I wish you were here..

Hello Guys!
Well as you maybe know I have been kidnaped or something. I have no idea where I'm!
But I'm fine right now anyway..
I have a computer which is good, I found it in the room I locked in. But the guy who's kidnaped told me that the IP address was protected so you can't track it. And he also told me that they diden't have any internet, but he dosen't seems that sharp because if he know that I have internet right now then he would take it away, and I don't think he thought that I could steal internet from some stupied neighbour who dosen't have password.

Well I think it's two guys whos in this house but I'm not sure because I have only meet one of them, the Tommy dude. And he's kind of scary, but really sexy too! ;)
He lookes like a really bad boy, with tattoos, shaved head, alittle stubble and ALOT of muscels ;) So I have something nice to look at ;) Grr
But I hope I will find out who the other guys is soon too.
I'm sitting in a little room, I think it can be a basement, it's really dark and stuffy in here. I have a small, small window but all I see is grass and I can break thought it either because it's liek bars infront of it. The only thing in this room is a sofa which I sleeped in and a bookcase with alot of books, that's it! And I can just go to the bathroom like 3 times a day, and I haven't showerd in two days now, I can't smell very good! So I have to say it's kind of boring, but beeing kidnaped is not suppose to be fun.
But I'm fine so don't worry to much, I just have a black eye and some bruises because Tommy thought I was a little noisy last night so he hit me a few times..
But otherwise I'm fine. So Madde take it easy!
Just so you all now this is the only way I can contact my family since I don't have a phone, so that's why I have to talk to much about details and things like that just to help my mother who is driving Pontus crazy just to find me. But I have to say she is kind of sweeit being that worried, she is working 24/7 I can imadgen, so dose that instead of worring about everything then she keep herself busy.

Maybe you want to know what happend that night when I desperd.
As you know I was on my way to Henrik at night and I was kind of drunk.
I was walking in the park and all of the sudden some one hit me with something hard in te head and the I fell down on the ground, then I don't remeber more then waking up here. SO I ahve a big bull in my head I think maybe I have a little concussion too, because I feel alittle nauseous and dizzy but like I said otherwise I'm fine.

Today when Tommy came into my room to give me some disgusting he put the tray next to me on the sofa, I could see ha had something in he's hand it looked like a receipt and then he looked angry at me and put the receipt in he's pocken then eh said " eat now otherwise I will throw it away!" he was standing infront of me and I was sitting in the sofa. But then I though maybe I should got hold of that receipt just to see if it's writen some kind of adress. And since he's in my aged maybe I few yeras older and that he's a guy and that's a sexy guy. Then I used what I had to get that papper, yeah that's right, me. So laid my hand on the inside of he's thigh and slowly movied up, I countinued over he's stomach and I could feel he's abs under he's white t-shirt and he liked it. He's hands got quikly under my shirt and then he kissed me and the kisses got more and more eager, while he was touching me and kissing me, I put my hand's in he's pocket and pulled the papper out and then I place it in my pocket instead.Then I thought that I should stop this because I wasen't really up for sex right now. But beforeI know it he had alredaytaken of he's shirt and pulled down he's pants and he was on he's way with mine. I have to say NICE body and I loved the tattoos too! Madde you would of died!

But I wiggled out from he's grip and he's kissing. He asked what the hell I was doing, I just told him that I needed to eat before it got bad.
He got so mad at me! He yelled at said " What the fuck If you don't wnat to sleep with me then I will force you too, so come on I need to fuck someone!!! I don't care that you are not the most sexy women in the world, but you have the thing I want, so take of your pants and listen to me right now!!"

Unafried and stupied as I'm I told him no. I thought he was going to kill me, he got so furious at me! And he toook the whole food tray and just thow it in the wall so the plait and evreything just crached then he overturn the sofa witha kick! Then he's eyes turned to me, he's eye almost looked black. Then he raised he's right fist and I understood that he was going to hit me again, but I was lucky because just when he was on he's way to hit m eright in the face then he's phone called and he answerd. Then he just looked at me angry again and the he left and locked the door. I have to say I got a little scared acutally.

Back to that receipt. It was receipt from Ica supermarket bagarmossen and it was dated this morning so that means I'm still in Stockholm which is good.
So Madde tell Krisen and Strippan all about this. You can leave out that part about the part what I did to get the receipt and what he said. And Madde plz don't tell Jensen about teh hitting and the black eye and bruises, because then he would kill him. I know that you are probably going to tell both my mum and Jensen about eveything even though I said you shoulden't, but I know when you ahve deside for something then I can't chance it, but you can't blame me for trying.
And if they find me then he will see the bruises anyway, so maybe it dosen't matter if he know..

