Tattoo!!!

Heya

Well... life isn't the best thing right now. I would give anything to be someone else right now, someone with a perfect life, a person with an amazing family who loves her, a man or wife who would do anything to make her happy and who loves her for her, a person with friends that would die for her and love her forever and ever, a person with a beautiful house and a life that would make even the most happy person jealous. That is what I want right now. But that is not what I have... I suppose you lot think so though... "She has an amazing family, she has a gorgeous girlfriend, a beautiful house and friends who loves her" but why do I feel so empty then? But you know what... I'm going to try and stop feeling like that and look ahead, what more than this can go wrong? Isn’t it as they say, after rain there is sun? I sure hope so because I'm sick of those fucking rainclouds following me around these days.

Anyway, this morning I woke up next to my gorgeous girlfriend who was still sleeping. I looked at her perfect face and gently stroke her cheek with the back of my hand. Her skin was so soft and flawless and I just couldn't help but smile and kiss her cute little nose. Luckily she didn't wake up so I carefully got out of bed and that was when I noticed my bloody headache. I sighed and put on a top and went downstairs. It was still pretty early; I'm not sleeping so well these days, so it was completely quiet in the house. I went to the kitchen and took a glass of juice and then sat down in front of the telly and watched some boring show. I just curled up in the sofa and I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up again Nicky was standing next to the sofa smiling and looking at me. I yawned and smiled and he said "Good morning beautiful.". I said "Morning, Nico.". He smiled and picked my feet up and sat down and put them in his lap and said "hung over?". I nodded and said "I hate it.. I'm never going to drink again!", he laughed and said "Yeah, whatever you say honey.". I sat up and hit him and said "You're suppose to believe me!", he laughed and said "Sorry sweetie, of course I believe you.... not.". I sighed and lay down again. He laughed and said "So what are you going to do today before the big event? Just lay here and sleep?". I closed my eyes and said "Oh that sounds amazing! I would love that but I suppose that would never happen.". He smiled and stroke my naked leg and said "I doubt that anyone would let you lay here all day.". I looked at him with pleading eyes and said "You wouldn't?", he gave me a soft smile and said "i would let you stay here all day and take good care of you if it was just you and me here.". I smiled and sat up and kissed his cheek and said "You are the best Nicky. I love you!". He stroke my cheek and said "I love you too darling.", then we heard someone walk towards the living room and soon Mattias walked in and obviously he didn't expect to find someone there because he almost jumped 3 meter into the air and Nicky and I just died of laughter! He took himself over his heart and said "GEEZ! You scared me silly!” and we just bursted out laughing even harder. When he had calmed down he started to laugh too and sat down in the armchair next to Nicky and I said "You can't be so jumpy Mattias, we aren't that scary.". He laughed and said "I didn't think anyone was awake just yet but I suppose I was wrong.". I nodded and then he looked at us like a question mark and said "why are you up this early? I mean it's still just 8.30.". I looked at Nicky and said "8.30!? Why did you wake me up?!". He laughed and said "You woke up by yourself, I didn't talk to you or touch you, I just looked at you.". I sighed and looked at Mattias and said "Well I couldn't sleep really so I went down here and took an aspirin and then I fell asleep.". He nodded and said "Hangover?", I sighed and nodded and felt the headache attack me again. Nicky kept stroking my leg and Mattias said "Do you guys want some breakfast? I know a great breakfast for hangover’s.". I smiled and said "I would love some!", and Nicky said "Yeah me too.". Mattias left the room and I gave Nicky a soft smile and said "How are you then?". He said "I'm just fine...", I shook my head and said "Nicky Byrne, you still can't lie to me.". He smiled slightly and said "I suppose that's a good thing.. I'm just worried about you that's all.". I sat up and took his hand that was lying on my leg and said "You don't have to worry about me. As long as you are here for me I'll be fine.". He smiled and stroke my cheek and said "I still worry about you. I love you sweetheart.". I said "I love you too Nicky.", then we heard Mattias returning with a tray filled with all sorts of fat food. I smiled and said "Thanks Mattias! You're an angel!". He just laughed and both Nicky and I dug in and it tasted amazingly! But then again his father is a chef so I would almost be disappointed if Mattias couldn't cook.

