Friends all around

Hey Guys!
I hope you have had a great day?
Well what can I say.. Madde still has that insane thought in her head that I'm a bitch or whatever, i try to to care what she thinks but i mean she have turned our whole family on her side even Jensen so it's hard not to.. maybe I should tell you guys about mine and Sofies night out yesterday instead.

Let's start from the begning, when I had choose what to wear I went over to Sofies place to get ready, and we drank a few breezers to get into the mood and changed clothes. When we was done we said goodbye to Jim and Alvin and Oliver came running towards sofie and gave her a big hug and said they would miss then, so cute. Then we took a cab and on the way there Sofie looked at me seriously and said " Tove what's wrong? Something is bothering you.. " I shrugged and said " I shouldn't care.. just being silly. " She took my hand and said " Tell me. " I sign and said " Well Madde told or wrote on our blog that I was a bad mother and that kind of hit a weak spot.. " she said " She dosn't know what she is talking about, you are an amazing mom don't think anything else. I don't know Madde so I can't say anything about her but I know you, and you are an amazing women, so wonderful and a mother too. " I nooded slightly and said " Yeah.. well let's forget about this and have fun okay? " I looked at her and smiled and she smiled back. When we got to the club we went straight to the bar and that cute bartender said we didn't have to pay so we thanked him and sat down in a sofa and started to talk and drink. Then two handsome men showed up and asked if they could buy us a drink, and we smiled. They came back with two drinks and sat down next to us and started to talk with us and they where really nice. After alot of drinks, beers and laughther all four of us went up on the dancefloor, the guy that was mostly dancing with me was Adam and Sofies guy was Max. We had alot of fun on the dancefloor, and after a while Adam pulled me closer with the help of his hand he placed on my back and he said into my ear " You have like the most gorgeous eyes and your hair is so beautiful, you are so beautiful. " I laughed and said " You are not getting any if that what you think. " He smiled and said " I mean it you are gorgeous with or without anything else. " I smiled and said " Thanks. " He smiled and said " You want to get something to drink? " I nodded and we went to the bar and order a few drinks and sat down in a other sofa. He said " You have a boyfreind? " I said " Yes, or I'm married." he said " You married young.." I said " I'm not that young, how old do you think I'm? " he laughed and said " This is a dangours game. " I laughed and said " Tell me, what is the worse thing that can happend? That I walk away? which probably won't happend for this anyway. " He laughed and said " Yeah that would be horrible.. but fine.. maybe 23? " I smiled and said " 25.." He said " Not that bad guess. so how old do I look? " I looked at him and thought for a while and said " 27 I would guess? " he smiled and said " Thank you, I'm 31. " I said " You don't look 31 trust me" He smiled said " You are sweet. " I said " So do you have a girlfreind? " he shook his head and said " No we broke up for two weeks ago. " I said " I'm sorry to hear that.. " He smiled and said " It's okay it was for the best. " I nodded and we order a few more drinks and he said " Woman you can drink!" I laughed and said " Why so suprsied? " He laughed and said " You don't look like that, sorry. " I just laughed and took a zip and we countinud talking. After a while Sofie and Max came and sat down with us and the guys went to buy some more drinks. They came back and gave us one drink each and sat down and Sofie looked at me and said " How much have you been drinking? " I said " I'm not that drunk. You and me are just as drunk. " She said " Yeah but you have had like 8 more drinks then me...think about your liver.. " I sign and said " Not you too.. you shouldn't be drink either you know. " She said " I still haven't been drinking as much as you.. " I just ignored her and countinue talking to the guys. When the time was about 5 in the morning and lot of more drinks and dancing the club was closing. Both me and Sofie was pretty drunk and we had meet a lot of nice people but we have mostly just been haning out with Adam and Max, we went outisde in the cold winter night and me and Sofie was like freezing to death since we just was wearing a dress and a small jacket. But they guys quick got a cab and asked if we wanted to share and we looked at ecah other and nodded. We all sat down in the backsit since it was big cab, and Max looked at us and said " So you guys want to go to my place to have a after party with us?" I looked at Sofie and she meet my eyes and we both burst out laughing. When we finally had calmed down I said " Sorry guys we need to get home. " They nodded and Adam took a piece from his jacket pocket and wroth something on it and gave it to me and it was both there numbers. They Sofie looked at me and said " Are you going home? " I said "I rather sleep at your place." She giggled and nodded then it was our time to get out of the cab, so we said goodbye to the guys and gave them a hug and said it was nice to meet them and closed the taxi door behind us.