Well I think Jensen is in sweden now and probably in my house. I don't know if I think it was necessary for him to come here. It's not much he can do and I'm alive. And he will just get worried and furious. So then I have to worry about him and Henrik. Because I can imadgen that Henriks is spending sometime at my house too, so that means thay have to meet each other. And last tim ethey meet each other Jensen kicked Henriks ass. It woudlden't suprise me if they are argueing all the time and blameing ecah other or something. But guys if you do, then I hav ejust two words to say, STOP FIGHTING!
Good that Madde is there to look after them.

But Madde you can tell Jensen that I think he's the most wounderful person that I have ever meet and the kindest person and the considerateing man I have ever known

and will know and that I love him with all my heart! And that I know that he loves me too, more then I ever deserved and ever will deserve and that I'm sooooooo sorry about everything! plz tell him that, I just want him to know, since we don't know what will happend to me..

And Madde I just want you too know that all this isen't your fauilt what ever Linus say or anyone else, it's not your fauilt! If it's someonece fauilt it's mine!! But not yours!

And I also want you too know I will always love you what ever happends and what ever stupied thing you do or I do, I will still love you! I'm not saying that'm okay will all this with you and Tim and I'm not saying that I trusth you again or that I have forgiven you, I need a lot of time for that, if I even can, but I will still always love you. I just though you should know that. And I'm really glad that you have nico as your friend.

What can I tell you more?? .. It haven't happend that much since I'm just sitting in a room all night and day. It's kind of creepy, I don't know what they want with me either.

It's really dark here in the room, I only has one lamp and it's a small lamp who is standing on the floor, so it's dark evrey hour here. And I haveb say that I'm starting to get more and more freaked out about this. Especilly after that with Tommy. I haven't sleeped naything those two nights I have spend here and I will probably not sleep anything this night either, I just can't sleep, it's freaks me out! I rater sleep in the day because then it feels like I have more control about what happends. If I have to stay here for more then a week then I will seriously take suicide, because I can't live like this, locked in a small room with out any widowns almost, it making me depressed! If i'm not allreday death in a week since I'm not taking my medicins for my liver which is really importent that I do otherwise it can stop working and that wouden't be good not at all!!Well It's good that I'm not a claustrophobia then I would of been death by now! so that's something posetive anyway.

I really really wish that mum and Pontus will find me now! I want to go home! Oh god I'm so embarrassing! You don't even want to know what I'm doing right now! It's ridiculous! I'm crying for something like this! I have had fucking cancer and was near to die and that I diden't cry for but now! I'm so pissed off at myself right now! I can't belive this I'm such a wimp! Sometimes I just hate myself so fucking much!

It would of been nice to not be alone right now, then I had to keep it together!

And I wish you were here with me right now... I miss you so!

Oh god I have to stop crying! What's wrong with me! Well Okay everything is wrong with me! It feels like that! I'm all alone! It just feels like I destroy everyone life so maybe it would be for the best to just stay here my whole life! I'm a terrible person, I should be alone no one should love me, so stop with that! I don't deserv it! I'm so disgusting and ugly and horrible! I hate myself!

All I do is fight with people! Like Madde, Tim, Eddie, Henrik and Jensen. Which feels the worsed! I will never forgive myself for what I did to him! Never! I can't belive that he's still talking to me and likes me! I don't even like myself! I don't deserve him, he's so much better then I ever will be! He should go home and forgett all about me and find himself a beautiful and perfect women and spend the rest of he's life with her! He deserves that! Not a whore who cheats! I'm a so fucking loser! I'm disaster! And what's up with the fucking tears! And all I do is wrong! My best friend dosen't even think I want her to be happy! Which I do, ofcourse she should be happy! I suck I can't even show her that!

Oh god maybe I should just ask Tommy to kill me now instead! It would eb for the best for Madde, Jensen, Henrik, Tim, mum and just everybody!I hate this place it gives me time to think! My life suck! I suck!

Well I should go now and hang myself!

Well you will hear from Madde tomorrow!

Hopefully you will hear from me on monday, if I'm alive!

Have a great evening...

Tove