During breakfast I came to think about Jensen and thought that maybe Tove hadn't woken up yet so it would be a good idea to go and see him this early in the morning. So after eating I gave Nicky a kiss on his cheek and went upstairs, took a quick shower, got dressed and kissed a sleeping Zara goodbye and then I took the Lambo to the hospital. When I parked it I quickly looked myself in the mirror and tried not to look sad, so I put on a smile and went out of the car. I walked up to the floor where Jensen was and there of course I met... Henrik. We just bumped into each other and when he noticed that it was me he said "Oh... hi.". I said "Hey..", he said "Here to see Jensen?". I nodded and said "Yeah I gotta run... see ya.", he nodded and I quickly walked pass him and headed towards Jensens room. I carefully knocked on the door and heard him say "Come in.", so I opened the door and peeked in. He was lying in bed and looked quite tired so I felt pretty guilty for showing up so early but then when he saw me he just smiled and said "Hey beautiful!". I smiled and walked in and closed the door behind me, walked over to him and sat down on the bed and said "Sorry, did I wake you?". He shook his head and said "Nah... been awake for about 15 minutes, you just missed the nurse. Never mind that! You're here.". I smiled and gave him a big hug and said "Have you missed me or something?". He laughed and said "Yes, is a matter of fact, I have. How come you're are up this early?". I sighed and said "hung over and I'm not sleeping so much these days.". He took my hand and said "Can't you and Tove try to work this out?". I looked at our hands and sighed and said "No Jensen... If she doesn't want anything to do with me then she doesn't have to. I'm done with trying to get her love back... But thanks for caring.". He nodded and said "Of course I care... I can also tell that this is bringing both you and Tove down and I hate to see that.". I said "I know, sorry Jensen. Things will get better.. We won't become friends again but at least we well go on with our life’s.". He shook his head and said "You two have been friends from the beginning and now you won't even try?". I sighed and said "Jensen.. Please... I don't want to talk about it.". He nodded and said "Okay sorry. Let's talk about something else then.". I smiled and said "So when do you get to go home?". He smiled and said "Tomorrow!! I can't wait! Gonna spend all day with my gorgeous wife and daughter.". I smiled and said "Good for you, it's going to be nice to see you at home again. I hate it when you are here.". He nodded and said "I know. I'm sorry.", I shook my head and said "It's not your fault. Shit happens, right?". He nodded and said "So what are you going to do today?". I smiled and said "I'm getting my tattoo at last!!". He smiled and said "Yeah!? You thrilled?". I nodded eagerly and said "Totally! Just have to wait till around 3 when I have the appointment and then mums off work as well so.". He smiled and said "I can't wait to see it. Bet you're going to look wonderful in it.". I smiled and said "Thanks. I promise I'll show it as fast as possible to you.". He smiled and said "Sure as hell hope so", I laughed and then we started to talk about a lot of other stuff that just came to mind.

Anyway after about 3 hours or so it was time for me to say goodbye to Jensen, so I gave him a peck on the cheek and said "See ya, I'll send you a MMS of my tattoo later.". He smiled and said "Sounds great! I bet it will look wonderful. Good luck!". I smiled and walked to the door and waved at him and then I continued through the door and down the corridor of the hospital and I was starting to feel kind of nervous for the tattoo but at the same time very thrilled of the fact that I would finally get that beautiful piece of art on my body to honour the people that has saved my life. I hurried down the passage and as I was about to walk round a corner I bumped into a man who said "Oh, sorry!". I looked at him and just smiled and said "Nah, I'm sorry. I was just in a hurry.". He gave me a smile and stepped out of the way and said "Well in that case I'm not going to stand in your way.". I gave him a big smile and said "Nice to meet you, thanks!". He laughed and said "Nice to meet you too! Bye!". I smiled and continued to hurry down the corridor but turned around and waved to the man and then continued to walk. While walking I found myself humming on "Hey soul sister" which kind of scared me in a way because I didn't think I was happy but in a way I felt kind of full of life after visiting my good friend and know that I was going to spend the afternoon with mum and Nicky at the tattoo shop. When I finally came out to my beautiful car I just smiled and unlocked it and sat down on the leather seat, gently touched the wheel and started the engine. I just smiled when I heard the roar from the engine compartment and then I drove off and left the hospital behind me.

