Too Far!

Hello!
I can start to tell you that this is probably not going to be the most happiessed inlay ever, since I'm in a bad mood, but if you still want to read it, well then I just say here you go.

About the weekend and the wedding.
I don't really like weddings because everything seems so happy and good, which really isen't the truth. It's just one things I like with weddings, or maybe two. And those are the booze, free alchole is always good and second of all it is aften a lot of hot singel guys there which I like. ;)
But that's about it what I like about weddings.
But it was great to meet Lennart again and he's husband, he was really sweeit and he was really handsome!
About those singel guys at the wedding, well since I had a date I diden't really try to make a move on them even though they was try with me, which Henrik diden't really like. But I don't really care baout what Henrik thinks anymore, but I will talk about him in a while.
But the wedding was nice and the hotel was also nice, and I have to say Henrik looked absolutly gorgeous in he's suit. And we had a great time in that hotel room after the wedding ;) It was great but now I'm just angr with him!

Like Madde told you yesterday Henriks checked her out. I'm not so happy about that! Because our agreement about us dateing was that he coulden't check out other women. But he diden't even keep that promis to our second date! Which was suppose to be last night, but I diden't go. I was supppose to be at he's place at 7 but when I diden't show up he called me and asket where I was. I just told him or more yelled at him that he should be happy if i ever talk to him again, and that he should stop calling me!! I heard him say " what have I done? " Then I just hang up.
Henrik called me today but I diden't answer. Then he called me again, and again, and again and again. I got so tierd of all the ringing so I picked up. He just said " Plz Tove tell me, what have I done?" I Just yelled at him " What the fuck do you think, I just say one word, MADDE!!! " He got quit for a while and said " Oh that, plz just let me explian, can you come over so we can talk, plz? " I just yelled and said " No, I don't want to talk to you!!!" He just said " Then I'm coming over now, we need to talk" Then I stoped him and said " I don't want you to to come here!! " He just said " see you in 10 minuts " Then he hang up! I was so angry!!

I saw Henrik walkeing out of he's car I just walked outside and walked right by him, I could hear he's footstep behind me. after a few minuts he was by my side.
I walked in the wood so now one would hear us when I killed him!!
He started to say how sorry he was, but I just interuptted him and yelled at him " All you have done this few month is useing me!! In the begining I diden't really care about that because then I did the same thing!! But then you asked me out and then I thought you liked me!! But No you just use me for sex!! Madde was right all along about that!! But I diden't want to belive it!! And at the wedding I thought you had changed and really was intresed in me, because then I was the only one for you!! And I had acutally start to like you for real!! And now you do this!! I can't belive it!" He just said " I'm sorry, I diden't mean to hurt you. You like me? " I just said " No I don't like you, but I did like you! " He just said calm " I still like you, I think I'm starting to fall inlov... " I just inttrupted him and said" You want dare say that word, if you where inlove with me then you woulden't have used me!" He just said " I'm not useing you I would never do that to you. Yes I know I have used alot of other women but you are diffrent" I just said " you are just saying that so you can have sex with me!" He just said " No I'm not I mean it, you are beautful intelligent women who has a warm heart and a you are good listner and you always care about other people you love before yourself. And women I uselly sleeps with have just big boobs and nice asses and I often don't even know there name.
Compare to you, I can talk to you, I have even told you my biggest secret, so plz don't just thikn you are a girl that I'm just scrwing around, because you aren't, I have never feelt like this before about anybody" I just asked " what about Madde?" He just said" Madde is to hot and sexy for her own good, but you are so much more "
I diden't know what to say, because I want to belive him that he's telling the truth, but I don't know... I just walked away from him and back home again with out a word to him, but fortuntly he diden't follow me.

When I got home I ran into Madde and we aren't speking to each other, so when she saw me she just walked in a another direction. I can't belive she is angry with me! She has no right at all to be angry with me! I haven't done anything! She is the guilty one her! She fucking sleeped with my brother, which she ahd promis not to!! I don't acer how drunk she was, that's not an excuse!! I can't belive her! I'm so disappointed at her!
And I have to agree with Zara about Madde that, all she dose is hurting people she love, that's all she do! And she dosen't care a shit about me, all she dose is thinking about herself!!
And she can never have wrong, like now when it's her fauilt she did something wrong not me, then she try to make it sounds like it's my fauilt!! She always do that!! And I think it's really low of her that she diden't had the courage to tell me this face to face instead she write it here so I can read it! I'm so fucking angry disappointed and sad, I can't belive she did this to me!! She should pray that I will talk to her again! Because the chance damn are small!
Madde I hate you! You are like the worse thing that ever happend to me!!
I can't belive that I missed you when you where in sligo and I can belive that I bought you a car and I can't belive I have been by your side all this years when all you have done is let me down! It was you who wanted to fix our relationship after all that with Eddie so we went to Mallorca, and then you do this! You allreday know what I feelt about you and tim, and you promised me!But you diden't care about me at all, you where supose to be there for me now when Jensen was gone but no you diden't care about that!! All you do is detroy my life!
I know you don't think this is a big deal, but I do and you know I did!! I hate you!!

