The Weekend

Hey you all. How’s it going?

I don’t really know what to say about how I feel but I’ll tell you more about that later.. Right now we are packing our stuff so that we can go back to Stockholm and continue with our lives. I can understand that you are curious of knowing what happened during this weekend and of course I will tell you ;)

As you know me and Nico came home from Sligo on Thursday and I spent the rest of that day with Tove and Nicky went home to his fiancé… have you any idea how sad I got when he told me!!! I just can’t believe it!!! But I talked to him and asked when they were getting married but then he just said that Zara wanted to wait a few years. because now when Westlife is coming back and carry love is going so well she wants them to focus a lot on their music and since they have gone this far without marriage then they can carry on without marriage a few more years. I’m happy about that because right now I would not be able to go on their wedding. My holyday with Nico was really great and I was a bit sad that it was over. When we were going to leave Sligo we said goodbye to Mark, Kevin, Kian, Jodi, Gillian and the kids. It was really sad but then all of the sudden just before we boarded the chopper Kian yelled out that I was welcome to Barbados to their wedding!!! I am so happy for them and of course I’m going to their wedding!!! Jodi is going to look beautiful and before we got onboard on the chopper I gave them both a hug and then Jodi asked me if I wanted to look at wedding dresses with her! I said yes of course because I love wedding dresses and we are going to find her the most amazing dress ever!! I can’t wait!!!

On Friday we were supposed to drive to Gothenburg for the wedding but almost everyone wanted to fly but me and Emil and Tim just said no, because we hate flying so the whole family drove instead. We were supposed to leave at 12 but because of Tove being so fucking slow we didn’t get going until 2.5 hours later.. I don’t get how she can be so slow!! Anyway when we finally got going we were driving like 5 cars or something and me and Tove took my beautiful baby. I’ve missed that car so much and driving it all the way to Gothenburg was great!! We got there 3 hours before the rest of them. Haha I may have been a little bit heavy on my foot. But when we got there Lennart and Patrik welcomed us with open arms. It was so great to see Lennart again!! He is an amazing man, so sweet and kind. And his soon-to-be-husband looked amazing!! Talk about finding the hottest gay man out there. Lennart is a lucky man! I have to have a chat with Lennart later about Patrik and hear if he I as hot under the clothes as he is with clothes on ;) when the rest of the family arrived we were only waiting for Nico and Zara, Niklas and Sara and Brian. They arrived after a few hours and then we finely got to eat some dinner. We barbequed and drank some red vine and laughed all night long. It was great and Lennart and Patrik looked so good together and looked so in love with each other. It was great to see.

As you know Linus came with us and he wasn’t very happy at all because I had a talk to him earlier that morning about the drugs and the touching of Tove in impropriated places… he just said it wasn’t his fault because she was teasing him with walking around in her underwear and letting him sleep in her bed. I just said “You got to be kidding me! This is her house and if she wants to walk around in her underwear then she can do that!! Plus I doubt that she has done that because that isn’t who she is! And about that with sleeping in her bed was just because she is too nice for her own good because she didn’t know what to say when you took advantage of her sweetness! I can’t believe you did that to her!! She doesn’t love you in that way how hard is that to understand!?” then he just looked at me and got that cheeky smile on his lips and that mean look in his eyes and then he said “yeah well that came from the right person! Nicky doesn’t love you but you still try to sleep with him! Nicky must think you are being a pain in the ass because it must be irritating to have you chasing him around like a little schoolgirl! That’s why he is going to marry Zara and leave you!” with every word he said the more I could feel the tears build up and when he said the last two words I broke down, yelled at him that he was a fucking dickhead and then I ran out of the room and threw myself on my bed a cried. He can’t leave me; I won’t let him leave me! I wouldn’t survive it!

When I was lying there sobbing I heard a knock on the door and remembered that I forgot to lock the door so after a few seconds I heard the door open and someone walk in. In a way I was hoping it was Nicky because I really wanted to feel his comforting arms around me and that wonderful voice of his saying that everything is going to be fine but at the same time I wanted it to be someone else because I didn’t want to do something stupid. I could feel and hand on my head and then I heard Tim’s voice asking me if I was alright. I just looked at him with my red eyes and tears falling down my face and said “Am I looking okay to you?” then he shook his head and leaned in to hug me. I was in desperate need of a hug so I let him hold me and then we just sat there for a few minutes. When I had dried the tears and put some makeup on we went downstairs and met Linus in the hallway. He looked at me with malicious pleasure in his eyes. Sometimes I hate my little brother. He can be such a stupid little asshole and I hate it. I don’t get why he has to hurt the people who try to help him, okay there are a lot of young guys and girls who acts the same way but I just don’t understand why. Anyone wants to try and help me out with that question? I guess not.