When I got home again I found Zara, Sara and Jodi at the kitchen table and I gave Zara a kiss and said "Good morning.". She smiled and said "Morning. How are you then?", I said "Well this morning I had a horrible hang over but I feel much better now after a ride in my baby to go and see Jensen.". She smiled and said "Good for you, I still feel sick. But I bet Jensen was happy to see you.". I nodded and said "Yeah, at least that's what he said.". She smiled and said "Don't you worry. Anyway, are you sure you don't want me to come with you today?". I sat down and said "Will you get angry with me if I say that I want you to stay home?". She shook her head and took my hand and said "It's your choice and I understand. The same way I understand why you want to represent Nicky on your body. He's done a lot for you and I'm grateful for that because otherwise you wouldn't be here with me.". Sara huffed but both of us ignored her and I smiled and leaned in and gave her a soft kiss and said "thank you babe. I love you so much.". She smiled and said "I love you too honey.", then we heard a voice behind us say "And I love you both.". We turned around and saw Nicky standing in the doorway looking at us. I smiled and walked over to him and gave him a hug, he hugged me back and said "Feeling better?". I nodded and said "Yeah, a ride in the lambo can fix anything.", he smiled and said "So you’re not nervous then?". I laughed and said "Yes I am actually. But...", I took his hand and said "... you're going to be there with me right?". He nodded and said with a soft voice "I've already promised that and I would never break a promise to you.". I smiled and said "Good, thanks.", he nodded and then he said to Zara "So I've talked to Mattias and he wants to make dinner tonight so maybe you and he can go and buy some groceries?". She nodded and said "Yep, I can do that. And you take care of my girlfriend, you hear me?". He smiled and said "I promise I'll take care of her.". I smiled and said "Guys, don't worry. I'll be fine.", they smiled and Nicky said "I know, you are as strong as can be.". I smiled and said "Yeah it can't hurt as bad as being shot now can it?". At once I regretted to say that because I could see how everything, the fear and horror, came back to Nicky and I could see the pain in his eyes when he thought of that day. I quickly took his hand and said "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have said that.". He shook his head and said "It's okay. I shouldn't be so bothered still should I?". I said "I would still be bothered if it was you so of course you can be. I'm just sorry that I reminded you about that day.". He nodded and said "Yeah.. It’s okay.", I sighed because I could tell that it wasn't okay but I didn't feel like arguing with him so I left it at that and said "Gosh I'm starving! Do we have anything to eat in this house or what?". Nicky got a relieved smiled on his lips instead for a scared look and he said "Yeah, there is still some of our breakfast left in the fridge.". I smiled and went to the fridge to get the food and then I started to eat.

