I'm back again...

Hey Guys!

Today I'm not locked in anymore, YAY! :D But the bad thing is that I'm stuck in hospital again!
Well that's almost the samething as being locked in, because I can't go anywhere!
But the biggest diffrents is that now I can hang out with people I love, and that's a good thing :)
And another good thing is that I'm not alone here in my room this time. Because now is Madde here, which I like very much. Okay don't take this in the wrong way, I'm not happy that she got shoot, becaus that I hate more then anything. But I'm glad that she is here with me so I don't have to be alone. But she can proably go home in a week or so, at that time when she can go home then I'm probaly not even up walking yet and is still to weak for my operation, but first they have to fine a new doner which can't be easy..

I'm pissed of at Sven-Åke and Tommy for puting me back here again and especially to put Madde here!! I found out from mum that Tommy is still alive and had all reday woken up from the operation! And he should be fine... It's not fair that he alredy is feeling better and is healty while I'm laying here and is worried about my life and Maddes life!!
I asked Krisen where he was lying, then she got angry and said " You are not going to find him, leave him to me!!! " I knew that it wasen't an idea to discuss this, so I just ignored her. But I will find where he is, trust me!! How dangerous can he be!! He proably have handcuff so he's stuck to the bed. And Sven-Åke is sitting locked in somewhere (if not mum has allreday killed him), which I like because then he can know how it feel like! But I think I had it worse.

I'm acutally doing alittle better, I still have alot of pain, but they can give me anything for the pain because then my liver will get even worse. And teh bruises are just geting more and more purple everyday which isen't good because that's a bad sign.
Henrik told me that I need a new liver and that's as soon as possible. But we kind of have two problems, the first one is that I have to get enough strength to get this operation otherwise my body can not handel it. And teh second problem is the doner, because we don't have anyone..
Because no one else in my family is a match more then Emil...
So that's teh biggest problem, but I can't die now when I surived the worsed part.. Right?

Early this morning Jared and Jensen came by. Jared came to me and give me a hug and Jensen went to Madde. And they talked for alittle while and I manged to think is he angry at me or somethig because he haden't even said hi. Jared sat down on a chair next to Maddes bed.
I turned on to myside in the bed, so I had my back aginst them. After a minut or so I feel someone trying to crawl down next to me in bed so I tured around and saw Jensen. He diden't say anything he just lyied down in my bed and I layied my head on he's warm cheat. With he's left hand he had on my back and with the right hand he took my hand in he's. It was so nice and he smelled so good!

The he broke the silence between us and said something weird " put your hand in pants " I just life my head a little and looked weird at him, and siad " Jensen I'm not really up for having sex " Then he laught and said " I meant the backpocket not inside my pants, but that would of been nice too " ;)
I just looked at him and laught, but I did put my hand in he's backpocket, it was nice to feel alittle on he's sexy ass, I love he's ass and I have always done that ;) hehe but there I found a present, I an't belive that it acutally fit in he's pocket because it was kind of big. Then he just said " open it" So I did, and I have to say he's sweeit. He had bought me a box wit my favorit chocolate in it, which you only can buy in france. I got really really happy and said " How can you remebere that I love this, I mean it's like two years ago seens I told you that! and who did you found them?!" He just said " Well I kind of listen to you, even though you don't think so ;) and about how I got them, well we can say like this I have connections" Then he laught and open the box, I just lie down on he's cheast again then he feed me with one of the chocolate piecies. Then I felt he's lips at my head when he kissed me. I just looked up and gave hima fast kiss on the lips.
I saw Madde, she gave Jared a weird smile then she noded toward us then she said something to Jared then both of them looked as us weird and smiled.. It's not like they haven't seen us kissed before.. I want to know what they where thinking!

Then the door opend up and there was Henrik. I saw that he's eyes went directly too me and Jensen on the bed. He first meet my eyes and he looked so disappointed and angry at the same time. Then he looked at Jensen and both Henrik and Jensens eyes got all black. Then Henrik ssid that he needed to examen me, he just looked at Jensen again and gave him a glare like he should move away from the bed. Which he did. Henrik walked by Jensen and you could really feel the tenstion between them. Henrik examend me and aske who I was doing and feeling and then he listen to my heart and things like that, but I could see who much Jensen hated when Henrik touhced me. When he was doen he just told me that eveything looked okay.
Then he gave Jensen a glare then he walked outside again.
Jensen give me a kiss on the cheek and said "I be back at eight or so" I just said " you don't have to, I'm fine" Then he said " Yeah I know I don't have to but I want to" Then he said bye to Madde and Jared say goodbye to me.
Then they left.

After lunch our whole family came and visit us all of them huged us.
Then i noticed that someone was missing and that was Emil. I asked Krisen where he was. She just told me that he really diden't want to come. Which I diden't like because he was the one I wnated to meet of my siblings just to see who he was feeling.
Mum just said " Maybe he's afried that you will look so sick like your dying, since I think that phone called relly scared him, because he came cryinga nd told us that you where dying. And I don't think he want to see you sick again, he's just afried"
I just said that I would call him and hope that he would answer.
When the family had went home then I tryed to call and home to talk to Emil.

Since now one else was home exepet Emil, he had no choose then to answer.
He sounded weird when he heard it was me. I asked why he did had come and vistit us.
He just said thet he diden't wanted to. Then I asked " Don't you want to come and vistit me and Madde after dinner, just us three? " He diden't say anything. So I continue " Plz Emil, I really like to see you and talk to you, plz for my sake? And just so you know I'm acutally doing good, I'm not dying, and at my voice I'm not sounding like I'm dying right? PLz Emil"
After a while he said with an hesit in he's voice" okay " I got really happy and said " great then we can have a little tv night here and eat alot of bad things" He just said " yeah okay" but he still sounded really scerd. When we had hang up.
Madde asked me " are you really up this, pretending that you are not sick and everything is great?" I looked at her and answred " Do I have a choose? I have to show him that I'm fine, otherwise he will ujst feel bad" Madde just said okay.