So when Saturday came along we all were over the moon with excitement over the wedding and we just wanted them to say “I do” and kiss. But then I didn’t long for so much more because I knew what laid ahead. I would spend the rest of the day and night with Tim watching Nicky dance with his fiancé. Jeez I hate that word. But then I can get totally wasted and have sex with some hot guy and then go home on Sunday and try to avoid Zara. I had already seen a few of the relatives and friends from Patriks side and there were a few pretty hot guys there ;) anyway, when we were supposed to get ready for the wedding me and Tove got ready in the same room, then we heard a knock on the door and Krisen, Sara, Zara, Jessica, My and the rest of the friends and family that are girls looked in. but it was actually pretty good because when it comes to doing hair then Sara is the master herself and she needed some help with her makeup which I gladly helped her with, and Krisen took care of our nails. It was pretty cozy to just hang out with everyone from my family; they can be so sweet sometimes :). When we were ready and we all looked amazing we went out to the garden where the wedding was supposed to be. The sun was shining and it was really warm so we were very lucky with it. None of the lads had come yet so we were just sitting there waiting for them. I just can’t believe we were faster to get ready then our dates :P but then we saw them, coming in a pack, all with suits and nice hair and all with a white rose in their jacket pocket and a red rose in their right hand, the white and red rose together signify unity. All of them looked amazing but of course there was one man standing out of the crowd. Nicky, he was just like glowing and looked stunning. I can’t even say how hot he was. He saw that I looked at him so he smiled at me and winked with one eye. Then someone blocked my sight and I got a little pissed until I saw that it was my date, Tim. He looked really good and the suit fitted him like the hand in the glove. He smiled at me, gave me a kiss on the cheek and held out the rose. He then said “you look absolutely amazing. Better than anyone here.” I felt so flattered and took the rose and said “thank you, you don’t look so bad yourself.”. Then he said something I didn’t think he would say, he said “thanks, but I don’t look as good as Nico do I?”. I didn’t know what to say. Should I say “no, but there is no one who looks better or as good as he.” or should I lie and say “of course you do! You look so much better than he does!”… No, I decided it was better to do something else than answer so I turned to Tove and asked if she had heard something from Jensen. “no, I suppose it is as hard for him as it is for me so I don’t think he is going to call me just yet.” She said. I could tell Henrik didn’t really like that conversation but if he starts to act like the jealous boyfriend then I will kick his ass!

