Hard decision...

Hey you guys!

I hope you are doing fine and are having a nice Sunday, I can tel you that my Sunday has had both ups and downs... I'll tell you alittle more about that soon.

As Tove told you yesterday she went on a date with Henrik last night.... or she said it wasn't a date but I know that it was ;) I can't really believe Henrik actually asked her out, I talked to him the day before last and he asked me if I though Tove wanted to go on a date with him. I just asked him if he ment as a real date or just friendly ad he said that he started to like her more and more and that he wanted to go on a proper date with Tove. I just told him to give it a shot and if she said no than he would have his answer. But like tove said he said NO to that question, talk about a coward :P The poor man doesn't have any balls what so ever. But anyway, Tove went on the "date" and didn't return untill this morning, I suppose you can all guess why not, yeah that's right, she got lucky again. But I mean, Henrik should really tell Tove how he feels because I think Tove has the same feelings for him. She is going to deny it but I know better. Okay I suppose I should tell someone I have feelings for how I really feel about him...

Tove has been on my ass about me tellning Nico how I really feel for him but I just can't. I mean, how do you tell your best friend that you're inlove with him? It's so hard and I'm so fucking afraid he will stop being around and stop hanging out with me. I would rather die than push him away like that. Okay, I might not be the happiest girl on the planet right now because Nico is off limit but I'm way more happy now then I would ever be if I lost him. Tove says that if he leaves me just because I tell him I love him then I'm better off but I'm not. I don't want to lose him and I din't want him or me to feel uncomfortable around eath other. I want him to be able to kiss and hug me and talk and hang out with me without wondering if he is doing the right thing or not. Or if he should stay away so that my feelings might cool off, but I don't think they will... Talk about a huge problem huh? It's even worth then the problem with the starving children of sangala or whatever :P No I'm just kidding, but for me it is a problem because like I said, I wont be able to live without him. I need to think a few more days if I'm going to tell him or not, but Tove! I can tell you one thing, I wont tell him before we go to Sligo! I might tell him after and if you tell him anything before Sligo I'm going to be so disappointed with you and you will hurt me like hell!

If you read Toves inlay from yesterday then you know that I made a comlete fool out of myself yesterday!! I had just woken up and Nico was still sleeping so I thought that i might go downstairs and get both of us something to eat, and if you know me right then you know that I like to have as little clothes on me as possible so I just walked down in my red bra and panties and walked into the kitchen. First I saw Tim, and I just though "well Tim is okay, I don't mind him seeing me like this and I don't think he will mind either" and then when I got closer and near the open fridge door, it closed and there was EDDIE!!! I didn't know what to do, I just stood there turning bright red in the face and I then I got really really angry because Eddies eyes started to move from mine, down towards my boobs and the rest of my body!! I just slapt him in the face and ran up to Toves room! And, well the rest you know because Tove told you all about that yesterday. But I can't believe he has the nerves to check me out after everything that has happened!! and when I ran away I heard footsteps behind me and looked over my shoulder and saw Tim running behind me trying to catch up but I got to Toves room before he could get a hold of me. Thank god! I don't know what I would have done otherwise :O

Talking about Tim though, even though I'm not so happy with him because he should have warned me about Eddie standing behind the fridge I still feel sorry for him in a way. You know that whole thing about his sex life. I hope for his sake that he has had sex, because it has do be pretty horrible!! Hum, maybe I should help him... but if I do that then Tove is going to kill me for sure. But I can't say that he isn't sexy and hot because he is, and I mean Tove has been flirting and all that with my little brother who is 15 and Tim is 21 so there is a difference.... I wonder, maybe I should hang out with Tim alittle and find out alittle bit more about him, if he has a girl back home in Umeå or anything.... I wouldn't mind flirting alittle bit with him because like I said he is hot and he has a great body ;)

Okay, I should maybe write something about Toves other little brother, Emil. I have tried to talk to him abut talking to Tove but he wont listen to me either. I don't get it, but I think I have thought of a pretty good way of getting through to him because I know he listens to Tim and if I can get Tim to listen to me then maybe we have a chanse of fixing Toves and Emils relationship. But first i have to get through to Tim with might get diffecult if Tove is standning in my way but otherwise it will be pretty darn easy ;) hahhaha

speaking of little brothers let's talk alittle about my little brother. I went to him this morning after Tove told me about what happened yesterday between him and her. I knocked on the door for like 5 minutes and then I went to the backdoor which was opened so I just walked in and found Linus in his bed sleeping. I didn't really find the patience to wait for him to wake up by himself and I'm not really happy with him either so I wnt to the bathroom and found a bucket which i filld with water and then I threw it on him. You should have seen him!! He just flew up screamd. When he saw me and understood what I had done he got pretty pissed but didn't yell or anything, he just looked at me and walked past me towards the bathroom. When he finelly came out so that we could talk he felt just like me, pissed off and hurting. I told him that I knew how he feels about dad and that he is lonley and all that but he just looked at me and laughted. "Yeah right, you know how it feels to be alone and pushed away by everyone you love, especially by the girl you're inlove with!" he told me. I suppose everone agrees with him, that I can't possibly know how it feels to be alone but I do. These last months I have felt more alone then I have ever felt before. Even though both Nico, Tove and the rest of the famliy have been there for me I have felt so lonley... So I do know how he feels and I told him that and that me and Tove will always be there for him but he just laught and said "yeah right". I didn't want to get even more angry with him so i just told him to think about what we talked about and then i left. I was in desperat need of a walk with Nico.

So that was what I did when I got home, I asked Nico to take a walk with me and he just put his shoes and grabbed a jumper and then took my hand and we left the house behind us. I told him everything that had happened with Linus and how I felt and when I finelly got talking about that I just babbeled on about how lonly I was feeling and alot about the trip and all that. I can't believe how understanding he was and when I felt the tears form and start to run down my cheeks he just stopped, whiped them away and gave me a soft hug and just stood there holding me. When we started our walk home both of us was quite and I could tell how much Nico wanted me to know that he was there for me. And I know he is but I just think about what will happen if I tell him how I feel... Will he still be there for me?...

Anyway lets talk about something less sad. I gave jared a call today and asked if he wanted to come over to Stockholm because I'd really want to meet him and I kind of need to talk to him. I suppose you know what about, yeah thats right... about him and me being FB's ;P hahahha I hope he wont mind but you never know.. :P He just said he would be on the next plane here because they just finished shooting Supernatural so he and Jensen could really use some vacation :) Hopefully Tove will have a talk to Jensen when they come over because I now that both of them need it.



Well I don't really know what else to tell you so I suppose I'm going to wrap this up now...

Take care!!!
Love
Madde