Terrified!!!!

Hey from Dublin!!!

Okay now I have finelly found some time to blog, I'm sitting on our bed at the hotell and you should see the room!! it's amazing!! Nicky is taking a shower right now so i'm taking the chanse to blog then ;)


I spent this morning with Tove. We took a long walk just me and her and it was really nice. We haven't done that in years but we both felt like we had to now when we are going to be parted from eath other for a whole week!! We have never been apart for that long, ever! I'm going to miss her so much and I know she is going to miss me too. But anyway, we talked alot and ofcourse we came into the "Madde has feelings for Nicky"-subject. Tove is still naging about me having to tell him how i feel, but the thing is I have allready promised her i will tell him. But I'm going to wait till we get back home so that this trip is over and both me and Nicky will have some great memories. I'm just so afraid, but i shouldn't be, should I?

When we got home we noticed that we had been outside walking for like 2.5 hours and that it was time to pick Nicky up at his and Zaras house. I sent him a text saying we were on our way because infact, we were abit late. But when we got there and he had said good bye to Zara we were on our way to Arlanda, the first step of our Ireland trip! :D Nicky asked me if I was ready and thrilled to go and all I could say was "ofcourse i am!". Both he and Tove laught at me but i didn't mind, I was so thrilled to go but at the same time so fucking terrified because of the whole flying thing. When we got to Arlanda and had to leave Tove, i gave her a really hard and long hug and then me and nico walked away. i think I waved goodbye to her like a thousand times! But I'm going to miss her so much! Anyway, when we got to the security check... i think you can imagen what happened. Yes ofcourse!! it beeped when i walked through. So then this guy walked over and told me to hold out my arms and all that so that he could check with a thingy... Don't know what they are called but anyway. He didn't find anything on me so i suppose it was a button on my jeans that made it go off. But we finelly got over to our gate and sat there for like 2 hours because of delays and shit. but then all of the sudden, when i least expected it Nicky grabbed my arm and looked into my eyes and asked "Okay sweetheat, are you ready for this now? our flight is here.". When he said those last words my stomach just twisted and i felt very nauseas and didn't want to board the plane at all, I just wantd to go home. But Nicky took a strong hold of my hand and led me towards the passport controll and then we boarded the plane.

I really hate flying and the start is like the most terrifying thing ever!!! I was sitting next to the window and Nico was of course sitting next to me and he held his arm on the armrest between us and then when we started to lift I just grabed a hold of the armrest. But I totally forgot about nickys hand under mine so when we finelly started to fly horizontal insted of diagonally I could hear a him saying "Ehm, Madde. Can i plz have my hand back, I don't think I'm getting any blood in it...". I blushed like a crazy person and let go of his hand. I can understand that his hand was hurtng because mine was hurting too. I must have squeeze it really tight.... whoops....

Anyway, 3 hours later we landed on Dublin airport. I had been afraid all through the flight although nicky did his best to calm me down. I suppose that is the one place that noone, not ever Nicky can calm me down on. But anyway, when we thouched the ground i could calm down alittle anyway and when we got out of the plane and into the airport i was totally calm and just thrilled to be there. You should see the airport!! it's insane!! it's just so fucking huge!!! And Nicky told me that they had resently made it bigger, it was like last year or something they did it. Crazy!!

Anyway, when we had gotten our bags and found a cab to take us to the hotell the time was about 19.00 in sweden which means 18.00 here on Ireland. I was starving as you might understand and so was nico so we just checked in to the hotell, left our bags in our room and went down to the restaurant to grab something to eat.

We just got back to the room a few minutes ago, we had such a nice time talking, that we lost track of time and sat there and ate for like 2.5 hours. And like i said, nicky is in the shower right now and I'm sitting here blogging. i'm thinking of giving Tove a call but i suppose i should finish blogging first ;)

Maybe I should tell you alittle about my best friends father. After Toves and Eddies fight last night he left but he came back this morning to get his stuff before he went beck home to his place. I can just that God that he wont be there when i get back home!!! After what he did on thursday I've had enough of him. I just wonder what would have happened if Nicky hadn't walked in when he did... I must say, Eddie kind of scared me... The tone in his voice and the tightness of his hold around my arm was crazy. I don't understand what's happened to him. When me and Tove were little he was really nice and bought us things and drove us where ever we wanted but now he is behaving like a desperate horndog!!! I can't believe him!! Thank God for Nicky and his timing!

Of course I have to tell you about Tim aswell!!! if you have read Toves inlay then you know by now that he is a vergin and that he wants his first time to be with me!! I really thought he had had sex but obviously no! But I don't get it, he is really goodlooking and that body! Man, he has an amazing body I'll tell you that ;P But Tove can you plz tell him that i don't do vergins ;) i want my men to have experience and alot of it because otherwise i will be the one who's doing all the work and that's no fun. No, so although he has a great body he has to have experience otherwise i wont have sex with him.