Okay back to the wedding.. When we all were there and seated, the wedding march started and Lennart and Patrik came walking down the aisle, they both looked great and so in love and when they stood up there and said “I do” the audience were so quiet and I think someone even cried and when the priest finally said to Lennart “Lennart you may kiss your husband” everyone stood up and started to cheer! It was so beautiful and they both looked so happy. After the wedding it was time for dinner and then party!! The dinner was amazing and the red vine we drank with it was the best vine I’ve ever tasted!! Anyway after we had eaten I felt like stepping outside for a second to get some air. I slowly walked back to the ceremony location and sat down on a chair there. It was still pretty warm outside and the sun was still up, suddenly a voice woke me up from my daydreaming. “Can you plz stop scaring me with this whole walking-away-alone-after-dinner thing?”. I turned around and found Nicky standing behind me. He smiled one of his mischievous smiles and then he sat down next to me. I thought to myself at that point that that was the best opportunity I would get to tell him how I feel but just the thought of it almost killed me. I looked him in the eyes and right there and then I understood that he would never leave me, not even if I told him that I love him. He would never do anything like that. I looked down and saw that he was holding a drink in his hand so I stole it and knocked it back and then I put the empty glass on the grass and took his hand in mine. I thank god that I was too worried about what I was about to do that I didn’t laugh at the expression in his face. He looked really confused and sometimes he does this really funny and cute thing with his face when he is confused and it always makes me laugh, but not this time. I looked him in the eyes and said “Nicky, there is something I need to tell you. I probably should have told you months ago but I was too scared to do it. Not that I’m not afraid now but I promised myself and Tove that I would.” Now he looked really confused and worried and said “Madde what’s going on?? Are you okay honey!?” I just shook my head to that question because that fact is, I’m not okay. “No, I’m not. God I don’t know how to tell you this but okay here it goes. I love you.”. I could feel my heart pump the fastest ever and my palms get all sweaty and I was so afraid he was going to get up and say that we could never see each other again. But he just looked at me quietly and his eyes were so understanding, caring, loving and happy in some way. He let go of my hand and stroke a lock of hair away from my face, then he smiled, cupped his hands around me chin and kissed me. When we broke off from the kiss he didn’t let go of my head, I just sat there completely chocked resting my head in his hands. Our eyes met again and he said “Darling, I kind of know… but it’s okay. You mean so much to me and I love spending time with you. I just don’t want you to get hurt because I’m with Zara.” I felt my heart rate slow down and the tears weld up in my eyes. He stroke away a tear that had already escaped and then he stood up and pulled me up with him so that he could give me a hug. “So you aren’t going to be angry and stop hanging out with me?” I said between my sobbing, he pushed me away and this time he almost looked angry. “What!? Is that what you thought I was going to do if you told me?” I tried to look away from his gaze but he wouldn’t let me. I felt really stupid because I should have known he would never do that, I just said “yeah well, can you blame me? I mean you’re with Zara and you have known me all our lives and now all of the sudden I have feelings for you.” He said “yeah I can blame you; I thought you knew me better than that. I would never leave you Madde. You are one of my absolute best friends and I could never leave you. And absolutely not when you love me, that is just stupid.” I looked him in the eyes and understood that I had been such a fool. Of course he would never leave me, he loves, and cares about me so why would he leave? I hugged him again and then we walked back to the party. The first person I saw was Tove looking at us when we entered the room and I just nodded towards her so that she would understand that I had done it. She smiled and nodded back and then continued to talk to Henrik. Then I saw Zara walking towards us and I thought Nico was going to go over to her and dance but he just grabbed my hand and dragged me over to the dance floor. We danced a few songs and then he kissed my hand and started walking towards the stage. I had no idea what he was going to do and when he grabbed the microphone and asked the band to stop playing. Everybody stopped dancing and the entire room fell into silence. He looked over the room and then he asked if 3 of his best friends could join him on the stage. Everyone in the audience just stood there, no one knew who he meant and no one wanted to jump to conclusions. But then, from nowhere, 3 lads, 2 dark-haired and 1 blonde joined him on stage. Everybody cheered when Mark, Shane and Kian turned to the audience and the music started to play again. Before they started to sing Nicky said “Okay, first we are going to play a song that really fits here and that both Lennart and Patrik love. So guys this is your song from now on.” Then Shane started to sing “I do” with his amazing voice and everyone got quite again. A few songs later Nicky started to talk again and this time he said “now we are going to sing a song for all you guys who mean the world to us, I know this is one of your favorite songs Madde. And I mean every word.”I felt my face turn red and I saw Zara look at me, I didn’t have the courage to look back at her but I don’t think she was too happy. Then I heard the first tones of “You raise me up” and my face lit up with a great smile. After that song everyone started to cheer again and then they sung “Forever” and Nicky didn’t let go of me with his gaze. I suppose he is trying to convince me that he isn’t going to leave.

When the party was over and we all started to head back to the hotel we found out that it had been a mistake and that Tim’s room was double booked. We didn’t know what to do but then I thought since he is my date he can stay in my room so that is what he did. We had a really nice evening or night at first. We took a few drinks and talked for awhile and then after a few drinks we took a few more but then I think we had gotten a little too much because Tim started to be a bit close and I didn’t really mind. He stroke away my hair from my shoulder and kissed my neck, his lips made their way towards mine and when they finally got there I was too horny to restrain myself. I started to unbutton his shirt and threw it on the floor; I ran my fingers over his amazing abs and back. I felt how he was zipping down the zipper on my dress and then he pulled me up from the bed and the dress slided over my boobs and fell to the floor. He pushed me down on the bed again and undid his pants. I must say that for being a virgin he is pretty darn good at the foreplay but he was taking a little bit too long with undoing he pants and I didn’t feel like waiting so I helped him out and pulled him down on top of me. He explored my naked body with his hands and it felt so good, I felt like it was time to get some so I pulled down his boxers and grabbed a hold of his tight ass. He kissed my neck down to my boobs and then back up to my lips. To feel his body on mine was great and I have missed having sex so much! We made love 3 times before we fell asleep. I have to say that he was pretty good at sex even though he was a virgin.

When we woke up on Sunday morning he gave me a long deep kiss and I have to say I looked at him with different eyes. He is a very sexy man and he has a really beautiful face. And the way he kisses, oh man! It’s not better then Nicky or Jared but it’s better than a lot of guys I’ve kissed. I suppose Tove is not going to be so happy about me having sex with her brother because she said she would kill us both if something happened. I’m sorry honey but I was drunk!