We tried to be as quiet as possible when we unlocked the door but it didn't do go well for so long to be quite because I hit my toe on the thershold and I said "Aw" and then both of us started to laugh and then Sofie looked at me and said really load" Shhh!" then we brust out laughing again and went into the livingroom where we got undressed and lied down in the sofa. it was alittle tight but we both feel sleep.
We up from the kids running into the livingroom and started to talk to us and we just sign and pulled the blanket over our heads. But Oliver pulled it off and started to talk to us again and I sat up and picked my phone up to look what time it was and it was allredy 11. I looked at Alvin and said " you guys sleeped long this morning. " Oliver said " Dad let us be up late to watch a movie. " I nodded and put my dress on that i had been wearing last night and went into the kitchen where Jim was and he said good morning and i answerd back and took a cup of coffee. Then my phone rang and I looked at the display where it stood" My sweetheart" I answer " Hey Jensen.." He said " You sound good...maybe you should start taking it a little easy. " I sign and said " I'm just tired.. whats up? " He said" I was expecting you last night.. where are you? " I said " Sorry..I'm at Sofies.. be home in a hour.." He said " Should you be driving? " I said " probably not.. but i take it easy on my way home. " Then Jim said " I can drive you. " I looked at him and said "Are you sure? " He smiled and nodded and I said to Jensen" Jim can drive me, see you soon." he said " Good, love you, bye. " I said good bye and hang up and walked into the livingroom and said goodbye to Sofie and the kids and me and Jim went to his car.

When he dropped me off at home he looked at the house and said " It's huge and amazing!" I smiled slightly and said " Thanks and thanks for the ride." We said bye and I went inside and Ebba came running to say hello, i patted her head and I went upstairs into mine and Jensens room. No one was in there so hit the shower and then I got dressed, and when i walked out from the wardrobe the door opend and in walked Jensen with Dennie in his arms. He sat down on the bed and I walked over to them and stroke Dennies head and Jensen looked at me and said “ Did you have a good time last night?” I nodded and said”Yes… what about you and.. Madde then?” He smiled slightly and said “ Yes we had a great time..” I sign and said” I bet you did. “ Jensen said” What do you mean with that?” I said” Well you too hang out much this days.. “ He said “ Well she is one of my closest friends. And you are never home..” I sign and said” Just becaue I have been haning with Sofie a few hours doesn’t mean I’m never home!” He said” Tove calm down.. please can we talk without yealling?” I sign and sat down in the sofa and Jensen said” Tove sweety you have had a hard 12 months, first cancer, then about this with you and Madde, about kidnapped and raped, to everything with Eddie, well that with me and..Madde, the car crash, your mm getting shoot, Sofie that is dying, me getting sick.. so it’s okay if you feel sad or angry or whatever feeling you feel.. but maybe all that got to much for you and that is normal after everything.. so maybe you should talk to someone..” I said” Jensen what are you saying?” He said carefully “ Maybe you are depressed.. and it’s nothing wrong with that it’s a sickness don’t feel embarssed..” I could feel how angry I got inside and I stood up and said angry and hurt” Thanks Jensen.. I’m going to Zara. And right your new blonde wife told me that I’m a bad mother to do you are agree?” He said” She didn’t have to say that.. “ I said “ Jensen you didn’t answer my question?!” He said” No Tove you are not a bad mother just a mother that have a lot think about and need to fix everything that’s going on now.. and wife?” I said”Whatever..bye. “

When I got to Zara and Nickys house, I fast knocked on the door and opened andI heard Zara in the kitchen saying come in. I got undressed and walked into the kitchen she smiled when she saw me and gave me a big hug and I hugged her back and said “ Good to see you again sweety. Did you have a good time in Paris and Sligo?” She smiled and said” It was great, felt really good to model a little. But I feel guilty that Madde proably didn’t have such a good time though.. and sligo was amazing. “ I smiled and nooded and looked at her and said “ You look good today, okay you always dose. I like you hat.” She was wearing a michel Jackson kind of hat and a white t-shirt and black jeans and a lot of accerios. “ She smiled and said “ Thanks, I feelt to do the rocky kind of stile today.” I nodded and she said” I was actually on my way out to go to Antons grave. “ I said” That’s okay, we can talk later.” She smiled and said” Why don’t you come with me?” I said” Are you sure?” she nooded so we got dressed and went outside to Zaras car and drove off. When we got to the cemetery we walked in the snow towards his grave and Zara said” I thought about going to you guys later to wallpaper Majas walls. “ I smiled and said” She would love that. “ Then we saw the grave and there was three guys standing infont of it and I looked at Zara when she said to the boys” Hey guys. Long time ago I saw you all. “ They turn around and looked at her and smiled slightly and one of the guys said” Well who’s fauilt is that?” Zara laughed and