After about 2 hours it was time to go to King Carlos Tattoo so Nicky and I said goodbye to the girls and got into the lambo and drove off. Mum was going to meet us there and when we parked she came walking towards us. She smiled and I gave her a big hug and then Nicky did the same and then mum said "And now we are just waiting for Tove I suppose.". I shook my head and said "No, she's not coming. I don't want her here.". Mum looked at me and sighed and Nicky said "Honey, are you sure about that?". I looked at him and then at mum and said to them both "Please don't argue with me about this, I'm the one getting this tattoo so it's my choice who I want here. Okay?". They sighed and Nicky said "What if you regret it then?", I looked at him sincerely and said "I won't. Trust me.". Then I took his hand and we walked into the shop where we heard the buzzing from the tattoo machines and at the counter were a man standing and he gave us a big smile and I just smiled back and he said "Madde! Good to see you again!". He walked over to me and gave me a hug and I said "Good to see you too Calle. How are you?". He said "Just fine thanks, how about you? Nervous?". I laughed and said "Yeah I'm a bit nervous but other than that I'm fine.". He smiled and said hi to mum and Nicky as well and then he said "Alright, so check this out. After your call yesterday I redid it a bit so there are just two cherry blossoms now but I made some more water and put in a butterfly there as well.". I looked at the sketch and was just blow away by the beauty of it. Mum and Nicky just said in choir "Wow, that's amazing!". Calle smiled and then another guy named Jonny came over and put a hand on Calles shoulder and said "He's been working like a mad man on that.". I smiled and said "He's done an amazing job on it.". Jonny nodded and Calle said "So are you ready?", I nodded and Jonny said "Brilliant, I can fix that,", and took the sketch "and you can go and fix your stuff.". Calle thanked him and said as Jonny walked away "You guys can take a seat while we fix this, 20 minutes maybe and then I'll be ready for you.". We nodded and sat down on a sofa that was standing against one of the walls and Nicky took my hand and said "That's going to look amazing on you.". I smiled and said "Yeah. God, I'm sooo eager to get it now!". He laughed and I turned to mum and said "So what do you think?". She smiled and said "It looks wonderful.", I smiled and after a while Calle smiled at me and said "Alright, come on.". I smiled and took my top of, I had a bikini top under and I gave the top to Nicky and said "can you hold this?". He nodded and then I turned my back to Calle and he carefully started to shave the skin on my lower back and then he gently placed the stencil and said "okay, go and see what you think.". I walked to the mirror and looked in it and said "Yeah, that looks great.". And Nicky and mum just nodded, then I took a seat in front of Calle and mum and Nicky sat down on each side of me. Nicky took my hand and I gave him a smile and mimed "thank you.". He nodded and then I heard Calle say "Okay, here we go.". I nodded and then I heard the buzz from the machine and then felt how the needles started to move over my skin. of course it was a bit painful but nothing I couldn't handle and after a while Calle said "So... this tattoo. Where did you get the idea?". I smiled and looked at mum and Nicky and said "Well... It's a tattoo to honour the two people that has saved my life, it's mum and Nicky. They are the cherry blossoms and the lotus stands for the life they have given me and how beautiful and amazing life can be.". He said "That's a good way of showing what people mean to you. So how have you guys saved her?". None of them answered so I said "Well... mum took me in when I was a kid and raised me as her own and Nicky... he has during the last year literally saved my life. He helped me when I got shot, stopped me from killing myself, always been there through thick and thin, through rain and sun, through everything and anything that was thrown at me. My dad contacted me after so many years and after that he died, my sister got her cancer back and that almost torn me apart... there has just happened so much and Nicky's always been there with me.". I felt a tear fall down my cheek and Nicky slowly brushed it away and kissed my cheek and whispered "I love you sweetheart.". I smiled and said "Love you too.", then Calle said "Wow, sounds like a hell of a year.". I nodded and said "Yeah, it's not been a good one but at the same time it has.". Nicky smiled slightly and so did I and then we just continue to talk about stuff and after about 3 hours Calle said "Alright! You're all done.". I smiled and stretched out my body and said "Can I look at it?". He smiled and said "Of course, hope you like it.", I ran to the mirror and slowly turned my back to it and gasped for air. It was just sooo amazingly beautiful with all the colors, the beautiful flowers and butterfly and water and the shading was just mental! Nicky and mum came over to me and mum said "That looks amazing. What an amazing piece of art.". I smiled and turned to Nicky and said "So have I destroyed my gorgeous self with a tattoo or?". He smiled and shook his head and said "No... you are sooo beautiful and that tattoo is.... wow, it's crazy!". I smiled and said to Calle "Thank you so much! It's absolutely gorgeous!". He smiled and I gave him a hug and he said "You're welcome! I have to say you were an angel to tattoo. You didn't even bother about the pain.". I shrugged and said "that pain was nothing, been through worse.". He nodded and then he started to put some sort of foil over it and then I took my top on and Calle told me how and when to clean it and stuff like that. Then we said goodbye and the three of us left the shop.