Tove wanted to know what had happened in the pool the other day so i suppose I should tell you. Like i wrote I was going for a swim and then i heard Tims voice and he asked if he could join me. Of course i said and he got in. We talked alittle and I suppose i can't say that i didn't flirt and he got the message fast so he started to hit on me, and alot too!! First i just said that he was really goodlooking and stuff like that and then i noticed that he started to come closer and all of the sudden I felt his fingertips on my hip going up on the side of my stomach. I'm not the one who pushes guys away, especially when i like it, so this time i just looked at him and then when his hand started to reach my neck and he pulled me closer to him I just put a hand on his chest and looked him in the eyes. "Tim, I can't do this. Tove will kill us and sorry but you are not really my type. I have known you my whole life so..." i told him and I saw how disappointed he got but then there were something else in his eyes. A determined glow and then all of the sudden I felt him pulling me closer with a very tight grip around my neck and then our lips met. I just though "Okay, one kiss... but then I'm going!" So I kissed him back and then broke it off, told him I had to do some work on the car and left. I'm sorry Tove that i kissed him but i promis I wont do it again!!!! And don't be angry with Tim, he is just desperate :P

Okay, so i just have to say this... i'm getting alittle bit angry and very disappointed with Tove now. I have told her to make a choise when it comes to Jensen and her feelings for him. But has she? NO! I know it's non of my business but Jensen is my friend too and I hate to see my friends hurt. And man that guy is hurting. So plz Tove, make a decision soon so that he can move on or atleast try and be happy again. I know that you don't know what you want but you have too!! And now she has started to date Henrik so i think she has moved on so why can't she let jensen do the same?... i feel sorry for him.

Speaking of Tove and Henrik.... They are going on their first proper date on Saturday so I can say like this: Tove, call me Saturday night and tell me all the intimate details ;) But I know you wont have sex but who know, something else might happen ;) hahahha

I talked to Jared yesterday about nicky and that whole thing with us holding hands and stuff. I found him in the livingroom with Jensen and asked him if we could talk, so we went out to the backyard and sat down in the chairs there. I asked him how he was feeling and he just said "I'm fine" but then he asked the question i was waiting for; "Is something going on between you and nicky or what?? I mean you two are holding hands, looking with languishing eyes on eath other and spending time together all the time.". I told him "There is nothing going on between us, we are just friends and he has Zara remember. Okay, i like him alot but nothing is going to happen because he is not the cheating kind of guy.". Then of course he asked "So you do have feelings for him?" I can't lie to jared so i told him that i do have feelings for nico and that if he and Zara would go separate way then i would have him. "So you and me are really over, are we?? i miss you, you know." he said after a few minutes of silence. I could feel my heart pump faster and my brain was working on full speed. "I don't know, do you want it to be over? I miss you too jared but i don't know if it would work out between us in a relationship." I told him. Then he got the wierdest look, "So with that you mean that it wouldn't work in a relationship but it might work as something else?" i must say that i was were slow at that moment because I had no idea wht he ment and I asked him that to. Then he just got up, walked over to me, took my hand and pulled me up on my feet. He looked down into my eyes and I just lost my way in his beautiful green eyes and then that kinky smile of his truned up in his face. "Well, if things wont work and boyfriend girlfriend for us then I suppose we have to make it work as friends..." and then he gave me the hottset, longest, deepest, sexiest kiss ever!!!! i really thigh i was dead and had gone to heaven!! When our lips parted i just said "Yeah i think so" and then he grabed my hand and led me inside and up the stairs. When we reashed my room he closed the door and locked it because you never know who will enter otherwise. Then he turned his attention back to me and I felt his hands under my top at the same time as he kissed my neck. I couldn't keep my hands in place so I draged is t-shirt over his head and felt his muscular back under my fingers. Then he took my top of and gently placed his arm behind my back and leaned me back with him following me. I ran my hadn over his amazing abs and chest and he kissed my neck and made his way to my lips. I felt his hand starting to undo my jeans and how his hands found it's way inside them. He pulled them off after a few seconds and did the same with his pants. He then started to kiss me from the panties up toward my boobs, neck and eventually my lips again.

I haven't had that good sex in like monthes!!! I don't even think i have ever had that good sex! It was just so crazy!! It was even better then with Criss and then it is like crazy good. I thought I was going to die and my heart was pumping like crazy! OMG!!! I MISS JARED!!! but okey, we are not together, we are just what i wanted us to be: Fuck buddies! :D

Okay, I have to stop blogging now because Nicky just came out of the shower looking like a sexgod!!! He is just wearing a towel around his waist and his hair is all wet and he havn't really done such a good job with drying himself so his chest and back is wet too ;) GRRR!!! Maybe i should help him out ;)

i'll write more on Saturday!!

Take care
Love
Madde