said” My fault? Why is that Oskar?”He shugged and laughed and said” because its you. “ Zara walked over to them and put her around the guy oskars shoulders and kissed his head and she looked at all of them and said” You guys are so sweet for being here visiting Anton now and then. I’m sure it means a lot to him.. and it means a lot to me. “ They smiled and another guy said” Well he was our best friend..” zara said” I know.. right this is Tove my sister, this is Antons friends, Oskar, Jens and Robin. “ We said hi and Zara touched the stone and said” Hey baby, so nice of your friends to come by right?” she put new flowers there and then we stood there a while and Zara looked at me and said “ Shall we go? It’s so cold. “ I said” We go when you are ready. “ She kissed the stone and said” I love you Anton and I see you soon again. Bye. “ I said bye too and so did the guys and we all started to walked away from there, and Zara looked at the guys and said” How are you getting home?” Jens said” Walking.. “ she said” You want a ride?” They smiled and nodded and we all got into the car and Robin said" You can just drop us off home at your place we can walk for there it's not so long" Zara said" Are you sure? because i don't mind dropping you all off." they all said" Yes" Zara parked the car inside of the garage after a fun drive home with alot of tal and we all went out. Zara looked at the boys and said" You guys want to come inside for some pie?I baked this morning." I looked at her and said" two times in like one week or so.. i think Mattias was right that you are trying to impress him." She laughed and said" That is just silly. So boys?" They smiled and said" Sure." we went inside and I helped Zara made some coffee and soda and then we sat down at the table. We all talked for a while and I said" So how old was you guys when you meet Anton?" Oskar said" we where 2 i think." I smiled and said" That is sweet." Zara said " So how's school?" Jens said " Boring like always.. "We laughed and zara said" So do you guys have nay girlfreinds yet?" Oskar said" No not right now.. but we heard you do." zara laughed and said" maybe I do." Speaking of the devil the front door open up and inside walked Madde, zara smiled and said " And here she is." She intoduce them to each other. Madde gave me a fast glare with alot of hate in her eyes and then she walked over to Zara and said" I missed you." zara smiled and said " I have missed you too..what are you doing home i thought you was going to hang with Jared all day." She said" Just home getting somethig is going now again. " Zara nooded and Madde gave her a long kiss and then stroke her cheek and said goodbye and left. We talked for a while longer and then Jens, Robin and Oskar need to get home we followed them into the hallway and Zara gave them all a hug and said" Like i said it means alot that you still visit Anton..and care and all three of you are amazing young men. And you should come and visit more often just drop by likeyou did the last time for a few months ago okay deal?" They smiled and said " deal. " Zara said " Good I love you guys you know that." They smiled and nodded and said goodbye and left.

Then zara said" maybe we should go to your house so i can start with Majas room i was thinkingabout getting done tonight even thought it will be late." I smiled and said" let's go."On the way to there in the car Zara said" Thanks for talking to my kids this last days, i think they needed that.. " I smiled and said" Don't worry about it, I had a good time to and they are amazing. Have Emma told you that she wants to go and talk to Jonas and that she want you to come and Madde?" Zara nodded and said" She have.. we are going tomorrow or at least me and Emma, but i doubt Madde will let me go alone... because he will be a bit angry with me for some weird reason." I said" Good and you know he is a dick so don't care what he say." Then we was at home and she parked the car and we went inside and we heard voices from the kitchen, there was mom,Johan and Maja. Zara walked over to Maja and gave her a hug and said" So good to see you here again." Maja smiled and said" Good to be here again." Zara also gave mom and Johan a hug and we talked alittke about the trip and then Zara looked at Maja and said" I thought we should start with your room now, if you want?" Maja smiled with her whole face and said " yes!" We laughed a little and went upstairs where we meet Jensen, he looked at me and said" Tove please can I talk to you?" I looked at him angry and said" Well maybe i'm to much of a pshyco to talk to you." i could feel that Zara and Maja was looking at me but i just walked into Majas room and they followed me and Zara closed the door behind her and said" Tove.. is everything okay between you and Jensen?" I said"Maybe you should ask your girlfriend that instead she thinks she knows everything!" Zara said" Tove don't talk bad about her, okay?" I took a deep breath and said" I'm sorry, that was wrong. " She said" So about you and Jensen?" I shugged and said" I don't know.." She nodded and we didn't say so much for a few minuts while Zara started to put wallpapers up and me and Maja sat there watching her. Then Maja said" Are you two...good.. kissers?" both me and Zara looked at her and I said" Who are you planing to kiss?" Maja blused a little and looked down and I smiled and said" Edwin?" She nodded shy and I said" Well