Zara came over today and talked to me.
She asked me if she should be worried that Nicky is spending so much time with Madde.
I asked her " do you trust Nicky? " She just said yes Then I sai d" well then you don't have to worrie as long as you can trust him. I wish I could say that you could trust Madde to but I'm not so sure about that " She said " so you don't think I was to hard on her yesterday? Nicky got pretty angry " I said " No you wasen't, I think you are the only one who has had the courage to tell her the truth, even though it's many others who thinks just like you, me for example. And about Nicky, well he dosen't know Madde like I do and she would never hurt him because she is to much inlove with him. Me she just take for granted" Then Zara said " are you two fighting agian? " I just said " is it that obvious? " She just said " Yes, is it about Nicky? "
I shook my head and said " We are acutally fighting about Madde and Tim, and them sleeping together at the wedding " She looked really suprised and said " what?! I can't belive she did that to you, first you father then your brother!" I just said" I know". Then she asked " are you angry?" I just said " Angry dosen't really cover it " She just said that she understood that.

Then Nicky walked throw the door looking for Madde, I told him that I had seen her drive away in her care for about an hour ago and she had left her cellphone at home because it had been ring like tree times and that I had no idea where she is and that I diden't care.
So he satt down next to he's fiancé, Madde listen to the word FIANCÉ! And then he gave her a kiss so appreantly they where friends again. Then nicky asked me what was wrong between me and Madde and I told him evreything.
He responded and said " I understand that you are angry, I will talk to her about it" I just said " you can talk to that whore who much you want nothing is going to chance" He looked at me and I know what he meant with that glare, he diden't like that I called Madde a whore but I don't care and he diden't defend her either so I just changed subjet.
And I asked Zara about China, she said it wa sgoing to be hard to be away from Nicky and the kids so long. Then Nicky said " But me and the kids are going to visit a few times under this month, we are acutally going in two weeks to visit and we are staying for two weeks so it's going to be cozy" Then he took Zaras hand and kissed it, she just smiled at him. Like you maybe know Nico loves to talk so he just countinie and said that" me and Zara are acutally considering to get another baby " Then she stoped him and said" We have just talk about it remebere I haven't said I want to yet, so don't get any expectations " He just laught at her and gave her another kiss. Sometimes I really miss having a boyfriend espessilly when I look at other couples.
Then they went home.

It was really quit in the house it was just me and Linus at home.
He came down and sat next to me in the sofa. I asked him why he had blame all that on me about the touching and sleeping in my bed. He diden't say anything. I gave up and walked upstairs to take a shower. It was nice with a shower, I needed it just to be by myself.
Then all the sudden the door to the shower opends up and before I knew it Linus was standing infront of me ALL naked!! Then he pressed he's naked body against mine, and I can say little Linus was also standing up infront of me!! Then he said " you look so fucking sexy even without your hair, I just want to fuck you right here" I just pushed him away and ran out of there.
So apprently he haden't listen to Madde at all. I can't belive him.

It was just me and Linus at home when it was time for dinner,but while we was eating Madde showed up too, So when she saw me and Linus sitting there she just stopped and looked at us and I just walked away and up to my room.
It woulden't suprise me if he will tell her some diffrent story about what happend in the shower just so he will make it sound like it was all my fauilt!! Well the apple does not fall far from the tree. Both Linus and Madde seems to think everything is my fauilt. But I shoulden't be suprised that Linus is such a screw up when he's big sister is even more screwed up!
Madde you are such a good role model for your little brother!! NOT!

Well then I went out for a walk to clear my thoughts. But just outside the door I meet Tobbe so he asked if he could come with me, it was nice to talk to talk to someone who I know cares about me. When we was walking through the park someone called my name, first I diden't recognize them it was two girls. When they got closcer I saw who they where it was Marja och Karja!!! And you who dosen't know who they are I will tell you shortly.
Marja och Karja we was classmates for many many years ago, they are lesbians and sisters and dateing each others!! and have always done! I don't think me and Madde was so nice to them back then. Because they wheren't so nice to me now.
They asked how I was doing, and I just said fine, then they said " Are you still friend with that hussy?" I just said " If you mean Madde, then yes" They diden't have to know that we was fighting, but if they knew me then they should of figuret out since I diden't defend her when they called her hussy which I would uselly do.
then Karja asked who Tobbe was I said " He's my ex husband and now he is my friend " They just laught and said " like you have been married?! You still hasen't matur anything, you still look as ugly as you did before, with that red hair who lookes like you have a period on your head and you still dosen't have any boobs" Then they laught, I got so angry and so did Tobbe, he just snaped and said that they should be lucky that he dosen't hit girls and thet they should never go near me agian.

On the way back to the house, we ran into Tim, not my brother but my ex. He asked if I wanted to do something maybe go out and party or something. I haven't seens him seens that kiss. Which I just rater forget all about. I just told him that I wiuld think about it.
My brother Tim haven't I seen all day I think he is avioding me, because he knowes that I will kill him! But he have to show up sometimes!!

I don't know what to do with all this, if I should talk to Henrik and give him a second chance or not and I don't know what I will do with Madde, I really hate her right now!
And I have to say that I really miss Jensen too..

Well now I have to try to get some sleep, I think it will be hard but I have to try anyway..

See ya

Kisses

Tove