Then I called Krisen and asked her to bring my makeup here before Emil arrived, because make up can do amzing things sometimes. Like cover up bruises, or alomst anyway and take away the corps look. I think I have never had this much make up on before, and I still look terrible, but I hope he want see it...
I will tell you more about that in my next inlay or Madde will tell you about that tomorrow.

Then Linus drooped by, because he diden't eietehr wanted to go with Krisen and all.
He came into th eroom he looked really scared when he saw me he just ran to me and gave me the biggest hug ever. Then he just looked at Madde fast then turned away and looked at me again. Then he said " You look great" I just looked at him like he was crazy! Then he said " You always look great, it dosen't matter if you are looking like a smurf " Then he laught and I just siad " yeah yeah, thanks alot! " Madde diden't say anything either to him.
Then I asked Linus " aren't you happy to see your sister? She got shoot remebere?"
He just glared at her and siad " I don't care about her" Then I got angry " You should care! She's the only reason that you are not living on the street right now and useing drugs or mayeb you would be all reday death! If you not stop acting like a spoiled brat then I will be mean to you to, just as you are to her! I will ignore you and just pretend that you dosen't exist!! I want throw you out because I can't have that on my conscience! but you life would be hell!" He did just look at me then I said " I'm not saying that you ahve to like her but you are going to be nice to her and respect her!!" He first looked at me and then at Madde then he just tunred around and walked throw the door agian!
Madde just asked " do you think that will help?" I said " I hope so"!

Well ofcourse Nico is here, he has been here now for 5 hours or so. And all they dose is talk and talk and talk. Madde hasen't even talked withe me that much
since we got her in the hospital togehter and then I had been away for a week. And Nico has just been here for 5 hours and she have meet him everyday! Now I have to say that I'm satrting to doubt that Madde would choose me over Nico, I don't know if I belive that even though she has said she would.
But I doubt that, because if you see how is towards nico and then how she is towards me then you would see what I see. I think she takes me for granted, and that's nothing I like.

And I have to say that I'm kind of tierd of they talking all the time!
I have acuttaly tried to sleep but I can't, they driving me crazy! Because I need to sleep, sinec I'm not sleeping at night. I can sleep a hour or so but that's it! Then I wake up from some bad nightmare about the whole kidnapping thing, last night I walked up screming and I was all sweaty, Then I had woken up Madde to from my screm. So I'm kind of exhausted!
But all they dose is talk! If it was Nico who needed sleep then Madde would of killed me so I would be quit, and she can't deny that! But now she disen't care at all!
But Nicky has to go soon I don't care what Madde thinks about that, because I promised Emil that it would just be me and Madde and him, so if I dosen't keep that promis I don't think he will come and vistit us anymore.

I have just gotten a big bouquet of flowers from a flower delivey. It's red roses and a card. Where it was writen " Hello love! I will come by really late tonight, if that's okay? I have a few things to do, don't worry it's nothing stupied and you will find out what it is later. I'm thinking about you! Kisses from Jensen " I can't belive he send be flowres to tell me that, he so sweeit!

But I have a feeling that it will become alot of troubles while I'm here between me, Jensen and Henrik and maybe Madde too! Since I have to feeling that she dosne't like Hnerik all the sudden, but I have no ide why, he hasen't done anything to her! So it woulden't suprise me if Madde is going to get angry too!

When mum droped of m make up she had brought Johan too. When they walked in to our room they where holding hands. I looked at there hands really chocked then I looked away. But I think Krisen manged to noticed that and that I diden't look so happy about it. So She try to be discreet and take her hand back with out me noticing to much. BUt it was kind of hard no to. I diden't say anything about it neither did she or Johan. But Ofcourse Madde coulden't keep her mouth shut so she said with a teasing voince " holding hands huh?" Krisen just looked at her and said " shut up Madde!" Krisen said that they needed to hurry up because it was dinner soon. so they left.

Then I have to talk about Madde docter, it's so funny, not for her maybe but for me :P It's an Italian guy, and he's name speack for himself Dr. Demitri Romano! He is exatlly as grossed as he's name is!! Imadgen a really really insipid man! With dark brown hair which he has in a backslick, so it lookes all sleazy! And is about 30 years old and he has an italian accent,and he dosne't even have such of a great body! He' just grossed. And when he touchest Madde to examen her, she lookes like she is going to throw up and kill him at the same time! Which I think is funny ;P haha I'm glad that I have Henrik, who is the oppsite of Dr. Romano.

It's so funny, and Demitri thinks he's so sexy and that every girl wants him. And the funniest thing is that I think he thinks Madde is absolutely hot! It woulden't suprise me if he got some kind of erection under he's docter coat when he touches her, Madde imadgen that huh not bad ;) haha I have teast her for this all day, and I think she is geting kind pissed because she have nothing to say to get back at me! :P haha not yet anyway ;P It's so funny ;P hahah

Well Now I have to go so I can get ready before Emil droops by and I have to get rid of Nico, which not going to br easy, and I think Henrik wants to exmane me too. Later tonight jensen will be here, and I wounder what he's doing.. maybe Madde will tell you about that..
But Madde will write tomorrow :)
See ya!
Kisses
From
Tove