Zara are you a good kisser?" She laughed and said" I don't know, i haven't kissed myself." I said" Well what I have heard and read on our blogg according to Madde you are good." She laughed and said" Just good? " I laughed and so did Maja then Zara said" just kidding i can be happy with good." I said" You maybe better i don't know.." Zara laughed and said" What about you?" I shugged and said" I don't know or people have told me i was good but i have no idea." we all laughed then Zara looked at Maja and said" Your first kiss?" She nodded shy and said" I know i'm old to have my first kiss..and I don't know if he even wants to kiss me..people dosn't even know who I'm in school.. the only rumor i knewn for is dropping a tray with food at our teacher and everyone laughed.." Zara walked over to us and took Majas hand and said" It's better to now have a rumor at all then have the rumor i had in school trust me.. " Maja said" What did het call you?" Zara said" I was the schools biggest whore and that rumore lived with me for a long time and it didn't help that o go pregnant...okay fine it wasn't maybe just a rumor... but still not so fun.." Maja said" I'm sorry.." Zara said" It's okay, but remeber it's nothing wrong to haven't had your first kiss yet you are just 11 years old, you have many years to kiss boys and be an adult try to be a kid aslong as you can. And if Edwin dosn't want to kiss you then that is to bad for him there is other guys out there, thay will see what a amazing girl you are and will love you for that. You deserve the best okay?" Maja smiled and gave Zara a hug and said" Okay, and you are not a whore you are amazing." Zara kissed her cheek and let go to countinue with Majas room. I said" So how was it to model again?" She smiled and said" It was amazing!! I had almsot forgot why i did i but now i remebere its like a drug for me." I smiled and said" I'm glad, so you don't regret you started so young?" She said" Both yes and no.. i maybe wasn't ready for it but at the sametime i learn so much from it and grow up." I said" If one of your kids would come and say she waned to be a model would you let them?" She fast said"No! you know my first agency here in sweden that I had. Last time I saw them maybe a year ago they asked if maybe Kim was intrested to become a model since they loved her look and since she lookes alot like me.. but I said no." Maja said" Why?" she said" Well that world isn't as glamorous as it seems.. its acually the oppsite..okay fine evryday you get make up on and you got to wear amazing things but also everyday you get to hear what is wrong with you, big hips, big ass to long arms, to short neck or you are to skinny or to fat...and they tell you to your face while you work so you need to forget about that and continue anyway..and remebere how beautiful you are. And at night like 6 out of 7 days we where out at some club parting even though I wasn't 18 and I meet a lot of guys that was alot older then me and i often follwed them home..and I had alot to drink too, alcohole is like water for me. So i would never let my daughther do that.. never.." I looked at her and said" Is?" She looked away and said" Was... i mean.. " I nodded and said" Good.. what did Kim say about you saying no?" Zara said " She dosn't want to either which makes me happy." I nodded. Then Maja said" Madde showed me her tattoo this morning is amazing!" Zara smiled and said" I know, i love it too" I said" You don't mind that's about Nicky?" she said" No not at all.. if it wasn't for him she would been her now.. and I don't know what i had done then.. I's hard to even think about it.. she is my soul, heart and life. If it even was words to tell her how much i love her." I smiled and said" You are cute." She smiled and maja looked at zara and said" You have tattos right?" zara nodded and Maja said" Don't want anymore?" Zara said"No! I have enough.. i regreat that I have them even.. " Maja said " How many do you have?" Zara sign and said"3.." I said" 3? I thought you just had two.. that bigger one on your back and the other on your hip.. where is the third one?" Zara laughed and said" where do you think?" I said" on your ass or front side?" zara laughed and said" if you don't know i won't tell you. You have seen me naked Tove." I said " I knod but's not like I'm looking that closely maybe i should start." she laughed and Maja said" I bet your girlfreind loves it." both me and zara looked at her and laughed and Zara said" She hasn't compline anyway.." We laughed again and Zara said " I'm not the only one having a tattoo in a weurd place.. " She looked at me and I just sign and said" I know.. I want to remove it.. " they just laughed and then Maja said" I love my room allreday.. feel so good to say my room in this house.. at dads i just had a bed.." I stroke her cheek and said" This is your room and your home, okay?" Maja nodded carefully and said" You guys gives me too much... it feels like i should pay and help out more.. you have lived her your whole life it's your family for real.. i'm new that is destroying for everyone.." I was just about to say something when Zara stoped with what she was doing and said" I now it's hard to starta a new life in a new family.. You have also just known us for a few months and I had been freinds with Sara for years but still it was diffrent to be a part of this family.. I was both happy and scared at the