When we had gotten down to the restaurant for some breakfast we found Nicky sitting by himself at a table looking a little bit down. I told Tim to go and get some breakfast and I’d be right there. I walked over to Nicky and sat down next to him; he looked up and smiled when he saw me. “What wrong Nico?” I asked, he just sighed and said “Nothing you have to worry about love. I just found out that Zara has to go to Kina with the band because they are going to record a new album. I can’t believe she didn’t tell me sooner.” “How long is she going to be away then?”. “3 months…” he said. I feel so sorry for him and I agree with him; I can’t believe she didn’t tell him sooner. Then he asked “So Tim stayed with you tonight?” there was something in his voice and eyes I couldn’t place, it wasn’t worry or sadness but something else. Sometimes he is really hard to read. I just said “yeah well his room was double booked so I said he could stay in my room since he was my date to the wedding.”. When I had said that Tim came over with a plate filled with food and put it in front of me, he then placed his plate next to mine and sat down on the chair on my left. All of the sudden Nicky got a really hostile attitude and said “Hey man can you leave us alone?” and looked at Tim with eyes that were shooting lightning. Tim looked as surprised as I felt and looked at me for help; I just nodded and hoped he knew I was sorry. When Tim had left us I asked what Nicos problem was but he just huffed and said “he irritates me.”. Geez sometimes I really don’t understand that man!

After awhile we saw Krisen and her date Johan come down the stairs. Both of them with a smile on their face and with love in their eyes, they were holding hands and Krisen was really acting like a little schoolgirl. I looked at Nicky and he looked back at me and we both had to try our best not to laugh, he then whispered “I suppose someone got lucky last night”. Then I could shut up anymore, I bursted out laughing and almost fell off my chair. But got quite when we heard yelling voices and saw Brian run down the stairs with Sara crying behind him. Nicky and I looked at each other and then back at Sara and Brian, when they had ran out the doors I saw my big brother run the same direction. I then understood what must have happened. I grabbed Nicky’s hand and dragged him with me; together we ran after them and found them on the parking lot screaming at each other. Nicky walked over to Brian who was threatening Niklas and I walked over to Niklas to hold him back as he almost attacked Brian. When they had stood there for like 15 minutes yelling at one another Brian got loose from Nicky’s grip and hit Niklas in the face and got in his car and drove off. Sara couldn’t stop crying and Niklas was really irritated. I told him to stop thinking about Brian and focus on Sara which he then did and he took her back inside to talk to her. I feel really sorry for Brian to find out about Sara and Niklas but at the same time I’m happy he did because Sara and Brian had already lost some feelings for each other and Sara had feelings for Niklas. I think she has always had feelings for him and him for her even though they have been apart for like 10 years.

When everyone had calmed down a bit I went to find Kian because I had to give him his birthday present. Yeah I know I’m a bit late with it but as they say “better late then never” right? ;P I found him in the garden with Shane and when they saw me they smiled and gave me a hug. I told him that I know it’s late but he just said that he wasn’t expecting a present from me. “Of course I had to get you a gift! It was your birthday so!” I said. He just laughed and accepted the gift and when he saw what it was he gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and said “Thank you so much!”. I bet you are wondering what I got for him, well it was a romantic vacation with Jodi on New Zealand. I’m happy he liked it and I hope Jodi is going to be happy with it too. :)

Then I had to give my dear friend Robert a call. I can not believe I forgot his birthday!! I feel so stupid and when he picked up and heard it was me he said “oh so now you finally called. I was starting to wonder if you had forgotten completely.” I felt such guilt for not calling him and said that I was really sorry and so on. He then said that it was okay and then we just talked about everything and nothing. I found out that he and Kellan was thinking about coming over to Sweden again and see me and Tove. I told him that they should so he said that he was going to discuss it with Kellan and then get back to me about it.

When we had packed all our stuff and said goodbye to Lennart and Patrik it was time to go back to Stockholm. I and Tove took my Lambo as before and then we finally got a chance to talk. She asked me how it went with telling Nico about my feelings and I told her everything that happened and what he had said. She wasn’t too happy with him kissing me and leading me on but I just told her that I know but that she should let me live my life as I let her live hers. She can be pretty darn stubborn sometimes and this time was one of those times... “I can’t believe he would do that! Doesn’t he understand that he is hurting you!?” she said or yelled. I just told her “Plz Tove stop. He doesn’t hurt me and i don’t give a rats ass if you don’t like it. I know that it’s not that kind of love in his kisses but I know he loves me and that is all I care about.”. She just sighed and I hope she understands that i don’t want to know what she thinks. I only care about what I think and what Nico thinks.

