beep thing, the last one I didn't even like" Madde said " I won't tell just wait in till tomorrow." I sign and then her phone rang and when she hang up she said " Johan said it was dinner in 20 minuts. " I nodded and looked at Jensen and said " I will be back in a couple hours. " He smiled and nodded and I walked over to him and gave him a kiss and he said " I will miss you. " I smiled and said " I will miss you more. " He just smiled and said " No you won't. " I said " yes I will. " He smiled and said " Fine but then I love you more. " I smiled and said " No possibe, I love you more. " He just kiss me and it was just so amazing I could feel his toung playing with mine and it was just like a amazing dream I didn't want to wake up from I just wanted it to go on and go on forever. When our lips parted he stroke my cheek and said " See you soon beautiful. " I smiled and said " yeah see you soon love. bye. " He smiled and kissed my hand and said " bye. " Then he kissed Dennie and gave Madde and Jared a hug.

When we got home the dinner was at the table and today everyone was happer.
After dinner Madde took my hand and said " Do you want me to stay here tonight? " I said " If you feel you need to go your girlfreind I understand, she might need you.. I have Jared.. but you don't have to decied now, talk to Zara and Nicky and the kids and then decied okay? " She nodded and then she looke at Johan and said " When is your family coming here tomorrow to your birthdayaid " at 4 a clock so you don't ahve to be here intill then. " madde nooded and Said " how long are they staying? " he said " for a week. " then mum said " Alex and Lisa is coming too. " We nodded and Madde said " Nicky and Zara is going to follow us up to visit Jensen soon. " I said " Sounds good.. have you talk to her? " She said " No I will do that after but I mayeb should talk to Nicky first so he can talk to the kids.. and maybe the kids can talk to Zara tomorrow before dinner... " I said " Okay.. just reambere this must be really hard for them. " Madde nodded then My said " can we go to Jensen now!!" Mum said " In a while. " My sign and then I said " Meanwhile I think I will go upstairs and pack a few things for Jensen. " I walked upstairs and put a few boxers down, t-shirts and a pair of jeans and so he can shave and toothbrush in a bag and closed it then I decied to blogg. So here I'm and I'm so happy that I just want to jump up and down but at the sametime so worried which is really confusing.. well now i have to go and see my amzing husband.

Tomorrow it's Johans birtday so Happy Birthday Johan! And Madde will tell you all about that, and then she will tell you about that annoying beep thing too this time I hope I will like it..
Then I really hope everything will go smootly with Zara.. and she will proably tell you about that too and what the kids and Nicky said..
I just wish Jensen could be here tomorrow on Johans birthday and sleep next to me.. but he is alive and that is the most importent.
Well have a nice evening with your loved once.
Kisses Tove