same time even thought i knew i could trust them... I was alot like you acutally when i moved here I was a few years younger then you but I was really shy, didn't want anyone to notice me, and i was scared and confused. I mean even thought I knew Kristina I had never seen her angry or okay maybe I had but not at me or disappointed and every other feelings.. i was waing on her to hit me when I did something wrong like broke something.. but she never did instead she told me it was okay and she helped me clean it up.. I will always have my passed that is noting that will never go away but it made me, me and an stroger person. But what I can change is my futher and how I want it to be and without this family I would never been abel to do it.. I would have lived on the streets, it took a while for me to get into this how this family works, rules, that hiting isn't a soultion and that they never would hurt me physically whatever I would do. You will learn that too it just takes time, while you are getting use to this and don't hurry let it take the time you need, but remebere we all love you and are hear for you whatever it is and would never hurt you. You are a beautful girl Maja from the inside out one day i hope you see that. " Maja smiled slightly and said" Thanks.. " Zara gave her a hug and Maja said" Do you still love your parents?" She said" No.. i maybe not hate them either I'm really naive so i can't hate people.. but no i don't love them.. and i haven't forgiven then either and I can't.." Maja nodded and Zara said" Maja if you ever want to talk about this I'm here and so is Madde she understand you too in someways since it feels diffrent for everyone." Maja said" Thanks.. I know. " I looked at Zara and said" Have you decied about that letter from your mom.. do you want to see her?" Zara sign and said" I have decied and I want to see her.. my curiosity is taking over my mind. but how much she have changed i don't care I won't forgive her, I can't she knew her husband was raping me everyday sometimes twice a day in the room next to her and she didn't do anything she just told me to do it.. and then she hit me rest of the day.. and to be honest I have a feeling she want money.. I want to see her I'm thinking about doing that tomorrow to.. to get this done and the same with jonas for Emmas sake.. but that won't take long.. "I said" You know Madde get hurt and disappointed at Nicky the other day has she told you?" She shook her head and I said" That he rected to that letter the way he did since you are her girlfreind, she wants to take care of you. so I doubt you will be going alone to see your mom tomorrow. " Zara smiled and looked so happy and said" She did? Really? aww she is so amazing so sweet of her." I smiled and said" Glad you think so." she smiled and said" I will never get done with this room if we talk like this.. " We laughed and I said to Zara " If you couldn't work as a model or like a singer what would you do?" She thougt for a few seconds and said" I would be a desinger or a decorater." I smiled and said" That was i thought." She smiled and said" If you wasnt going to be a doctor then?" I said" I think a vet." I looked at Maja and said" What do you want to work with?" she shugged and I said" If you could be anything in this world?" She said shy" I would like to be a... singer." Zara smiled and said" You sing?" she said" I'm not that good... " Zara said" Do you want to sing for us?" She fast shook her head and Zara said" If I do it with you then? Please?" Maja said" no you are to good.." i said" If I do it then, you can't be worse then me... I promise." She looked at me and I smiled and she nodded and we decied the song Bed of roses. I think I was just as nervious as she was and we started to sing and Maja was really really good. When the song was over Zara smiled and said" Maja you are amazing! I think you can be something if you practice.. i would love to help if you want?" She smiled and gave Zara a big hug. Then Johan called it was Dinner so we went downstairs.
There was the whole family even Madde. Zara looked really happy to see her and ran over to her and throw her arms around her neck and Madde laughed and said" Something wrong?" Zara kissed her and said" No I just have the most amazing girlfreind in this world." They kissed again then we all sat down to eat. Jensen just tried to make eye contact with me but I was to disappointed at him for that..but then my phone rang so I walked away from the table to pick up and it was Henrik, I smiled and said hello, he sounded happy and said" Hey beautiful. How are you?" I smiled and said" I'm okay, you?" he said" I'm just great, i thought if you didn't have any plans for tonight maybe come over for a while and take a drink and talk? was so long ago we just hang out." I said" I would love too! Be there in one hour or two?" He said" Sound great, see you then. Bye." I smiled and said"bye" Then I went back to the table and countnue eating, then I went upstairs to get ready and i thougt I should blogg since i proably will get home pretty late.

Well so here I'm and I have to wrap this up now so I can go and meet my amazing friend.

I hope you guys will have an amazing night too.
And tomorrow you will her from .. Madde and how it went at Jonas place and with Zaras mom.. I just hope Madde will be abel to calm down and not hit anyone...
Anyway now I have to run, see ya!
Kisses Tove