Outside I gave mum a hug and thanked her for coming and then she went home in her car and I turned to Nicky and said "Please Nicky, don't make me regret this okay...". He looked confused but nodded and I continued "Because of the fact that I have a tattoo on my back and that it hurts a bit I don't think I can drive... So can you drive my baby?". He smiled and said "Of course I can! Yes please!!". I put my hand up to shut him up and I said "You have to do everything I say and you have to be very very careful! okay!?". He nodded and then I slowly gave him the keys and he opened the passenger door to me and closed it and then he got in the driver seat and started the car. He looked like a 5 year old at Christmas where he was sitting and I just couldn't keep myself from smiling. I love it when he is happy; it's the best thing in the world. Then he gently pressed down on the gas and we drove off. I tried my hardest not to tell him to be careful or do things in a different way and I think I pulled it off pretty well anyway. When we came home again he parked the car and walked around the car to be a gentleman and open the door for me. I just smiled and said "Don't spoil me Nico.", he smiled back and said "I love spoiling you babes.". I smiled and then we walked into the house and I said to Nicky "Please remind me in six hours that I have to take the bandage off... otherwise I’ll forget it.". He nodded and we walked into the kitchen where everyone was sitting and had just started to eat dinner. They smiled and Zara said "So, let's see it.". I laughed and said "You're going to have to wait at least six hours. So sometime around midnight.". She sighed and said "Right...", then we sat down and ate with them and the dinner that Mattias had made was amazing!! He rocks

Anyway after dinner I was starting to get really tired so I went upstairs and laid down in bed when suddenly my phone rang and it was a really pleasant surprise when I saw Jareds name on the display. I quickly answered and said "Hey handsome!", he said "Hey beautiful! I just called to hear how things went today with the tattoo.". I smiled and settled myself on the bed and said "Well what do you think? Everything went great and you should see this thing. It's absolutly amazing!". He said "I bet! Well take a pic and send it to me on the phone so I can see it.". I smiled and said "Jare... I have to wait until midnight until I can take off the bandage and see it myself. But I promise you that I will, I promised Jensen as well.". He said "Yeah I heard that, wow I can't wait to see it. Bet it looks great on you.". I just smiled and then I said "So, how's things Jared?". He was quiet for a while and then he said "It's good.", I wrinkled my eyebrows and understood that something was wrong so I said "What's up, babe?". He quickly said "Nothing. It's nothing, I promise.". I bit my lip and couldn't help but feel hurt about the fact that he was lying to me so I said "Jared Padalecki. Please stop lying to me and tell me the truth insted or do I have to come over there?". He sighed and said "It's just... ehm... Well everything is acutally really good.". I felt a lump in my stomach but I decided to ignore it and insted I asked "Yeah? In what way?". He said "I got a date tonight.", I slowly nodded and said "Ohyeah? first date or what?". He siad "No... been on about 3 dates with her and I like her a lot.". I said "That's great Jared. Is she nice?". He laughed and said "Yeah she is. She's great.", I said "Is she like me? Blonde and stupid?". He said "No. But you are not blonde and stupid so. She has brown hair and blue eyes and she is a teacher.". I said "So she has both looks and brains, that's good.". He said "Yeah well so do you Madde.". I laughed and said "Yeah whatever.", he sighed and said "No, not whatever. It's the truth. You are amazing darling.". I smiled and said "Thanks. Oh and just so you know, I am happy that you are happy.". He said "Thank you.", I smiled and then I said "But if she hurts you... I'll kill her.". He laughed and said "Alright fine.", I smiled and then I siad "good. So Jensen comes home tomorrow. you thrilled?". He siad "Yeah, it's going to be great to have him home again. I miss him.". I siad "Yeah I can understand that. Well he misses you too you know. And so do I.". He said "I miss you too sweetheart, I really do.", I said "i'm so glad you called me Jared. I've missed your voice.". He said "Me too. We should do something some day.". I nodded and said "Absolutley! I'd love to.". He said "Awesome! Oh crap... I have to go. But we can talk more another day and hang out.". I smiled and said "Yeah sounds brilliant. Bye handsome.". He laughed slightly and said "Byebye beautiful.". Then we hung up and I picked up my computer and started to blog so here I am now and I have to go and get help from Nicky with the bandage and then send some pics to Jensen and Jared!

Night y'all!
Take care
Love
Madde