Okay now I think I have talked about our weekend enough. I have almost told you everything that has happened in detail so I think I’m going to tell you about my Monday.

Zara was here this morning to talk to Linus, it didn’t go as we had hoped because like she said they are alomst family so he just wont listen to her. I don’t get that boy, he is such a baby. Krisen has tried to talk to him as well but that is going even worse. All I want is for my little brother to be free from drugs, alcohol and worries. I suppose the last one is a bit to much to ask for but the drugs and the alcohol that is something I can demand him to stop with. I know he is going trough some ruff times but so am I but I don’t hang out with drugaddicts or do drugs myself. I just don’t understand, all I want is for him to be happy, healthy and well.
When I got the chance to talk to Zara I asked when she was leaving for Kina and she told me she’s going on Wednesday and she’s going to be away for 3 months. I told her that i was hoping everthing would go fine and that their new album would be great. I bet it is because they are awesome! Anyway before Zara left she turned to me and said “Look, I’m happy you and Nicky has found each other and are such good friends but if you touch him we are not friends anymore.” I’m not the kind of person who just let’s things like that be said to me without getting a respons so I said “Excuse me!? If I lay a hand on him we aren’t friends anymore? I would never hurt my friends like that and I know how much Nico cares about you so you should really trust him!” She just looked at me and then said “You would never hurt your friends like that? Madde that is all you do, hurt the people you love, or the people you say you love. You can’t survive without hurting you friends and family.” I could feel my heart crack and how the tears started to build up again like so many times before. I suppose she is right but no one has ever said that to me before. When she had closed the door and gone home I went up to my room and closed the door. After a few minutes my phone rang and it interrupted my sobbing. I answerd and heard Nickys voice on the other side, he asked me if i wanted to take a walk and when I said yes and sobbed alittle he asked what was wrong and when I didn’t tell him he said “I’ll be right there!” and hung up. A couple of minutes later he knocked on my bedroom door and entered without a “come in”. I was still sitting on my bed hugging my knees when he came in and he immediately sat down next to me and gave me a hug and asked what was wrong. I just said “Come on, let’s take that walk.” And got up to put some makeup on so that no one could see I had been crying.

When we got to the place where we always stop for awhile he asked me again what had happened and he forced me to look into his eyes. I can’t keep things from him and I definintly can’t lie to him. So I told him what had happened and what Zara had said to me, I don’t think I have ever seen Nicky so angry and disappointed before. He said “I can’t believe she said that. She should know better and she isn’t the kind of girl who is jealous! I have to talk to her!” I just told him to leave it because she was right, I do hurt the people I love the most. He shook his head, cupped his hadn under my chin and said “You have never hurt me. You are a human being and we all make mistakes.”. I just smiled to try and convince him that I knew he was right but he was so wrong. I didn’t feel like talking about that anymore so we just stood there for awhile and then we walked back home. When we got there he said he had to go home and talk to his fiancé, so he gave me a kiss on the cheek and a hug and then he left.

Something very bad happened today. Not bad for me but bad for Henrik. I had just taken a shower and had totally forgotten to take with me another pair of jeans and a top so I walked from the bathroom to my room in just my bra and a pair of panties. Just as I was about to turn around the corner I bumped into Henrik who was on his way to work. His look turned from surprised to kinky in no time! And I just told him to continue walking and ignore what he had seen, then he wipsered “How can I ignore seening that?” and licked his lips in a very sexy way. I told him to stop and then walked pass him and back to my room. I just hope he hasn’t hurt Tove to much and honey, I promis you that i didn’t try anything and that I did say the things I just wrote! I’m sorry he hasn’t stopped being a player yet!

I spent the rest of the day out in the sun in my new bikini. The sun has been shining all day and it’s been so warm outside. HAHA when I was lying there listening to my Ipod with closed eyes on my way to dreamland I got a kiss on the lips from nowhere! I got so surpried that I immediately sat up and looked around. Then I saw someone blocking the sun and looked up and saw Jared!! I was so happy to see him so I just stood up and gave him a long hug and a deep kiss. When we broke off from the kiss he looked at me, stroke a lock of hair away from my face and then laught. “I didn’t think you would be so happy to see me” he said. I just told him to shut up and kiss me which he gladly did and then he picked me up and without parting from the kiss he carried me up to my room and... well I think you can guess what happened. I can say one thing, he is way better then Tim! ;) hahahah


I have to stop writing now because Tove needs help to find the right outfit for her second date with Henrik tonight. ;)

I’ll write more on Wednesday and Tove will write tomorrow, then you might find out some more things about her thoughts on this weekend and maybe about what happened on her date ;)

Take care!
Love
Madde